Sunday, October 14, 2012

Whistles Blows Again

I've got warring factions going on in my head. My husband was at his second job most of yesterday. I feel like I barely saw him.
This morning he woke early to go over to his mom's house to help repair her roof. He thought it would be a fairly short project (though "repairing a roof" really doesn't sound like a short project, does it?) and even thought he'd be home in time to go to church with us at 9. (I expected otherwise, but for some reason was still surprised when my MIL called and said he wasn't going to make it and then I got stressed because I thought we were going to be late now that I didn't have any help w/ the kids.) We've been to church and come home and there is no sign of him.

It ended up being a good thing, because the message in Sunday School really spoke to me and convicted me that I need to change some things in my life. But then I return home to not-working internet (again) and not working AC (again) and I'm stressed and grumpy and I have a headache (again) and all I want to do is spend money we don't have because that is what I want to do when I'm stressed and grumpy.

Yes, I know we are going to have 36 hours of uninterrupted "Us Time" next weekend (we are going away for a day and a night to the Food & Wine Festival), but that does little to help me TODAY.  And I am burned out on my own and I want to recharge with my husband. And the week that stretches before us until we get to go to Orlando seems incredibly long.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012


I am having oral surgery - really just a ton of dental work done tomorrow. I insisted on going to a dentist that promotes sedation dentistry because I HATE THE DENTIST. I typically have low blood pressure (on the safe side of low, but low) and they kept asking me when I was there for my consult if I was on any medication for my high blood pressure. Um, no, I'll be fine when I leave your office. Seriously.

They gave me medicine to take tonight to help me sleep and more to take in the morning. I wish they'd given me more, since I have woken up the last 2 nights and been unable to sleep because I'm worrying about the stupid dental visit. If I wasn't in such bad shape, I would SO not be doing this.

I feel like I'm freaking out. And I'm more stressed now since they informed me yesterday that I won't be OUT out, just drugged and calm and the drugs they are giving me will give me amnesia of a sort. Honestly, they'd make me happier if they knocked me out and I woke up and it was done.

I hate the drilling - both the sound and the feeling of the vibrations. I hate sitting there for hours with my mouth open. I hate the pain and discomfort of the during, the after, even the Novocaine needle. I hate the smell. I hate that my jaw seems too small for the crap (including their hands) that they have to fit in my mouth to get the work done.

 Freaking out. Tense.
And this morning, I woke up with a stuffed up nostril and the Little Man woke up with what appears to be hives. Good times.

Still freaking out.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Workin' For a Living

I've been thinking a lot lately about going back to work - as in actually having a 9 to 5-type job. I'm not even really envisioning a "dream career", just one that will allow me time with adults and pay me more than the childcare would cost. I actually figured it out today that if we get pregnant next year (as we're planning at this time), Little Man will be in school full-time by the time Baby J (both of our chosen names - both male and female - have a middle initial J, so prospective baby is "Baby J" for this discussion) is 2 and I think I could handle putting him/her in daycare at that point. I love being home with my kiddos and I feel like that first bit of time is so important, but I feel like even Little Man is at that age now where he doesn't "need" me like he did when he was younger.

But what can I do? I have lots of friends in the insurance business that like their jobs, even if they never saw themselves doing that forever originally. How do you get to that point? My experience is basically secretarial/office manager kind of stuff - where can I get a job that isn't just answering phones and typing dictation (because OMG, I NEVER want to type dictation again) but doesn't take a college degree in the field?

I actually love the work I do for Thirty-One, but unless something changes drastically (and I'm trying, believe me), it's not enough time to keep me sane. (I need recruits and more bookings and suddenly I can't seem to get bookings to save my life...) I need more money, and I need more time outside of the house.