Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Divorce: a sensitive topic

Warning: This post is on a sensitive subject and I am just typing out my own thoughts and feelings without much thought to being sensitive to others thoughts and feelings. As this is my blog, I can do that. But keep that in mind if you stumble across it and want to ream me out for my opinions. You are reading at your own risk.

I've been thinking a lot about DIVORCE lately - not because we're having marital issues - we're actually doing pretty great these days - but because several of my friends are dealing with some major issues in their lives and I am saddened by it.

When I was in 3rd grade (back in the 80's) one of my good friend's parents were getting a divorce. And I made the mistake of telling someone about it, even though she had asked me to keep it a secret. It was shameful back then. People still whispered the word "divorce" in conversations. She was the first of my friends to deal with it, though I knew a few others who had dealt with it. (Even my own paternal grandparents were divorced, though since my paternal Grandmother had passed away before I was born, it didn't really come up at the time, etc.) It was a BAD THING.

I lost that friend because I couldn't keep my mouth shut about her secret. We never returned to playing together regularly and I was shut out of her crowd for the rest of our school days. We were always friendly and civil, etc. but our relationship was never restored.

Back to point at hand. Despite the fact that I am in my early 30s and my friends range in age from 40-25, I have several friends who are going through divorces. And I sit back sometimes I and I wonder... why do they find it so easy to make that choice? Growing up, we were taught that "good Christian people" don't divorce. That marriage is forever. And while I realize that many times there are things that you just can't get past (2 of the friends I'm speaking of have had their husbands cheat on them) I wonder why their first response is to find a lawyer.

My own mom swore she'd never divorce my dad, but when I was 19, she did just that. It rocked my world. I can only imagine what a little kid would deal with if it were to happen to them. And now she's all "oh, she's better off without him" whenever I mention a friend going through marital problems. Is it really that easy? Are marriages disposable? When I said "for better or for worse, 'til death do us part" I meant it. With all my heart.

And maybe I just don't understand. Maybe, since my marriage is pretty rock solid and I can trust my man with every fiber of my being and because he's my best friend, I just don't get it. But then I have to wonder, why would you marry anyone who didn't fit that description? And aren't there signs that you should see from the beginning?

One of my favorite high school teachers just lost his wife recently - I went to the Memorial Service on Saturday. He always referred to her as "friend wife" when he would mention her in class. They were such a great pair. They dealt with a lot, but were still together after 55 years when she passed a few weeks ago.

My oldest friend, Cherry - her parents are awesome. I love her family so much. Today is her parents' 36th anniversary and her mom says that she is more in love with him today than she was back then.

My grandparents could not have been more opposite. My grandfather was a quiet, solid, easy-going, gentle giant. My Gramma is a bit of a high-strung spazz at times. But they were married for 46 years before his death and my Gramma is still in love with him now, more than 16 years after that.

They just don't make marriages like that anymore, I guess. Or if they do... they are few and far between.

Friday, January 20, 2012

In review

Oops. Computer issues, combined with debilitating neck pain/headaches and our bathroom being torn up (one having nothing to with the others) caused a stumble in my blogging. But here I am again!

Anyhow, I went an entire week without full range of motion in my neck - and to be honest, it's still only at about 90%, but I can drive (I could after about 3 days) and I am feeling enough better that I can say after my adjustment on Tuesday I finally didn't feel the pressure in my neck so much that I wanted to pop my head off and start over. Ugh no fun.

We're repairing and remodeling our one and only bathroom. We had to drive across town (less than 10 minutes away) every morning to shower at Nana's house. (My oldest friend, Cherry's, Nana's house is temporarily not being used, but the power and such - including the cable TV! - are still on and Cherry's Mama offered to let us use for it a bit. She offered to let us stay there, but once the water was back on and we could once again use the toilet, I didn't feel that was necessary and I thought the kids would sleep better at our house, etc.

The shower got finished at the beginning of the week and it looks great and for the first time in YEARS, there is no leak in my faucet and I don't have to use pliers to turn on the cold water. It's WONDERFUL. A new vanity, new lighting, paint, and wall tiles are going in as well. And probably a new floor. We've always hated the way our bathroom looked, so this is a WONDERFUL change after 5+ years in the house.

The Spring catalog for Thirty-one is out and I'm excited for the new year. I have a few people who have mentioned having a party soon and they are just checking their calendars. Looking forward to that. Also running one fundraiser now with offers for 2 others for charities I personally believe in and want to support. Closing out the one fundraiser and an order for the retiring stuff and sale Thermals next week. So things are starting to get busy there, too!

(midway through writing this Thursday our power went out. A problem with our bill. It took nearly an hour to get it straightened out and more than 3 hours to get it back on. I'm just now - Friday morning - getting back to my computer.)

Friday, January 6, 2012

Miss me when I'm gone

Did you notice I was gone? I haven't had internet all week. Fun times. In addition, I've been incredibly down in the dumps, increasing as the week wore on. Related? You be the judge.

I'm busy. Usually, this is helpful. I've realized that I am incredibly good at faking it. I spent the bulk of the first two-thirds of my day yesterday out of the house, interacting with friends and I think I appeared to be happy and cheerful and normal. I wasn't. I'm struggling. I don't even know why. I'm tired. And I'm back to that place where I would much prefer to spend the whole day in bed - both because it is cold and we try not to run the heat in the house if we can avoid it - and because I really would just prefer to sleep my way through my days right now.

The kids are fine. They have their whiny, cranky moments as always. Little Man has been a little cranky the last day or so, probably due in part to the cold and some teeth coming in. Fuss has been off and on joyful and whiny. I think she's coming down off the holiday high. And maybe that is my problem, too. I look forward with longing to the weekend when I can spend time with my beloved because he comforts me, cheers me, and I get strength from him. Of course, this weekend, we're going to be spending lots of time apart due to our respective projects. (more on that in a second) But at least the evenings will be pleasant - spent cuddling with him on the couch, watching a movie or some such. He is my rock. He is my port in the storm. To borrow a quote from a Nicholas Sparks novel - he is my True North.

This weekend I am co-hosting a baby shower for my oldest friend, Cherry. It should be lovely and a lot of the work that I was thinking I would be doing has been lifted off my shoulders since her mom ended up moving the location to a hotel where the luncheon will be catered, etc. (the guest list got a little overwhelming for her nice, spacious condo. I think everyone will be happier this way and since money is no object for them, it worked out nicely!) I am truly so happy for my friend to be having her first baby. She's gonna be a great mama.

We are also tearing apart our falling-apart bathroom this weekend and Daddy Fuss and my Dad will be fixing the leak, replacing the tile and making my bathroom look NOT Ugly for the first time in 5 years! Plus, it should be more functional. So that's a plus. And not having a constant leak in the tub will be a big plus.

I also have my Spring Premier Event for Thirty-one on Saturday. I've been looking forward to this for awhile - they rented out movie theaters across the country to show off the new catalog and I'm looking forward to that.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Random bit of linkage

Need to share this link I found via a friend on FB.


My favorite part? This quote:
“It’s helluva hard, isn’t it? You’re a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She’s my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime.”