Monday, July 25, 2011

Wild Weekend in review

We had a wild weekend. We left both kids with my SIL who was house-sitting nearby on Saturday night. Fuss has spent the night w/ Aunt LP a couple of times in her life, but Little Man has never spent the night away from home without me. (The combination of not-his-bed and no mommy made me very nervous, but it all worked out well.) He took 2 bottles of cows milk with no major issues, though he was very interested in Mama Milk when we picked him up on Sunday morning.

We spent the evening with our best friends at their house (they also farmed out their kids at the in-laws) and had an evening of silliness (helped by the fairly large quantity of liquor we all consumed) including card games, tipsy Wii playing, and my first experience skinny dipping. Then my husband and I spent the night on the 2nd-worst air mattress I've ever slept on and we woke very sore and comfortable the next morning. I am still recovering.

Fuss insisted on going to church with her aunt, so we took the Little Man and went to breakfast at IHOP. The food really hit the spot and the Little Man LOVED it. He kept eating and eating and actually had pretty good accuracy so most of it actually got in his mouth. He loved eggs and pancakes and kept smacking the table to tell us "more, more!"

We had an early dinner cookout at the park with our best friends and our other good friend, M and her 3 kids. Over all there 13 of us and the kids had a blast despite the heat and the copious amounts of ants that were all over the place. The Little Man astounded us again by eating an entire hot dog (cut into small pieces, of course) plus a small helping of baked beans. He was wearing half of it, but having a wonderful time.

It wore out all the kids and both mine at least slept very well last night! Since our sleep the night before hadn't been so good, that worked out very nicely for us!

I'll be spending a good part of my day today making cupcakes and mixing icing colors for class tonight. I'm looking forward to this class. I'll be doing a lot of cleaning this week and packing by the end of the week for our trip to North Carolina next week. We'll be going up to visit my SIL LB while my husband does some work up there. (And his boss pays for our travel expenses.) LP will be staying at our house while we're gone, so I need to make it much more presentable in anticipation.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

All that and more

Dang, is it hot. I've been suffering more than I remember the past summers, and I looked it up and my Zoloft has "exessive sweating" as a common side effect. Good times. I am just ALWAYS hot. Except when I wake up in the morning when we've been running the air in our room all night. Then, I'm just about right.

Anyhow, Fuss has been enjoying her time at VBS, and Little Man has been enjoying the one-on-one mommy time. (Though we've been running around a lot and I'm afraid he's not been getting his regular morning nap all week and my right bicep is killing me from carrying him all over all the time and holding him for long periods of time. I'm also going to need an adjustment after all the hip-jutting with the baby on my hip.

I'm having so much fun in my cake decorating class. The teacher is horrible, but having adult time and having a creative outlet one night a week has been a blast. And my first cake turned out pretty good, but I don't have any pictures because I had a horrible carrier this week and it got smashed en route so no pretty pictures. You can see my cupcakes after next week.

And that's all I've got for now. I'm trying to get back in the habit of posting daily and I'm struggling because I don't have optimal computer situations. I've been neglecting my reading, too. I'm hoping to get back to that soon as well. I miss my blog friends.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Lack of title

I've been bad about posting lately, but it's actually somewhat of a good thing. I've been busy - getting away from the house, getting away from the computer screen and the cave of my bedroom. I'm starting to feel like me again - a drowsy me, but me nonetheless. I sleep okay, but it's never long enough and I have SO much trouble waking up no matter how long I've slept, but I'm managing.

Fuss is going to her first VBS this week - she is loving it. It's being held at the church that I grew up in, the one where we got married and served as Youth Leaders (our church was too small to afford a full-time youth pastor, so they took volunteers to lead the youth group, though after our first year we did get a small stipend that worked out to be about $2 per hour, but I digress...) we had a falling out with the pastor a few years ago, though I still think he's an amazing teacher/pastor I think sometimes he's not a good administrator... and I miss that church. I miss knowing everyone and being a part of it.

Anyway, she's having fun and I'm enjoying the break. I still have the baby with me the whole time, but suddenly I find it so much easier to cart around one child instead of 2! I discussed this with a friend yesterday who just had her 2nd as well and we both remembered being over-whelmed with carting our first child around, but now that we have 2, one seems easy.

The kids are both going to spend the night with their aunt at her house this weekend. This will be a first. Little Man has done well in the past sleeping outside of his bed, but it will be a different experience since he has trouble settling down without nursing as it is... but it's her choice to let him try.

Friday, July 15, 2011

6 quick takes

1. I think the meds might be working a little. I've realized that this week I've at least made some effort to get out and be social and I've enjoyed it. I even made multiple phone calls yesterday trying to find someone to do something with (it ended up not working out, but that was good because the kids ended up taking extra long naps and I got one, too). But this is more like me - trying to get out of the house, trying to see friends.

2. I want to get to the mall to buy some shorts. I have one pair of shorts, so they are needed. And I live in FL - the land of the eternal summer - so I really should have more than one pair of shorts. And my BFF found some really cute ones at JC Penney's recently (and I tried on hers and they are SO comfortable, too) so I'm hoping to get to the mall soon.

3. At midnight last night, the baby woke up and wouldn't settle down. He wanted to be held, and he wanted milk. I had only fed him 4-5 timesyesterday (instead of 5-6) and I'm seeing that despite more solids, he's resisting my very slow weaning process. This could get interesting.

4. As I was rocking him last night, he had his head on my chest and was snuggled close and then he just decided he wasn't tired and sat up. He's got his paci in his mouth and he's messing with the taggies on his blanket and he looked so serious with his round little head and chubby cheeks. It was so adorable. But I was so tired, so I was still trying to get him to go back to sleep, but sometimes I look at him and there's just that moment, that pang of unbridled love... it's amazing.

5. My little girl has really sprouted up recently. Ever since she was born, she has had her daddy's short little legs, but recently, they have stretched out and she's getting to be like a little filly. And she is SO pretty. Sometimes I look at her and I wonder if there has ever been a more beautiful little girl in the world. (I know that this is maybe a little biased, since I am her mother, but seriously, this girl is just beautiful.) Her big eyes, her long, dark eye lashes, she beautiful smile, the dimple, her curls... she's amazing.

6. My husband was listing all the things that we have going on this weekend - and I'm frustrated because almost all of it involves him doing stuff and me and the kids doing stuff - just like the bulk of every week. Frustrating.

7. I'm out of things to say for my 7th thing... and this is a new computer, so I don't even have any pictures to share.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Some bits and pieces

So Wednesday, the Little Man randomly wanted to go down for his morning nap an hour earlier than normal. I chalked it up to randomness and the fact that he slept horribly the night before and fed him and put him down. He then slept longer than usual and I woke him up because we were planning on going somewhere and I wanted to guarantee he would take an afternoon nap, which sometimes is more difficult if he gets too much sleep in the morning. But then, he did it again this morning. Only he slept pretty well last night. And I completely missed the signs because he'd been a bit fussy all morning anyhow and he just passed out without getting fed. I mean, it's fine for him to take a nap earlier, but I've got one porn-star-sized leaking breast right now, so that's unfortunate. But it really might be for the best - this rescheduling of the nap time. It will make it easier to get things done if he sleeps and wakes earlier in the mornings.

My mom redid my childhood bedroom recently. It's been a guest room, but it was still filled with a lot of my childhood stuff, the bed I slept in in college, etc. Now, it's not even recognizable as my childhood room - new flooring, new paint, new curtains, even a new fan. And she gave me a bunch of stuff yesterday that she no longer has room for, so I joked "you're really kicking me out, huh?" The biggest problem is, I don't have room for much of it, either. So I'll be Craigslisting and ebaying a bunch of collectibles and such in the coming days. I'm sort of psyched about that anyhow, because I'm all about down-sizing right at the moment. I feel like we've just got too much stuff! But the couple of things that I really wanted to keep from childhood - I have no idea where to store them!

Fuss asked me the other day what I collected - and I really didn't have an answer for her. I used to have SO many collections. I collected dolls, I collected figurines, books, even names. But now? I don't have any real "collections" of anything. My house is decorated with pictures of my friends and family, but not really anything else. (I have a few flowers from my wedding and a candle or two, as well.) I wonder sometimes - is this a sign of less interest in things, or is this a sign of my desire to clean out the cobwebs.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Chaos Catastrophes, Cakes, and Craziness

I've been missing for a few days due to some craziness and some catastrophes. On Sunday, Fuss purposely smeared water all over her daddy's laptop and now the monitor on the laptop is friend, so we have Frankensteined the computer to an old monitor. I suppose it could be worse and I could have lost the whole thing, but this is incredibly inconvenient to a girl who hasn't sat at a desktop computer for any length of time for over 3 years.

We spent Monday morning at the zoo with my BFF and her boys and the kids had a blast. But it was SO hot, mid-90s, very little breeze, mild cloud cover, incredibly humid. I was sweating within minutes and the Little Man who is very temperature sensitive was cranky by the end. There is just no break from the heat at the park, so it was a long, hot morning.

Monday night I had my first cake decorating class (which was sort of a nightmare - this lady was so flustered by the fact that they overbooked the class to almost double the capacity that she wasted nearly the whole first hour and got nothing accomplished and was so spacy... I am hoping that that is what the problem was and that she won't be like this every week because she was seriously awful.

Immediately after that, I had my first MOPs Steering Team Committee meeting which was long, but very productive. I didn't realize we'd be out so late and I didn't get home until after 9:30 and needed to feed the hungry baby before he could go to sleep.

Tuesday was a very bad day. I'd gotten little sleep the night before due to a congested baby waking up every hour and I was already on edge. When Fuss refused to eat the food that we had for her (left overs - her requested dinner from the night before which she hadn't touched) she was then difficult and cranky too, and the combination just didn't work well. I had one of my crazy bouts of anger and had to lock myself in my room for a bit and turn off the monitor because I couldn't handle it. My friend M talked me down and my husband came home for lunch and allowed me to get a short nap. The day got better, but it was still this miserable cloud hanging over me. I don't know if my meds aren't working, the the lack of sleep just didn't allow them to work well enough that particular day or what. I hate being angry all the time and I just want to be me again, be friendly and fun to be with and be a good mom to my kids. I was not a good mom on Tuesday. I shouldn't have even been around my kids.

We may be coming to a point where I'm going to have to tell more people about my struggles. My husband wants me to tell my SILs because he thinks they might have the opportunity to help me and would be more willing if they knew what was going on. I hate the idea of telling them that I can't handle my life. I am already incredibly vulnerable to them - I've never felt accepted by them, I always feel judged and I am hate the idea of showing them this major imperfection in myself. In addition, I know they have made some disparaging comments about a couple of cousins who are on anti-depression meds (one of which should actually probably be on anti-drama meds, but they haven't yet come up with those, so this is why she's on anti-depressants) so I hate to think of them talking about me behind my back in the same way.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Food and stuff

I feel like my posts have gotten very depressing (pardon the pun) lately. I'm trying to change my attitude and some days it works, some days it doesn't.

My little boy loves to eat. We've introduced a lot of table foods now and this boy can eat! He eats more than his sister (it also helps that he is much less picky than she) but he is simply demolishing everything we put in front of him. I'm not really sure what to feed him sometimes.

My little girl is picky. Picky, picky, picky. She has a variety of foods that she WILL eat, but she doesn't like to branch out at all and refuses dinner most nights. She wakes up hungry at 5 in the morning, but she is so stubborn, that she doesn't learn her lesson and eat the next time. Most of the time, she won't even try the food I give her, so it's not that I'm serving somthing yucky or whatever. (And if it's a meal I know she won't like at all - like our spicy shrimp creole - I always make her an alternative.)

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

I really just want a nap.

Sometimes I feel like these meds are all about making me sleepy, but doing nothing else. I'm still irritable and angry a lot, I'm a lot more anxious than I ever was, I'm a lot more anti-social... I spent 2 whole days coming up with excuses to not go to Cherry's party this weekend. My husband had to talk me into RSVPing as it was, and then he spent Monday reminding me that I'd have fun once I got there. That is totally not me. And I know this, but I can't seem to get past it.

When Fuss was a baby, I spent 3 mornings a week hanging out with my BFF at work. (She worked for my dad so I could do that.) I would make plans on the days she didn't work with other friends, I was walking with Jo, etc. I planned most of my errands for those days. I would do anything to get out of the house and it worked for me. Even a few months ago, I was doing my best to get out of the house 3-4 days a week - errands, visiting friends, play dates, whatever. But now it seems like SO much effort and I'd rather just sit here, locked in the house with my crazy kids. And to be honest, if I had my way, I'd spend my days sleeping and watching TV and would make the kids fend for themselves. (Not possible, and I am still interacting with them, etc.) But I feel awful all the time.

I told my mom last week that I was taking anti-depressants and she took it with no surprise or judgement and even told me that she took them for awhile when I was a kid. She was able to stop after a long family vacation we had where she was able to unplug, get away from her schedule and just relax for 2 weeks. I don't see that happening here any time soon, so for now, I'm hanging on.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

the 4th and the 10

We had a wonderful long weekend with Daddy Fuss arriving home on Friday afternoon. The Little Man couldn't stop smiling that first afternoon. It was so cute!

We spent time together on Saturday and Sunday - not doing anything special, per se, but just being together as a family. It was easy and low-key and mostly relaxing. (The non-relaxing parts involved the Fuss being temperamental, dramatic, arguementative and obnoxious. In other words, Being Three.)

We spent the evening of the Fourth at my oldest friend, Cherry's parents' beach condo. Good food, good friends, and brilliant, gorgeous fireworks on the beach.

And here's the T on T questions...

1. What do you traditionally do for 4th of July?
When I was a little kid, we would go with my best friend's family to their beach club and watch the fireworks on the beach. As an older kid, my dad and I would buy the kits at the grocery store and we'd light off the legal ones in the street.

The last several years, we've gone to Cherry's parents' place and watched the fireworks on St Pete Beach. You can see a bunch of shows from that vantage point and it is always a good time.

2. Did you follow your tradition this year? How did you celebrate yesterday?
As I mentioned above, we went there again this year and the kids had fun. Little Man just stared and stared at the pretty lights until about 5 minutes before the end, when the overstimulation and way-past-bedtime-ness hit him. He burried his head in my shoulder and was SO over it.

3. What’s the best fireworks show you’ve ever seen?
Last night's was pretty spectacular. The show got rained out last year, so I think they might have saved up.

4. Have you ever been injured by a firecracker?

5. Burger, Brat, or Hot Dog?
Burgers if I have a choice. I'm not a big fan of brats, so I'd take a hot dog if that's all that is offered. Yesterday we were treated to ribs, though and they were amazing!

6. Do you sport red, white and blue on our Independence Day?
I usually do something akin to that. Often, I sport blue and white (I don't have a lot of red) and claim my hair is red enough to count as my red. I did have the kids decked out in Red, white and blue, though.

7. If you had to be from any country other than the USA, what country would it be?
I'm not sure how to answer that question. I've only been to Canada and I liked it, but I know it would be too cold for me year round, so I don't know if I could live there all the time or not. Maybe England?

8. Charcoal or gas?
Don't care. We have a gas grill and I love it.

9. What’s your favorite thing about this fair country of ours?
Hmmm, I don't know. I love our country, but I'm a little frustrated with some things right now, so nothing is coming to mind. I know there is a lot of good in our country, though!

10. God Bless the USA, My Country Tis of Thee, or the Star Spangled Banner?
I love a well-done version of God Bless the USA. But I also like the other ones, too.

Friday, July 1, 2011

7 Quick Takes and the end of a very slow week

1.My husband comes home today. I am relieved.

2. I finally got a normal night's sleep last night. So glad the kids both slept through!

3. I need to go to the store, mop the floors, and reload the dishwasher.

4. The baby's nose was so congested this morning, he couldn't latch to nurse. He was SO upset. I fe him some apples and then brought him into the bathroom while I took a shower to let the steam do it's work. It worked! He is so much happier now!

5. We've had SO much rain this week. It's hampering my ability to go to the store this morning. But it's been nice to have a break from the mid-90's temperatures.

6. The Little Man got a walker last week and is motoring all over the house in it now. He can follow me all through the living area now that he's learned to go forward. He also loves to bounce in it. He's so fun to watch.

7. I'm so looking forward to my husband being home. I miss him so much. And not just because this has been the week from hell.