Monday, August 31, 2009

Old haunts

For my longest relationship before Daddy Fuss, we met on this traveling music tour we both participated in (we sang and performed a minimum of twice a day at churches, schools, nursing homes and the like. It was a ministry opportunity and it was a very interesting experience for me from a social and religious perspective). It was 11 years ago, so I don't remember the whole speech they gave, but it was 31 kids (ages 14-18), for 33 days in 25 states. We spent a lot of time on a tour bus and we all got to know each other really well in that environment and I kept in touch with a lot of them for the next couple of years.

We weren't supposed to have romances on tour, but there were several couples who hooked up during our time, and I was part of one. I was part of THE couple of the tour - the only one that lasted and the one everyone else sort of thought of as the "super couple" (which was probably part of the reason the leaders hated me - my boyfriend was one of their pets and I was distracting him or something). But there were others. Specifically, Jenny and Ben and Scott and Leslie. (although at the beginning of the tour it seemed like Scott was going to get with Anna - the weird things you remember 11 years later). I remember the heady feeling of that - having the best looking most popular guy falling in love with me, having people look up to me, etc. I think that might have been part of my motivation for being with him.

Anyhow, said boyfriend and I stayed together for two and a half years after that. We even got engaged for about 24 hours (before my now-husband talked me out of getting engaged so young). I would classify him as my first real love, looking back. But I have no wistful memories of him, or anything. Sure, there were good times, but there were also a lot of bad and it didn't end in a good way, so it's sort of like when it ended it was "good riddance" and then it was over.

I've gone a long time without giving him more than a passing thought, but lately, he's come up more and more. It's weird, because I don't have to explain my history with him to most of my friends, because they were there (most of my friends have been around for a very long time) when it was happening, but my friend J, she's much newer to my life and when I was telling a story that was loosely related to him, I had to explain him a few weeks ago, etc., etc.

There was something else that brought him up a few months ago, too - I can't remember.

Anyhow, I was recently contacted by one of the girls from our tour group on Facebook. I had already made contact with 2 of my closest friends from tour, since they have distinctive names and I was able to easily find them with a basic search. But Cori had pulled out her old scrapbook and is going through the list she has trying to find everybody so we can somehow all reconnect. I've been helping her find people, and we've found about 10 of the 31 in the last 3 weeks.

She found my ex in her searches and has friended him on FB. I am not friending him. I don't want contact with him and I don't think my husband would be comfortable with it any more than I would. But there is a small part of me that would love for him to find me - to see how happy I am with my amazing husband and my gorgeous daughter. I suppose it's that whole "I'm doing fine without you" mentality, regardless of whether or not I want anything to do with him at this point in my life.

I have no desire to rekindle a friendship with him - I'm not even sure I'm past the point where I've forgiven him for the things he did to me when we were together, and that is something that God and I need to work on. But part of me is worried about it.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Difficult - is that what you call it?

I had 2, count 'em - 2!, great post ideas this morning at work. I thought about writing them down, but then there was this little girl who kept coming up to me with books and wanted me to read to her, and I'm all about promoting child literacy, so... and now I don't have a clue what they were. I'm going to start writing this stuff down, honest.

We've hit another "difficult phase." Wherein the Fuss has decided to become "difficult." Daily. Hourly, even.

I now have to keep the bedroom and bathroom door closed at all times or both rooms will be pillaged for anything reachable (and since she's learned how to climb - even onto the toilet seat - most things are now reachable). She refuses to "remember" that I told her "no touching" to whatever item happens to be in her line of sight. I remember when that was working so well. Sigh.

She is going through a hitting phase as well - or maybe that's part of being "difficult." Where as she used to hit the walls, the floor, the couch with her little hands, now she is trying to hit me, her daddy, and the dogs. She's even been trying to step on or kick the dogs lately, something that is a major no-no. She throws things (my dad taught her to throw a ball - and the kid has a good arm! - but I'm really regretting that skill right now.) like books, toys, food, anything she can get her hands on. She almost never comes when I tell her to, and her temper tantrums have ramped up to the point where we can't seem to get through a wakeful period (3 per day if you break them up as the times between naps and night sleep) without a tantrum/time-out, let alone a whole day.

I am worn out.

I am ready for the weekend.

I am ready for her daddy to be here for 2 whole days to help out.

I was a dramatic, stubborn, willful child. Apparently, I am getting it all back. I grew out of it. Hopefully, I will survive to see her do the same.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Dry Leg Syndrome: It's Hereditary

I am getting my mother's body skin. OMG.

Okay, let me start again. Because that just sounds weird.

I am turning into my mother - physically.

My mother has always had skin issues. Her face has been OILY (with a capital everything) for as long as I can remember (she tries to wear eyeshadow, but after an hour it slides right off her eyes - I am not kidding), but her legs? Her legs have been dry as the Sahara in July. Maybe drier. I don't know. So dry that when she scratches her legs, it flakes. I know. Gross. She used to get so dry and itchy that she would scratch with a comb.

I never had that problem. I always thought she was just a freak. I had the oily face problems as a teen, but mostly grew out of it and am now normal-to-oily/combination which is totally manageable. I love skin lotions, but mostly I like them for the smell (I'm addicted right now to this Bath and Body Works one that smells like a margarita. Oh yeah.) and was never that consistent about applying them regularly. I did okay w/ applying stuff to my belly while pregnant - especially once I started to get the stretchmarks (the underside of my tummy was SOOOOOOO awful), but the rest always seemed a bit much.

Until now. My legs have gotten SOOOOOO dry. I shave with baby oil to help bring some moisture back. If I forget one day of lotion, it's manageable, but 2 days and I'm toast. My skin is like crepe paper. I cannot believe I am turning into my mom.

What's funny is, I've always had more in common with my dad's side of the family. Sure, now adays people comment when we're out about similar we look, but that has way more to do with the fact that my mom now dyes her hair auburn than anything else. Really, if her hair went back to nearly black, as it was when I was a kid, no one would get the connection. But unfortunately, I inherited 2 of her less-than-wonderful phsyical traits. Her eyesight (mine has officially gone past where hers was before she got vision implants) and now her horribly dry skin. I guess I can at least be grateful that I didn't inherit her ugly feet. (Funny story: when my mom gave birth to me and called her dad she was gushing on the phone to him about how beautiful I was, as every new mother does. She said "she has these tiny ears and this tiny nose and these sweet little feet" and my grandfather interrupted her and said "well, she's certainly not a W!" since most people from his line have big ears - grampa and all 3 of his kids, big noses - grampa and 2 out of 3 kids, and ugly feet - pretty much every relative on that side of the family.)

I guess I'd better by some more lotion. This is not going to get any better.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Niece, new diapers, no diaper bag

My SIL was induced this morning w/ baby #2. Her oldest is going to be 18 months in about 2 weeks. A little girl was born to them this afternoon, reportedly very easily (2 pushes and she was out). There are 2 name options on the table, but nothing has been decided yet. Family names are being used, and neither my husband nor I are very crazy about them, but we'll adjust and learn to love them, I'm sure. My SIL and I have VERY different name tastes, but that is okay. The world would be a pretty boring place if we all liked the same stuff, wouldn't it? Welcome to the world J or D! :)

It's funny, we have our next daughter's name picked out, should we be so blessed. We're not sharing, but our name will also be a family name - but (in my humble opinion) sounds a little more like it fits in the era which she will be born. :)

Anyhow, the Fuss has a rash on her hip - right under the stretchy tab of her diaper. It appeared last Thursday and has remained, regardless of what I do to it. I'm considering my options for trying to fix it, and I'm leaning toward trying some sort of cloth diapers of some sort. I asked around on the mommy board I frequent and the quick-fix suggestion is gdiapers which are in stock at my local BRU. I may go get some tomorrow.

And as I jump to yet another random topic today...
This morning I woke up with a headache and aching back/neck/shoulders. I asked DH to take over Fuss duty for the immediate morning. He brought her to me at work an hour later. He realized that he forgot his wallet and had to head back to the house. As he was leaving the parking lot, I realized that I had no diaper bag. No diapers, no wipes, no cream and 5+ hours before I was going to head home. My thought was "who leaves the house w/ a baby and no diaper bag?" I had even asked him to stock me w/ a couple extra diapers. I'm panicking at the thought and he's not answering his phone. Either of them. Eventually, I got ahold of, before it was too late, but he got mad at me! Said, "next time, you bring the supplies, I bring the baby." WTH?

Monday, August 24, 2009

Aye charumba- IKEA

I spent Saturday morning with my mom, celebrating my birthday with a little mother-daughter time, where I am the daughter instead of the mother. We got pedicures and went to IKEA. I had been to IKEA once before - but we never went downstairs, since we were only there for ideas, not for buying.

This time, my mom and I went downstairs. Wow. It's like a whole second store. And while there were a ton of things upstairs that I liked and a handful of things that I planned to get, but when I went downstairs... I just wanted it ALL.

But shopping with my mom is AN EXPERIENCE. We don't have the same shopping style at all. She has to look at everything and I want to glance as I walk by the stuff I'm not interested, and focus on the stuff I am interested in. We spent more than 3 hours in IKEA. Two hours of that was upstairs before we even got to the buying part. Several time I said to myself "why did I think doing this with my mom was a good idea?" and then I reminded myself, "because she's paying."

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Birthday Brightness, Birthday Blues

I had a wonderful birthday weekend. My mom and I got pedicures Sat. morning and then went shopping at IKEA, etc. Saturday night, we had 3 other couples over to the house for a dinner party (and lots of cocktails - specifically of the blackberry margarita variety - yum!) and had lots of fun. Today (Sunday - my actual birthday) my husband allowed me to sleep in (Fuss was at Grandma's) and brought me breakfast in bed. We had an easy, lazy day. It was very relaxing. We went to dinner w/ my dad and Grandma C tonight at Frenchy's - a local and tourist favorite on the famous Clearwater Beach. (It had been more than 2 years since I had been to Frenchy's - though my dad and I used to go there all the time - the area has changed so much that we got lost - oops!) After good food and a couple of rounds of "pass the baby" we wrapped up and got her home just in time to put her to bed.

I love my birthday - I look forward to it for months, with happy expectation, etc. It always seems so full of possibilities and fun.

But sometimes, at the end, when there are no more celebrations and nothing more ahead, I feel the letdown hit me all at once. I know it sounds ungrateful, but it's disappointing when it is over. Maybe it's that for one day a year my little world gets to revolve around me and when I have to go back to reality and back to the laundry and the dishes, I'm bummed. :)

This year I had a few extra minor disappointments. My grandmother's annual monetary gift was smaller than usual (which can be contributed to my slacker cousin needing a handout last week, I'm sure) and my dad "forgot" (I'm not sure what the story is) to give me his usual gift, so the new laptop we found on a great deal is not going to happen. I am bummed by this, since my current laptop is in serious need of retirement and there is no way that I can buy a laptop - even one for a great deal - with $50.
My sister also hasn't called. This could be because of the start of the school year or that Dad F (her father, one of my "adoptive" parents) is in the hospital recovering from triple bypass surgery this week. I know she is busy (any mother of 4 is busy, regardless of the rest of the stuff), so I'm not mad, but I'm a little disappointed.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful.

I loved spending time my my friends and family. I am blessed with wonderful people in my life. And this new year brings even more possibilities - with the hopeful addition of a pregnancy to look forward to, etc. I am also looking forward to what my employment future may bring - whether I begin a new venture or find something to my liking, the world is an open door right now.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Happy, happy birthday baby!

Today begins my birthday weekend. Yes, I get a whole weekend to celebrate. My birthday falls on Sunday this year, so my party is Saturday and Sunday is dinner w/ my Daddy.

I am looking forward to spending time with my mom tomorrow morning - pedicures and shopping and time with friends tomorrow night (3 other couples are coming to the house for a dinner party - should be a blast).

We've been cleaning up the house all week and working on fixing up the yard for a couple of weeks. Over the last 3 years (today is the 3rd anniversary of the day we closed on our house) we've tried doing a lot of different things with plants in our front yard, but it never really works for us, so I'm hoping this will. So far so good. There is still a lot to be done in the future, but we really should do most of it in the spring before it gets so incredibly hot during the day.

So Happy Birthday to ME! Will tell you all about it next week...

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Yesterday, today and tomorrow: The Clean

I CLEANED yesterday. Seriously. My kitchen sink was SPARKLING by the end of the day. I cleaned the kitchen completely and the bathroom (minus the floor which I need to mop, but I ran out of time before the Fuss woke up) and things were pretty spectacular around here. I told my husband that we couldn't cook because the kitchen was too pretty.

My husband came home and took me to dinner.

I had this Sense of Accomplishment. I felt like Super Mom.

Today though? My back hurts, I'm tired and The Fuss is taking short naps today. Ugh. So my free time is gone and I got NOTHING done. Oops. Good thing tomorrow is laundry day.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Booky, booky book book

Don't ask about the title. I'm feelin' a little weird.

I read The Time Traveler's Wife this weekend. I have been watching the previews for the movie and since I LOVE Rachel McAdams I certainly want to see it. My mother ingrained in me as a child that you read the book before you watch the movie, so when she bought the book at Target and offered it to me to read first (I'm a speed-reader and she bought another book, too, so I was guaranteed to have it done by the time she was ready for it) I took her up on it.

I had been told that it was a little weird and hard to get through, etc. And it was a little odd with the jumping around in time and age, etc. but the story was engaging and beautiful. I was hooked after the first few chapters and while often a book with a "change of voice" (where you read from the perspective of multiple characters) sometimes drives me crazy, I liked it in this case.

I HATED the ending. I could think of half a dozen ways they could have ended it differently and better. Sometimes I think an ending is horrible, but you can't really come up with an alternate ending, but this time there was so much more that could have been done. I seriously hope they do something different in the movie. Whether they change it (as I've seen a gazillion times in movies lately) or simply simplify and clarify, it really hope there is a noticeable difference.

It was nicely put together, though. Until the last little bit, I was entranced with the story and the plot and the characters. I've also been very attracted to the name Claire lately (the one in the story is spelled "Clare") so that intrigued me even more. (I'm a name-aholic, what can I say? I love stories with good names.)


I got a headache today. I was at work when it started and was so grateful when my coworker showed up and relieved me.

This particular headache did not respond to caffeine or, apparently, Excedrine, my remedy of choice. I had light sensitivity and it would pulse with pain every time I blinked. I longed for my old apartment bathroom - the one with no windows that I once dragged my pillow into so I could lay down in complete darkness.

Once The Fuss and I got home, I managed to tolerate a the few hours before her nap by keeping the lights off and the blinds closed.

I couldn't even ask Daddy Fuss to come home, since he has been out of the office since esentially Tuesday with seminars, dr's appointments and a bacterial infection in his eye that was likely contagious. He'll also be taking Friday off for my birthday weekend. So asking him to help me out what out of the question this time.

It's been a rough day. I'm feeling better, but not great. But I am ready for it to end. I managed to put away the clean dishes and begin reloading the dishwasher, but I think may be the end of my productivity for the day. I am pathetic.

Friday, August 14, 2009

The language of Fuss

I've been worried about the Fuss's language development for a little while, but some improvement has been made over the last few weeks. I mentioned my concerns to her pediatrician at her 15 month appointment (they asked if she had 5 words. She had half that - 2 that she used often, one that she occasionally said but didn't seem to know what it meant.)

Since turning 17 months, she has gotten a few more words. Her vocabulary thus far, is this:

Words she uses all the time, no prompting:
1. Dada/dah-dee
2. No
3. Go go

Words she uses regularly, with some prompting:
1. Mama
2. Wow
3. Yeah
4. the animal noises for dog (woof), cow (moo), lion (rahr)
5. Goo-gah (good girl - this she likes to repeat when I've told her she's been a good girl)

Words she uses occasionally, with or without prompting:
1. Meeee
2. Gah (often used for dog)
3. Cah-kee (cookie)

Wednesday night, for the first time ever she said Mama without prompting, directed toward me. I had run to the pharmacy to pick up Daddy Fuss's prescription and left her with her Daddy at home. When I came home, she ran to the door (as she often does when her daddy comes home) and started calling "mama! mama! mama!" It kind of made my night.

So we shall see what the pediatrician says this coming week at her 18-month appointment. I'm hoping she will agree to send us for an evaluation, because I'd rather be safe than sorry. Both Daddy Fuss and I were early talkers (I was saying "superfragilisticexpialidocious" around 14 months old) and we're very verbal now (hence my two favorite past times are reading and writing), so it surprises me that she isn't more verbal. But at the same time, she was an early crawler/walker, so I know that can make a difference in development.

I hope I get my favorite partner at the pediatrician's office this time. She's easier to talk to and I don't feel like she's patronizing me when I bring up my concerns.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Morning at Beach w/ Grandma

My mom and I took The Fuss to the beach this morning. She loves the beach and we can't hardly keep her out of the water. My mom loves the beach (and most outdoor activities) so she's been looking forward to taking her, but this is her first opportunity.

It was a pretty morning, but we started to hear some distant thunder and I saw a lightening strike far away, so we left after a bit. We went back to my mom's house, gave her a bath (The Fuss, not my mom - she can bathe herself) and put her down for a nap. Papa (my step-dad) watched her while she slept and we went out to lunch and took at some of those silly lady shops filled with candles and silk flower arrangements. It was fun, if a little pointless. Ha ha.

Sometimes those pointless moments are the best way to go. Sometimes just hanging out with your mom, doing nothing important is the right thing to do.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Negative Ghostrider, the pattern is full...

I took a pregnancy test this morning. Negative.

I was way more bummed about that than I thought I'd be. Sometime in the middle of the night I started truly thinking it was possible, even probable. So the let down was kind of bad.

I reviewed my pre-pregnancy charts and discovered that my memory was flawed as far as my non-hormone driven cycles. The length was significantly shorter than I had remembered. They averaged closer to 27 days. So this 31+ day cycle is confusing me. I probably just didn't ovulate, but I guess I need to review Taking Charge of Your Fertility to read more about anovulatory cycles.

More later...

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Juggling 2

I've been babysitting today. I was asked to watch my best friend's youngest when a schedule conflict came up in their family. I didn't want to. I really didn't want to, but in the end, I decided it wouldn't be that bad (we didn't know how long initially - whether until 6PM or 2 - you get the idea) and it might be an intersting challenge for me. Her son, C, is 13 months older than The Fuss and I figured, if I can handle the two of them, then I can handle her and a baby, right?

My biggest concern was The Nap. The Fuss has a very regular nap schedule (goes down between 9:30 and 10AM and again between 2:30 and 3:15) and C only does one, that varies, but averages starting around 12:30. Yeah. I was pretty afraid that I wasn't going to get ANY down time, but I've scored a few minutes and I just got the call that she is on the way home. Even if C wakes up soon, I'm still feeling pretty good about the whole thing.

I wonder sometimes - usually on the bad days - how am I ever going to handle 2 of them at the same time? And while I'd say The Fuss is a little high maintenance, she's actually pretty good about the usual things. (She's really just a bit of a Drama Queen - she usually sleeps well and eats well, etc.) But what if the next baby isn't? What if he/she is refluxy and can't be put down to sleep and cries 24/7? I know it comes down to "I'll handle it" but there are still these concerns.

In related news, I am on CD30. I honestly have no idea what to expect - I think my longest cycle pre-pregnancy was 32 days, but usually more like 29. I've had no more spotting since Sunday, so if there is still no more sign of the coming Crimson Wave then I'll test some time this week. I have no sore chest, no utter fatigue (beyond what I've been feeling for weeks) but I can't remember when those symptoms hit last time.

The other thing is, I may not have Oed. I don't know. This is what happens when you don't temp and you only sporadically check your CM. Ah well. We shall see, huh? Maybe God has something in store for me other than drinking at my birthday party. :)

Monday, August 10, 2009

Our next trip

We are planning a trip to EPCOT's Food & Wine Festival this fall. We've been planning it for ages, and we've been planning to go with another couple. A kid-free trip, over night. We went 2 years ago, but I was pregnant and not all that into wine, so I enjoyed the food and Daddy Fuss enjoyed the food and the wine. It turns out that the couple we were going with just found out they were pregnant. It remains to be seen if they are going or not.

But we are getting very, very excited about the prospect. I'm researching lots of details - more than I did last time, since I didn't really know what to expect last time. We're budgeting a certain amount, and we're going to have to figure that out so we don't run out of money by 2:00, but overall, I am so psyched.

I really want our friends to go with us, but we will go regardless. I know we can have fun on our own, but it's nice sometimes to have another girl along.

I'm also thinking this is going to be our last chance to get away by ourselves for awhile. The Fuss is getting to the age where she is likely going to notice that we're leaving her behind for fun stuff, and with a new baby around the corner (we hope), both time and money are going to be at a premium.

We had been talking about a long-weekend vacation next year, but who knows how it will work with a potential new baby. If we get pregnant by the end of this year, the bulk of next year will be devoted to gestation and nursing. We won't be getting away from the kids easily, and certainly not to the desired destinations we had in mind. (New Orleans or Seattle)

I'm ready for a break - just some fun, some relaxation, and a break from being on-call all the time. And I love to spend time with my husband. It's nice to know that no matter what, I can enjoy time with my best friend.

Friday, August 7, 2009

I could really use a nap

I had been sick for about a week and had been taking Ny.quil at night to help quell the coughing (oh, the coughing - I am so sick of coughing) so I could sleep. I was having some really good sleep, too. It didn't really change my patterns (I still have to get up at least once every night to pee - I guess this will never stop, huh?) but I would sleep really good, especially for the first half of the night.

But now that I have stopped taking Ny.quil, apparently that is over. I cannot seem to get a good nights' sleep. And the few times I do finally fall into a nice, deep sleep, it's on the days when I have to wake up to the alarm at 6am and so my section of "good, deep sleep" is interupted.

Yesterday, I ended up with a horrible headache in the afternoon and took a nap while the Fuss took her afternoon nap. I slept pretty good for a little over an hour, but then I had even more trouble falling asleep last night. My body was tired, but my brain kept going on and on.

So, no naps for me today, and my dear, darling husband promised to let me sleep in in the morning. Isn't he great? I can only hope that I can get a good night's sleep tonight without medical intervention.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Babies, babies everywhere!

I'm surrounded. I've got a dozen or so friends who are pregnant or recently gave birth. And that's not even counting the friends I have on the pregnancy message board I joined when I was pregnant.

One of my old friends who I connected with while I was pregnant gave birth to a bouncing baby boy about a week ago.
My childhood best friend just announced she is having a boy!
My "cousin" just found out she is having a girl (which is especially exciting since she already has 2 boys and this is IT - no more babies. They are getting fixed after this one. Each baby was a pleasant surprise.)
Another high school friend who I found through Facebook and now we're hanging out again IRL is having a boy in November.
A friend I got introduced to via our husbands (they used to work together, became friends and introduced us so we're now friends and we do "couple things" together) just found out she is pregnant w/ baby #2.
Two of my cousins just had babies in the last 4 months - a girl and a boy, respectively. (Interestingly enough, my grandma has 6 grandchildren. 3 boys, 3 girls. Thus far, she has 3 great-grandchildren and they are producing same-sex offspring. Ie., girls are having girls and boys are having boys.)
One of Daddy Fuss's cousins just announced their pregnancy to the family.

I feel like every body is pregnant but me. Which is weird, since my closest friends are not and most of them are done. (My 3 closest girlfriends have 4, 2, and 3 kids each, respectively. Obviously, I was slow to join the reproduction bandwagon.) But regardless, there are a lot of babies entering my life right now.

Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to explore these feelings right now, as I have a 17 month old trying to strangle me from behind. But I'm hoping to give her a sibling before she actually kills me. :)

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

2 completely separate topics

I was going to write about this whole "what am I going to do with my life?" debate I've been dealing with (and I will), but I just read Alexa's post about Ollie and I have to say something about it, and the sorrow parents are dealing with all over.

I am saddened regularly to hear these stories - so many families dealing with tragedy. I love the internet communities I have become apart of and adopted as my friends. I love that I can have friends across the country, and all over the south, and midwest, etc. and that I can share their lives and they, mine. If it were not for the internet, I would never have met these people.

I want to be supportive of these parents. I want to help remember Ollie and Maddie. I want to help remember Liz. Because it's important to their families to have people remember their loved ones. I avidly read Heather's blog and Matt's (the husband of Liz) because I want to support them in their grief and be part of the community who reminds them that their loved ones meant something to the world and will not be forgotten.

But sometimes it gets overwhelming. It gets really sad. Sometimes I want to take a break, but at the same time, when do they get to take a break?


On a less serious note:
Have you heard the radio commercials for the wireless router that is being offered by, I think, Verizon? It talk about a small business specialist, etc. and the example they use is this catering business run by a mom, daughter and grandmother who all need to be able to access information and the internet while they're out, etc. My husband thinks the technology is cool, but the commercial makes me think more about the business itself. How fun would it be to run a catering company with my mom and grandma?

Not that I'm a great cook. I can hold my own, but I'm not spectacular. My grandma is, but she's starting to really step back from the cooking. And not that spending that much time with them wouldn't drive me up the wall. Because it would. I love them dearly but we are all both too much alike and too different, if you know what I mean.

But I would love to have a small business where I regularly worked with a couple of women I was close to. This is a new thought for me, because I have NEVER wanted my own business. I grew up in a family who owned a small business and I HATED it. In college when everyone of my classmates was talking about starting their own business and being their own boss, I was running the other direction and looking for a corporate job with an agency or department within a corporation.

But I desperately want some sort of social-professional regular contact. I miss the time with my female coworkers. I miss the office gossip and the small talk while waiting for the coffee to brew in the office kitchen.

I don't know what this means, exactly. I still want to be able to be home with The Fuss. As much as she sometimes drives me crazy, I think I'd go nuts without her for more than a day or two. (This is not a judgment on anyone who puts their kids in daycare - everyone does what they have to do for their family and whether that means financially or mentally needing to be out of the house or whatever, I totally support your choices.) I always thought I would prefer to be home, but would be okay with working, since I was sure we'd need the money of my full-time employment, but God has blessed us with raises for my husband at the exact right times and his ability to be an incredible budgeter.

But I digress.

Maybe this is why the thought of the previously-mentioned business opportunity was so appealing.

But what can I do for a business that would give me the social aspect? What can I do in general? My hobbies include reading and blogging and a love of movies. My cooking skills are just decent, my sewing skills are minimal, my cleaning skills are poor (but I'm getting better!). I have little experience party-planning (but wouldn't that be fun?) and I know how to throw a wedding on a small budget (but wouldn't a wedding planner usually only apply to those with a bigger budget?) but what else is there? I'm at a loss. I used to be creative, but I don't know what happened.

I'll have to keep thinking. I'll have to keep exploring the options. But in the meantime, I can just keep going along with what I've already got, I suppose.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Where I whine about motherhood

I'm feeling a little frustrated with this whole TTC thing, again. It's not like it was the first time around or anything (yet), but sometimes I think about how much I want another baby, and I go a little crazy thinking about how there is not much I can do to hurry up the process.

I can chart my cycles and take my vitamins, etc. But ultimately, only God and nature can really get me pregnant.

And other times I struggle with the thought of "what on earth am I going to do with an infant and a toddler?" I mean, when The Fuss was a newborn, I was exhausted. All. The. Time. For that matter, the first trimester took an awful lot out of me. How am I going to chase after her and deal with first trimester energy-zap and morning sickness? How am I going to juggle an infant carrier and keep up with her running all over Target?

Add to that that I ended up with what appears to be a yeast infection this week and things are uncomfortable, etc. Yippee. A one-day dose of Monistat has taken care of it, but it took me almost 2 days to figure it out, so I was uncomfortable for a little while.

I am seriously whiney today. Huh.

Monday, August 3, 2009

New opportunities

Over the weekend I attended a makeover event with a friend of mine. It was fun. And then we sat through a presentation which was essentially a recruitment spiel. It got me interested.

I'm not interested in climbing their ladder. I don't want to be a director and have a bunch of people under me (it's a multi-level marketing deal), I just want to be able to make enough money that I can quit my part-time job and still spend most of my time with my baby and future babies.

So I'm seriously considering it.

Daddy Fuss is supportive. We started doing some online research about the success of such a program. And naturally, there are a ton of horror stories on the internet, etc. But I know that you have to take a grain of salt with pretty much everything you read on the internet, right?

So I sent off an email to a friend who is involved with this program, but who lives too far away to be my mentor. I wanted her advice on the realities of what it takes, etc. and what to watch out for, etc. This girl and I were casual friends in high school, but she is the best friend of one of my SILs and we have kids the same age so we've kept in touch a lot the last couple of years. The only thing is, I don't know how often she checks her email... so I'm nervously anticipating her answer and I don't know when to expect it.

I don't think this is necessarily the answer to my questions about what to do with my life, but I think it might be a step in the right direction. I know I hate the job I'm doing now and it will be nearly impossible to do when I have a second child. At least if I find something else to do that would be of a different schedule, there might be a chance I could still be productive when we have a second child, when it will be even more important to do so.

When I've gotten more information and made more a more definitive decision, I'll share more about what this is (not that you can't guess).