Thursday, September 27, 2007

Daycare details (sort of)

Heather at Unexplain This did a post to day about her daycare option/choice which inspired me to write about ours. I think I’ve mentioned it previously, in passing, but I’ll talk about it more depth today, especially after Heather made me think about details I’d never considered before.

My friend M has a home daycare. She has 2 adorable children (her oldest, a daughter was one of my flower girls at my wedding) ages 4 and 2 and she is due to have her 3rd child approximately 2 months before me. I’ve known M for eons, and her husband, A has been a good friend of mine for even longer (I sang at their wedding – A is like my big brother). I trust M completely, I know there is no risk of odd or strange people being invited over to her house (other than her friends, who since many of them are my friends too, I can say they’re “safely” weird). M raises her children very similarly to the way I plan to raise my child/children. And I’m thrilled at the opportunity to have her 3rd child and mine, who will be very close to the same age growing up together. M has a history being a professional nanny for two families in the area and has had a host of kids in her daycare in the last few years. (She gave up nannying when her son was born since bringing 2 children along to someone else’s house was much more difficult). I even remember shopping with her (at Christmas time, when she was 9 month pregnant and her daughter was about 18 months and needed to be distracted) to get the final supplies for setting up her daycare.

On the other hand, I’m a little jealous that Heather gets to take her child to a daycare center where they have such stringent guidelines regarding cleanliness, etc. M has 2 cats and a dog, and while they are very well-behaved and I never see evidence of their natural animal mess laying around, I pray that my baby doesn’t get her father’s cat hair allergies!

I’m also still actively seeking other options for the baby – like me working from home so I don’t have to deal with daycare at all. I have a feeling it’s a pipe dream, as my mom just gave me some info regarding the medical transcriptionist possibility that may have shot it out of the water. More research to be done, but I’m getting more and more discouraged.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Grr. Argh. and time not flying

I’m having a rough day. My back hurts, none of my bras fit right now, I feel like I’m already outgrowing my size large maternity clothes (and some of my XLs) and I’m miserable in my job. Everyone around here is under a lot of stress and it’s not making for a pleasant atmosphere. I can’t handle the drama from those who have outside issues anymore and while I want to be supportive to my co-workers and friends who need to vent, it just stresses me out to hear that everyone is unhappy. Not that I’m overly happy – don’t get me wrong! And I want this baby – I want it so bad I can’t wait to hold it in my arms, but I’m not even half way done w/ pregnancy and I just want the next 4 months to FLY.

I’ve run into the issue of counting the time of pregnancy this week. At 18 weeks, I’m 2 weeks past my 4 month mark, and theoretically 4 ½ months along, however, I’m not halfway through my 9 months of pregnancy for another 2 weeks (which is technically at the 5 month mark). For some strange reason this has frustrated me today to no end. I’m ready to be halfway done.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Weird dreams, work stuff, wanting to move on...

I had weird dreams over the weekend about feeding the baby. The weirdest one included the baby being a few days old and waking up for a middle of the night feeding and one of us forgetting that we were breast-feeding and giving the baby formula that we have on hand (we’ve got a bunch of samples around) and my milk not coming in because we had just skipped a few breast-feedings. And then, when we DID finally get it to come in, it started spurting everywhere – even when the baby wasn’t sucking. It was leaking like a pressurized water balloon – in three places (not where it should have been) like 3 streaming leaks. It was freaky.

We spent the evening on Saturday at K and M’s house having dinner and playing games. Their 4-year-old son LOVES Mr. Moose and was jumping all over him all evening. I think maybe Mr. Moose may have caught his cold because he seems to be sick now (the hours of horrendous snoring would prove it) and I was up half the night. I remember seeing 3:30 and then 5:00, so I did get over an hour of uninterrupted sleep, but tonight if it continues, one of us will be sleeping in the guest room. I have begun my Zicam treatments to stave off the germs for me and the baby. I am a terrible sick person and without the help of drugs, I imagine it will be worse (I know there are a few things I can take, and will likely try them all, but you never know).

I had a weird fainting spell over the weekend. I’m accustomed to fainting in reaction to pain, and this was similar to that, minus the pain. I was cleaning in the dining room and started to feel “funny.” I said so to Mr. Moose and he said “like how?” I informed him at that point that I sort of felt like I had to faint and that my vision was starting to go dark (the indicator to me typically that I was about to lose consciousness) he came over, put his arm around me and it kept getting darker around me. I felt my knees give out and lost consciousness for about 30 seconds during which time he slowly lowered me to the floor. By the time I was all the way on the floor, I was conscious again and feeling hot and clammy, but overall, not bad. Some water and breakfast seemed to stabilize me and I’ve not really been overly concerned since. I learned this morning when I called the doctor’s office to report the incident that I could have called and talked to the doctor on call over the weekend (no one has given me any instructions regarding anything of the sort – I’m starting to think the only good thing about this practice is it’s proximity to my office and my wonderful Nurse Practitioner who has little to do with me now that I’m pregnant (she doesn’t deliver babies). My mother is concerned about the lack of attention paid to my weak vagal nerve issue (the faint in response to pain is caused by this) and wants me to get more adamant about it in the future.

In other news, I am still having multiple problems dealing with a certain employee at work. I’m beginning to think she is evil. Most of my co-workers would agree, it’s only the 2 bosses who think she’s fine. Of course. I’m currently at the point at work though, that I’m feeling like I can’t do anything right. I’m so sick of this woman in general and all of the crazy stuff going down in our office lately, that I may be ready to move on.

Mr. Moose and I have been discussing options for extra income (beyond his) once the baby has arrived. I’m going to start more seriously looking into work-from-home typing type jobs. My mom’s next-door neighbor has done work as a medical transcriptionist from home for decades (well before the internet made it incredibly popular to work from home, etc.) and I may look into that. I’m a strong typist and I really don’t want to risk doing a phone job from home with the baby possibly crying in the background. I plan to go talk to the neighbor about it, see if she has any feedback or tips for getting started, etc. Mr. Moose was pleasantly surprised that I had given it so much thought, as I’ve always indicated that despite the rough patches, I’m overall very happy with my job. Which has been true. In the past. But I think I’m over it.

I like the social aspects of working in an office – I’m a very social person, so I don’t think working from home will become my ultimate stop once the baby is older, etc. but I’m willing to see what it will take to do the best thing for my family and I’m ready to be done with this place, I think. We shall see what happens.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Mom thoughts

How much does your mentality change when you become a mom? I’ve always wondered if I have an ugly baby, will I know it? Will I care? But now, I’m starting to wonder about other aspects of parenting – I read an article on The Mom Moment talking about “a working mom’s nightmare” where her child was sick at school/daycare and if she left to pick him up, it would mean that she was letting her work team down on a big project, etc., etc. In contrast, one of my co-workers feels guilty letting her husband (her son’s father) take care of the sick kid even though he has a flexible job where he can stay home more often and she has a regular office job which doesn’t allow that flexibility. I tend to think I’ll be more like the first mom – feeling torn, but ultimately trying to decide what is the best option without letting anyone down.

My BFF is anal retentive about leaving her kids to go out of the house at times. She thinks when she returns to work full time it will be worse. I cannot fathom that. While I don’t think I’ll be like my cousin who left her 4 week old w/ her mother (my aunt) overnight for a weekend of partying (I feel like 4 weeks is too young to have sleepovers, somehow), I also don’t think that I’m going to get emotional every time my kid gets handed over to a responsible, well-known baby-sitter, like my mom or one of my in-laws. I’ve actually already planned what will likely be our first night out after the baby for about 6 weeks after my due date (are you proud? I’m not referring to it as “when the baby is born” since no one knows that sort of info for sure). I’ve already arranged for my mom to babysit (it was an interesting experience realizing that I had to make those sort of arrangements) and told her that I would likely prefer for her to come over so she could put the baby to bed in it’s own space and not to count on the baby staying the night at her house. (which is just as well, since it’s a work night and both Mr. Moose and my mom will likely have to work the next day).

Monday, September 17, 2007

Strollers, Stress, and Struggles

It’s horrible to think this, but every once in awhile when my back starts to ache or get really tense, or I’m leaning over the toilet or my head is pounding every time I inhale – I’d better have a great baby.
I always thought being pregnant would be fun. I didn’t think gaining weight would matter to me, though I knew I likely wouldn’t feel sexy, etc. I didn’t think my self image would really make me unhappy, etc. I expected some morning sickness – but I used to get terrible bouts of motion sickness as a child and so early on learned to deal with throwing up and moving on, knowing that I would feel better when it was over. I never expected to not feel uncomfortable or even a little added pain and pressure. But I’m not even half way through this pregnancy, and I’m already aware that I’m really not liking being pregnant.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m grateful that I am able to have a baby at all. I know that there is nothing (so far) that I wouldn’t do again if I was promised a healthy baby in the end. But pregnancy fun? Uh uh.

I’ve also started to think about the end of this pregnancy more and more. I’m not dwelling on the “how” yet – though I’ve given some more thought to waiting a little longer to request my epidural, etc. even to see if I can get through the majority of contractions before getting it at all (I’m doubting it, but I might be willing to try – we’ll have to see). But I have to tell you that carrying this baby for 40 or more weeks on the off chance she/he arrives late scares the crap out of me. My sisters 3rd baby was late and in Sweden they don’t induce hardly at all no matter what. I always expected my pregnancies to go like my BFF K – both of her boys came early, but the more I think about it – the more I realize that that is an unrealistic expectation – I have no indication that my pregnancy will end early or any reason to believe it will.

My chest has grown again. One of my favorite bras has been mostly outgrown – it leaves it’s outline on my body when it is removed. Unfortunately, it’s my only black one, so I have to keep wearing it until I have both time and money to go replace it.

I’m struggling with whether or not I want to purchase a pregnancy pillow or not. I really want to, but they seem so expensive to me and I’m afraid that I’ll get it and end up not liking it enough, or something.

I picked out my stroller this weekend and I’m very excited. We haven’t yet purchased it, but I know which one I want and we are going to start budgeting for it. It’s a Graco, middle of the line travel system and I cannot wait to bring it home. I am so proud of myself for hanging in there and doing the research and trying it out, etc. and finally making a decision. Mr. Moose saw it online and agreed with my choice.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007


I learned yesterday that an old friend – 21-years-old – died over the weekend. The details are sketchy as to what happened/caused it other than something shocking, physical (not a car accident or murder) and unexpected. She had a loving family and fairly newly wed husband. My first reaction was that of disbelief. My mom called with 3rd or 4th hand news of the death. We weren’t close, but I’ve known her and her sister since they were in nursery school/toddler care at church. And now that she’s been married, I ran into her more often in married circles so that I’ve seen her several times over the last year. When my mom told me I was like “you’ve got it wrong. I just saw her last month!” You never imagine a sudden medical issue to pop up in a 21-yr-old.

It brought up the subject of our own mortality. Mr. Moose and I have been discussing who the guardian of our child will be if something happens to both of us. It’s a hard decision for us, since none of our choices are the perfect ideal situation. Our current choice is one of his sisters who is incredibly responsible and though while not married (or in a serious relationship) would make an excellent parent. My worry for her is that in the case of nothing changing, it would make her a single parent and that none of us know what her future might hold as far as job or spouse, etc. We plan to talk it over with her a little further along in the pregnancy. I know she will be honored, but I don’t know if she will have the same concerns or if she will just simply take it on as a responsibility. We desperately want whomever takes our child in that situation to make sure that my side of the family is still a part of the child’s life.

My doctor’s appointment today went well and I got all my major questions answered. My lack of weight gain is fine and reasonably healthy since I started out overweight to begin with. He also assured me that the changes in my chest area are completely normal, no matter how much it surprised me! I still don’t like it (it feels weird, okay?!), but I feel better about it.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Boobs, weight gain and a really quick post

A quick post to give some pregnancy updates, but I'll try and get back in another day or so to recap my weekend in Nashville with the extended in-law family.

I'm still feeling huge, but I still haven't gained anything. Appt w/ doc tomorrow and I plan to ask him about it. I'm not worried, but I feel like in some way I should be gaining now that I'm not throwing up all the time. (Still get gaggy occasionally and feel nauseous, but at least I'm not throwing up every day.) I still can't eat huge meals in one sitting, but I'm hungry more often than I was, i think.

I had a weird experience last night (TMI alert) when getting ready for bed I glanced in the bathroom mirror at my undressed self. My chest, specifically the darker area around my nipples was looking oddly shaped and discolored. When I touched it, it felt solid to my fingers and odd, almost like slightly numb. In my research and discussion on the preggo boards I discovered that my milk ducts are starting to do something and that it's at least slightly normal, though I felt like it was awfully early for all that. (Apparently not). I was really freaked when it happened last night, but I'm calmer now. It feels weird - it's a very odd sensation and I'm concerned that during the course of our playing something is going to leak out onto Mr. Moose, but I'm sure we'll both survive. He's been very sweet and supportive and he had to calm me down last night when I first noticed it.

15 weeks tomorrow and going to the doctor for my monthly check up. I'm a little worried about my first visit w/ the only male doc in the practice (also the head of the practice), but I've been assured that he's very nice. Lots of questions for him...