My Big Girl

We had a great weekend celebrating Fuss's birthday!

We also seem to be having some success on the potty-training front. On Thursday, I switched to a chart method. I give her a star for her chart every time she successfully goes potty on the potty as long as she doesn't have any type of accident - be it in her pants or on the floor or whatever. Not even a little. I had a chart from the back of one of her books on PTing and there are 4 rows of 11 places for stars. At the end of each line (11 spots) she gets a bigger sticker and a prize from the "prize bag" ($ store gifts) and I've told her that once the whole chart is full, we will go to Target and buy her a gift of her choice. (I'm planning on a $20 limit, but we haven't discussed that yet.) Since she's been loving to "shop" lately, I think that is part of the motivation.

Whatever the deal is, she is doing it. Even while we were away, she did SO good. We still have daily accidents, but they are fewer and further between and usually they have to do with waiting or too much excitement and chaos. But she's getting pretty good at holding it, even, so things are looking up.

We had a great, if tiring, weekend. We were out SO late on Friday night - we didn't sit down to dinner out until after 7:30 and then it took FOREVER. Then Fuss would just NOT settle down once we got back to the hotel - she just kept popping up and wanting to talk and be up, etc. We were in a room with a set of bunk beds, a twin bed that my MIL slept on and a king. But she didn't want to settle until all the lights were off and we were settled, too, etc. It was crazy. I don't think she went to sleep until after 11.

And then, the next day she didn't get a nap because we were at the park. But that night, she finally slept good that night, thank goodness, despite the fact that my MIL had to get up at 1:30 to be at her volunteer post for the race (she was volunteering for the Disney Princess Race that my SILs were running) by 3:30am. (Insanity!) (Can you tell, that I wasn't so lucky as to sleep through her waking and rummaging around?)

We saw Shamu, which, unfortunately was a bit of a disappointment after the last time Daddy Fuss and I were there. (We haven't been there in about 3 years, I think, but regardless, it was long before the bad accident they had last year and I couldn't tell if they were more timid because of that or what the story was...) But Fuss had fun seeing the sea lions, otter and walrus at the Clyde and Seymour show, Shamu and friends (including a baby and several more whales - I think at one point there was about 7 whales in the tank), dolphins, rays and penguins. She also got to ride her first roller coaster in their little kid part.

I cannot believe she is 3. It baffles me. When did she get so big? When did her little short legs get so long? When did she get so smart? When did her hair get so long?

She got the tutu I mentioned previously for her birthday and I was heart-broken when she didn't immediately want to put it on (she told me it was "scratchy" which I remember saying when I was her age, but this tutu was WAY softer than the tulle of my own childhood) but once I convinced her to put it on... well, she spent half of the afternoon yesterday dancing around in her tutu and it was SO cute.

A good one...

I spent my Thursday very differently from most Thursdays. I sat on the floor of my living room with my children and I played toddler games. I spun her new Princess tops, I played Strawberry Shortcake Memory, I bowled a rubber bowling ball into foam pins. We watched a movie together and I read her stories. I tickled my son and made him giggle. I did almost nothing productive, but my children were happy. It was a good day.

Despite the potty wars continuing (we had some success today! I changed tactics and it seems to be working) it was a really good day. Despite my husband being gone for more than 13 hours straight and missing the bulk of the time the kids were awake... somehow, it was mostly a good day.

The last few hours were tough. Trying to get SOMETHING done, dinner, fussy baby, (and having to give him medicine in smaller doses, twice as often), coughing myself and blowing my nose several dozen times... I had a good day.

Friday (today) is Fuss's 3rd birthday. I cannot believe she is 3. It's amazing. More later.

Bodily fluids

I had no time to post yesterday. None. I JUST realized that I didn't write the memorial I was going to write for the member of my "family" who passed away on Monday.

I was peed on, pooped on, and puked on yesterday, and all during the hours my husband was at work. In between bodily functions, I worked on cleaning the house and readying it for Fuss's family birthday party last night. This is included a run to the grocery store to pick up her "pretty cake", as she had asked for a store-bought cake this year after drooling over the beautifully decorated cakes every week as we grocery shop. (Our local branch of the grocery store houses the district bakery, so the biggest and most talented bakers and cake decorators all work there.)

She really struggled with the potty training yesterday and I was SO tired of mopping up pee puddles, especially since I was trying to CLEAN the house. Little Man started having explosive diapers in reaction to the antibiotics he is on. When I first got him up, I discovered that his diaper was so full, it shot up the back of him, all through his onesie and all over both of us. There were more of those to come. He spit up all of his second breakfast all over me and my bed and if that wasn't enough, he had some projectile vomiting after his afternoon nap that ended up all over my bed. He then proceeded to spit up/throw up his entire portion of milk all over me, the floor and the chair I usually sit in (thus prompting a second bath for him, and 3rd change of clothes for myself). By this time, I was so stressed and panicked that the baby was ill and that things weren't going to get done around the house. As it was, my husband and my SIL had to help me finish getting the kids ready and getting the meal ready. I later had to change yet again when yet another explosive diaper occurred and leaked all over me.

It was, pardon the pun, a crappy day. And one I don't wish to repeat. We're spreading out his antibiotic now to hopefully decrease the chances of more vomit.

10 on Tuesday

1. What are your thoughts on Valentine’s Day. Do you love it? Hate it?
I like Valentine's Day, but since it is also Daddy Fuss's birthday, we've made it less of a thing the last few years. I don't want him feeling jipped, so I try and focus on his birthday more than I focus on V-day.

2. What is your favorite romantic comedy?
Probably You've Got Mail. How can you resist a movie with the quote, "how about some coffee or, you know, drinks or dinner or a movie... for as long as we both shall live?"

3. Meg Ryan & John Mellencamp: what’s your first reaction?
No idea. Am I missing something?

4. All time favorite poem or quote?
I have a few favorite quotes including the one my blog title is based on, but I'll go with "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

5. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve gone without sleep? (like consecutive hours).
32 hours? But just once. I wouldn't want to do it again. I couldn't pull all-nighters in high school or college. 1) I didn't care enough about school work to do that and 2) I don't function on no sleep. So that one time was on our trip to the OBX when we decided it made more sense to drive all night while Fuss was sleeping. It was ROUGH.

6. What color ink do you prefer to use?
Blue, but these days if I can find a pen, I don't really care what color. In high school, my preferred color of choice was purple. Yes, I was that girlie.

7. Share with us a blog that you recently found and fell in love with (and link us!)
I think probably the last one that I fell in love with was Kendi Everyday, a fashion blog. Kendi is awesome.
8. If you could be on a reality TV show which one would you choose?
I used to think a lot about being on American Idol or America's Next Top Model because those are the only "reality" TV shows I have ever watched (and I only watched the first season of American Idol, after that I didn't really care) But I am too old for both of them now (and I never had the body or the drive for ANTM).

9. Mountains or Beach?
Mountains, but then, I could walk to the beach from where I live and I don't.

10. With the Oscars around the corner, what’s your pick for best picture?
I don't even know what's nominated... checking... Okay, the only one I've seen was Inception, which was cool, but not "Best Picture" quality, IMHO. I really wanted to see The Social Network, but I think it would be nice for Toy Story 3 to win.


For more 10 on Tues, click here.

Sick Boy

We had to take Little Man to the ER yesterday. I am incredibly grateful for the wonderful emergency room right up the street from us - it acts as an Urgent Care/Emergency Room with it's own lab/diagnostic testing department, even though there is no hospital physically connected to it. (It is owned/run by one of the local hospitals - the one my mom works for - which is a great hospital.) Anyway, this is the 2nd time our family has had to use it (Daddy Fuss had to go for a severe case of strep throat a couple of Christmases ago) and they have always been quick, efficient, and helpful.

Anyhow, he had this horrible cough that was worrying me and when I called the pediatrician's after-hours help line, the nurse was useless. So, as I saw he got worse, we decided to take him in. I've had too many friends who have had their babies come down with RSV or whatever to risk it.

Of course, when we got there, he was suddenly feeling better. After not smiling at me for HOURS at home, he was flirting with the nurses and smiling at them. And of course, how do you get a 5 month old to cough on command? I think they were nearly ready to send us home until he FINALLY coughed his horrible cough in front of the Dr. That made the Dr. stop and rethink, because he didn't like the sound of it, either. We ended up getting a rapid RSV test (negative) and chest X-ray (positive for... something.) It indicated that there was SOMETHING in one of his lungs, so rather than give him a 2nd X-ray to determine HOW MUCH, they decided to treat him with antibiotics - since that was going to be the treatment either way. The PA described it as "early-stages of pneumonia" which, I guess is sort of how it works - if Bronchitis goes untreated, it can often lead to pneumonia? Regardless, I felt vindicated in my paranoia of taking him to the ER for what could have just been a bad cold.

(I called the pediatrician's office to let them know so that they could request the records from the ER, etc. They are discussing whether or not I should come in - why on earth would I come in? He's got his diagnosis and his medication, what else is there?)

Anyhow, the rest of us are still battling various levels of having a cold, but thankfully, it's manageable. And the baby slept well last night, so we got some decent sleep.

What would you do for some quiet?

(This started out as my 300 words assignment for my writing group, due this weekend. It ended up being my blog post instead, since I know my fellow writers don't want to read my lamentations.)

Have you ever just wanted to throw in the towel? Have you ever had the thought that you kind of wish something would befall you so that you could just step out of your life for a little bit? Sometimes I find myself wishing for a nervous breakdown so that I could be locked in a mental ward for a week and get a break.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family. My husband is a jewel and my kids are beautiful and amazing. But sometimes, I just need some space and somehow, that seems impossible.

I don't recall ever wanting or craving silence before I had kids, but now I find myself begging my toddler to be quiet for just 2 minutes so I can enjoy the silence. Right now, I'd gladly pay a hundred bucks to get a hotel room for the night and just be by myself – nobody wanting anything of me, nobody able to disturb my peace. And what's crazy is that I am this incredibly social person who ALWAYS wants to do stuff with something. The couple of times that I've actually had a few hours to myself over the last 3 years, I don't know what to do or where to go because I'm like “but who can I talk to?” But right now, all I want is some quiet. Some peace. And a night of uninterrupted sleep.

What would you do with a night to yourself?

I would go to a hotel room, check in, throw the “Do Not Disturb” sign up and open a bottle of wine. I'd run myself a hot bath and sink in with my wine glass perched on the edge of the tub and my Kindle in hand, I'd get lost in a story, drink my wine, relax, and stay there until the water got cold. I'd get out, put on my most comfy pajamas, and sprawl across the bed. I'd either continue to read my book or turn on the television. I'd snack on something yummy and comforting, drink another glass of wine until I'd grown bored with either the TV or book or both and then I'd turn off the lights and sleep. I would sleep the blissful sleep of a mother who knows that her children cannot wake her up. (If that required some form of medicinal intervention, then so be it.)

I'd be happy to return to my family the next day, don't get me wrong. But honestly, I feel like if I don't get some time away soon, I might crack.

I have spent more hours in my house in the last 4 weeks than I can count. For some reason, my former desire to leave the house daily has been replaced by apathy. It's just too much damn trouble to pack up two kids and leave the house. And where would I go anyway? I'm trying desperately not to spend any more money than necessary, I have no stay-at-home friends anymore, certainly none that I am comfortable just “dropping by” on.

Sometime around the time that Fuss was born, I read a book about a mom who had a nervous breakdown after having a baby. I remember understanding her thoughts and feelings – becoming a mom for the first time is overwhelming! - but I now, I actually think about the situation she was in – how she actually checked herself into a mental ward for a few days in order to get her medications regulated, etc. - and I think “I wonder if I could do that?”

Throwing up my hands

I had this brilliant idea for a blog post last night as I was drifting off to sleep. Apparently, it got lost on the way to the morning.

We're in the midst of a potty-training stand still. She is just so STUBBORN. And I'm starting to think that she might even be more stubborn than I am. The first days of potty training hardcore were over a week ago. She did GREAT! We took off her pull-ups, told her she was going to start having to wear panties and that she would need to keep them dry and tell us when she needed to go potty. She had one accident right off, but then did great all day until right after nap time. But still! I honestly didn't expect her to sleep dry (which she did, but she didn't make it more than a few steps out of her room when she got up.) And I was starting to think pretty good things after day 1! On Sunday, she either held it or went on the potty all through Sunday School (we didn't get a report from the teacher, but she was still in the same dress and panties when we picked her up) and tried to go while we were out, but had trouble and I let her get up after awhile, but a few minutes later, she went poo in her panties and had to change. No biggie, doing fine.

She stayed dry from then until naptime and then... I put her in a pull-up for nap and somewhere along the way Daddy Fuss decided to put her in one for our outing that evening. And it's all been down hill from there.

I've tried bribes and presents. I've tried rewards. I've tried plastic pants. (which were my own turning point - 30 years ago those things were uncomfortable! they've apparently "improved" since then and they don't bother her in the least) I've tried making her get rinsed off in cold water after she has an accident. And nothing works. NOTHING. She fights me when I suggest that she try and sit on the potty. Even if I can wrestle her onto the potty and get her to sit there, she's so worked up there is no way she will relax enough to actually pee there.

I had to go back to pull-ups when I ran out of clean underwear. (for her, mine is just fine, thankyouverymuch) And this week, she managed to give herself a pretty severe diaper rash by lying to me about going in her pull-ups and sitting in filth for too long. (It has gotten to the point where she will get a rash for being in a dirty diaper for more than 20 or 30 minutes.) She is howling with pain every time I have to change her/clean her up and I just don't know what to do anymore.

A bullet list because my brain is addled

• I have all these little things to do today. I need to get started on my writing assignment for Writing Group (thanks for emailing, Maggie!) I need to make some phone calls and make some appointments for myself and other members of the family (including the dog), I need to do laundry and dishes. I might be getting a new cell phone today..., I need to call my sister.
  
  
• But I am unmotivated and I have a mildly congested, clingy baby boy, so who knows what is going to happen today?
  
  
• I watched a marathon of America's Next Top Model, Cycle 10 yesterday for lack of something better on TV while I nursed and did a handful of chores. I am pathetic.
  
  
• Planning for the multiple celebrations that will be Fuss's birthday is starting to get out of hand. All I know for sure is that she wants a store-bought pretty cake. Fine by me! Will have to select it this weekend.
  
  
• Have received about 1/2 of her birthday presents thus far (a handful of small things, mostly) but I'm trying to decide WHEN to give them to her - with the family dinner on Wednesday? Or wait until Friday for her ACTUAL birthday? Do I want her to be able to wear her tutu for the dinner or just for the day on Friday?
  
  
• I really need to get more sleep. How horrible do you think CIO is going to be?
  

1. Any vacations you are looking forward to this summer?
We MIGHT be going to AL for July 4th weekend to visit my husband's cousins. I like them a lot, so it should be enjoyable. But I'm not sure if we're really going or not. The only other travel plans I have are Thanksgiving related - we're planning to go to my SILs in NC and while we're there, I'm hoping to meet up w/ an internet friend who lives nearby, Z.

2. What is your favorite article of summer clothing (shoes are included)?
Ribbed tank tops.

3. What is your favorite summer drink (alcoholic or non)?
Limeade margaritas. Or just limeade.

4. Do you tan or burn?
Burn. I avoid sun as much as possible.

5. Any goals you are working toward this summer?
I'd like to lose some more weight and I'm hoping to continue to nurse my boy until his first birthday at the end of the summer.

6. What is your favorite summertime food?
Grilled stuff - like ribs or burgers with mustard potato salad and watermelon slices.

7. What song most says “summer” to you?
I have no idea. Something Beach Boys, I would assume.

8. Any home improvement goals planned for this summer?
I think my husband wants to finish painting the house.

9. What is one thing you hate to see at the beach?
People.

10. Did you ever go to a summer camp?
Yes. And I'm sort of amazed that I did because thinking about it now makes me want to cringe. A week in the FL summer w/ no AC and very little privacy? Ugh.

Celebrating 30 years of Daddy Fuss!

Today is my husband's 30th birthday!
I've got to tell you - this man is the best. The cream of the crop, the tops, the most wonderfulest guy in the world. He is an amazing father, a terrific husband, a wonderful friend, a dedicated worker and a fabulous lover (among his other talents). I am blessed to have him in my life and I truly have no idea what I would do without him.

We went out last night to celebrate his birthday. Of course, we were fighting the crowds of Valentine couples, but we had reservations, so despite the fact that we STILL had to wait 30 minutes after our reservation time, it was a great evening with great food, good service and excellent cocktails.

He also bought me a watch for Valentine's Day. I LOVE it. It's ironic, since the last time he bought me a watch (about 7 years ago - Christmas 2003) it didn't go over so well (I thought he was going to propose/give me a ring for Christmas and so anything other than that would have been a disappointment). But new watch for me! Yay!

Man, this post is sort of all over the place isn't it? You can blame my son for that. He woke up every single hour last night with a combination of lost paci and nasal congestion that was causing all sorts of problems. I am consisting on very little sleep and no of what I got was in very long snatches. So I am not making a lot of sense at the moment. Argh.

Friday Blahs

Argh. I forgot to post earlier. It's been a horrible week. I hate potty training. My house smells like pee and I am stressed and tired and cranky.

I've been having these headaches this week and for the first time, I've noticed that I seem to be consistently having pain in one spot on my head. I am afraid I might have to break down, find a doctor and get this checked out. But I hate doctors and I have no idea what I would do with my kids while I was going to an appointment. Certain appointments with established doctors, I'm fine with, but a new-patient appointment? Probably not.

I can't stand the idea of trying to find a decent GP.

My husband's birthday is Monday (yes, Valentine's Day) so we have plans to go out to dinner at a nice restaurant on Sunday. I'm looking forward to it.

Comfort Objects (for lack of a more creative title)

Inspired by Maggie's post at Parenting today to talk about "lovies" in the lives of our kids. (I don't use that term very often. My best friends kids call their collection of comfort objects "goodies" and that one annoys me, too.)

With Fuss, I sort of chose her blanket for her. Her beautiful purple blankie was a gift from my SIL, LB, and she and I both liked it so much that I bought a back up and that has been her blanket ever since. Her favorite stuffed animal is her Maddie the Monkey (a pink stuffed monkey with a pacifier in it's head) but then she has a bunch of other stuffed "friends" that rotate as her Number 2. The thing is, I have my favorites, too. The ones I want her to keep and play with, that mean something because of the time she received it or person who gave it.

Mostly, the ones I like best are Disney related. I like Disney (in jr high and high school, my friends and I were obsessed with Disney, but my adoration has receded since then. it's just sort of coincidental that my favorite toys of hers are Disney characters). She has a Mickey Mouse that we got for her during our Disney trip last fall, a Pooh bear that my MIL bought her from Kohls when be brought Little Man home from the hospital, and a baby Lady (from Lady and the Tramp) we got recently. She also has a large stuffed roly poly hedgehog (a guard-Hedgehog, really) that my mom got her a couple years ago that "protects her from the monsters" at night. (Because, as we all know, Monsters are scared of hedgehogs.) There's also the first teddy bear I ever gave her (a Build-a-bear we named Isabella Bear, Bella for short), but she seems to have lost interest in that lately. She also has this huge stuffed Nemo that we got her the first time we went away to Disney without her. I have this picture of her carting that to her first sleepover in elementary school. (It has a large pocket in the back that can hold pajamas or something of the sort.)

She likes these toys, but for some reason, one of her other favorites is a tiny, floppy blue bear with teething discs for paws that was given to her 2nd hand by a friend. (It hadn't been used as a teething toy for either Fuss or the original child that had it, but it was designed to be an option.) I guess there is no accounting for taste in nearly 3-yr-olds.

I have a couple of blankets for Little Man that I'm trying to figure out which one will be his favorite while I can still get duplicates. It seems like as long as there is some satin on it, he's happy so far. I keep intending to make him one, but I don't have my sewing machine, so that's been a problem thus far. I also have a couple of animals that I'm trying to see if he has any interest in, but thus far, nada. I just ordered him a paci animal to see if that helps him keep better track of his paci.

Moaning and Groaning.

My baby seems to think that every waking moment needs to involve him in my arms. He is constantly fussing at me if I'm not holding him. Mix this in with the random-acts-of-fussiness that he's been giving me for the last few days (he goes from 0-screaming in 1.5 seconds, in my arms or not and then is inconsolable until I do something "drastic" like feed him off-schedule or stick him in the car and drive around for awhile until he passes out)

I told my husband that I was a bad mother last night because at one point, I screamed at my baby. He told me that as long as I didn't HIT (or shake) my baby, that it was okay and I could let myself off the hook. I needed to hear it, but I still feel awful for yelling at him. He doesn't know. It's not like he can control how he feels or communicate to me what the problem is...

I had 2 awful headaches yesterday, one vying for the list of Top 5 Worst Headaches of my life. And of course, the baby wouldn't sleep and let me just try and sleep it away. I had to take medicine that is questionable while nursing (though I took it immediately after a feeding and was able to delay the next one to limit the amount he might have gotten. And the biggest complaint about taking this medicine is that there is a lot of caffeine in it, and since I have a little bit of caffeine each day anyway, he seems to be used to it.) But I was at the point where I was seriously considering how I could possibly get to Urgent Care to deal with the headache. And that's not a place I like to be. I need to work on staying more on top of the pain before it gets to that point, but I just hate taking daily medication if I can help it.

I'm sure that the headaches and related stress are what contributed to the screaming at the baby. I'm also extremely frustrated with the whole Potty Training thing we've got going on right now. I am so sick of having her ignore my suggestions that she go sit on the potty and 15 minutes later have an accident. I think she has worn every piece of underwear she has in the last 4 days. Despite making her clean up after herself when she has an accident, and of course not giving her rewards when she DOESN'T use the potty properly, it doesn't seem to be moving forward. I am just so SICK of pee.

10 on Tuesday

1. What’s your favorite kind of donut?
I have 2 - one is a Boston Cream. The other is a Cinnamon/Coffee roll. Depending on where I'm ordering it, determines which I choose. The Boston creams have to fresh or they aren't as good. But it's hard (not impossible, but hard) to screw up a coffee roll.

2. Do you use the snooze button?
Sometimes. Depends on the situation. But since I don't have to set the alarm very often these days, it's sort of a moot point.

3. Do you write in cursive, print, or a combination of the two?
Mostly print, with a few letters close to cursive. But neither are "school" correct. I have nice writing, but I'd flunk penmanship in school if I had to return to it. Much like I did back in the day...

4. Tell us a joke.
A guy walked into a bar. Ouch.

5. How many languages do you speak?
1 and I am conversational in ASL (American Sign Language)

6. Why did you start blogging?
1. to have an "online diary" of sorts to have a place to write my thoughts and feelings
2. Because I loved reading other peoples' blogs

7. Do you use bar soap or liquid body wash?
Liquid. BBW right now.

8. Do you buy bottled water?
Sometimes, but I am fine drinking most tap water. I buy bottles for convenience and so that I can chill them in the fridge because I prefer to have my water very cold.

9. What did you think of the Super Bowl Half Time Show?
It was AWFUL. I haven't seen many halftime shows in my life, but that was certainly the worst.

10. How do you feel about Steve Carell leaving The Office?
Since I don't watch the office and I can take or leave Steve Carell in any situation, I really don't care one bit.

For more 10 on Tuesday, visit Chelsea, here.

Screaming

Yesterday we an all day long scream-fest sponsored by my Little Man. I have NO idea what was up, even now. We are assuming it was gas, compounded by over-tiredness since he couldn't sleep due to the discomfort of the gas and his screaming was making the gas worse... you get the idea. Once he FINALLY took a nice long nap (it was about 6:30pm by this point) he got back to his normal self. But wow. There was a lot of screaming in this house.

There was a lot of screaming at my mom's house last night, too. My step-dad and step-brothers are die-hard Packers fans (they grew up in WI) so there was a lot of cheering, groaning, nail-biting and finally exultation during the Super Bowl last night. My only local step-brother was there and they were texting back and forth with the others. It was fun to watch the game with someone who was really into their team winning. Afterward, my oldest step-brother posted on FB that the happiest day of his life was the day he married his wife, but that this was the second happiest. (and oddly, I don't doubt it.) They are THAT into football and the Packers.

There was also a lot of screaming last night in the backyard of my next-door neighbor's house. They didn't get quiet until almost 4am. My neighbor is a Packers fan and had a Super Bowl party and they just were SO hyped that they kept letting out these "hurrah!"s which, incidentally kept waking me up. It baffles me that so many adults can get together and act like children and not have to deal with responsibilities the next day.

Quick Takes that took a long time

1. Sometimes, a mommy needs to be able to take a shower by herself. Lately, my daughter has shown an interest in taking a shower with me. Every. Day. But since that is often the only completely private time I get, I try and talk her out of it. Sometimes it works, sometimes, it doesn't. Sometimes she needs a shower. Sometimes she doesn't.

2. My headaches - the daily ones - are back and driving me nuts. I really need a GP Dr. and talk to him/her about this, I guess.

3. I have barely been out of the house in 2 weeks. I kind of can't wait for my husband to be home this weekend. Of course, he made plans to go hang out with his buddy for several hours tomorrow. (But it has a purpose and I'll still get out of the house several times this weekend)

4. I just ordered a custom tutu from Simply Sweet Baby Boutique for part of Fuss's birthday present. I cannot wait to see it. She is going to love it! SSBB has a bunch of amazingly cute items for all the little people in your life. (I also won a cute little tie for Little Man and a nursing cover for my sister at the comment game on FB this week )

5. My mother-in-law brought over the movie Aristocats last weekend and left it over here for us to borrow. I think Fuss has requested it every day this week.

6. I bought some paper crafting supplies and stickers out of the dollar bins at Target and I'm going to have Fuss make Valentines for the family. This will be our first attempt at crafts together. Wish me luck!

7. The Little Man wants to be held ALL. THE. TIME. If he is sleeping, I can set him down, but awake, he wants to be in my arms. It's making for difficulties doing chores or eating during the day.

The answer is only important if you ask the right question.*

There is large-budget item that my husband has been wanting for a long time. We're finally in a place where it's a good idea, etc. His friend has one that he is willing to sell us, so I planned to buy it for him for his birthday. As we were looking over the budget last night, I mentioned the cost of the item and he pulled out some cash he had stashed away from some side jobs he's been working over the last 6 months or so. He had more than enough to cover the cost of the item, so he said we wouldn't have to budget for it, since the money was already saved. I was bummed, because then it didn't seem like I was giving him a present. And then, of course, I realized that NONE of it was money that I earned and... well, I was kinda bummed.

My husband laughed and handed me the cash and said "well, then, this is your earnings from child care for the last week." How come he has a better attitude about it than I do?

Sometimes I get so frustrated by the fact that I don't "contribute" to the household financially. I love to spend money, but I don't make any at this point in my life. One can argue that if I worked outside the home, we would be spending money on child care, so in some ways, I "earn" that money by doing the child care myself and not having to pay someone else to do it.

Sometimes, though, it's just not enough. I barely got out of the house last week when the kids and I were sick. And due to more/continued illness this week, it's more of the same. I need socialization to feel complete. I want to contribute to our household by doing more than dishes, laundry, and child care. But I cannot think of something that I'd rather do (that I am capable of doing) than be home with my children, so I am at a cross-roads.

I'm looking into some options. I'm researching careers and opportunities to earn, reach out, have a creative outlet, etc. I'm trying to write again - something I haven't focused on since before the baby was born. But it's hard. And it's still not a social outlet, regardless of how much I enjoy it.

*(I was watching The Next Karate Kid on TV and I liked that quote.)

Panic, Parties and Programs

On Monday night, we went to my husband softball game and then went to dinner after. While we were eating, I started to feel really tight in my shoulders and it got worse and worse until it was beginning to be unbearable. I excused myself from the table and went to the bathroom - I don't know what my motivation was, really, other than I felt like my body was beginning to freak out and I didn't want to have a fit or something in front of the other patrons. (Really, I have no idea why I chose to leave the table...) but I continued feeling SO tight that it became hard to breathe deeply. It was the closest thing I've ever felt to a panic attack, I think, but it was awful. (Oddly, i don't recall anything to panic about in our conversation or situation at the time. Weird.) My husband called me on the cell phone to check on me and I explained how I was feeling. He had me come back to the table and coached me through some breathing and rubbed my shoulders.

I loosened up a little with his help and was able to drive home without incident. I ended up with a headache once we got home, but was able to feed the baby and sit down and relax with some TV (Lie to Me - what are they doing to the schedule on FOX these days?)

I have no idea where any of it came from. It was bizarre and I hope I never experience that again.

__________________

My mom was always strict about the type of shows that I was allowed to watch when I was a kid. I never argued (until I was a teen and figured I should be allowed to watch shows that other kids my age were watching) but now I'm dealing with Fuss arguing when I tell her the show on TV is not appropriate and she needs to turn it off. (She can watch the pre-school shows on Disney, but once they sing the "Ooh, ahh ahh, Bye-Bye" song, I don't like the shows for older kids, so she is not allowed to watch them.

Of course, I guess we didn't have cable until I was 5 or 6, so maybe I would have been more difficult as a toddler - who knows?

__________________

Trying to come up with birthday present ideas for Fuss is HARD. I did so much for her at Christmas, that now, I'm like - what now? We are taking her to Sea World for her birthday (worked out sort of randomly to have a hotel for cheap in Orlando for the weekend of her birthday, and I know she'll love Sea World and I always do, so... ) but we're not really going to have a party, I don't think. (I kind of hate throwing little kid parties. Is that horrible? We always do a family celebration and last year we took her to Disney - albeit 9 months later, but still - for her big celebration and now we're taking her to Sea World - but I wonder if I'm short-changing her somehow, by not throwing her a party with little friends and pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey and party hats and cupcakes...

What do you think? Should I throw my 3-yr-old a party?

10 on Tuesday

Questions for Tuesday, February 1, 2011!

1. What is your favorite childhood memory?

I would guess it would be something to do with the vacations I took every summer to the NC mountains. Being a girl from very flat Florida, the mountains were so amazing to me... and my grandparents would rent this house (we called it a cabin, but it had all the comforts of home, with the exception of cable TV) and they and my mom and I would all go up... my grandparents' best friends also owned a summer house up there (nicer than our rental, but then, they lived there for 5 mos of the year or more) and we would get together with them... so much fun, so simple, and I wish I had some way to show my husband and my kids what those vacations were like.

2. What is your favorite quality about yourself?

I've been trying to figure this out lately. As a kid, it would have been something like "creativity" or "friendliness" all things I got called by my teachers in elementary school. But now, I don't think I'm that creative anymore and I'm not as friendly as I used to be (and sometimes, I think my friendliness comes across as desperation instead of being friendly...)

3. What is your favorite thing that your child does?

I love when Little Man starts to laugh. It's this low chuckle and it's adorable.

I love it when Fuss says something sweet and poignant. Like when I ask her "how'd you get to be so beautiful?" and she says "because God made me beautiful."

4. What is your favorite thing to do to relax?

Read.

5. What is your favorite restaurant? And what is your favorite thing on the menu?

My favorite restaurant changes with my moods (I love to eat out). I'd say right now, my favorite reastaurant is Ban Thai Thai and Sushi and my favorite thing is their "Screaming Orgasm" sushi roll. (I didn't make up that name - it's on the menu)

6. What is your favorite piece of jewelry (besides your wedding ring)?

I have a handful of pendants that I love, but I haven't figured out how to wear them together, so I always wear them separately. My favorites are the amethyst and peridot pendant that I got the day Fuss was born, the Past, Present, Future diamond pendant I got for my 25th birthday from my husband, and my sapphire pendant that I got the day Little Man was born.

7. What is your favorite night of the week M-TH? And why?

Tuesdays. Mostly because of what is on TV on Tuesdays (NCIS, White Collar) and that there isn't a lot of stress on Tuesdays. No softball games, no commitments, etc.

8. What is your favorite dessert?

Again, depends on my mood. But I'd say that the best thing is the apple blob (an apple crisp of sorts) that my husband makes me. Or in his newly found penchant for making cheesecakes... his raspberry cheesecake.

9. What is your favorite item in your make-up bag?

Favorite item for fun is my lipgloss - sheer and shimmery, with a hint of peach color. But my must-have item is my eye liner. Otherwise, my eyes tend to get lost...

10. What is your favorite smell?

Lately it is Lemongrass. I also love the smell of my husband's cologne (Obsession) and Little Man's baby soap (Johnson's Oatmeal and Vanilla).