Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas to all!

The Fuss family wishes you all a very merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year!

We will have both sides of the family represented at Christmas dinner tomorrow and The Fuss will be exactly 10 months old.

We will miss those who cannot be with us, especially Daddy Fuss's sister and her family in NC and my sister and her family in Sweden. Know that you are in our hearts even if you are not with us physically!

Merry Christmas!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Oh My

She's trying to walk. I guess they call it "cruising." She's lunging from one piece of furniture to the next - Miss Independant. She falls down, she gets back up. She cannot stand to be on the ground for long periods of time - she has to pull herself up and she's a little crazy about it now. I cannot believe things are moving this fast.

Where'd my baby go? She is so big - so independant, so fast and quick. She is such a happy baby. She has some seriously fussy times lately, but overall, she's really a very happy girl.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Looking for a catchy title

I was going to write a post about my adventures in using a cold-waxing kit on my bikini line (disaster), but before I got to the computer I started watching an ER rerun about when the med students or whomever did a rotation in the NICU. I was heartbroken watching the families have victories and devastation and knowing that many people - even some of my friends - have had days and weeks of not knowing... suddenly my sticky, yet still hairy bikini line didn't seem as funny. I was incredibly thankful for my very healthy baby.

The Fuss is very fussy today - as has become her norm lately. She's going through a phase - she's learning and developing so fast that it's hard for her to handle, I think. She's been trying to pull up for a week and today suddenly she was able to do it and even occasionally sit back down, though mostly she would just scream for me to come help her once she was done with the standing. I also think she might be getting yet another tooth (she has 2 in case I hadn't mentioned this already).

I made my first batch of baby food today. Avacado. Looks like guac, but I guess that's about right. :)

I've been trying to introduce more table foods to her, but she's still not chewing very much. My aunt made this amazing chicken salad the other day (and I'm not a big chicken salad kind of girl) and I was giving her some little bites - she was in love.

I called in to work today - I was supposed to do the 1-5:30 shift but she didn't sleep well this morning and was so fussy and started to have a bit of a breakdown around noon and I didn't get her down for a nap until 12:30, so... It didn't work on Tuesday, I couldn't handle that again today.

Monday, October 13, 2008


Daddy Fuss won some great tickets to the Bucs game this week and convinced me to go. (My first professional football game - I'm becoming quite the sports fan!) We got a babysitter and had a blast. And the Bucs won! Yay!

Friday, September 19, 2008


I had a baby sitter for The Fuss this morning while I went to work. After a minor breakdown last week, Daddy Fuss was kind enough to ask his youngest sister, LP, to help me out on her day off each week. Since she loves her niece like crazy and we offered to pay her a tiny bit, she agreed. I missed her something fierce, but I got to sit back and get a bunch of work done at the store and a ton of reading done in my free time. I came home to find the baby sleeping and once LP left I was checking my email before I went to pump all the milk I'd stored up by not pumping while at work. No luck. She woke up and while we were both thrilled to see each other, her nap wasn't nearly long enough. She ate like a champ (though she's been doing this distracted nursing for days now - she'll eat for a few minutes if she's really hungry and then suck twice, pop off, look around or look away, suck again, repeat. She acts like she's done, but then when I go to sit her up, she screams and stretches to go back to the breast. Drives me crazy.

So she then drove me to drink with her extreme fussiness. It's a Coke, but it's my second of the day. It's funny how I can miss her so much when we're apart, but then she drives me a little crazy a couple of hours later.

I still have a lot of thoughts going on in my head regarding nursing and when to wean. We're doing less bottle feeding than we were for awhile, but she's getting 1-2 bottles of formula per day to supplement my supply and make my life more convenient. I absolutely love that I can simply take some powder and maybe some water and a bottle with me when we go out and life is good. Sometimes i get embarrassed that I gave up or whatever, but really, this works best for us. And I think it's going to make it easier for both of us to move along when the time does come. I find it funny who I show what side too - proving that I'm a people pleaser, once again.

The last two weeks can be summed up in a word - tired. I keep having the fear that I'm pregnant and I don't know it. I don't really think I am, but the only time in my life I've been this tired is the first trimester of my pregnancy. I suppose it's simply a matter of having gone so long without good sleep, I certainly can't expect to feel completely better after a night or 2 of decent sleep. We've been doing better lately about getting her to sleep through the night, etc.

We had pictures taken for 6 months, aren't they cute? I couldn't resist this sailor dress.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The Breast of Times

Julie wrote on her blog this week about feeding her new baby: "However we nourish our children, we all want to give them the best in ourselves." And, oh, how I'm finding that to be true.

I don't have a problem pumping, though I don't get nearly the supply from the pump that I do when the baby is at my breast. But I'm finding myself counting the days, making plans, and very much looking forward to the time when The Fuss can be weaned. My original plan was for a year, but come her first birthday - wham! it was over. (obviously, there would be some time involved in the weaning process - I'm not stupid). My current thought? Nine or 10 months. Hopefully, 9, but I can probably deal if we're mostly done by 9 with a couple of feedings a day in the 10th month. Why is it that, nearly 6 months into it, I still don't like breastfeeding?

The thing is, you know what has kept me going this long? The indoctrination I read while pregnant from the Milk-Nazis about the detriments of formula. And my friends - those I trusted to be my examples - were so gung ho on breast feeding in the beginning. Having already fed several of their own and having babies around the same time as me (my sister had her youngest 4 months before The Fuss, my friend M had her youngest about 6 weeks before The Fuss), i was so sure they were anti-formula, too.

When my niece visited in June, she was 8 months old and had been on formula for 2 months or so. My sister had no issues with this whatsoever - felt no guilt, made no excuses, etc. She encouraged me to do whatever I felt was right. She taught me not to make excuses for feeding my child in public, etc.

My friend M just went back to work for the first time since her 3 year old was born. An office job (one Daddy Fuss and I helped her procure), she obviously can't bring her baby and she's never had much luck with the pump. In preparation for her return to work, she began to wean her daughter and had an easier time doing that than she did breast feeding.

But The Fuss hasn't had a drop of formula since she was a week old. Eventually, she'll need to go on formula if I'm going to wean her before a year, right? So should I start introducing it ahead of time? These night feedings in the last month have depleted my ability to replenish my frozen supply of milk and so any long period of time away from her (read: more than a feeding or two) will wipe out what is in my freezer and I'll have no emergency supply in case of unforseen circumstances. Wouldn't it be better to introduce her to some formula in case I'm hit by a car or something? Or is that ridiculous reasoning?

I just wish I liked breastfeeding her more. And lately, she's only wanted to eat for a few minutes at a time during the day, but often wants to eat more frequently (like every hour after she only ate for 3-5 minutes during the feeding she begged for) and I feel rejected and annoyed. I wasn't crazy about feeding her every 2 hours, what makes her think I want to feed her every hour? And when I have to convince her to eat? Ugh.

I'm just so tired of fighting her. Am I wussing out if I start to put her on formula? Will my husband kill me for adding to our expenses? I've got a ton of formula samples stockpiled, but how long will they last and can I mix brands, since they come from many different places?

Saturday, June 28, 2008

4 months

Hard to believe my baby is 4 months old. She is such a happy little thing, always smiley and we've fallen into a great pattern of life together. We have daily "AM Smiles" when she first wakes up in the morning and smiles non-stop as we're getting her up and changed. And she laughs with excitement as I get ready to feed her for the first time each day. I love it.

She had her 4-month appointment on Wednesday and got her shots/vaccines. It wasn't a happy time, but it wasn't nearly the horrible experience it had been at 2 months. Daddy Fuss joined us for the appointment, and he distracted her during the pokings. I have to say I think that made it worse for me - nothing to distract me or to focus on except the fact that I couldn't stop my baby from being in pain.

It's been a crazy week. I'm helping my dad at his business while people are taking vacations and so I've really messed with her schedule lately - waking her before she does naturally, feeding her at odd times, etc. Daddy Fuss has also picked up a temporary job with his former employer working a few weekend and evening hours. It's fun stuff for him, but it simply means more time apart. There have been days where he hasn't seen the baby for more than 10 minutes in a 24-hour period. We're starting her on solids this weekend - rice cereal at first and soon fruits and veggies. I picked up a couple of jars of baby food - green beans and bananas. I've read conflicting theories about whether to choose a vegetable or fruit for the first food, so I think I'll try the green beans first and if she completely rejects them, I'll do the bananas and move on to the green beans again later. We shall see what happens.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

To the Love of My Life

Dearest Husband,
Today marks 3 years of marriage for us - it seems like we have been together for a lifetime (In a good way) and I cannot picture myself living my life with anyone else. I love you more with each breath I take. I am so grateful to have you in my life. You fulfill me in more ways than I can count and every day with you is a blessing.

I am also grateful that you gave me our beautiful little girl. Each day with her is a gift and though I sometimes get stressed out, I want you to know that we have the best baby ever and I wouldn't give her up for anything.

You are the love of my life and I look forward to many many more years together.


Monday, May 19, 2008


Take a look at this picture - I can't imagine how this is comfortable, but she put herself in this position and I had to snap a picture.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Ten to One Meme

Because I am a slacker and have nothing especially interesting to post today, I am doing a new fun meme.

Someone gives you TEN million dollars, but you have only TEN weeks to spend it or it's lost (and it can't be invested in any sort of accounts - you've got to spend it on services or material things). What TEN things do you do with it?
1. Buy my dream house, a new house for my MIL, and a house nearby for my sister when she comes home from the mission field, so she has no excuse to not return to our area.
2. Give a bunch of money to my sister's mission, and donations to, CF research, and A Walk for Life
3. Take a dream European vacation with Daddy Fuss and The Fuss. A few days in France, London, spend the night in a Scottish Castle, and a couple of weeks in Italy.
4. Buy both Daddy Fuss and I new cars - practical ones, but nice and comfortable.
5. Shop. Buy myself a whole new wardrobe, and some pretty things for The Fuss, too. Buy some really snazzy shirts for Daddy Fuss and replace his Birkenstocks.
6. Get Daddy Fuss the camera he's been drooling over plus all the fun accessories.
7. Get some great gadgets for the house - one of those nifty mixers, a vacuum that works really well, a really fancy fridge, etc. If the house doesn't already have one, get and install a whirlpool tub (for 2) in the master bath.
8. Hire a cleaning service that does contracts, then pay ahead for as much time as they'll let me.
9. Buy a MacBookPro plus all the software I really want that is way too over priced for me now.
10. Restaurant gift cards - I love to eat out and it's so expensive.

You may only own NINE books for the rest of your life. What are they?
1. The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
2. the final Christy Miller book (by Robin Jones Gunn - I can't remember the title and I'm too lazy to go look at it - but it's my favorite and I can't wait to pass it on to The Fuss)
3. Anne of Avonlea by LM Montgomery
4. A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks
5. Taking Charge of Your Fertility (can you tell what place I'm in in my life right now? But seriously - it's an awesome, very useful book)
6. my Bible
7. The Baby Name Wizard - I won't be naming children forever, but I do love studying names
8. Gone With the Wind
9. nearly anything by Alexandra Ripley (either of the Charleston books or the New Orleans book are my favorites)

Name EIGHT moments in your life that you're proud or happy to remember.
1. My wedding day - specifically the walk down the aisle at the end of the ceremony.
2. My first kiss with Daddy Fuss
3. Graduation Day (high school)- specifically the final time I sang with the choir "God Be With You 'Til We Meet Again"
4. My last day working full-time for my dad.
5. My final day of class at college.
6. Finding out I was pregnant - seeing that second line.
7. The moment Daddy Fuss asked me to marry him
8. The first moment I got to be alone with The Fuss in the hospital

List SEVEN tasks you'd be happy never to have to do again.
1. Changing a diaper
2. Cleaning out the trap in my kitchen sink.
3. Cleaning the toilet
4. Picking the bugs off the dogs
5. Waking up for the 3rd time in the middle of the night to feed the baby
6. Waking up for the 2nd time in the middle of the night to feed the baby (I don't mind once, at least for now)
7. Typing my boss's dictation tapes

Name SIX of your own acquired skills or personality traits of which you are proud.
1. My creativity
2. My writing skills
3. My friendliness
4. My singing voice
5. My ability to know most of what's going on at the office (when I'm there)
6. My computer skills

List FIVE movies you have seen at least FIVE times and/or would be willing to watch at least FIVE times in the future.
1. Sabrina (the newer one with Harrison Ford)
2. French Kiss (because, especially in my younger years all men were bastards)
3. A Walk To Remember
4. Love Actually
5. The Notebook

Name FOUR features of your own body that you like.
1. My hair color
2. My eye color
3. My shoulders (don't ask)
4. The scar on my right ring finger. (It helped me learn which was right and which was left, and still comes in handy when I'm having a moment and can't remember that)

List THREE pieces of your furniture you'd like to replace.
1. Our couch - I wish I'd waited a little longer to pick one out.
2. I'd like to upgrade to a better glider in The Fuss's room
3. Bookshelves - I'd love to have a good set of matching bookshelves that go perfectly in our house instead of the mismatched random ones that are everywhere.

Name TWO skills and/or personality traits which you are still developing.
1. Mothering
2. Patience

Find (or recite if you're just that good) ONE quotation that expresses something you find profoundly true.
"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans" - John Lennon

THE END! I tag Heather and Nicole, since I know you are likely reading this. :-)

Thursday, May 1, 2008


This week we've been experimenting with the nighttime schedule. If she is fed after 9:00, she typically doesn't wake up until somewhere past 2AM. One night we stretched to late in the 3:00 hour and she only ate once... holding off eating until what I consider to be a reasonable hour of the morning (6:45)for waking. Mr. Moose had to do some 5 AM comfort, but that is normal - he probably gets up with her in the 5:00 hour about 50% of the time, and she doesn't need to eat then, just be comforted back to sleep.

Another night she woke up howling at 2 due to a painful BM and I got up and changed her diaper. I picked her up after the diaper change, as per usual and started the routine of getting ready to feed her, but once I was ready, she was sound asleep across my lap on the Boppy. I wrapped her back into her swaddle and she slept until sometime in the 4:00 hour. I would love to drop one of her nighttime feedings, and I'd prefer the 4AM one, but if she wants to skip the one on the middle, that would work, too.

Our only problem now seems to be the BMs that give her so much trouble. She's not really constipated - it still comes out normal, etc. but it bothers her so to go through it, for whatever reason.

We're battling lots of gas. She gets Mylicon drops several times a day, which help, but don't take away the problem completely. And it is becoming more and more difficult to burp her... Mr. Moose, however, has discovered that often some tummy time really helps her get enough pressure on her tummy to help move it along. She's taken to taking a nice long nap after her first feed of the "day" when I get out of bed and she typically does it on her tummy on the living room floor.

My dog, Murphy the Moo, has taken to keeping her company during tummy time.

Friday, April 25, 2008

2 months old

Fuss is 2 months old today and she had to get 4 shots and one oral vaccine. She was traumatized and I'm thinking of looking into the possibility of having them spread out the next round when she's 4 months. It seems like she's so miserable and if there is a reaction, how would they know which one she reacted to? All I can say is thank heaven for Tylenol Infant Drops - they saved my life and sanity this afternoon. She slept most of the afternoon and into the evening, but when she was awake, she was screaming in pain until the drops kicked in. I'll be giving her the preventative doses in the future and will be following the suggestion of giving her the allowable dose for 24-hours after the vaccinations.

She is 12lbs, 5.5oz - we knew she'd been growing big, but now she's in the league with average 3-month olds!

I had to do the appointment by myself again, even though I'd originally planned to have my mother join me. She had to work and couldn't get out of it, and I didn't know exactly how bad it was, or I would have asked Mr. Moose to join me for the appointment. His schedule should be more flexible for the 4-month appointment, so I hope he'll be available to go with us. I'll be back at work then, but we're discussing making an afternoon appointment and both taking a half day off of work to take her to her appointment and take care of her afterwards.

She ate really well today, despite the trauma and I'm wondering if her little body knows it needs it's strength to counteract and recover. She ate for 41 minute this evening, for example - something she's done before, but not recently and not very often.

We have another busy today tomorrow with two events throughout the day. We are simply hoping that she does alright through them, but neither is a situation where we can't leave if we need to.

Monday, March 31, 2008


Caroline took her first road trip this past weekend for my cousin's wedding. We drove to GiGi's house (my grandmother) and relaxed for a few hours with my uncle and 2 of my cousins and went on to the wedding from there. (Gramma drove - boy was that interesting! But Daddy Fuss declared we're buying a Buick Regal - much easier to handle the carseat with that big old backseat!)
It was a beautiful wedding and we were so glad to be able to go. The Fuss and I mastered the art of nursing in the car and overall, it was a great experience. The Fuss didn't seem to mind the interruption to her usual routine and surroundings and kept to her usual schedule, even overnight. It was so good to see the extended family and show off the baby!

Monday, February 25, 2008

One Happy Moment

Announcing the birth of my beautiful baby girl, aka "The Fuss"
Monday, February 25th at 4:40PM
8 lbs, 12 oz
21 inches long

Friday, February 22, 2008

Contracting, hospital, shopping - all in a weeks work.

On Wednesday afternoon I started to get regular contractions coming 4-6 minutes apart. Some oh them were pretty strong, while others were more of a “medium”. The ladies at work found out and began pressuring me to go to the hospital. I was resistant, because I’d been through this before – regular, though reasonably mild contractions for an hour and then they stopped dead. But since the midwife had mentioned that she didn’t think I’d make it through the week at Monday’s appointment and I was feeling so crummy, around 3:00 I caved to peer-pressure and called my doctor’s office. My favorite midwife was in the office and suggested I come in to get checked by her before going to the hospital. I left my own office practically with fanfare – nearly everybody currently in the office showed up in the hallway to see me off. Considering at this point, I was nearly expecting to be sent home, I was completely embarrassed.

At her office, they were so sweet, squeezing me in quickly while my friend, Fran, from the office waited in the inner waiting room. Mr. Fuss started the trek southward from his job. (We work on opposite ends of the county and the doctor and hospital are down south by my office.) The midwife checked me and announced no change from my Monday 3cm, 80% effaced, but she felt one of my harder contractions and suggested that I go on to the hospital to get on the monitors for awhile and see what happens. She sounded promising, though saying that if I could hold off until 8am to deliver, she was on call then and she’d be my “catcher”.

To summarize, I spent about 2 hours on the monitors, but didn’t progress as far as dilation goes. However, I must insist that during my time there, I actually began to feel as if I were, in fact, in labor. The pain got pretty intense. My whole body started to react and I could barely move without wincing in pain. The baby was holding up beautifully. I had an impressive 7 minute contraction (the nurses were amazed and equally surprised that that alone didn’t move me along) and did the breathing through it, but was really much more ready to start crying. The frequency of the contractions went more sporadic on me, however, and regardless of the discomfort I was in, they sent me home.

By this time, my mother had shown up and we ended up catching my step-father as he commuted home past my office city and we all went to dinner. (I had only felt up for a very light lunch and was pretty hungry by this time.) I continued to have intense contractions while at the restaurant, though they were sporadic (10 minutes, 3 minutes, 8 minutes, 12 minutes).

I was told at the hospital that I needed more fluids and some rest to relax. Both my mom and Mr. Fuss suggested that I take the next 2 days off of work, even though I had originally planned to work until Friday and only take Monday before the induction. My supervisors at work were very understanding and so, here I am at home. Thursday I felt crummy, somewhat drained and not interested the least bit in food. I got out of the house with my friend K and her 2 boys to walk the mall and by the end of the day (around 4) I was having contractions every 20 minutes for hours. I went to bed at 11, wondering if this meant imminent labor through the night, but alas, they seemed to have stopped or faded. I woke up to 3-5 contractions 5 minutes apart, but they, too seemed to stop pretty quickly. After a morning of feeling blah, I took a nap around 10:20, to be awakened by the phone less than an hour later. However, suddenly I was feeling pretty good and was able to make plans to meet K at Babies R Us for a quick shopping spurt using some coupons that would soon expire. Then I met Mr. Fuss for a mid-afternoon coffee break and headed home. It was a very successful day.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

(Jeopardy Think Music) 18 days

Last night I lost my plug. I had a ton of very frequent contractions off and on all day yesterday (for just over an hour they were 3-5 minutes apart, though mostly very mild, then they stopped for 45 minutes altogether and began again, etc.) I had to stop charting them when I got a really complicated project and since mostly they weren’t real strong I could focus on my work. As I got ready to leave the office (late, thanks to this crazy project that was ticking me off and stressing me out) I ran to the bathroom before I hit the road and there it was – a good-sized glob of goo. (A “gelatinous glob” as described by the “What To Expect” book). I actually got pretty excited until this morning when my mom looked up some stuff on the internet (having last night estimating that she expected my labor to start within 24 hours based on her experience) and informed me that either intercourse or an internal exam can dislodge the plug. Oops. Having had both within 24 hours, who knows what the real cause was?

I had more steady contractions last night as well. Mr. Moose timed them out at 5-6 minutes apart lasting 1.5-2 minutes in length. If they’d been stronger I would have possibly considered it early labor, but I’m having such a hard time with measuring these mild ones.

This morning, I had several contractions pretty early on – 5-6 in a 25-30 minute period – but they seem to have eased off a bit. I have had several bouts of menstrual-like pain – cramping and lower back ache – and I am DEAD tired. (Brushing my hair took all my energy. I considered crying when I parked my car this morning and imagined the walk from my car in the parking garage to the office) and I am HOT, though my office mate is decidedly not. I am also coughing like crazy due to this stupid cold. I desperately want to go home and go to bed, but I think packing up my desk would be more than I could handle right now.

I wish I could ignore it all and just let it happen, but I don’t really seem to be able to do that. I like to know what is going on at all times. I like to be aware. And I really am ready to have this baby.

I’ve been avoiding thinking about the details of L&D. I know that previously, the more I thought about it, the more worried I got that I wouldn’t be able to handle it, so now I think I’ve pushed it pretty far back in my mind so that I don’t focus on the scary. I don’t know if that’s healthy or not.

I finished putting the nursery together last night. All of her clothes are put away, all the items we have purchased or been given thus far are assembled and/or organized into their reasonably proper place (sans one diaper bag that I was given by a friend – it’s an awesome bag, but now I have 3 different diaper bags and I don’t know if I should take the one back or not. The only one I could take back is the one I actually registered for – how’s that for ironic? – but how many diaper bags does one little baby need, really?) I have one of those typical “cutesy” bags with Pooh and Piglet on it. Medium sized with several outside pockets and a coordinating changing pad. It got not so great reviews on sturdiness, so I knew I wanted another. The one my friend gave me is sturdy beyond belief with a ton of inside pockets and compartments and can worn as a shoulder bag or a back pack. It looks like little luggage and even has one hard side. The one I registered for was one of those 5 piece sets with a coordinating bottle cooler, a mini bag, etc. The main bag itself is just like a large tote, but it’s pretty stylish-looking and has a TON of room for all the stuff you carry for a baby. I just don’t know what I’m going to need or want when I’m carting her around all over the place.

Anyway. With only 18 days until my EDD, labor must be imminent, but it’s the “when” that drives me crazy. I’d love to have a clear marker – “this happens and that means 24-48 hours notice” – but I know that isn’t how it works.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Almost labor, contracting, and cute shoes

Last night by 9:30 I was having frequent contractions. I had Mr. Moose start timing them a little before 10 and though they were random in both length and intensity, they continued for HOURS. I went to bed shortly after 11 (go Giants!) with the hope that relaxing into to sleep might relax my uterus as well and stop the contractions. From the time I drifted off to sleep until about 3am every time I moved, I had another contraction. (Rolling over, going to the bathroom, repositioning my arms to avoid the sore shoulders/numb hands, etc.) I had a few more random ones during trips to the bathroom from then until 6:30, but they were much less painful and much more manageable.

I had a couple during a particularly long and boring meeting this AM at work, and then once I was back at my desk by 11, I had a really horrific contraction (at 11:14 to be exact – I started timing) that, I confess made me have the thought “I’m in labor!!!! Who should I call first?” So much for waiting to verify that it was real labor. I know better – I know that one contraction does not equal labor – I know that the doctor and hospital request that you’ve been having said labor pains for an hour and that your contractions be only 5 minutes apart. But I had the thought that I was going to need to call Mr. Moose and my mother and would it be better for my mom to swing by the house and grab my hospital bags or should I ask Mr. Moose to do it? I hadn’t finished training the new girl and could I legitimately ask her to call my dad and best friend to tell them my news or was that a tacky favor to ask of a woman I’ve only known for 4 days? (Our receptionist whom I had been counting on to do this was let go last week.)

I calmed down pretty quickly as it eventually eased off (wow, yeah, we’re getting an epidural, gosh darn it!) and kept my eye on the clock. I had another hard, but manageable contraction about a half hour later and then they tapered off again in both length and intensity. (Mostly, I’ve had them when standing for more than a few minutes at a time).

I am ready to have this baby, but am trying to calmly wait for her to decide when to come. I think she’s anxious if her movements and pushing against my organs and bones are any indication, but has yet to find the exit.

I had a lovely shower thrown by my female co-workers over the weekend. I got some spectacular gifts ranging from the sweet and fun to the totally silly to the practical stuff (ie. Diapers!) I also developed either a cold or a really awful allergy attack that has lasted the last 2 days (I’m afraid it’s a cold, but I don’t know anyone who has been sick… I rarely get allergies, though admittedly the pollen count in this area has been AWFUL for the last several days). Mr. Moose and I were able to clean the house to much closer where we want it (the kitchen is nearly perfect, we even cleaned the hall closet out and neither the dining room nor the living room look like anything has blown up in them recently). We also went shopping for baby supplies that we had not yet received and managed to get all of the necessities with the exception of the diaper pail we were looking for. I’m ready to give up on that and settle for any small garbage can with a tight lid, but that would likely have to get replaced very quickly once we started using it. Mr. Moose promised to stop by the baby store on his way home during the week since we keep missing them on the weekends. (The store is close to his work, fairly out of my way during the week, etc.). I also bought some actual outfits in appropriate size for her to wear providing she is not enormous at birth (and how can she be? I’ve gained about 12 pounds total since getting pregnant – that can’t all be baby, right?) that aren’t sleepers (oddly almost everything I’ve received is a larger size than she’ll need at the beginning, providing that she is an average-sized or smaller baby).

One of the gifts that I received was impractical, but so much fun and a totally appropriate gift from the sender. My friend P at work loves shoes and has a great collection of her own. She has no children, though she is the type of person who is great with them, and despite the warnings from everyone at all the stores, she bought me a boxful of newborn “shoes” (many booties, lots of “crib shoes” just for decoration) that are SO cute. There are some white MaryJane style ones with cute little flowers, white crocheted booties, leather “sandals” and moccasins with giraffes on them, etc. I’m having so much fun just looking at them.

Monday, January 21, 2008

35 weeks and counting – but counting to what?

I had my first of the “once a week” appointments today. After several evenings of sitting on the couch trying not to make too many pitiful noises because of the range of mildly uncomfortable to “ugh-should-we-be-timing-these?” contractions I am happy to report that I am 50% effaced and 1cm dilated. I know not to get too excited – I can walk around this way for weeks and not progress, etc. However, it makes me feel better to know that she is head-down, my cervix is soft and SOMETHING is coming from these darn contractions. If I were going through all this discomfort and everything was still hard and sealed tightly, I would be more annoyed and more miserable. The way I see it is that it’s all working to move along my labor and the eventual delivery of the baby and therefore I can bare it.

The painting of the tree mural is going on today – I don’t know how long it will take, exactly, but this week that should get done and the wallpaper border should be hung and the walls will be completed. The crib was done over the weekend – (I had to purchase a waterproof mattress pad since I hadn’t yet received one and I wanted to make sure that was on under the sheet) – the coordinating sheet is on, the bumpers are in place and it looks really cute. For the pictures that I hope to post soon I will put on the quilt and some stuffed animals to dress it up, though I know they must be removed before it is safe for baby to sleep there. But one Martha Stuart moment will be mine, gosh darn it, and that requires the “pretty” be more prominent than the logical/practical.

My friends and family shower is this weekend, on Sunday. I am so psyched. In dealing with the updates on my registry I have noticed a few things have been purchased that I have yet to receive and assume they will come with my upcoming shower guests. The following weekend is my work shower, which, upon hearing my progress report the hostess exclaimed, “you can’t go into labor yet – the shower is 2 weeks away!” She is also the person who has volunteered to drive me to the hospital if I go into labor while at work – she left for lunch and said she’d make sure she had her phone on in case I went into labor while she was having her sandwich. I assured her that I didn’t think it would happen today, but she stops by periodically to make sure I’m not contracting, I guess. ☺

I’m feeling a lot more lower pressure over the last day or so – both toward the front and the back. I think today I’m officially waddling, though my friend K’s husband was teasing me yesterday that I was starting to waddle yesterday and he thought it was still too early for that.

I’m impatiently awaiting the arrival of my daughter, but I’d really prefer that she wait until 37 weeks (2 weeks away) to come – other than the fact that it’s better for her, physically to wait until then, I have several selfish reasons.
1. I want a February baby, not a January one
2. I want to get through my showers and my preparation, which is scheduled to be finished or close to by the 37 weeks mark.

I’m remaining calm about the progression, since I know it can remain this way for weeks, but physically, I am so tired and my body is rebelling. I have headaches and back aches and my feet hurt and my hands have swollen. I just want to sleep all the time, but can’t sleep for long periods all at once. My appetite fluctuates oddly (though I gained 4 pounds in the last 2 weeks – my greatest weight gain yet – I’m now up 13 lbs total) and I wish I had some consistency in that.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Where I randomly change subjects repeatedly

I have the desire to be organized. I even have the capacity to be in certain things (I’m a natural planner, I like lists, I love files and organizational office supplies and planners in some sort of weird way…), but so often things get away from me and I lose my system along the way, etc. I go through phases of being a “Keeper” and a “Purger” (though lately, I think my nesting instinct is forcing my Purger side to come out with an extreme force.)

The organizational posts on Ask Moxie recently have made me think about this in more depth. My mother is a “Keeper” and taught me to be sentimental about so many things. I loved looking through her high school diaries and notes collection and therefore kept mine for ages – but recently threw a bunch of that stuff out for lack of a good place to keep it. So sad that I carted that around and kept them for years only to throw them out before I got to my original purpose for keeping it!

I’ve been feeling some anxiety about the “when” (and the “how”) I am going to give birth. I am hanging on to a thin shred of hope that she will be arriving early, that I am already slowly beginning to dilate and efface (which I hope to hear more about when I go to the doctor on Monday) and that everything is perfect, but I should expect to deliver around 38 weeks or so instead of waiting until 40.

I’m antsy. I want to know my body is doing something and all my premonitions about her coming early are correct.

Part of the problem is that my best friend, K, went into labor 9 days before her due date with her first child and even had her water break to signify that she was, in fact, really, truly in labor. She had a relatively easy labor and had no ill effects whatsoever. I have always assumed/hoped (I’m not sure which) that I would have a labor like hers, but there is no bearing for that whatsoever. (Her second child she began to dilate/efface but had a natural pause for over a week, so they induced her 9 days before her due date and again, she had a very easy labor). I desperately want that type of labor – I want to know for sure when it is time to go to the hospital, I want my epidural in a timely fashion, and I want to be able to think back and easily count how many pushes I had to do to get the baby out when it’s time. (20 for her second one – not many more for her first).

Recently, my sisters in law had an issue which I was happy to be out of, and sad to hear about. My oldest SIL, LB, who is married, lives out of state and is pregnant had asked her mother for the cradle that they had all slept in in their early days and had been granted permission to take it with her. Somehow this subject came up just preceding Thanksgiving dinner and the SIL who is closest to my age, J, sort of has the unspoken reputation for being selfish. She was incensed over the fact that the cradle had been removed and was not immediately available for her own use (she is not married or pregnant and has no prospects of being so in the near future. She isn’t dating and hasn’t for quite awhile). When my BIL commented that this was neither the time nor the place for this discussion, she got incredibly upset, had a crying fit and wouldn’t speak to him throughout the entire dinner. Also during this trip both younger sisters wanted the opportunity to feel the baby move and kick and LB was willing, though her baby was uncooperative when they were around (HOW is that her fault?). I offered to let them feel mine to lessen the pouting, which seemed to work the night of Thanksgiving. However, while LB was in town, J made the comment to her that “I don’t like your baby because it doesn’t move.” LB, very emotional and hormonal in her pregnant state, was of course hurt by this comment.

Well over a month later, LB was not speaking to her sister because she was still upset about the whole thing. The cradle situation ended up with her mother somewhat reneging the offer of the cradle with the “demand” that when this baby is done with it, it be returned. (LB insists that the initial offer was a permanent one, though, had she been asked she likely would have been more than happy to share it in the future). (BTW, My MIL is notorious for caving to any pressure that any of her offspring put on her when it comes to matters like this.)

Finally, LB decided to put it behind her and began asking all the women in the family when it would be convenient for them to come up for a baby shower prior to her baby’s birth. The answer she got from both of her sisters? “Oh, just set the date and if we can make, we will. But we’re just SO busy that I’m not sure we’ll make it at all.”

Mr. Moose received the venting, crying phone call from his sister. We discussed traveling up there ourselves, but with the dates so close to my own delivery date, it just didn’t work. I offered my regrets at not being able to make it, which were of course taken logically and graciously. We sent a gift up via mail and she and I have been emailing regularly.

Mr. Moose attempted to subtly get involved by encouraging his sisters to do their best to go and participate. I think they have decided to all go, though they are going for the weekend that is about 8-10 days before my due date, so that could get interesting. (Maybe for the best? Only the Lord knows!)

Friday, January 11, 2008

Who needs sleep (Well, you're never gonna get it)

I am terrified of sleep problems when The Fuss arrives. I am such a “need my regular sleep” sort of person that I know the first few weeks are going to be total insanity and then… well, no one really knows when their kid is going to settle into a real sleep pattern, right? It could be weeks, it could be months, it could be (please, Lord, no) a year or more. That sort of thing gives me nightmares.

I’ve been waking after approximately 2 hours at the beginning of the night and then up every 45-60 minutes for the rest of the night. I wake up knowing that I am uncomfortable (at least slightly) and move to change positions because usually the discomfort is in my hips and knees. Once I have moved positions I either realize I have to pee upon moving or try and get comfy again and can’t until I get up to go pee and return to bed to promptly fall back to sleep with my bladder more unburdened.

I often wonder if I will ever sleep longer than 2-4 hours at a time again.
(The title of today's post is from a BareNakedLadies song by the title "Who Needs Sleep?")