Thursday, March 31, 2011


Sometimes, I feel useless. We were having a conversation on Luckies recently and it just reminded me that other than staying home with this kids, I am somewhat useless to our family. I mean, it's important to be home with the kids and I'm glad that I am, but if I did need to get a job? Or if I needed to get out of the house at some point to restore my sanity? Or when the kids go to school and I'm trying to come up with something useful to do to bring in some income? I've got nothing.

I spent SO much money on my degree and I'm not using it. And I really never did. I had a couple of jobs within the industry after I graduated, but they were all short-term jobs. I remember my first interview after graduation was for a job that paid - no kidding - $7 an hour. I'm like "you want a college degree for this position, and you're only paying $7? You have got to be kidding me." Just proof that having a college degree and an education doesn't mean anything in this world. I got my job at the agency based on my self-taught skills, not my degree. Yes, I had a better working knowledge of the industry because of my degree, but in the end that meant nothing. I was the lowest paid person in the office - for years. People got hired after me to do portions of my job and they made more than I did (after working there for 2-3 years at that point) to start with.

It makes me feel useless when I think about it. And even when I don't... sometimes I feel like maybe I am not the best mother for my kids. Sure, I am nursing my son, and that is extremely important, but beyond that... am I really doing anything for my kids that any number of competent adults couldn't do just as well... or better? I should do more with Fuss, but I have no idea HOW to do more. I don't know how to teach her. I don't know what to teach her. I am so out of shape that I feel like I can't be all that active with her and I can't really take her to the park and chase after her because I'm also trying to juggle the baby. (And I want MORE kids? I can't handle the 2 I've got!)

I'm not even that good at keeping my house. It's always messy. Lately, it's not just messy, it's a disaster. We have too much stuff, it's not organized and I don't have a clue where to begin, despite looking for and getting all sorts of "general purpose" advice from websites and books about organization.

I don't know why my husband loves me. I have no idea why he finds me attractive. I am not attractive. I'm overweight and flabby. I'm gross. And even when I have motivation, I seem to be stymied at every turn. (I've had the desire to start running this week - talk about a weird thing for me - and it has been raining. Seriously?)

This post is really depressing. I'm just going to end it here, without looking for a better way to wrap it up.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Too much stuff

I remember realizing as a kid that I had SO many toys and that if I only had a few, I would appreciate them more. But I liked them all just enough that I didn't want to give them up. It was a slippery slope. And something I've dealt with ever since. I like "things." I want possessions. I like gadgets and books and things to hold on to. I'm not greedy, per se (although, I admit that it can sometimes come close to that on occasion), but I like having things and buying things and being given things...

When we were pregnant with Fuss, we decided that we were going to have a minimal amount of kid toys in the house. And at birthdays and Christmas we would sort through the old toys and donate or put away the ones she didn't need anymore to make room for the new things. I think part of the reason I prefer not to have parties for her is to avoid the CPC (Cheap Plastic Crap) Syndrome. I hate getting a bunch of junk for her, though I do like to see her happy. And I like to give her things and let her pick out things. She's such a little shopper...

But the thing is, it's gotten out of hand. Her room is a disaster, despite the many bins and such that I have bought to keep things organized, there are toys all over the floor. Because she has such a big space and it's her own little play room, I've not stayed on top of her while she's playing to put something away before she gets another something out. So there are blocks and play food and dishes and costumes all over. There are 42 stuffed animals and dolls in her bed.

I have the thought of throwing up my hands and dumping all of it and starting over. Both in her room, and in mine. But I can't afford to start over, so I have to put in the effort, despite my exhaustion. Despite my irritation at the projects at hand. I feel like I'm always treading water with this organization thing. I feel like I can never seem to move forward because the task at hand is so big and crazy that I can't ever really make a dent in it.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

10 on Tuesday: Foodie version

1. What is a food that you never thought you would try, but then tried and liked?
I could say a bunch of things, if we go back a number of years. Growing up, I was a very picky eater. It wasn't until my (now) husband started to cook for me regularly that I broke out of my chicken-and-pasta rut. Buffalo chicken, Asian food (sushi, Thai, even Chinese since my mom's version of Chinese food was that canned stuff that looked like mucus surrounding bean sprouts), escargot. Also BBQ. I found a version that I love (hello spicy Texas BBQ sauce!) and I'm now addicted to a good non-molasses-based BBQ sauce.

2. Do you subscribe to any foodie publications? If so, which ones?
Nope. I like food, but I'm not so into reading about food.

3. What ingredient do you find yourself reaching for the most when you cook?
Garlic powder or Garlic salt.

4. Are there any foods that you hated as a child, but then learned to like as an adult?
Vegetables in general. BBQ. All sorts of Asian food.

5. What do you like to eat that others may consider weird?
Black liccorice? So many people hate that taste. I LOVE it. Also really spicy food.

6. What is the weirdest ingredient you’ve ever cooked with?
I have no idea. I leave the creative and different stuff to my husband.

7. Do you have any major food allergies?
I have a major sensitivity to MSG and related products. And my daughter can't eat peanuts or peanut butter.

8. Is there an ingredient that you would like to cook with, but are intimidated to try?
I can't think of anything. Like I said, I usually leave the creative or unusual to my husband who is willing to try anything twice.

9. Do you bake?
Yes! I LOVE to bake. I wasn't a very good cook until I got married (my husband taught me to cook and to enjoy it.) - I was intimidated by meat, if you want to know the truth. But I have always loved to bake. Ever since my Easy Bake Oven days. One year for Christmas I made 15 different types of cookies from scratch (pre-kids, of course.)

10. If you could go on any “foodie” show to compete, which one would it be, and why?
No clue. I can't even think of any that I know the title for.

For more 10 on Tuesday, please visit Chelsea.

Monday, March 28, 2011

What a weekend.


I am so tired. It was a rough weekend - both busy and lack of sleep and very little down time. Saturday I attended a baby shower for my friend Kathy and her soon-to-be 2nd little girl. It was fun, but because of the volleyball tournament that Daddy Fuss and Fuss attended (to shoot pictures) we pretty much spent the whole day apart. I also ended up with a horrible headache and some tummy trouble.

Daddy Fuss and I had some stresses and such to deal with this weekend too, but I think things ended up being all worked out.

This morning I watched part of last night's episode of Army Wives. I had watched Army Wives when it first started, when we had a DVR, but when we gave that up to cut costs, I wasn't able to keep following the show. The episode last night dealt with one of the main characters losing her son who was deployed overseas. I sat down to nurse Little Man and I flipped on the TV, not knowing what to expect and cried my way through the episode. I can only imagine the pain of losing a child that you watched grow up, etc. But holding my baby boy in my arms... well, it was a lot of emotion to deal with.

Fuss was supposed to join her aunt J for strawberry picking today, but the weather is yucky so so such luck.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Quick Takes (that have nothing to do w/ Luck)

1. Little Man keeps sucking on his bottom lip (it makes him look like a Cabbage Patch doll), but he sucks so hard, that he's basically given himself a hickey of sorts. It looks like he's got this horrible rash under his chin. Crazy kid.

2. We went to a bounce house play place yesterday with my MOPs group and Fuss had so much fun, but I think we've finally found something she's afraid of - really tall, fast slides. She went down one there and then climbed up again but was then afraid to slide down it again. I had to climb up (no small feat - as it was an inflatable ladder sort of thing, not meant for adult feet) and slide down with her on my lap. When Daddy Fuss took her to a park later that day, she told him she was scared of the big slide and would only go down the small slide. Who knew my fearless kid would find a slide intimidating?

3. I dropped off stuff to my friend's children's consignment sale yesterday and was able to shop a pre-sale. I got a few cute things for the kids and my friend M was able to get a couple of things for HER kids (since she drove with me). I'm really excited to get some money back for some of the stuff I have. I kept thinking of more things I could sell - if I get a nice check, then I think this could easily get addictive!

4. That being said, I'm stuck in a boy clothing quandry. The weather has gotten so warm (80's every day this week) that it's really necessary to dress the kids in summer clothes. But Little Man has only a handful of summer-appropriate items, but he's also at the top of this current size. I don't want to buy stuff in this size that won't likely last the bulk of the summer, but the next size up is too big. He can wear it, but it's really large on him. I have one set of half a dozen onesies and a few creepers, etc. But he has a very limited supply of nice looking clothes in this size.

5. My daughter is fabulous. She is friendly and fun and has SO much personality. But I'm starting to wonder if she's kind of bossy or too pushy to other kids, because sometimes when I see her interacting with other kids it seems like they don't always want to include her. I've felt like that my entire life - like I don't always fit in, like I'm not really included in groups of friends, only tolerated. I want to be good friends with people and a lot of times I feel left out of the "inner circle" and I don't want that for Fuss. I want her to be sweet and social and have best friends. The worry never ceases, does it?

6. I'm going to a baby shower tomorrow morning and I'm bringing the baby and Fuss is going to a volleyball tournament with Daddy Fuss to take pictures for Aunt LP's teams. (She's a volleyball coach) It should be interesting to see how that goes.

7. I went out to dinner with my friend M last night to have some girl time. She made the comment that she "lived to be a mom." I love my kids, wouldn't give them up for anything, but I don't know if I could honestly say that. I occasionally find myself oddly jealous of M who is going through an awkward separation in her marriage/family because she has some dedicated time to herself. (I have no desire to leave my husband or kids and my heart breaks for her when I think about it like that, but just some real time alone or without my kids would be nice sometimes!) I think this might end up being a whole other post in itself.

For more Quick Takes, click here.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Sleepy and more about my lactation

I tried to write this last night, but I was having computer problems.

I am so tired. I can't seem to go to sleep before 11 (or 12, sometimes) and then the baby starts to wake up at 12:30 for paci pops that range from 2-8 per night. Oh. My. Goodness. I want this to end. He doesn't cry, he moans. And sometimes he moans in the sleep with the paci still in his mouth and when he does that I don't know what to do and there is nothing I CAN do except to wake him up and feed him to settle him down (because if I wake him all the way he gets hysterical.)

Now, I don't remember what else I was going to say. I'm tired and my headaches are starting to come regular again. Whether that is because of a lot of disturbed sleep or because I haven't taken my magnesium in awhile, I don't know. It's probably a combination.

To add to what I said yesterday about nursing my baby, I LOVE nursing him, not having to give him formula, and having a few minutes every few hours that I HAVE to sit down and just SIT. I am really psyched that I am more educated this time around and I am doing so much better and I'm feeling like I'm going to make it to a year (my goal). Half of me wants to continue on past the 12 month mark, half of me wants it over NOW. Actually, to be fair, it's more like 10% of me wants it to be over now. We shall see. But despite my Dr's discouragement, I am going to attempt to keep him off formula until at least 1 year.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


I've done very well this time around, not hating on the nursing, not resenting my baby for needing to be ON me, suck on me to get his nutrition. But... I'm starting to feel less happy about it.

I want my body back. I want to be able to wear a real bra that makes me look like I am a real woman with normal curves up top. I know a bunch of my friends wear regular bras sometimes when BFing, but I can't. My chest gets so big and really - what is the point of wearing a regular bra when you have to unsnap it every 3 hours? What's the point of wearing something you have to take off all the time? But I need something that is going to give me a little more support now that 2 pregnancies and 16+ months of BFing (over the course of both children so far) have taken their toll on my chest.

I hate waking up to full or partially full breast(s) in the middle of the night when I am HOURS away from feeding him. It's uncomfortable and awkward. And then the weird positions I have to put myself in don't allow me to get the best sleep... which is already pretty light to begin with.

I hate being in pain during the day when the baby takes a particularly good nap or gets too distracted to eat during a feeding and doesn't eat enough to empty me.

I love being close to him, I love being able to provide immune system boosting sustenance, but I really miss being able to just be ME instead of the Little Man's walking food source.

I'm tired all the time, I'm hungry all the time.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

10 on Tuesday

Was just informed that today March 22, is Kids Eat Free at Chili's. I might have to convince my husband we need to go out...

1. What condiments are always, always in your fridge?
Ketchup (mostly because Fuss LOVES it) and mayo.

2. How do you like your steak cooked? Your burgers?
Steak - medium rare, burgers, medium to done. I don't like the burgers charred, but they shouldn't be pink. I accidentally ordered one medium rare once and... well, it was the last time I threw up while pregnant with Fuss!

3. What’s your favorite use for fresh tomatoes?
I slice 'em, sprinkle a little pepper and some salt on them and eat them for a side veggie w/ dinner. Yum.

4. What’s your go-to dinner when you haven’t planned anything in advance and you don’t feel like going out?
Appetizers from the fridge. I find a mish-mash of frozen appetizers and cook them up. But it's pretty darn rare that I don't feel like going out, it's more like when my HUSBAND doesn't feel like going out, or says we can't.

5. What’s your favorite snack food lately?
Cereal. Either Cap'n Crunch Peanut Butter or Granola w/ raisins.

6. What’s your favorite weekend breakfast to make at home?
I used to be all about the baked goods for breakfast - muffins, croissants, etc. But my husband got me hooked on HIS weekend breakfasts when I was pregnant with the Little Man and now one of my faves is his sausage gravy and biscuits. SOOOOOO yummy.

7. What’s your favorite thing to grill? How do you do it?
My husband is the grill master, but I love to eat grilled burgers, steaks and salmon. My favorite way to do the salmon is to soak it in a marinade - Lawry's makes a great one that is mesquite and lime flavor and then grill it with some herbed or cheesy potatoes.

8. What’s your favorite wine for under $10? If you’re not a wine person, what brand of beer is your favorite?
I like a nice blush wine any day and I can usually find them at the grocery store for about $6. My favorite is by Alice White called Red Lexia, but I've not been able to find it lately.

9. Give us your most delicious cocktail recipe.
A Cosmocello. (I stole the idea from a drink by the same name made at, Maccaroni Grill - I think.) Double shot of Limoncello, shot of vodka, over ice and then Cran-Raspberry juice. So delicious!

10. How do you like your eggs?
Benedict. Or at least over easy with cheese on them. Or in my husband's sausage gravy.

For more 10 on Tuesday, visit Chelsea here.

Monday, March 21, 2011


We seem to have made it through the plague and I am grateful to be done with it. We're all still coughing occasionally and still on antibiotics, but we are living, breathing and mostly better all around.

My mom offered to take Fuss for a few hours (which ended up being most of the day) yesterday, and while she didn't put her down for her nap until 4, and didn't get her up until I suggested she do so at nearly 7, they had a lot of fun and Daddy Fuss and I got some downtime. Well, at least down time from Fuss, as we still had Little Man with us. But he's more portable, quieter, and he sleeps a lot. We went to a small gun show, which was interesting, but sort of fruitless. And we took my iPod which pretty much hasn't worked properly since the day after I got it to the Apple Store. I got a call a couple of hours after we left it there that they were going to replace it at no charge and I needed to pick it up within 2 weeks. (I don't know what will happen if I DON'T pick it up within 2 weeks, but that's what they said.) Since it's on the other side of the bridge, I'll have to make a special trip over... but that's okay. I can handle it. I think.

Friday, March 18, 2011

7 Quick Takes

1. I was writing these in my mind at 1:30am when my son decided that he needed to eat in the middle of the night. Never mind that he was too distracted to eat during the last 2 feedings I tried to give him during normal business hours. (My in-laws were over and he wanted to see what was going on.)

2. A feverish Fuss is one who is more cuddly than usual, but a fever around 101 equals all the personality, and more cuddles. Too bad I can't keep that going...

3. I feel better enough to function, but every time I cough (which is often) I feel like the right side of my head might explode.

4. I am on the look out for cheap summer dresses for Fuss. She's back into a "dress" phase but I don't want her wearing her Easter dress to play in. I think we'll be making a run to Wal-mart soon to pick up some of the sundresses like I got last year. They sell a bunch for $10 or less. I have a couple of cute "skort" type things for her, but I think she likes the convenience of being able to lift up her dress to go potty (and whatever keeps her potty trained, you know?) so the shorts get in the way.

5. We went out of the house yesterday, took Fuss to the Dr, got lunch out and then stopped by to visit some old friends who were having a garage sale for a short bit. Then my husband made corned beef and cabbage (he's Irish) for dinner and we invited the in-laws over and ended up having a last minute family dinner.

6. We broke out the Exersaucer yesterday and I need to wipe it down with Clorox wipes, but I think Little Man is going to have a fun playing in it. He had a fun time in the church nursery the other day looking at all the play things on the circle and I'm looking forward to watching him have fun with ours.

7. My friend Amy is hosting a semi-annual children's consignment sale in the Countryside area next weekend and I'm signed up to sell stuff. I'm hoping to be able to buy some stuff for the kids as well.

For more Quick Takes, click here

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


We have all succumbed to some bug or another. This morning Fuss spiked a fever and is currently passed out on the couch at 9:30am. I'd move her, but I don't have the strength. Daddy Fuss got up with Little Man this morning at 3am and let me sleep, so I sent him back to bed once I got up. My mom was supposed to come over to help out/take care of Fuss, but now she's afraid of the germs. I understand that, but I so desperately need the help, that I'm almost at the point where I'm hurt by her rejection.

The adults went to a walk-in clinic yesterday and both got antibiotics. I have bronchitis and something (possibly the flu?) and Daddy Fuss has sinusitis and pharyngitis. I can only take certain antibiotics while breast feeding and I think the Dr. was going to try and talk me into weaning so I could take better meds, but I was pretty forceful sounding when he asked when I was planning to stop breast feeding. Like you can just stop cold turkey or something. Ridiculous. Plus, of course, I would never stop while he was sick like this - if there is one thing I can truly do for him right now, it is to give him that source of comfort and immunity boost.

I ache. My joints hurt. My head throbs. My nose is so congested and I keep coughing and coughing and coughing. I want to eat but nothing sounds good. Not even chocolate.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

10 on Tuesday

1. What is your cleaning style like?
Um, I guess you could call it "disaster recovery" in most cases. I have yet to get a regular system of cleaning (I sorely need to) so I just react to the messes around me.

2. What is your favorite thing to add to an outfit to take it from casual to classy?
Jewelry. I add my nicest earrings and a nice necklace.

3. Do you like stormy weather?
I like rainy weather when I'm warm and inside my home and I can curl up with a good book. I HATE being out in the rain and I'm not a big fan of thunder in general.

4. What is your favorite cold treat on a hot day?
Either a Coke, some lemonade or an ice cream cone.

5. What is your favorite warm treat on a cold day?
A warm baked good or a caramel latte from Starbucks. I especially like when my husband makes his apple blob for a warm dessert.

6. Who is your favorite animated character?
Belle from Beauty and the Beast

7. What do you keep your jewelry in?
About half a dozen small jewelry boxes. I need help.

8. Do any of the rooms in your house have a theme?
The nursery is Disney/Pooh themed. There is a painted mural of Pooh's "tree house" in the corner. Fuss's room is garden themed, complete with larger-than-life flowers and butterflies.

9. Do you watch any interior design TV shows – if so, what is your favorite?
I LOVE Divine Design and a couple of others, but rarely have time to watch them.

10. When was the last time you did something risk-taking?
Does January where I drove by myself with my kids into uncertain weather conditions to go help my sister postpartum count? That was certainly risk-taking for me.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Win a Baby Brezza from Mommy Words

I'm thinking about making my own baby food for Little Man and I stumbled across this giveaway from the blog Mommy Words for a neat little contraption that will steam and blend baby food all in one! Check out her giveaway HERE to sign up for one for yourself.

House of Sickies

Both my boys are sick. Little Man has had a fever off and on since Friday, has thrown up a couple of times, is filled with snot and mucous and has a bit of a cough. My husband has a fever (which began yesterday) all over body aches, a cough, and chills (off and on). According to the internet he has the flu. Oh boy. I haven't had the flu since elementary school. Let's hope that streak continues.

Fuss had this HORRIBLE, foul smelling gas all day on Saturday. (Sorry for the TMI) It was weird. But Saturday evening (at my SIL's house - she watched the kids so we could go out and spend our Groupon for a nice sushi dinner) whatever was making her smell so rotten started coming out and we've had to convince her to wear a few Pull-ups because of the mess. It hits her so fast and she can't make it to the potty in time. She wants panties (I guess this is what comes from guilting her into potty training by insisting that BABIES wear diapers and BIG GIRLS wear panties) but I'd rather be able to discard the stained item than have to wash it out. Call me lazy. But with a sick baby and a sick husband, I think I'm entitled, right? But anyway, she hasn't spiked a fever yet, so I'm hoping she doesn't fall prey to it, either.

I am debating whether or not to take the baby into the pediatrician's office, but I can't imagine that there is much they can do for him. I don't want to put him on antibiotics if I can avoid it (for the 3rd time in 3 months).

Friday, March 11, 2011

7 Quick Takes

1. I yelled at Fuss yesterday for the first time in awhile. She was messing around, doing stuff she shouldn't be doing and she knocked over her little potty (which was full) and dumped the stinky contents all over the living room floor. I was ticked off. Then, despite the fact that I gave her a movie she wanted and the lunch she asked for, it took her more than 90 minutes to eat her lunch. When the 90 minutes was up, I told her to go to bed and she kept insisting that she was "bery hungry" or "bery thirtsy." She whined as I made her go to bed anyhow. And then she whined when I couldn't find her paci (that she is supposed to put back in the box when she gets up every morning plus, she's 3 now, and does she really need a paci and the paci on her Maddie the Monkey to sleep with? Really?) I felt bad, but my patience was just... gone.

2. We bought Fuss a ton of new clothes yesterday when my mom and I went to the mall. Sometimes it is very hard to resist all the cute little things that are made for pretty little girls such as mine.

3. I also got a new outfit. I think it's very Emma Pillsbury, but I suppose I could be wrong.

4. My kids are better dressed than me. Big shocker.

5. I kind of hate my wardrobe right now. I'm getting back into that feeling that I'm not a jeans-and-a-t-shirt sort of girl, and yet, that is what my life calls for. I'm restless. And when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping... Too bad I don't have the budget for that.

6. I am sick of taking the baby to the church nursery only to have him come home and get sick. Maybe sometimes it's a coincidence, but if this keeps up, I'm going to have to quit taking him (which means skipping both MOPS and church, which I'm not happy about.) He has a mild fever this afternoon. I know it's not logical to assume that he picked up a bug and is showing symptoms the same afternoon, but it's every stinkin' time.

7. Somebody bring me some wine. Fuss starting fussing and whining very early this morning and hasn't let up yet.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Grr, darn Dr.

Yesterday, I took the kids for back-to-back check ups. Fuss had her 3 years one and Little Man, his 6 mos. Both kids were pronounced healthy and thriving and it was said that they "couldn't be doing any better."
Then the pediatrician told me I could start giving Little Man a sippy cup for "fun" to teach him to drink from a cup, etc., etc. And THEN she tells me to put formula in the cup. And I immediately said "no, we're not doing formula" because I've been there, and we're doing SO well with the BFing and I just don't want to go there. (I gave Fuss formula at 6 mos on her recommendation and that was the beginning of the end for us.) And then she argued. Basically told me that I SHOULD give him formula or he won't drink milk in the future, blah, blah, blah. I'm sitting there going "give me a freaking break!" And then when she left, I asked the nurse. The nurses in the office have always been SO supportive of EBFing (exclusively breast-feeding) and so I asked her what she thought. She told me not to do the formula if I didn't want to and she said that she's known plenty of kids who EBFed (even ones who didn't get any solids in the first 9-12 mos) who did fine drinking regular milk, etc. I told her I didn't want her to be disagreeing with the Dr if it would get her in trouble, but that I felt like I needed a 2nd opinion and that the nurses seemed to be so much more supportive of EBF. She said she wouldn't if it were her kid. (and this wasn't even either of my favorite nurses, though I like this one plenty)
So I'm obviously NOT going to give him formula, but I am PEEVED AGAIN about the Dr pushing formula on me and my VERY HEALTHY child. I obviously have plenty of milk and he is doing great on it. (I would have been fine with the suggestion if he wasn't growing/I was stressed over not enough milk, etc.)
So I don't know if I should look into another ped or not. I said that the next time they pushed me to feed my baby formula I was going to find another ped.

I think I'm leaning towards doing some more research before making my choice/leaving them. I'm talking it over w/ Daddy Fuss, of course, etc. I'm just really upset that despite the fact that I have plenty of milk, my children are healthy and growing, I'm not complaining about BFing (because I do think that stress should be a factor) - I feel like every time I turn around they are telling me to feed my kids formula. And they claimed to be pro-BF when I interviewed them before Fuss was born! I feel like on this issue (which I think in the early years is a big one - what to feed your child) I know WAY more than the Drs about it and what happens when/if I do ever really need help? My sister and a few other friends who have big families have mentioned that they feel like they have less milk with each child (a combination of age/hormones/stress, I'm sure) and so what happens if the next kid or 2 (I have no idea how many we'll ultimately have) and I really need more support - are they just going to throw up their hands and hand me Enfamil samples and say "here! feed them this!"?

(I apologize to the Luckies who have already read this nearly verbatim on the board. But since I already wrote it out once, i figured I could just do some updating/corrections and copy it here.)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

10 on... Wednesday

Because of traveling on Monday, I lost a day this week and completely forgot about 10 on Tues yesterday. And then when I saw that the theme for the week was names, I HAD to answer, so... here you go.

1. How did your parents decide on your name?
My mother wanted to name me after a book she read and loved (a specific one) and that WAS my childhood nickname. I don't know where she got the idea for the full name she chose (which is a slightly unusual take on a fairly common, traditional name that has her book title as the common nickname for both) but despite the fact that my mom spelled it out for the nurse who filled out my birth certificate, it got spelled incorrectly. (it was spelled as the traditional name) And then my dad approved it. So legally, my name is slightly different than the name I go by. Very confusing and complicated.

2. Do your initials (First, Middle, Last) spell out anything fun/funny?
My maiden initials spell out a syllable, but it's not a real word.

3. Did you take your middle name from childhood or did you take your maiden name as your middle name? (If unmarried, what do you plan to do?)
I moved my maiden name to my middle name and dropped my boring middle name so I have a name I love.

4. Are you or will you name your children thematically (ie. same first letter, all of same origin…)
No. Thus far, both of my children have the same initials (the same as their dad) but since the names we have picked out for our future children don't have that in common, and it wasn't really intentional....

5. Did you decide on baby names as a little girl? Did you stick to them or change your mind?
I had baby names picked out from a very young age, but they changed a lot. And I didn't even stick to the names that I loved when we got married or the one we had both loved when we discussed when we first began talking about having a baby. The only thing that didn't change was my husband's unwavering desire to have a son named after him.

6. Does your family have any names that have been passed down through generations?
My husband is the 2nd and my son is the 3rd. We also will likely use my dad's name and his dad's name (they have the same first name, but different middle names) if we have another son in the future.

7. Do you look at the meaning of the name or just the name itself?
I look at both. There were a few names that I really liked, but that had terrible meanings and that at least weighted me against them.

8. Do you name pets with human names (Sally, Henry) or with pet names (Fluffy, Mr. Bo Bo)?
Our dogs were named names we wouldn't use for a child, but that are, in fact character names from books or TV shows that we liked, so they aren't "cutesy" pet names.

9. Are there any names that you have an affinity or dislike for based on a childhood experience/someone you once knew?
I'm sure there are, but I can't think of any specific names right now. I actually always loved the name Fiona (based on the musical Brigadoon, actually) but my husband once took pictures of a little girl named Fiona (he used to work for a sports photographer) who was this HUGE, masculine creepy-looking little girl who looked like she was going to beat up every one and so he hated it and wouldn't consider it for our child. And then Burn Notice came on and now I think he might consider it as a possibility. But more likely for a dog. :)

10. What are some of your favorite names? Why?
I love the name Megan because I want to name a child Meg after Meg Ryan who I always thought was adorable. I love the name Allison because of the female lead in my favorite book (The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks) and because my husband's favorite teacher was named Alison and my favorite character on our favorite TV show (House) was Allison Cameron. Right now I also love the name Avonlea and I might have to push for that one if we have a 3rd daughter (our potential 2nd daughter's name is already locked, I think)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Weekend in bullets

My weekend was a whirlwind of driving, conversations, visiting with a ton of old friends/family, and staying at a rustic log cabin in the mountains. I cannot seem to organize it all in my head (ask my husband, I keep telling him little snip-its of stuff and it's in no order whatsoever) so I'm putting it down in bullet form.

  • The drive up was good. Fuss had no accidents in the car, despite the fact that we were trying to go as long as possible without stopping. We stopped more often for quick potty breaks for both her and us, but it worked and if we hadn't been trying to waste time by trying to find a food place at the very end of the trip, we would have made it in a very reasonable amount of time.
  • We stayed with friends of the family that we had never met before and I had been told we were staying "in a log cabin in the woods," but had no idea what to expect. (I would say that about C's sister, to a point - at least the "in the woods" part) But this place was... amazing. It was truly an old log cabin in the woods. We had to drive MILES off a paved road and they live on a small farm, cooked on a wood burning stove and heated their home primarily with their fireplace.
  • But this house was HUGE. It was bigger than my home in "the city." There was only one bathroom (thank goodness. With a potty training toddler, I don't think I could have handled an outhouse), but they had at least 3 or 4 bedrooms, a living room, an upstairs... it was just beautiful and awesome.
  • And they were SO nice. And so much fun. We spent a lot of time just hanging out with them and listening to their stories about their family (current and ancestors) and history and their life. Fuss got to go around with them (so did we, but it was mostly about her) and do their farm chores with them on Saturday morning and she got to see horses, pet a calf and see a cow up close. They also had chickens and a rooster.
  • Little Man woke up with or before the rooster every day. He seemed to like living the farmer's life.
  • There were also puppies, recently born, whose mother had hid them under the house to keep warm. They woke us up regularly.
  • But when we finally got to see them, they were so cute it, we got over whatever inconvenience that was.
  • Our hosts, the Dovers, drank their own milk (their cow's milk) and shared it with their friends and family) and ate their own eggs and corn (which they grew and milled themselves), and made their own butter (mostly - we did have store bought butter this weekend because she was out and she kept apologizing for that) and cheese. It was amazing.
  • We ate fresh, organic sausage for breakfast. (They don't raise hogs, but it was their own slaughter and curing, etc.) And grits. Even Little Man sampled grits. (he loved them)
  • Speaking of which, it was a weekend of firsts for him, as "Uncle Lane" fed him beef jerky and I gave him regular, natural apple sauce (instead of baby food).
  • One of the cutest things Fuss did was fall in love with the Dovers. On our way to their house for the first time, we were following them up a dark, muddy mountain and she called out "Follow those Dovers!" and on our way back to the house for the last time, she kept talking about them and upon our arrival, we came back in and she ran up to them proclaiming "I missed you!" They were great with her and Little Man.
  • Dad F introduced me to people as his "5th kid". That really made me feel good. I know I'm not the only one with that title, but I love that he thinks it/feels it, too.
  • I've never seen him cry until this weekend. He's a retired Marine, a big, tough guy who is ALWAYS strong. This weekend I saw him walking around with a cane and I witnessed him crying once or twice. That was hard. I'm sure it's even harder for his other kids and grandkids.
  • Cousin/niece Naomi, who is herself a redhead (it's a family of redheads - I fit in with them more than I fit with my biological extended family) thanked me for helping to bring more redheads into the world. She loved on Little Man a lot while we were there and he loved her back.
  • Cousin/niece Rachel is getting married in June. I've known her since she was a little kid and when we're together, we're like family, but we don't get to see each often, so I wasn't sure if she would be inviting me or not. I'm psyched that she is.

Friday, March 4, 2011

7 Quick Takes

1. I'm hitting the road this morning for my trip to GA for the memorial service for Mom F.

2. Have I mentioned that I hate the idea/fact that I'm leaving my husband? I don't like being away from him.

3. I also have to make sure that I don't eat much -if any - MSG while I'm on the road because of my sensitivities to such. And fast food is LOADED with MSG. After my bad experience coming home after eating something I didn't realize had MSG in it, I plan to be even more careful this time (and also pack a change of clothes, just in case). But that pretty much means I can eat french fries on the road and not much else. Oh boy.

4. I need to make an appointment to get Little Man's 6 months pictures taken. I prefer going to our friend's studio to get pictures done, because they turn out just as good if not better and they are cheaper (because he usually gives them to us at cost or just above cost), but he's not really equipped to handle babies, and it has taken us 6 months to get the prints from the pictures we had done when Fuss was 2 1/2, so I'm thinking JCPenney, it is. They did a nice job when Fuss was 6 months old, it just was so darn expensive.

5. On that note, I also want some 3 year old pictures done of Fuss, but I might have my husband set up a "studio" in our living room and just take some formal shots himself and send them away to be printed professionally. I guess we'll just see how it goes when Little Man gets his done at JCP.

6. We were listening to music on my husband's Droid last night via Pandora radio's Glee station. It was sort of like listening to my iPod. Wow, I'm predicable. And I have the music taste of a 15-year-old high school choir girl.

7. But I'm starting to look OLD. ('You'd better get married soon. You starting to look old.") Wow, when I catch an unexpected glimpse of myself in the mirror lately - especially when I haven't bothered with make-up for the day (what is WRONG with me? I used to be better about make-up than I was about taking a shower...) I am really starting to look like an old woman. I don't mean I'm turning grey (thanks, redhead genes) or getting wrinkles (although, do the bags under my eyes count for that?) but I'm really starting to look less "college student" and more "mid-aged frump woman." Ugh.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

On the road again...

So, apparently 3 years was the timeline for my daughter to be potty trained. And 6 mos was the timeline for my son to learn to roll over by himself. We've been very busy here at the House of Fuss.

In addition, we just got home fro our trip to Orlando and now I'm packing for our trip (sans Daddy Fuss) to GA. I'm feeling some pressure. So much to do, so little time, and how on earth am I going to make a long car trip with a potty training tot who likes to be able to sit on the potty A) whenever she pleases, and B) which seems to be every 15 minutes? (not always, but often. sometimes she holds it for hours....)

I am thankful that my friend M is coming with me, but I am baffled by her personal situation. She is currently separated from her husband. (It's a very long story) but they have 3 kids together, so you know, they'll never really be separated completely. But anyhow, so she committed to come with me, but her husband is trying to get Saturday off and he's talking about coming up, too, with the kids. Now, between us, we would have to take 2 vehicles anyway because of all the kids/carseats, But I can't seem to figure out if he would be caravan-ing with us, or if he would just happen to be going up at the same time. I have no idea where he and the kids would stay (we're staying with friends of the family) and I don't know if I'm expected to make arrangements or expected to "stick with him" when we travel... and it's just awkward.

We're all old friends from way back, so I understand why he wants to go. But it's still baffling. And it makes me wish my husband was coming with me even more.

I HATE being away from my husband. I really like being around him as much as possible. I like having his companionship, his help with the kids, his support, his strength (both physical and emotional)... so leaving him for even a few days always makes me sad. I'm kicking myself for telling him that if I could find someone else to go with me, that he wouldn't have to.

But we'll be fine. It'll be a whirlwind or a trip and we'll be home on Monday night. It'll be nice to see a bunch of family friends who I haven't seen in awhile. It'll be fun to spend that much time "alone" with M and really get to talk. (We never get lots of time to talk together.)

I'm almost packed and it isn't supposed to be nearly as cold this time, so I'm not as worried about the quantity of clothes or the weather/driving conditions, etc.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


I feel sometimes like I am "haunted" by dreams about my high school choir director. I think I dream about her/have dreams with her being featured in them more often than anyone else. I wonder if it's because I never got to say good-bye to her? (She passed away the year Fuss was born.) I had an opportunity to get with her about a week before Fuss was born and I didn't do it because I was so uncomfortable and hurting and was having Braxton Hicks so much and then, a few weeks after Fuss was born I had the thought "I should call and go see her and introduce her to Fuss" and about 15 minutes later I got the message that she had passed away.)

Last night I had a dream about her funeral - only it wasn't the funeral I went to, it was like we were planning it and trying to figure out stuff and... it was so weird.

I am planning to get things together to travel back to GA at the end of the week for the memorial service for Mom F. There are so many old friends coming in to town to celebrate her life - people I haven't seen in decades. It's amazing to see and to know how many lives she touched in her lifetime. I think it's important to Dad F to see that, too, that despite being so removed from where they lived the bulk of their lives for the last (nearly) 20 years, that so many people loved and remember her...

This family is so important to me. I remember at the time of my wedding Mom F saying how nice it was that so many members of her family were involved in my wedding, but I really saw them as part of my "family" too. My sisterfriend was my matron-of-honor, her sister played the piano for all the music, their nieces played the strings for my walk down the aisle. My sisterfriend's son was one of my ring bearers and her niece (the oldest daughter of the pianist) was one of my flower girls.

I never had a close-knit family. My mom and dad were married and each had siblings, but we weren't close. My dad almost never made the effort to go back to where he grew up for family holidays or gatherings, so I barely know my cousins on his side of the family. I was close to my mom's parents and one of her brothers, but past the age of about 10, I only ever saw any of my cousins from her side of the family once or twice a year and once I graduated high school, even less. My grandfather passed away when I was 15 and the uncle I was close to passed away when I was 20. I don't have a lot of close family, so I sort of adopted some of my own. These people - this family - means so much to me.

When Daddy Fuss and I were discussing whether or not I could go up for Mom F's memorial service, I made the statement that if she were a blood-relative (or blood-by-marriage) no one would even ask me to skip the funeral. Sometimes, I feel like most people don't give my relationship with these people the credit it deserves - like my connection isn't legitimate, even though, in my heart, these are my FAMILY.

I am glad that I am able to go and that my friend M is coming with me (even though I wish it were my husband instead, I'll take what I can get.) It's not an easy trip with 2 little children and the fact that we're trying to do it in such a short time will make it even harder. But it's worth it, to me, to be there. To pay my respects to a woman who was like a second mother to me for a lot of years. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to see her last month, and I am grateful that I can go again and "say good-bye."

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

10 on Tuesday

1. What type of cell phone do you have and how would you rate it?
I currently have an LG Cosmos and I like it. I just got it, though and I am not quite used to the touch screen, so the jury is still out on how MUCH I like it.

2. What has been your most serious injury?
Probably the time I split my finger open in the first grade which required 32 stitches to close up, a visit to the ER and an plastic surgeon to name a few. I couldn't write for 6 weeks because my arm was bandaged up from finger tips to elbow.

3. What is one movie you hate and why?
Pitch Black. Awful, awful movie. Really. Total waste of film. I want my 2 hours back.

4. How many email addresses do you have?

5. What website do you waste the most time on?

6. Which mexican restaurant makes the best salsa?
A local chain, Carmelita's.

7. What is your dream car?
I don't really dream about cars - never have. But if someone told me they would buy me any car I wanted, money was no object and I could own it free-and-clear, no strings, blah, blah, blah, I'd get a Stow-and-go Chrysler mini van or a Toyota Sienna mini van. I LOVE my mini van for it's large storage and seating, but would love to have one with more storage space and all the little options, etc.

8. If you could spend up to $100 with no strings or restrictions or guilt, what would you buy?
Clothes, probably.

9. What is your favorite board game?

10. How often do you change your hairstyle?
Rarely. The few changes I make are subtle and for the most part, you could say that I have the same hair I had in high school (past shoulder-length, bangs, long layers) My inspiration photos may change (Courtney Thorne-Smith or someone like that in high school, Emma Pillsbury now) but it's basically the same thing. I went through a short-hair phase when Fuss was born, but now I'm back to my old stand-by.