Monday, January 21, 2008

35 weeks and counting – but counting to what?

I had my first of the “once a week” appointments today. After several evenings of sitting on the couch trying not to make too many pitiful noises because of the range of mildly uncomfortable to “ugh-should-we-be-timing-these?” contractions I am happy to report that I am 50% effaced and 1cm dilated. I know not to get too excited – I can walk around this way for weeks and not progress, etc. However, it makes me feel better to know that she is head-down, my cervix is soft and SOMETHING is coming from these darn contractions. If I were going through all this discomfort and everything was still hard and sealed tightly, I would be more annoyed and more miserable. The way I see it is that it’s all working to move along my labor and the eventual delivery of the baby and therefore I can bare it.

The painting of the tree mural is going on today – I don’t know how long it will take, exactly, but this week that should get done and the wallpaper border should be hung and the walls will be completed. The crib was done over the weekend – (I had to purchase a waterproof mattress pad since I hadn’t yet received one and I wanted to make sure that was on under the sheet) – the coordinating sheet is on, the bumpers are in place and it looks really cute. For the pictures that I hope to post soon I will put on the quilt and some stuffed animals to dress it up, though I know they must be removed before it is safe for baby to sleep there. But one Martha Stuart moment will be mine, gosh darn it, and that requires the “pretty” be more prominent than the logical/practical.

My friends and family shower is this weekend, on Sunday. I am so psyched. In dealing with the updates on my registry I have noticed a few things have been purchased that I have yet to receive and assume they will come with my upcoming shower guests. The following weekend is my work shower, which, upon hearing my progress report the hostess exclaimed, “you can’t go into labor yet – the shower is 2 weeks away!” She is also the person who has volunteered to drive me to the hospital if I go into labor while at work – she left for lunch and said she’d make sure she had her phone on in case I went into labor while she was having her sandwich. I assured her that I didn’t think it would happen today, but she stops by periodically to make sure I’m not contracting, I guess. ☺

I’m feeling a lot more lower pressure over the last day or so – both toward the front and the back. I think today I’m officially waddling, though my friend K’s husband was teasing me yesterday that I was starting to waddle yesterday and he thought it was still too early for that.

I’m impatiently awaiting the arrival of my daughter, but I’d really prefer that she wait until 37 weeks (2 weeks away) to come – other than the fact that it’s better for her, physically to wait until then, I have several selfish reasons.
1. I want a February baby, not a January one
2. I want to get through my showers and my preparation, which is scheduled to be finished or close to by the 37 weeks mark.

I’m remaining calm about the progression, since I know it can remain this way for weeks, but physically, I am so tired and my body is rebelling. I have headaches and back aches and my feet hurt and my hands have swollen. I just want to sleep all the time, but can’t sleep for long periods all at once. My appetite fluctuates oddly (though I gained 4 pounds in the last 2 weeks – my greatest weight gain yet – I’m now up 13 lbs total) and I wish I had some consistency in that.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Where I randomly change subjects repeatedly

I have the desire to be organized. I even have the capacity to be in certain things (I’m a natural planner, I like lists, I love files and organizational office supplies and planners in some sort of weird way…), but so often things get away from me and I lose my system along the way, etc. I go through phases of being a “Keeper” and a “Purger” (though lately, I think my nesting instinct is forcing my Purger side to come out with an extreme force.)

The organizational posts on Ask Moxie recently have made me think about this in more depth. My mother is a “Keeper” and taught me to be sentimental about so many things. I loved looking through her high school diaries and notes collection and therefore kept mine for ages – but recently threw a bunch of that stuff out for lack of a good place to keep it. So sad that I carted that around and kept them for years only to throw them out before I got to my original purpose for keeping it!

I’ve been feeling some anxiety about the “when” (and the “how”) I am going to give birth. I am hanging on to a thin shred of hope that she will be arriving early, that I am already slowly beginning to dilate and efface (which I hope to hear more about when I go to the doctor on Monday) and that everything is perfect, but I should expect to deliver around 38 weeks or so instead of waiting until 40.

I’m antsy. I want to know my body is doing something and all my premonitions about her coming early are correct.

Part of the problem is that my best friend, K, went into labor 9 days before her due date with her first child and even had her water break to signify that she was, in fact, really, truly in labor. She had a relatively easy labor and had no ill effects whatsoever. I have always assumed/hoped (I’m not sure which) that I would have a labor like hers, but there is no bearing for that whatsoever. (Her second child she began to dilate/efface but had a natural pause for over a week, so they induced her 9 days before her due date and again, she had a very easy labor). I desperately want that type of labor – I want to know for sure when it is time to go to the hospital, I want my epidural in a timely fashion, and I want to be able to think back and easily count how many pushes I had to do to get the baby out when it’s time. (20 for her second one – not many more for her first).

Recently, my sisters in law had an issue which I was happy to be out of, and sad to hear about. My oldest SIL, LB, who is married, lives out of state and is pregnant had asked her mother for the cradle that they had all slept in in their early days and had been granted permission to take it with her. Somehow this subject came up just preceding Thanksgiving dinner and the SIL who is closest to my age, J, sort of has the unspoken reputation for being selfish. She was incensed over the fact that the cradle had been removed and was not immediately available for her own use (she is not married or pregnant and has no prospects of being so in the near future. She isn’t dating and hasn’t for quite awhile). When my BIL commented that this was neither the time nor the place for this discussion, she got incredibly upset, had a crying fit and wouldn’t speak to him throughout the entire dinner. Also during this trip both younger sisters wanted the opportunity to feel the baby move and kick and LB was willing, though her baby was uncooperative when they were around (HOW is that her fault?). I offered to let them feel mine to lessen the pouting, which seemed to work the night of Thanksgiving. However, while LB was in town, J made the comment to her that “I don’t like your baby because it doesn’t move.” LB, very emotional and hormonal in her pregnant state, was of course hurt by this comment.

Well over a month later, LB was not speaking to her sister because she was still upset about the whole thing. The cradle situation ended up with her mother somewhat reneging the offer of the cradle with the “demand” that when this baby is done with it, it be returned. (LB insists that the initial offer was a permanent one, though, had she been asked she likely would have been more than happy to share it in the future). (BTW, My MIL is notorious for caving to any pressure that any of her offspring put on her when it comes to matters like this.)

Finally, LB decided to put it behind her and began asking all the women in the family when it would be convenient for them to come up for a baby shower prior to her baby’s birth. The answer she got from both of her sisters? “Oh, just set the date and if we can make, we will. But we’re just SO busy that I’m not sure we’ll make it at all.”

Mr. Moose received the venting, crying phone call from his sister. We discussed traveling up there ourselves, but with the dates so close to my own delivery date, it just didn’t work. I offered my regrets at not being able to make it, which were of course taken logically and graciously. We sent a gift up via mail and she and I have been emailing regularly.

Mr. Moose attempted to subtly get involved by encouraging his sisters to do their best to go and participate. I think they have decided to all go, though they are going for the weekend that is about 8-10 days before my due date, so that could get interesting. (Maybe for the best? Only the Lord knows!)

Friday, January 11, 2008

Who needs sleep (Well, you're never gonna get it)

I am terrified of sleep problems when The Fuss arrives. I am such a “need my regular sleep” sort of person that I know the first few weeks are going to be total insanity and then… well, no one really knows when their kid is going to settle into a real sleep pattern, right? It could be weeks, it could be months, it could be (please, Lord, no) a year or more. That sort of thing gives me nightmares.

I’ve been waking after approximately 2 hours at the beginning of the night and then up every 45-60 minutes for the rest of the night. I wake up knowing that I am uncomfortable (at least slightly) and move to change positions because usually the discomfort is in my hips and knees. Once I have moved positions I either realize I have to pee upon moving or try and get comfy again and can’t until I get up to go pee and return to bed to promptly fall back to sleep with my bladder more unburdened.

I often wonder if I will ever sleep longer than 2-4 hours at a time again.
(The title of today's post is from a BareNakedLadies song by the title "Who Needs Sleep?")