Sunday, October 31, 2010


One year ago today, I believed I was pregnant with my second child. I noticed a tiny little bit of spotting in the afternoon, but I didn't think much of it. We took Fuss to a Trick or Treating event at my SIL's church and she was adorable. I felt some cramping, but thought I was just tired and not used to being on my feet as much as I was. The spotting got heavier. The next day, there was a lot more spotting. By Monday, the spotting was no longer spotting and the "emergency" ultrasound my OB/GYN got me showed no evidence of the sack we had seen only a week previous and they officially diagnosed me as having had a miscarriage.

It's been quite a year. I lost that baby and was incredibly sad. I struggled to stay out of depression. I think I would have fallen into depression if I hadn't had my wonderful husband and family for support and my beautiful girl to remind me of how much I had already been blessed with. Not that long after, I got pregnant again and have since given birth to the most precious baby boy I've ever seen.

Losing a baby hurts. It's a physical, emotional, and psychological pain. I will wonder about that baby for the rest of my life. Who would he have been? What would she have looked like? How would he have fit into our family? What would she like to do? It's all a mystery.

I comfort myself by reminding myself that if that baby had lived, our Little Man wouldn't be here. I comfort myself by reminding myself that God knows better than I do and His ways are perfect. In the darkest days, that was little comfort. In these brighter ones, that makes at least a little more sense.

I look forward to having more children some day. But I never want to go through that again. Even when I was pregnant with Little Man, each day was tempered with the worry. But each day was also a gift.

Friday, October 29, 2010

You can have a heart attack at 30.

Oh. My. Gosh.

My mom and I took the kids shopping today. I had a coupon for a good sale at Children's Place and my mom had a coupon for something at Penney's and I needed to get out of the house, so off we went. No biggie. Had a good experience w/ putting the baby in the Moby wrap for the first time (he'd sit there for a few minutes, but never very long). (He also did GREAT in April's Mei Tai the other day, so I knew it would work in general.) Got some great clothes for both kids, found a great black mini skirt for my Abby costume for tomorrow (I found a plaid one, but I wasn't in love and it wasn't a perfect fit, so when I saw this - which I can also reuse for date nights - and it was on sale, I grabbed it) found a beautiful painting which I got for under $13 including tax - it was a great trip.

Right up until it wasn't. Right up until it was something straight out of a nightmare.

Fuss disappeared. We were at JCPenney's upstairs and were walking through housewares. She ducked around a display of throw pillows and I said "come on, Fuss" as I was responding to a text message. When she didn't immediately appear, I walked around the display and she wasn't there. I started calling her. My mom started calling her. I walked up and down the throw pillow aisles and there was no Fuss. I headed back towards the elevators. My mom headed up through the lamps. No Fuss. We were calling and calling her and no Fuss. I ran into an employee and told her that I was looking for my little girl - 2 years old. She immediately got on her walkie talkie and notified the other employees. My mom had been approached by another employee who was also putting her description out on their "net". By this time, she had been missing for a couple of minutes, but I was so sure that she was going to pop up any minute and say "hi guys!" My time line is a little fuzzy, so I don't know how much time went by, but when she wasn't immediately found in the area, they put out a Code Adam (where they lock the doors and post employees at each exit). Two employees offered to go downstairs to see if she had gotten on the elevator and gotten lost. Another took me down via escalator. By this time, it had been awhile. I had called my husband at work. I kept thinking she'd be there any second, but I realized that I had to call him. (He immediately dropped what he was doing and left work, sighting a "Family emergency") When I got downstairs I heard a man say "it's been long enough, we need to call the police" and I just broke. Two older ladies approached me - customers who were there to shop. They both asked what was wrong and began to help me look. Another Penney's employee came came up to me and assured me that we would find her, that the doors had been secured quickly and she was in the store somewhere. I learned later that another employee walked down the mall all the way to the food court (a pretty far distance) to verify that she hadn't gotten out of the store and gone wandering. We searched under tables and in clothes racks, behind pillows and under beds. We went down an unused office hallway several times. I saw at least 30 different employees looking for my kid. I visibly saw the people guarding the exits to the store. They were awesome. They all remained calm and efficient. And then someone found her. She had somehow (still no idea how) gotten into that hallway of unused offices, opened the door, gone in and then couldn't get out with no lights and a heavy door. She must have been hiding under a desk or table or something, because I saw one of the employees open each door and stick his head in each room, but he hadn't seen her. My mom and I clung to her for several minutes. She was a little pouty in that I'm-kinda-scared-but-I-don't-know-why sort of way, but otherwise completely fine.

We're going to be avoiding Law and Order reruns for awhile. I kept thinking about those shows and how in real life there is no guarantee that it will all be resolved in 60 minutes.

The whole thing took less than an hour. But... I feel like I never want to let her out of my sight again. My mom asked me to never take both kids to the mall by myself. Even with 2 adults, it was hard to keep track of her. By myself, it could prove to be impossible.

It was weird. My late FIL had run this store more than 15 years ago (long before I was involved with this family) and I kept finding solace in that, somehow. Like "it's THIS store - it will all be alright" even though that made no logical sense. But once I heard them mention calling the police, I freaked. Like this was really serious. Something bad could have happened. I was sobbing and a little hysterical.

She is fine. I am fine. My mom and my husband and my son are all fine. She fell asleep on the way home in the car and has remained that way for hours. I never, ever want to have that happen again.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Baby Sleep

I was always nervous about sleeping in bed with my newborn and my husband at the same time. I feel like we 2 adults take up the WHOLE bed, so where was I going to fit the baby without smashing it? I wanted a co-sleeper (to attach to the bed) but we ended up using the pack'n'play for Fuss and at 3 weeks she decided that she slept better in her crib, without mommy there to hover over her ever time she moved or sighed. (I slept better, too) so it was never an issue. I tried to nap with her a few times, but she is a VERY active sleeper (even now - the last time we tried letting her sleep in our bed no one got any sleep at all) so that didn't happen very often, even when she had her own half of our bed.

Anyhow, I also never learned to nurse lying down very well, so it was never a convenient thing to pull her into bed, nurse and fall asleep or doze in bed while she did so. All that has changed.

It is now a nearly daily event for the baby to wake up between 5-6 and to have my husband pull him into bed with us and nurse him. My husband usually falls completely back to sleep and I doze or at least relax while the baby eats. When he is done, I usually roll back a little, confirm that my pillow isn't going to cover his face and doze/sleep for another hour or so. As long as he isn't overly fussy, we can all sleep until 7-ish on a good day. It's heavenly.

I love watching him sleep. I love having him snuggled up next to me and feeling his little warm body close to me. There are days when he is squirmy and wants to get up, so I don't get much sleep in those cases, but overall, it's a nice little time for us to have some extra closeness when the world around us is still and quiet.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Busy, busy

I haven't had a week this booked since the first week we had the baby home and we had Dr's appointments and errands to run every day.

The kids and I went thrift store shopping w/ April and her youngest on Monday, looking for pieces to complete our Halloween costumes (for the adults. The kids were taken care of long ago).

Tuesday, we met up with April again and took all 4 kids to Chuck E. Cheese to play and have lunch. (btw, if you are going to go there with a couple of toddlers, during the week is the way to go. There was almost no one there, and all the kids were under the age of about 3. We could just let the kids run all over the "ride" area, get a little mommy talk time in, and still see them without having to follow them all over the place constantly. It was kinda perfect.) Fuss is, of course, fearless - she was climbing on the rides and such before I had a chance to turn around. We have long suspected that she got her daddy's penchant for roller coasters and we were correct. Now, if only she was tall enough to ride them...

We went home and I immediately put the kids down for a nap. (Oddly, Fuss went down easily and Little Man resisted.) Then my sisters-in-law picked up both kids to take them to a volleyball game being played by the team from the school my SIL J works at (also all of our alma mater). I spent the next couple of hours kid-free and ran some errands that would be way faster without having to lug the kids around. Then Daddy Fuss and I met our friend M at the shooting range and tried out a couple of different types of guns. M hadn't ever shot a hand gun before, but she was pretty good. We all enjoyed ourselves. Then M went home and Daddy Fuss and I went to dinner.

Today my new washer(!) is being delivered and I need to pick up the exterior paint that I ordered. Daddy Fuss will be cooking corn chowder tonight, so I also need to make sure I go to the grocery store and buy some milk and hopefully, get the cupcakes baked for Daddy Fuss's Halloween potluck tomorrow.

Friday night we have our Halloween party at SIL LP's house. Daddy Fuss has to go to the party store during his lunch break today to get the last 2 items on our costume list (he needs a prop gun and I need fishnet stockings).

Saturday Daddy Fuss is working for the photographer he helps out and then he will start painting the outside of the house. His friend (who was the best man at our wedding) is coming over in the afternoon to help him out.

I imagine that there will likely be more painting on Sunday and then Trick or Treating in the evening. Fuss is very excited.

I am very excited about the washer and I can't wait to get started on the laundry that's been piling up! (I can't believe I just typed that. Really? Obviously, my world has become very small and dull).

I'm hoping to get together with my mom either Thursday or Friday as she has a few days off this week and next, but has a big project for her Plant Society to get ready for next week and will be focused on that for the bulk of her time off. We shall see.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

10 on Tuesday

1. What is your favorite decor item in your house?
My pictures, probably. This changes though - depending on my mood. I also have a silk flower arragnement from my wedding that I love, a new painting that my mom got me for my new room and a small collection of colored glass bottles and vases that mean a lot to me.

2. What is your favorite hair product?
I rarely use "product" but I like the leave-in conditioner that I've been using (Herbal Essences Long Term Relationship - it smells like raspberries) and I like hair spray for hold if I need such a thing. (My favorite one was from Clinique, but I don't use it that often, so i don't usually spend a lot of money on it. Currently, I have some nice stuff from Tresemme)

3. Are you a good dancer?
Not really, though I'd like to be and I don't think I'm a *bad* dancer.

4. You get some good news, who’s the first person you call?
Depends on the news but either my husband, my mom, or my best friend K.

5. Would you rather take pictures, or be in pictures?
Take them.

6. What is your shoe style?
Comfortable. That is my main requirement for shoes. I love the look of cute shoes, but I can't stand to wear a lot of them. I currently own a bunch of ugly shoes (Birkenstocks, some random brown shoes that are hidden by pants, and some athletic shoes) and 2 pairs of classic shoes that aren't ugly. (Black, strappy heels and black ballet flats) I also just bought some really cute ankle boots that are a bit trendy. I have some knee high black boots, but I can't find them right now and I need to have them re-heeled.

7. How often do you eat out?
As often as possible.

8. If someone has food in their teeth, do you tell them?

9. Do you fold your underwear?
In half.

10. Milk, dark, or white chocolate?
Depends on what context and my mood, but I'd say overall, dark.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Just Another Day in Paradise

"There goes the washing machine...
Honey don't kick it
Promise I'll fix it
With about a million other things..."

Well, the washing machine couldn't be fixed. At 11-12 years old (it came with the house, so I'm not precisely sure), my dad said it probably needed to be replaced anyhow. He told us we needed a front-loader (and he should know. he cleans clothes for a living), so we began searching. The Sears Outlet salesman tired to convince us that the only reason for a front-loader was for water savings, but I wasn't so sure. My dad clarified that front-loaders are easier on the clothes and get them cleaner. We got a good deal (even my thrifty dad days so) at Lowes this weekend, while they were having a sale. I still don't have a good dryer, but ours works and I can hold off a bit. A friend suggested looking for a dryer on Black Friday, so I think I'll do that.

Daddy Fuss and I had a fight this weekend. We don't often argue, so it is usually shocking when it happens and lasts for more than 5 minutes. He felt slighted and unloved by something I did/didn't do and once he started talking to me again, we both aired some grievances about the craziness of our lives currently and things improved drastically. It was a crazy-busy weekend and I... I just need things to slow down a bit. I miss the time we used to have together just for fun. Lately, I feel like there are always so many projects and so much to do (kid care included) that in the evenings we are too tired to do much more than watch TV in the same room and fall into bed once the Little Man finally settles down for the night. Even this weekend, we were so booked that while we did have some fun, it was a lot of rushing around like crazy people.

I'm feeling so spacey lately. My short-term memory is horrible and I forget random things all the time. Today as I was rushing around getting dressed to go out, I was knocked out by a horrible pain in my stomach. It has plagued me the bulk of the day thus far and I have avoided eating for the most part. (I'm starting to get really hungry. I don't know how long this will last.) I may have to go get a milkshake to see if I'm just plugged up. I was actually worried at one point that I shouldn't be driving - especially with the kids in the car (I tend to pass out when I have intense stomach pain, though I've learned how to breathe through pain thanks to child birth and haven't passed out in several years, with the exception of my post-birth ordeal), but I got through it and no one was harmed. Hopefully, this will pass quickly.

Friday, October 22, 2010

7 Quick Takes

1. Fuss got to go to Veggie Tales Live last night with her Oma. She had a blast. But once she got home, she was acting like a brat. I suppose it was 9PM and she hadn't had an especially long nap, but... makes me not want to let her go out with other people in the evenings.

2. I found a free game for my Kindle and now Daddy Fuss and I are obsessed with it.

3. I am addicted to the smell of Johnson & Johnson's Vanilla Oatmeal baby shampoo. I wash Little Man in it and I feel like it's a bit of heaven.

4. My washer broke. I can't figure out what happened. I wanted a new one, but I didn't want to have to rush to buy one and not have the funds ready and waiting. We have our emergency fund for stuff like this, but... I found 2 socks stuck in the agitator, but was surprised that they were Fuss's socks and not the little ones belonging to the baby.

5. I keep seeing these really cute short haircuts on TV. It's tempting me. I'm finally able to start to put it in a pony tail or bun (sort of) and I really shouldn't hack it all off, but I am bored. I won't color my hair (too many horror stories of what has happened to other redheads), so this is my only way to play with my hair.

6. I am however considering using spray-black to color my hair for the Halloween party, since Daddy Fuss says he's not sure being a red-haired Abby is going to cut it.

7. I need to work on the curtains for Fuss's new room, but my sewing machine is buried in the storage at my Dad's building. I also have this fear that it's not going to be as simple as I think it should be/would like it to be. I bought black out lining for the fabric, so I have to line them... I just want really simple panel curtains and I'll tie them back with ribbon. I need to go back to the fabric store for all these projects coming up... oh boy. My To Do list is growing...

Thursday, October 21, 2010


I was just invited to my SIL's (adult) Halloween party. I have always wanted to go to an adult Halloween party where adults wear costumes. I haven't dressed up for Halloween in since I was 11 or 12, so I'm really looking forward to this!

But now I have the problem of what to wear. My dream costume is Marilyn Monroe. I was inspired by the NCIS Halloween episode where Abby is dressed as Marilyn. But I am not really in shape for that dress (I'll be approximately 8 weeks postpartum. I've lost the weight, but the shape...), so I think I might have to forgo the Marilyn outfit.

But in the spirit of NCIS, I came up with the idea of just going as a character from the show. I figured out how to turn my husband into Gibbs (jeans, a white under shirt, a polo shirt, a blazer - all of which we own already and then we need to buy him a badge and a prop gun and maybe some hair gray spray.) And me, I'm going as Abby (I hope. I have some Salvation Army Thrift Store shopping to do) - though I will be skipping the wig and going as a red-haired Abby. But a little imagination is just fine. My mom has a white lab coat I can borrow (I'll add a label that says "NCIS") and I have black boots. I have a fitted black t-shirt that I may or may not draw a skull on (I've been looking at pictures and she does have some plain black t-shirts that she wears, so I may be able to get away w/ that) and I need to get a plaid mini skirt and either over-the-knee socks or fishnet stockings and a dog collar necklace. Pigtails and my outfit is complete. I'm kinda excited about it. I need to get out and looking for my skirt, since that is the centerpiece, I think. If I can't find a skirt, then I'll have to rethink it. I'll buy the knee socks to match the plaid. Or I'll go with fishnets if I find an odd-colored plaid.

I need some cheese with my whine

I am so tired of people disappointing me.

My mom cannot seem to keep a reasonable schedule on her day off to save her life. I have 2 children. If she wants to see me on her day off (and heaven help me if I want to see her on a weekend - that just isn't going to happen! she is MUCH. TOO. BUSY. for her only child and her only grandchildren) why is it so incredibly hard to understand that my daughter goes down for a nap between 1:30-2:00 and therefore whatever we do needs to be completed by then? Therefore, starting at noon or 1:00 if we're going out just doesn't work! This morning, she told me "I just need to get some stuff done around the house this morning. We'll get together later to work on that!" Later? WHEN? 1) Vague times do me no good and 2) My kid naps the bulk of the afternoon away and I can't leave the house. Shouldn't we do our thing in the morning and then you can go home? And may I point out that this was 10:00. She hadn't even begun her chores.

And My husband's work hours are driving me batty. And while I understand that he has responsibilities and can't walk out the door at 5:30 on the nose, what kills me is that he seems to NEVER want/be able to speak up and say "I'm sorry, I have another commitment that requires me to leave tonight at a more reasonable hour." I'm not saying that he needs to do this every day, but I don't get why he feels he can't EVER do that. Most nights lately he doesn't get home until 7:00. Depending on the day, this sometimes means dinner doesn't get started until that time which means a very late eating time for Fuss. And when he can't even bother to call or text me to give me an idea of when he'll be home, it's pointless to make dinner ahead of time when it will be ruined or gross by the time he gets home. And forget having one meal a day that we can all eat together.

In other news, it's like my son knows just how far he can push me before I break. He had one night, weeks ago, where I got 5 hours of sleep in a row. It was wonderful. But he hasn't come close to repeating that again until last night when I so desperately needed it. So I got 5 full hours of sleep and it felt amazing. My headache of 24-hours finally lifted and while I'm still grumpy about all this junk this morning, I at least FEEL okay enough to deal with it. If I'd had another day like yesterday, I think I would have wanted to shoot myself.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Bad Mommy

I was a "bad mommy" today. The Little Man was fussing after his mid-day meal and I couldn't figure out what he wanted. I'd put him on my shoulder - usually a surefire way to get him to stop yelling at least for a minute and he'd fuss and kick and push and roll so much that I thought he was trying to actually GO somewhere. I moved him around as he tried moving and kicking some more. Finally, when I didn't know what else to do, I laid him down on my bed on his tummy. He hadn't had tummy time in awhile, so I had been planning to have him do some of that before his nap, but I needed to finish putting away the laundry in my room, so the bed was the place for the moment. Within seconds, he was settled. Withing a few minutes, he was asleep.

I let him sleep. On my soft bed, on his tummy. Technically, a "no-no" from that whole "back to sleep" campaign they promote to help w/ SIDS. An hour later (around his usual nap time, he was still sleeping. I had just gotten Fuss down for her nap (yes, I even left him there! I told you I was a bad mommy) and I had a pounding headache. (Which began somewhere around 3am, mind you. It had been a rough day already by that point.) So I picked him up, transferred him to his bassinet and laid him - again - on his tummy. He fussed when I picked him up, because I had turned him over. When he was back on his tummy, he quieted down almost immediately and drifted back to sleep. I laid down and slept, too. He slept really good, really quietly. He was content. (this should not shock me. we are a whole family of tummy sleepers.)

When he began to wake nearly 3 hours after his original tummy moment, he had his hand up to his mouth and was trying to suck on his fingers. His eyes were still closed and when I picked him up, instead of making the quiet sucking, easy stirring noises he had been making, he wailed as I turned him back over. He loves to lay on his tummy, apparently. He ate well (may have even eaten better than he did if his sister hadn't kept demanding my attention and my getting up and moving around while he was eating, which kept disturbing him) and has been pretty happy the rest of the afternoon thus far.

I don't know that I'm ready to risk putting him to sleep on his tummy at night yet, but I'm seeing more tummy naps in his future. Fuss did that a bunch, too, since I could keep a better eye on her while I was awake and could easily verify that she wasn't suffocating herself.

When do you think it's okay to let them sleep on their tummies? Only when they can roll over? He has done that occasionally since he was 2 weeks old. It's not consistent, but he does it.

Monday, October 18, 2010


I've been awake for about an hour this morning and I've already been pooped on, peed on, had to change stinky clothes, dirty linens (and there's more to do, but those could wait) and had to vacuum up the muffin crumbs all over my couch (because "the dogs will eat it!"). I haven't even had time to MAKE coffee, let alone get to drink some. (And apparently, my letter "A" key is sticking and I have to pound it to get it to work. Oh joy.) I did crack open my can of Coca Cola to survive.

We spent our free Sunday yesterday doing chores. Daddy Fuss rented a pressure washer and pressure-washed the outside of the house in preparation for painting next weekend. I am REALLY not looking forward to that. I spent time cleaning up the kitchen, finishing the flowers on Fuss's new bedroom walls, cleaning up the dining room, and doing laundry. So exciting. I guess our dull Sunday makes up for our fun Saturday. My step-brothers' weddings were Saturday night. I got my toes done in the morning, my hair done in the afternoon and then we celebrated w/ them for the evening and into the night. (We took the baby, so we had to leave long before the festivities wrapped up, but it was fun!) I plan to do a post on it when I have my pictures off-loaded.

My Gramma is supposed to come visit this morning, so I have been attempting to get and keep the house in some sort of order. She has lightened up significantly over the years, but I remember her always looking disapprovingly at my mom's lack-of-housekeeping skills.

My MIL babysat for Fuss while we were at the wedding. When we came home, she had picked up my living room and scrubbed my tub (she also fed Fuss spaghetti for dinner and had to give her a bath, so the tub scrubbing was obvious). I appreciate the help, but when she does stuff like that, I always feel like she is judging my housekeeping skills and I find that offensive and laughable, considering her own house is such a disaster! Daddy Fuss insists that she is simply trying to help me adjust to dealing with a high-energy toddler and a newborn and that she only does it out of a spirit of seeing a need and wanting to be useful. I am trying to see it that way.

My housekeeping is improving. I still have trouble keeping things picked up, especially w/ Fuss around. I still need to do a HUGE organizing of my shelves and desk, so that's a project coming up. But right now, I'm focusing on maintaining and working on the new room for Fuss. It feels like full-time job just keeping up with the kids sometimes!

Friday, October 15, 2010

7 Quick Takes

1. I bought some new jeans this week. They do not have an elastic waistband, they didn't cost a fortune and they look nice on my butt. I will also be able to wear them for more than 3 hours at a time. Postpartum body win! They are also the same numeric size as my pre-pregnancy jeans, so I think they count, right? I'm just a different shape, so I needed a different style.

2. I'm having a minor issue the last few days with Little Man not feeling well. I want him to be awake more during the day/early evening hours, but he fusses so much because he's not feeling well. When I get him calm, he falls asleep. What to do?

3. I've been feeling a little burned out this week. The long days (Daddy Fuss is almost never home until nearly 7 anymore), the sniffly baby boy, Fuss arguing with me about everything throughout the day - it all is hitting me right now. I'm starting to have the dreams that I'm being crushed and the daily afternoon tension headaches. The couple hours of retail therapy I had on Wednesday helped. But the even-later-than-usual night Daddy Fuss spent working that night, took some of the relief away.

4. Had my postpartum appointment on Thursday and all checked out. My Dr's office started giving flu shots and vaccines (Dtap) and it's been at LEAST 12 years since my last vaccine (my Sr year of high school? maybe?) so I went ahead and got the Dtap since they especially recommend the Whooping Cough vaccine for those caring for babies under a year old. (They won't draw your blood at my Dr's office, but they can stab and inject, apparently.)

5. MOPs today! My first meeting. I had to miss the first one of the year on account of just having had a baby. (he was 8 days old) Very excited, though I don't know how I'm going to get all 3 of us up, ready and out the door before 9am. Good thing I live a 5 minute drive from the church. Looking forward to seeing some old friends.

6. At the end of my pregnancy, I was taking almost daily naps when Fuss went down for hers. When the baby first came home, I was doing the same (the old "sleep when the baby sleeps" mantra) but I'm down to only occasional naps now. It just so happens that over the last 3 weeks, I've taken maybe 3 or 4 naps total and 2 of those times, my dad has stopped by to drop things off to me and let himself into the back of the house as he used to when he was working here daily. Which is fine, except that now the back of the house is my bedroom. And I don't usually sleep fully clothed, so I can't just bounce up and say "hey dad! long time no see!" I wonder if he thinks I'm incredibly lazy and I sleep the day away every day?

7. Got a little tipsy Thursday night (planned to feed the baby by pumped milk) and was looking for some of my Luckies friends to chat with ("But they're your friends... not the kind you hang out with, but the kind you type to when you're drunk") online and no one seemed to be around. How disappointing.

for more quick takes, click here.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Things I Want

I love online shopping, but do you know how rarely I actually end up buying what's in my shopping cart? Sometimes, this is planned - I am actually researching what is available and where and I'm going to go out and buy it in-store. Sometimes, it's simply a wishlist. Sometimes, I'm planning to try and convince my husband that I need these items. So anyhow, here's a few things on my current wishlist for fall.

PartyLite Autumn Pumpkin Candle Holder.
Wouldn't this look adorable on my Thanksgiving table? I have a weakness for pumpkins (thus the reason Fuss's first Halloween costume was a Pumpkin). Which leads me to the next item...

Pumpkin Baby Hat from CheekyGirl Etsy store.
Wouldn't my little man be adorable in this hat? I'm tempted to order it so he can wear it for Halloween with his onesie.

Shoes. I'm dying for some cute fall shoes.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

There's Gunna Be a Weddin' (or 2)

My step-brothers are getting married on Saturday. Sort of.

You see, 2 out of my 3 step-brothers (we didn't grow up together, but they are step-siblings nonetheless - I was married before our parents got married) are in the military. Over the past 18 months, they both eloped with their respective significant others. E and Bri have let people know about their spur of the moment Vegas nuptials, but had always planned to have a formal wedding once E returned from deployment. T and Brooke have tried to keep their courthouse wedding a secret - and only the immediate family knows about it (well, and the powers that be in the military 'cuz you have to tell them that stuff) and even then, they only came clean months after the event. Regardless, they are have individual ceremonies back to back and a joint reception immediately following this Saturday.

We have a babysitter for Fuss, but I am bringing the baby with me because I just can't leave him that long in the evenings. I found a dress that should be possible to nurse in (I really should practice that... hmmm) and I am getting my toes and hair done on Saturday (reminder: call for appointments) and possibly my fingers done before then - I have gift certificates from my birthday, but I need to call and see if she has any time that works for me and the kids' schedule, too... I'm looking forward to it, but my mom alternates between having a bad attitude about it (she can't decide if she likes one of the brides sometimes - though I remind her that it A) isn't her choice and B) is too late anyhow) and worrying over my choice to bring the baby to getting excited about dressing up and going out.

I got both couples gift certificates to Bed, Bath, and Beyond for their wedding gifts. T and Brooke are registered there and E and Bri didn't register at all (apparently, she wants money and figured she'd get more money if she didn't ask for specific gifts. I think it's going to bite her in the rear and she's going to get a bunch of tacky gifts she doesn't want. I verified that E's new post town has a BB&B and got them the same thing I got for T and Brooke.

I still need to go back to Payless and buy my shoes. I found some that will work for my purposes, but I didn't buy them because I wasn't in love with them. I need to go back this week and get them.

Now, what color do I paint my nails?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I only run if people are chasing me

This week's 10 on Tuesday is all about working out/exercising, etc. and I... don't. So I'm skipping my participation this week. Maggie has also been talking a lot about upping her exercise of late, and I'm starting to wonder - how much of a slacker am I? I will (hopefully) be returning to walking w/ Jo very soon - (I'd say this week, but am assuming it will be more like next week, since we have MOPs this week and that takes away 2 of her mornings at least). I'm looking forward to that - and to getting back to doing the 3 miles we originally did, but brought down to 1-2 when we were both heavily pregnant and the weather was so hot/humid that I couldn't stand it.

Anyhow, I hate to exercise. I have been wanting to take the kids for a walk in the evenings lately - the weather has been beautiful! - but Daddy Fuss has been getting home so late from work and then we have to eat dinner, so we haven't done that yet. I haven't even gotten to use my double stroller (a used Jeep brand stroller that was a gift from a friend who was done with it). I actually tried one afternoon when the kids and I needed to get out of the house and I couldn't figure out how to get it opened up...


We went to my Best Friend's housewarming party over the weekend. She had a lot of sugar food and a LOT of alcohol. the hosts were hammered, as were many of their friends. Since I had the kids, was nursing Little Man, and was the designated driver (so Daddy Fuss could drink whatever he wanted - he didn't drink a whole lot, really, but I drove home, just in case he was more impaired than he thought he was) I spent half the evening laughing at my friends' antics. There was proof, however, that we're all getting old when the party broke up before 10. Sort of funny, since we used to have parties like this and would be up much, much later.

While we were there, the baby got passed around to a number of friends who were itching to hold a little baby. But it was SO funny that almost all of them were told "don't get any ideas" when they were cooing over how adorable he was and how nice it was to hold a little baby again.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Wall Flowers

I've been working on decorating Fuss's new Big Girl Room lately - and I wanted to paint some flowers on the walls to go with her new quilt and foster the pink and green floral garden theme I've been planning. I am excited about how they are shaping up - (I will post better pictures once I am done with her room, these are simply cell phone pictures, but they are faster than the alternative right now. )

Friday, October 8, 2010

7 Quick Takes

1. I've been really struggling this week. I don't know, exactly, what is up, but I am in a perpetually bad mood, I am grumpy, stressed, angry, impatient. I'm hoping I will snap out of it soon, because it seems to be out of my control. About the only thing that isn't ticking me off is my baby boy - he's so sweet and cuddly and yummy. (although, I admit, when he gets to crying for no apparent reason, I get rather frustrated with him/myself for not being able to figure out what to do to make him stop.)

2. You know how in the movies or in books or whatever, a baby always settles down to the mom/special person in his life that is supposed to be his most important person? Yeah. That's not reality. Or I'm not that person, take your pick. Maybe I screw it up, but he doesn't automatically settle when I'm nearby or holding him or whatever.

3. My best friend got a teaching job this week. School started 8 weeks ago (or something - I'm not sure exactly when public schools began around here) and she's been searching for a job since July. I'm happy for her, since it will make sure that she has an income this year and as she and her husband just bought a house this summer, that is very important. But I'm bummed for me, since I was kind of getting used to having her around, being able to pick up and call her any time I wanted, etc. And she was going to babysit Fuss next week while I went to the OB for my follow-up and now she can't, of course. So I'm both happy for her and bummed for me in the process.

4. Thursday night we managed to get the baby down to sleep before 10PM. Unfortunately, this meant that he wanted to wake up much earlier than his usual 4 o'clock hour (2 o'clock hour instead) and then again before 5. I can't decide if it's better to go to bed earlier and wake up twice or go to bed later and wake only once. I'm leaning towards the latter, since I don't like waking during the night (and I consider anything before 6am to be "during the night") any more than I have to. We shall see.

5. We have been having issues w/ our garbage pick up lately. My husband called last week to report yet another missed pick up (I was coming home from an outing and saw the truck drive right past our house. If both kids hadn't been in the car, I would have run after them) and the lady on the phone gave him a hard time, telling him we should have put our cans out the night before. Since they don't pick up until after noon each time, he pointed out that it seemed ridiculous to assume that putting the garbage out 8 hours earlier than he had would have made a difference 8 hours after that. We now have a running joke about the stick on our can changing colors if we put it out before bed to let the garbage men know it was out the night before.

6. The cooler weather we've been having has prompted me to break out pants for the kids. This is at least a minor problem, since Fuss only has 3 pairs of pants and the Little Man doesn't seem to fit in pants at all. His waist is too skinny. Each time I've tried to put him in shorts or such, they fall off of him when I pick him up. I have to keep him in one piece outfits, which is fine in the warmer weather, but... He has 1 pair of pants that fit and one that sort of fits, but I'm going to have to dig in his box to discover if there are more.

7. I've been kneeling on our hard terrazzo floors to work on the flowers in Fuss's new room and I'm afraid I've bruised my knees. They hurt.

For more quick takes, click here.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Complain, complain, complain

Wednesday, I was in a very bad mood and I don't know why.

I'm tired, of course, but I've been tired for weeks and we're now at least in a rhythm which usually helps me.

I feel ugly.

And useless.

And lonely. I feel like my husband is never around and when he is, he is focused on something else (a freelance project, a household project, the kids, making dinner, whatever) and I'm grateful that he is doing something useful or helpful (I'm glad that he wants to play with his children or make dinner some nights or that he's earning money or fixing something around the house) but I feel like we've lost "us" somehow and I don't see it getting better any time soon.

Our lives are so busy overall, but I feel like somehow, my life has just gotten smaller. We don't get out as much during the day/during the week because sometimes, it's just too hard with 2 kids. Plus, Fuss and I have been sick, so even less motivation there. I'm trapped in this house, where I feel I'm cleaning all the time, but it never seems to look any better.

I have two adorable, beautiful children whom I adore, but who also take every bit of energy I have. Little Man is up to eating consistently every 2 hours (heaven help me if I'm late) and then eats from 15-30 minutes and then we have to do it all again. It takes me 30 minutes to walk out the door between getting shoes on, packing up the diaper bag, loading up the baby, wrestling Fuss to get her stuff, etc. I CAN'T go anywhere, because by the time we get some place, it's time to feed the baby again. A quick trip to the store can take hours because of that.

I want to take the kids to a Pumpkin Patch this year before the end of the month (when they all disappear) and I have no idea when that might happen. We are booked every single weekend this month with some or another.

Despite my poor mood, I accomplished a lot. By the time my husband came home from work (late, as usual), I had cleaned the kitchen, made a fabulous dinner (stuffed shells), done laundry, painted more flowers in Fuss's new room, been to work for an hour and dropped off our dry cleaning and the bed in our room was (mostly) made.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Chunky Monkey - Well, that makes 2 of us

The Little Man had his 1-month appointment on Monday and has grown to over 10lbs! For once, the pediatrician didn't mention formula once. I had determined that if she suggested supplementation one more time, I was going to find a new doctor for my kids. But, no, everyone was happy with his growth, which includes almost 2 inches in length and almost 2 lbs since birth!

I got into my pre-pregnancy jeans on Tuesday. I buttoned the waist and sipped them up and proceeded to wear them around the house for 3 hours. And then I realized that it wasn't going to work all day to wear them, so I took them off. They were tight - I am certainly not SHAPED like I was pre-pregnancy. (I've never been huge on looking amazingly fit - not that I wouldn't like to, but I won't put in the effort, so I know it's not realistic. But right now, less than 5 weeks postpartum, I kinda can't stand to look at my body in a full-length mirror. Ugh.) Shortly thereafter, our potty training experiment went awry and my pre-pregnancy jeans (btw, they were my fat jeans - don't think I'm squeezing into my ideal size or anything) ended up soaking up a small puddle of pee on the bathroom floor - so obviously they need to be washed before that experiment happens again!

But the weather here has turned a bit cooler than normal for this time of year - it's amazingly pleasant (and as it's October, the traffic on the streets has doubled - seemingly overnight - with the arrival of the snowbirds and tourists and now they're never gonna wanna leave with the weather so nice!) but I'm going to need to start wearing jeans more frequently, with the cool mornings and evenings. My maternity jeans are HUGE on me now - wearable, but I'm constantly having to pull them back onto my hips as they slide down. And a lot of my tops aren't long enough to cover the elastic waistband of the maternity pants, so I'm constantly tugging on my tops, too - it's a mess! I'm likely going to have to have break down and buy some jeans that fit differently so I have something to wear right now. I hate to do that - I don't want to spend money on clothes I hope to not be able to wear in another month, but I'm getting desperate.

Ultimately, I'd like to get down to me pre-wedding weight. No where near where I was in high school or at my best weight since reaching adulthood, but a much more reasonable weight for my body. I've asked my husband to encourage me to get more active (can you get more active than chasing after a 2-year-old while nursing a newborn?) overall and I'm making arrangements to return to walking w/ my friend Jo and her kids. (this should be interesting - 2 toddlers and 2 infants)

I have a lot of work to do before I'm happy with my appearance again. But I think I'll get there. Eventually.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

10 on Tuesday - Figuratively and Literally

1. What keeps you up at night? (figuratively)
Worry about my children, their healthy and safety, and the health and safety of my husband.

2. What keeps you up at night? (literally)
My newborn son, my husband's snoring, my toddler's middle-of-the-night wakings.

3. Where do you want to go in life? (figuratively)
I want to be debt-free and finanacially secure with healthy, happy children who adore me.

4. Where do you want to go in life? (literally)
I'd love to visit Europe - mostly the British Isles, but also Italy. I've also been dreaming of a vacation in Northwestern Wine Country - Oregon, Washington, etc.

5. Have you ever bit off more than you could chew? (figuratively)

6. Have you ever bit off more than you could chew? (literally)

7. Is the grass really greener on the other side of the fence? (figuratively)
My life is pretty good right now. I've had some moments where I wish I could do something like some people I know, but overall, my grass is pretty green.

8. Is the grass really greener on the other side of the fence? (literally)
Greener? No. Shorter. Yes. We need to mow our lawn (and by "we" I mean, Daddy Fuss)

9. If you can’t stand the heat, do you get out of the kitchen? (figuratively)

10. If you can’t stand the heat, do you get out of the kitchen? (literally)
Not unless I'm not the one doing the cooking.

Visit Roots and Rings for more 10 on Tuesdays.

Monday, October 4, 2010

I'm exhausted

I'm sick, Fuss is still coughing, and the Little Man has his 1-month appointment today, with the vaccination to come.

We had a horrible night, where the Little Man kept wailing and kept us up most of the night. He wanted to eat constantly - and legitimately there was only so much his little tummy could take in, so I'm sure it was more about me being a pacifier than anything else. Daddy Fuss came up with a theory this morning, that he wants to suck, but doesn't like the pacis we have for him, so I'm on for the search for the perfect paci for this little boy.

Friday, October 1, 2010

7 Quick Takes

1. Hi, My name is Mama Fuss and I'm a kids clothing addict. I love dressing my kids and buying them new, cute new outfits. I get frustrated when I can't find the cutest outfits in the right sizes. I spend more on their clothes than I do my own - and get more joy from shopping for them than myself.

2. I am trying to figure out if my boy has colic. Technically, he hasn't been suffering for long enough for a doctor to diagnose it as colic (3 hours a day, at least 3 days a week, for at least 3 weeks) but the poor little guy seems to be very unhappy at times that often seem to correlate to gas/gastrointestinal displeasure.

3. We have finally mastered - at least fairly well - nursing in bed. We have successfully done so twice in the last couple of days and we both seem to be very happy with it.

4. I got my new nursing cover yesterday, which I ordered from Simply Sweet Baby Boutique. I LOVE it. The woman who runs it, makes all these fabulous creations is someone I met through my maternity boards and she has created some beautiful things in her desire to come up with a business she can run from home so she can stay home with her son. She is creative and talented and I love her stuff.

5. My little guy is filling out his clothes a lot better these days. He has outgrown his newborn-sized diapers (I need to go buy some size 1s today) and is getting to be SUCH a big boy now! We go in on Monday for his 1-month appointment and we will see how much he's grown!

6. I am trying to schedule my 6-week postpartum appointment and our subsequent "all clear" celebration afterward. It is becoming more difficult than it should be with babysitters and such to be considered!

7. Our hotel rooms for Disney are booked! I'm psyched!