The latest...

I have finally stopped bleeding from the miscarriage. It felt like it took forever, especially for a girl who is used to about 5 days – tops – of bleeding during AF. I go the week of Thanksgiving to get my blood work done and make sure all the Hcg is out of my system. I’m hoping to get my next period by the end of the month and then be able to return to TTC.

Had to tell the last person who knew I was pregnant that I no longer was yesterday. My mom told her best friend and she is throwing a baby shower for her daughter this weekend. Since my mom hadn’t gotten around to telling her the new update, I had to call her yesterday and tell her my situation and that I wasn’t sure I’d be up to going to a baby shower. I know that H’s baby has nothing to do with mine, that her 3rd accidental pregnancy has nothing to do with my very wanted, lost baby, but I’m not sure that I really can sit there for a couple of hours and coo over tiny baby clothes and be as happy as I should for her. I am happy for her. She loves being a mother (and is one of those “Fertile Myrtles who gets pregnant when her husband looks at her funny) and has 2 boys already and this baby is a girl, which she really wanted. So, I’m very happy for her, but I’m not really ready to do it. To sit there with a smile pasted on my face. No matter how good the food is (my mom’s best friend is like Martha Stewart without the ego and attitude – she was my wedding coordinator/designer).

I’m dealing. I’m dealing pretty well. I teared up at my follow up appointment with the midwife. And I teared up talking to my mom’s friend. But I’m not randomly crying for the most part, and I’m not moping around as much as I was last week. But my lost baby will always claim a corner of my heart and I will never forget.