Monday, January 29, 2007

Just Another Manic Monday

Okay, so maybe not so manic.
Over the weekend, other than being incredibly emotional, I was alright. I got grumpy and irritable really easy and then when watching a movie - I couldn't even watch a sad part without starting to cry. I must be PMS-ing. I got pissy with Mr Moose on more than one occasion and I felt like I couldn't control it at all - I have no idea what triggered it, but there I was. Mad at the world.

I'm having what I assume to be ovarian pain. It reminds me of the discomfort I was having when I had the big cyst, only not as frequent or constant. Part of me assumes it's just another cyst and part of me is wondering whether I have an ectopic pregnancy. I've been getting these dizzy spells for several days with varying intensity. From my googling this morning, that is one symptom of ectopic pregnancy, though with all the others I either can't tell (ie, my bowels are always screwed up - os I never can tell if the symptoms that go with those are true or not) or not (no vomit, thank goodness). I'm probably just being paranoid. :-)

We had a busy weekend. I started a quilt while Mr Moose went to a parade with some friends on Saturday. We went to my BF's house to see the baby and play cards and have dinner. M made steak and chicken kabobs on the grill which were surprisingly deliscious (I'm somewhat of a picky eater). We played Canasta and each team (girls vs guys) one one set. I got to hold the baby for a little while, but not long enough! :-) She sort of monopolized his time and attention between naps and feedings. Not that I blame her. Somehow, I think I'll end up never sharing when I get one of my own. We stopped by to pick up some stuff on Sunday and she and I were looking through a catalog of nursery stuff - furniture and bedding, mostly. I've decided that even though I'm incredibly girlie, I don't want to surround a daughter in nothing but ruffles and lace because i don't want her to get sick of it at age 2. I loved both - I liked the ruffles (although I always thought lace was too itchy) but I liked ot get dirty in my play clothes, too. :-)

The quilt I started is sort of a "dream quilt" for me - I have a thing for fabrics with texture and I decided to go out and get fabrics I liked in coordinating colors and just do it. I've got satins and cordoroy and moleskin and microfiber. I did it in neutrals and greens, so it matches my living room. I started cutting on Saturday and sewing Sunday night, but I think I might take part of Sunday's creation apart and rethink my design. I was just doing a patchwork - big squares with the occasional smaller 4 squares to make a big square... but I'm not sure now. I might take all the smaller ones and put them around the edges instead. We shall see. I'm essentially a quilt novice, so this is officially my first quilt. I used to make quilts when I was little - but they were for dolls and hand sewn made of wahtever calico my mother had lying around in her scrap bin. I'm not nearly as talented as Julie, so don't expect much, but I'll try and post a picture when I'm done.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Thursday Morning Freak Out

Guess I’m freaking out. Is it possible to ovulate and then have your temp go back to pre-ovulation temp and everything to be all right? Did I misfire? Is that possible? And is this happening repeatedly? Is that what caused my ginormous ovarian cyst?

I think I mentioned I had a cyst last summer. This is not entirely accurate. It was first discovered in April of 2005 when I had to go to the ER for kidney stones and they did an MRI. While checking out the MRI, they saw both kidney stones in my kidney and a mass on my left ovary. They drugged me up, told me to make an appt w/ my OB/GYN to check it out and sent me home. A long, arduous process and 2 doctor’s later, I had a growing cyst, not a decreasing one, even on BC. We decided to wait and see if it bothered me, etc. since at first, I didn’t even know it was there. It began to bother me. And by that time it was big enough that she didn’t feel that the smaller incision surgery (laparoscopy) would be ideal. She said she could be more accurate and effective if she did a laparotomy, which is the incision for a C-section and requires much more recovery time, etc. This was a HUGE fear of mine, since my mother had had negative reactions to surgeries since my birth (C-section) and had battled problems due to adhesions and several subsequent surgeries, etc. Ultimately, I had the surgery since by then I could hardly move without some sort of pain and sex was uncomfortable at best. So, on the last day of June 2006, I went under the knife. Later, my doctor told me that the cyst was the size of a large golf ball, which freaks me out since my ovary should only be the size of a green grape. It was not cancerous and not endo, merely a blood-filled sac. I don’t remember her telling me this exactly, but I think there was mention that the sac was caused by ovulation and I took that to mean that it was each monthly egg that attached itself to the outside of my ovary.

All this leads me to my theory that my left ovary doesn’t put eggs into the tube for some reason. Every time it is that ovary’s turn to expel an egg, it shoots it into my body, not into the fallopian tube like it should. Does this make any sense? I think I’ve always stopped temping after the big spike in temperature since I assumed I ovulated and all was well. I’ve not been terribly consistent in it since we’re just now officially starting to try. I am SO frustrated.

In addition to my AM freak out and the stress this is causing, I'm having a couple of issues at work. I was recently promoted (did I mention this?) but it's only somewhat official until they find someone to replace me in my old posisiton. Right now I'm doing both and I hate it. I asked boss #1 last night what the status was on my replacement and he told me to contact boss #2 about it to see if he had any leads, had run an ad, or if I was to run an ad for him. I sent him an email since he had already left for the day and this morning received the curt reply that he would speak to boss #1 about it personally at any time. (Basically telling me to butt out). This pisses me off, since it's my life that is effected by the outcome. No one else seems to care. And Mr Moose was telling me to stress-less this morning after my freak out and THIS ISN'T HELPING!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

My name

I got a call today at work. It went something like this:
Me: "Thank you for calling My Workplace, this is C****"
Vendor: "May I speak to C**** (pronounced wrong)?"
Me: (pause) "Speaking"
Vendor: "Oh."

Why is it so incredibly hard to read all of the letters of a person's name? My name is ALL OVER the account info they were calling about. My email address is my name, etc. Although, I confess, this mispronunciation I can deal with. I even had someone accidentally screw up and label me a very unusual misspelling of my name once, which I can sort of understand. But I HATE, no, loathe, being called “Christine”. Ish. Now, ironically, this is the full name of my BF, who goes by a nn in any and all circles, since she’s not terribly fond of her full name either. But mostly, I hate it because of the association to my high school nemesis, Christine. Even now, nearly 10 years post-graduation, I cannot stand this girl. We competed in EVERYTHING from 4th grade until graduation. Music parts, writing assignments, Sr Superlatives – her boyfriend (an old friend of mine who was WAY too good for her) even had a bit of a crush on me before she asked him out Jr. year. She lives in some Yankee state now and even has a job in MY SAME FIELD. It’s creepy how much we have in common and how we never got along except in that I-have-to-put-up-with-her polite way. So I hate being referred to as Christine.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Could I be?

I was on my fertile time over the weekend – I ovulated Sunday, according to my BBT chart. We were very good and played around like rabbits from Thursday to Saturday and then I lay there with my hips propped up and all. I kept asking myself yesterday “Am I pregnant? Am I pregnant? Am I almost pregnant?”

My BF had her baby on Friday. I left work a little early and went to see her at the hospital. He is so cute and sweet and little. I forgot how tiny newborns were. He was a healthy weight, but about a pound smaller than her first baby. So cute. We visited with her on Saturday night as well. He fell asleep in my arms almost as soon as we got to the house and since he hadn’t been sleeping on his back at all, no one wanted to jostle him awake. He was tired. I think I held him for 3-4 hours. My elbow got tired and Mr Moose had to prop it up in the chair with a pillow and by the time it was time for us to go, my arm was asleep. He was SOOOOOOO cute. So tiny and perfect. They certainly make good-looking kids. It just makes me want a baby even more. So, I’m keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that I’ll get lucky and this will be the month. I know it probably won’t, but a girl can dream.

I had a rough night. We stayed up to watch the Indianapolis Colts with the division title (We’re big Tony Dungy fans and it was awfully nice to see him get to go to the Super Bowl) and then I was awoken to abdominal pain in the wee hours of the morning. My usual stomach issues – I’ll spare you the details. By the time I got back to bed, Mr Moose was snoring like a fog horn and I swear, I didn’t get back to sleep until just before the alarm went off. I did the snooze twice and Mr Moose got up and turned it off the 3rd time. He started the shower for me and all and then I went back to bed for 20 minutes after the shower. I feel asleep then, too. So tired and I’ve got a headache.

So, can you tell truly when conception happens? Is there a feel you get? Am I totally crazy? Obviously, I am.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Today (or lack of better title)

I was just reading Alexa’s archives over at Flotsam and was amazed/amused to hear that many people were exclaiming to her 27-yr-old self “but you’re so young” when the subject came up that she was TTC. What?! I’m 26 – people have been asking me that since I was 22 and 2 of my best friends were pregnant with their first child. I wasn’t married (did that after all my friends, too) and I wasn’t out of school and I was getting “so when are you going to have kids?”

This sort of goes along with my thoughts this morning as I was walking from the parking garage… I’m not old, by any means, but I am starting to wonder where the time goes to fit in a life. Mr Moose had been encouraging me to go back to school and get/finish a degree in something other than the Graphic Design AS that I have now. I wasn’t interested for several reasons: 1) it’s too expensive and I’m already in debt from my first degree, 2) with what time? I’d never see my husband and 3) I don’t really like school – why would I want to stress myself out to go back? So now I’m thinking about school on occasion – thinking about how I might like to teach and how that would be a great career for a mom since you get all that time off with your kids, etc. But since I’m trying to get pg NOW, when am I going to fit it all in? How am I going to manage to work (either full or part-time), have a baby, a husband AND go to school? No friggin’ clue.

I am desperately awaiting the upswing on my BBT chart. Since my period was early last month and I have no idea what my “true” CD1 was, I really haven’t got a clue as to when I might ovulate. The ovulation calculator at basically said it could be any time between today and like, Tuesday. Grrrr. I was doing so well for the first 2 months off the pill. Ovulating and starting a new cycle exactly on time- why on earth did it have to start screwing up just when we’re officially trying? And trying to schedule our vacation around that time? Forget it.

Oh, and let’s talk about trying to accurately take my BBT when I have to walk across the room to turn off the alarm in the AM. There is no electrical outlet even remotely near my bedside, so I have to get up, walk across the room, hit snooze and climb back in bed. Mr Moose won’t turn it off. He doesn’t even hear the first alarm 90% of the time. Case in point: He said “you got out of bed early this morning. I reached for you and you were gone after the first alarm.”
I said “I got right back in. You didn’t even stir.”
“No, you were gone.”
He hadn’t realized that what woke him up was the 2nd alarm which got me out of bed to pee and start the shower.
I told him yesterday that we were going to have to fix this. He looked at me incrediously. I told him we would either have to run a long extension cord around the room to get the clock by my bedside (by the way – the only one who will be inconveineinced by this in the slightest is Murphy, my dog. He sleeps on a pillow that will now be placed OVER the cord instead of, well, not) or move the bed. He was like “are you serious?” Why is this so hard to understand?

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Other peoples babies...

Since out email/internet/phones are out today at work, I have little to do but type my copy and hope for a better time to post them.

Mr Moose and I booked our vacation last night. We’re going to spend 5 days in Orlando. It’s sort of a kick off to the baby-making marathon. I’ve posted before on why I am so interested in infertility blogs, etc. and why I think I may have some trouble due to family history. I‘m having a hard time just letting it come as it may for at least the first few months. I’m temping, but mostly to get a good idea about my cycle schedule. I am attempting to resist purchasing OPKs – I figure I’ll wait for a few months at least and if I don’t feel I’ve got a handle on my schedule, maybe I’ll purchase a couple. We shall see what I can actually resist next time I’m at Target. I seem to be obsessed with HPTs since our “scare” in November. I’m even getting picky about which ones I like. When I first got married, my BF advised me to buy a multi pack since I would most likely get “scared” periodically. She was right.

Congratulations to Heather on the birth of her baby girl, Kirsten yesterday!

My BF is due at the end of the month (10 days left), but was at the doctor’s this week and she is 90% effaced and 2cm dilated, so she thinks she’s ready to go any minute now. When her first son was born, almost 4 years ago, she went into labor in the middle of the night and didn’t call me until early Easter morning to tell me he was there. I understood that, but I had kind of wanted to be there. As it was, I was the first person other than hospital staff and his parents to hold him, so that was cool. I don’t think the grandparents are aware of that status, but it still means something to me. She thinks her doctor may tell her to go to the hospital when she gets checked this afternoon. I really want her to call me and tell me to come and wait, but I don’t think she will, so I’m a little bummed. I was talking with Mr Moose about it yesterday and I think it’s because she and I have different definitions of what constitutes family. I really need to post that quote from Grey’s Anatomy about choosing your family… Being an only child, I adopted those who I was close to. My sister, an extra set of parents, etc. My BF defines family as blood or marriage related. I am not even allowed to be referred to as “Aunt” by her son, because I am not his aunt. This surprises me because she is also an only child and she has adopted a Dad who is not blood related to her (her mother’s first husband). But whatever.

I ordered a couple of books from Amazon recently about making a baby, etc. I was a little disappointed in the first one that I started to flip through last night. It was 90% about infertility and the treatments and diagnosis, etc. There was really only one chapter that pertained to everyone who was trying to get pregnant, not just those who were having trouble. Maybe that is because people who don’t have trouble don’t usually need a manual to tell them how to get pregnant? I mean, how many people are as obsessed with the research as I am?

My cycle is screwed up because of my early/strange period last month. I was doing so well, too. I don’t know which day to call the first day of my period and I don’t know how many days to call my cycle, anything. Yuck.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Those steamy romances...

I recently read “Everyone Worth Knowing” by Lauren Weisberger. I highly recommend it for anyone who enjoyed The Devil Wear’s Prada. This was even better. Partially because I didn’t want to constantly wring the main character’s neck every other page for being so stupid and partially because, well, I don’t know. I just liked it.

Anyhow, the main character, Bette (pronounced like Midler, not Davis) has this book club. They’re addicted to those romance novels that many people read and very few people admit to. I’m totally jealous. I would love to be in a group like that. I love those movies that portray a story that’s just a bit far-fetched in the romance department. A little risky, a little dangerous. In fact, I recently watched A Friend’s Betrayal on Lifetime last night (or the first half since I was TiVo-ing 2 things already for the second half of the movie, I had to give it up.) Brian Austin Green plays an 18 yr old who falls in love with his mother’s high school best friend. It was a great movie. Not cinematically, but just really addicting. I also loved the remake of Notorius with John Shea and Jenny Robertson.

I love romance books. They’re “trash” but so addictive. Other than our old seamstress, I don’t know anyone who reads them, but I love them. Crazy, huh?

Monday, January 15, 2007

The Great Name Debate

I have always been obsessed with names. I remember pouring over this huge name dictionary they had in our school library as young as 5th grade. I’ve always wanted to write stories and I loved looking at meanings of names to go with my characters, etc. I would come up with these amazing lists of names and even “collected them.” I had 2 notebooks of names I one day wanted to use. So it should come as no surprise that I have been researching baby names since before I got married.

I had a 3-page list for awhile of names that I might consider for one reason or another. My husband told me he wouldn’t even look at it that long. I spent days pairing it down. Some I had liked for their meaning – Jaiden, for instance, meaning God has heard. (Long before Britney Spears used it for her baby). I figured I’ve been praying for a baby for so long that would be a good name. But it’s so incredibly trendy right now that the more I heard it, the more I disliked it. So off it went. I was down to 74 this weekend when I brought the list home to get my husband’s initial input.

There are some names that I love, but wonder about. Caroline or Carolina for instance. They both are realted to Mr Moose's name, so I like that connection. Caroline Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie (which was one of my favorite TV shows as a kid) was a wonderful character. We spent our summers in North Carolina and they holds a special place in my heart. But I have a coworker named Carolyn. I like her, but would it look like I was naming my child after her? She gets irritated when people mistake her name to be Caroline, as if they are interchangeable. I prefer the –line pronunciation.

Cathryn: My great-grandmother’s name was Anna Catherine. My childhood best friend’s name was Catherine Anna so that combo has always appealed. I love the movie Cruel Intentions where the spelling was Kathryn, so the ‘ryn and the C combo are my preference. I love the nicknames Kate and Katie, also Cady. And Cathryn, no matter the spelling seem s very classic to me. But is it too boring? Plus, Mr Moose has 2 cousins who have recently given Kathryn/Katherine as middle names to their kids. Will it seem like we are copying?

Cameron: We had this one as a major contender for awhile, from House, MD’s character Dr. Allison Cameron. We love Celtic names (I’m Scottish, he’s Irish) so that was also a factor. But my BF just decided to use Cameron for her son to be born any day now. So, even if I was willing to risk the connection, it’s not fair to her son for me to give his name to a GIRL.

McKenna: Many people on the name forum I frequent dislike this for a girl since Mc and Mac mean “son of”. It mostly doesn’t bother me, but it might bother me that people hear my kid’s name and think negative thoughts about it.

Lorelai: After the amazing Lorelai Gilmore of Gilmore Girls, my favorite TV show. Mr Moose isn’t crazy about it, but I love it. Mostly it’s spelled Lorelei, though, which I don’t like as well.

Sierra: Is it too earthy? Too trendy? Too “wanna be hippie”? I loved the Sierra Jensen series as a teen. And it seems so peaceful.

Megan/Meagan: I go back and forth on the spelling. I love the nn Meg, after Meg Ryan. I loved the actress Megan Follows, best known for her portrayal of Anne Shirley in Anne of Green Gables. Is it too boring? Too done? A name from the ‘70’s and 80’s on a child of the 21st Century?

Alison/Allison: So many connections to characters/people we know and love. Dr. Allison Cameron of House, MD. Chuck’s favorite teacher (also a favorite of mine). The heroine from my favorite book, The Notebook. But again, is it too old? Is Allie as a nn cheesy?

Kirsten: I love Kirsten Dunst. She’s cute and spunky and just adorable. One of my favorite actresses. Kirsten is a derivative of my name as well, so I love that it is often listed as “Comes from (my name)” in the meaning. It is Celtic and can easily grow with the kid.

Analiese: Doesn’t that sound so feminine? I’ve always loved the nn Ana (pronounced AH-nuh), but with the weird spelling, am I setting my child up for a lifetime of reminding people “only one n”? Is it too frilly?

Kara/Cara: I’ve known people that use both spelling and they are always wonderful people. With a K means “Sweet Melody” and I love the musical connection. The C spelling means friend, which is also a very cool meaning in my book. Both are simple and beautiful, classic, etc. But are they boring? Too simple? What are my nn options? I don’t particularly care for Carrie.

Meredith: I’ve liked this name since I read a book about a Meredith, nn Meri. But I don’t like that it will be pronounced Mary. Also, I like the Grey’s Anatomy connection, but not so much that I want people to think that’s where I got it. I’ve actually read 2 books with Meredith. The first was one in Jr high and she was a brain. I’ve always associated that name with incredibly intelligent people ever since.

I’ll spare you the other 60+ names on my list. If you’re reading, I’d love for you to drop me a line and delurk. Do you have an opinion on my choices so far?

Sunday, January 14, 2007


I've had nothing to say the last few days. I'm sure I'll think of something soon. On the off-chance I've got people checking this, then I'm sorry and I'll try to come up with something interesting during the day today.

Thursday, January 11, 2007


Kellie was talking about her lack of friends the other day and I started to think about my friend situation. I would say I’m friendly and like to socialize, but since college ended – even high school – my social life has diminished. My bridesmaids were my sister, my BF, my old college roommate whom I have talked to twice since, and my then-11 year old cousin. And truly, there was no one else to ask.

I have friends at work, but we don’t “hang out” or do anything outside of the office or the 8:30-5:30 M-F schedule. The youngest girl in the office and I went out once, for drinks immediately following work and we said we’d do it again, but we didn’t. And my BF and I are close and we talk on the phone several times a week, but we have very different lives right now. She is the mother on 1 3yr old and is 9 mos. Pregnant w/ #2. I also have a friend who has 2 children and when we get to see each other, we love it, but we really don’t have lots of opportunities to see each other. I know when I have kids, we’ll probably get much closer (especially since she’ll be watching my kids while I go to work, since she has a daycare), but for now… That’s it. Sort of sad. But then, I read some of these blogs and I realize that I am not alone in this. At what point in your life do you realize that you have no friends? I have to wonder if my mother ever went through this. She has 2 best friends (the Sharons) who have been in her life forever (seriously, one goes back to freshman year of high school). And she’s always been fairly social with my friends mothers when I was in school, and now her Plant People (more later on that subject). Is this totally normal for those my age? Especially ones who don’t have children? Of those I would like ot hang out with, or used to hang out with, they all have kids. Most of them multiple kids. With the exception of Shaggy (not his real name, but he bares a striking resemblance to the cartoon friend of Scooby Doo) and an ex-boyfriend (whom I really don’t like to hang with anymore) and his reallyreally young wife, all of our old “singles” crowd have children. Part of this is because, being best friends with my sister, I have always had older friends and part of this is because I think maybe, Mr Moose and I are slacking in the kiddie dept, but I digress.

When I have kids, will it make a difference?

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

The ABC's of me.

Meme: I got this off Kellie’s blog archives and since I liked it, I’m going to do it.

[A is for age:] 26
[B is for beer of choice:] Root beer
[C is for career:] Advertising support
[D is for favorite Drink] Alcoholic: Margarita, Non-Alcoholic: Coke
[E is for essential item you use everyday:] Ivory soap – I have soap sensitivities. [F is for favorite song at the moment:] Don’t Worry ‘Bout a Thing by SHeDaisy

[G is for favorite game:] Canasta, of late. Also like movie trivia games like Scene It
[H is for hometown:] Seminole
[I is for instruments you play:] Flute (but barely) piano (but just enough to pick out my part.) I sing and can read music.
[J is for favorite juice:] Cran-Raspberry or just plain Raspberry, but they stopped making my fave Ras juice awhile back. I’m still grieving. 

[K is for kids?:] None. Yet.
[L is for last kiss?:] This morning when Chuck was trying to make me feel better.
[M is for marriage:] Happily.
[N is for full name:] Those who need to know, know.
[O is for overnight hospital stays:] Beyond my birth, only once for a laparotomy in 2006
[P is for phobias:] That my husband will die young and leave me alone. Don’t like heights, but wouldn’t call it a phobia.
[Q is for quote:] Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.
[R is for biggest regret:] Student loans.
[S is for sports:] Uh. Um….
[T is for time you wake up:] Sometime between when Mr Moose starts to snore and 6:25.
[U is for color underwear:] Right now? Gray. Boring. Should asked me yesterday.
[V is for vegetable you love:] Crispy green beans.
[W is for worst habit:] Procrastination.

[X is for x-rays you've had:] Teeth, abdomen, foot, fingers,
[Y is for yummy food you make:] Cookies and peanut butter fudge
[Z is for zodiac sign:] I am both a Virgo and a Leo depending on which chart you look at.


My period started at 2am with a vengeance. I feel like I’m 13 and first getting my period. I used to get the back pain, the cramps, the headaches. It was awful, but I out grew it. Apparently not. Obviously, my body took at least a month to get used to not being on BC. Interesting. They say that you can start trying to get pregnant immediately and don’t need to flush it out of your system. Apparently not. This is just awful. I was pretty sure I wasn’t pregnant this month since with so many people in the house during Christmas (my fertile time) we didn’t get with the trying very much. I’m okay this month, though I would have loved to have been able to say “my child was conceived on Christmas Eve”. Hey, my nephew was conceived on a roof top… his secret nickname is “Rufus”.

Monday, January 8, 2007

Babies: Faster

I started spotting last night. I haven’t slept well in weeks. I’m up a minimum of 2 times per night to pee. Usually, 1 of those times is within an hour of the alarm (usually more like 30 minutes) and it’s the worst – I cannot wait until the alarm no matter what. Saturday night I woke up with really bad pain that seemed odd and I had a brief panic that I was having an ectopic pregnancy that had just destroyed my tube. I ended up being one of my obnoxious bowel movements. I’ve had a lot of those lately. The spotting confuses me, since I’m not due for another several days (Thursday). I haven’t had early spotting on my period for months, so it’s even stranger to get it now. Of course, last months period was kinda wacky – maybe this is the overflow from that. Ether way, I’m obviously not in a healthy place right now and it’s making me nervous.
Mr Moose has decided that we can move up our “actually trying” date by a month. Sometimes, he baffles me – there is too much confusion on this subject to actually write it out clearly, so bare with me.
1. A month ago we got into an argument of sorts regarding the schedule of said trying. He didn’t want to start officially trying any sooner than his “stated date”, even though he had been totally psyched during our first pregnancy scare in mid-November.
2. He told me this out of the blue while he was at work. I was completely surprised.
3. This is more of a fiscal thing than a desire to start trying thing, I think. We were going to take a vacation during the fertile time the month we began to start out by having some fun with it. Those dates are more expensive than the previous months’ dates for hotels and airfare, etc. So, to save money, he wants to take the vacation earlier. I have no idea how I feel about this reasoning.

Thursday, January 4, 2007

Update on Resolutions

Update on goals for the year:
I know it’s only 4 days into the year, but thus far, I’ve been doing pretty well. Mr Moose and I have gone on a mile walk (with the dogs) each night of 2007 so far. I really didn’t want to go last night, but he pushed and I did and it wasn’t awful. I was in SUCH a bad mood last night, it was crazy. I’m 1 week away from CD1 and I must be really PMS-ing.

We’ve been eating reasonably healthy for dinners and been consistent about eating breakfast, which in the past has not been even remotely a priority.

Not doing so well with the morning stretches. We both did on Tuesday, but that’s been it for me. I need to do more of that.

I still have not written my Christmas thank you cards. I know EXACTLY what I’m going to say to my Gramma, but I have yet to actually pull out the card and write it. I’m also behind on printing my 2006 in review holiday letter. I’m such a slacker.

Random thoughts: I hate student loans. While I appreciate that they were blessedly easy to get in order for me to get the education that I wanted, I had no idea at the time what it was going to mean to have that much debt over my head. It’s insane. I know there are people who have it WAY worse, but it’s still frustrating. Student loan debt is actually keeping me from being able to pay old credit card debt. And I can’t quit working until my student loans are paid off because while we can LIVE on my husband’s income, we can’t pay off old debt without mine. I need to win the lottery.

More random thoughts: I am exceedingly grateful to have the husband that I have. I read other women’s blogs – especially the ones about infertility or trying to get pregnant, and I realize how amazing my husband is. He listens to my complaints and my fears about my body, he can even talk intelligently with my about my cycle since he’s been listening to my research findings for months now. When he talked to sister he was able to ask her some intelligent questions about how her struggle to get pregnant because he had been paying attention to my factoids.

My reasons why I read... (it's a long one!)

I’ve been playing catch up reading the old posts for a new infertility blog over at and reading Alli’s story. Parts of it are heartbreaking. And while I’m hardly dealing with the same things these women are (Julie, Heather, Alli, etc.) I can’t help but be terrified. It’s weird, I know. Why psych myself up like that? Well, to be honest, I have a few reasons.

Initially, I came across Julie’s blog when I thought I might be pregnant, unplanned. (antibiotics and BC don’t mix well and I was acting all weepy, etc.) I googled something (can’t remember what) and got to Julie’s site. It ended up actually being after she had Charlie, but I started at the beginning of her posts and read the whole story, often loosing track of the fact that this was actually several years earlier. She is an awesome writer and the ordeal she went through, while incredibly tragic, was just so riveting (I hope this doesn’t sound weird) that I totally got hooked. It’s so incredible that she has been able to tell this story and also be support and supported by her internet friends who are going through similar trials. She’s an amazing woman. Anyway, I now check it daily for her updates and have even commented a few times. I haven’t left my URL yet, because I don’t want her to feel like I’m being entertained by her situation (although she can be INCREDIBLY Entertaining. You should see her infertility snowflakes and her banned-infertility art) if she comes over here and reads that I really haven’t had any complications or anything. Maybe I’m weird.

Secondly, my grandmother was told she would never have children back in the 40s because of some physical issues, like a tipped uterus (I also have this, but Liz, my OB/GYN has said it’s equated to being left-handed – no worries), etc. She had 3 children, but it still scares me. My mom had to try for 4 years to have me and had the fertility meds in her purse when she found out she was pregnant. She got pregnant one other time, but lost it (I think I mentioned this before – it was either ectopic or miscarried, I’m not sure). My sister (keep in mind, she is not biologically related to me) also has a tipped uterus and had trouble getting pregnant with her first child. Her doctor blamed this on the angle of her uterus, so now I’m wondering what effect mine will have on my getting pregnant. She didn’t have much difficulty getting pregnant with #2 and #3 was a happy accident, so after that it was smooth sailing, but still…

Thirdly, I have a weird medical history of abdominal problems that defy odds and statistics and family history. I am 26 years old and have had kidney stones 5 times, beginning when I was 19. I have inconsistent irritable bowels that no one else in my family has (mom has issues, but they are opposite mine and are attributed to scar tissue built up from her 3 abdominal surgeries beginning with my birth and the ensuing infection she got after they screwed up her C-section.) I get migraines, which no one in my family gets and I have a weak/hypersensitive vagal nerve, which causes me to pass out with intense abdominal pain. I have also had abdominal surgery to remove a large golfball-sized cyst from my left ovary in the past year and my doc told me to try and get pregnant before one came back again.

So, I’m scared about my fertility. I am also research crazy - always wanting to know the best and worst possibilities. I read the books and scour the internet. I want to be prepared. And I want to know there are women out there who will be able to offer encouragement.

Does it seem like more and more women are having cysts and endometriosis, etc? Or maybe just more of them talk about it now. My BF had a cyst the same time as mine (hers showed up after and she got the laparoscopy instead of the laparotomy because mine was bigger) and my college roommate has polycystic ovaries and can’t get pregnant (she has 2 adorable adopted children now and when I think about the blessing that she is in their lives, I know it was always God’s plan for her). My RD in college had severe endometriosis and a friend of mine had the lap surgery in her mid-twenties to remove cysts as well. What is it that we are doing to our bodies that is making more and more women have these problems?

One of the blogs I read talks about her reaction when her son was born. The moment he was out and they announced that she had a baby boy, her first words were “I love him!” I think that is so incredibly cute. And it’s weird, because I desperately want to have that reaction, too. As a matter of fact, I think about how in some weird way, I already feel that way about my potential child… I’m so ready to have a baby to love.

Random thought: I am in charge of checking/clearing the SPAM filter for my office email system. I do it several times a day. When I see SPAM emails to my bosses that include the subject lines similar to “wanna be a REAL man?” and “Please your girlriend THIS way” I get creeped out, even though I know it’s SPAM. I laugh when those same emails get sent to our FEMALE Traffic Manager.

Monday, January 1, 2007

HAP-py New Year!

Mr Moose and I began our new year and our resolutions to get our weight and health in better shape by going for a long walk (with the dogs) last night after dinner. We typically just take a walk around the block – a decent sized block, but nothing spectacular. However, last night I got the bright idea to go the other way and it ended up making it a much longer walk. It was okay – not too much or anything, but I realized I had to use the rest room half way out and it had rained all day so there were many puddles for us and the dogs to walk through or around.

While watching TV over the weekend, I saw an ad for this Pilates resistance band thing that I was very interested in. It claims that with only 2 minutes per zone, you can get a good work out. Mr Moose was willing to order it for me if I promised to use it. He also bought me a yoga/Pilates mat at Target and we both vowed to start stretching in the mornings before these new supplies get here. We also talked about borrowing some exercise videos from his sister who recently went on a fitness kick and has lost a lot of weight and has even done several mini-marathons and half triathlons with her training. I hate the idea of going to a gym since I pretty much have no clue what I’m doing and am in terrible shape. I can’t believe how badly I am out of shape. It’s sad. So home videos, stretches from my cheerleading days and Pilates tension bands are my early plan of attack.

We bought the grill last week and are planning to use it a lot for meals since it’s a nice, flavorful and healthy way of cooking. Also, grilling was the first way I got into eating vegetables… I was visiting my college roommate and her husband and they had just bought a grill the day before I arrived. We used it all weekend long and Kristie made these vegetable packets for grilling. They were wonderful. Nice and crisp (the best way to eat vegetables IMO) and I really started getting into Asian food and crisp vegetables even though before that point I had avoided most vegetables at all costs.

We also bought an electric juicer to start to juice some of that extraordinary amount of fruit that is growing in our back yard. I have been avoiding citrus because of my frequent heartburn (you know what fixes it? Egg nog. Weird, huh?) but Mr Moose LOVES it. I have the occasional sips and it’s really good.