Thursday, February 3, 2011

The answer is only important if you ask the right question.*

There is large-budget item that my husband has been wanting for a long time. We're finally in a place where it's a good idea, etc. His friend has one that he is willing to sell us, so I planned to buy it for him for his birthday. As we were looking over the budget last night, I mentioned the cost of the item and he pulled out some cash he had stashed away from some side jobs he's been working over the last 6 months or so. He had more than enough to cover the cost of the item, so he said we wouldn't have to budget for it, since the money was already saved. I was bummed, because then it didn't seem like I was giving him a present. And then, of course, I realized that NONE of it was money that I earned and... well, I was kinda bummed.

My husband laughed and handed me the cash and said "well, then, this is your earnings from child care for the last week." How come he has a better attitude about it than I do?

Sometimes I get so frustrated by the fact that I don't "contribute" to the household financially. I love to spend money, but I don't make any at this point in my life. One can argue that if I worked outside the home, we would be spending money on child care, so in some ways, I "earn" that money by doing the child care myself and not having to pay someone else to do it.

Sometimes, though, it's just not enough. I barely got out of the house last week when the kids and I were sick. And due to more/continued illness this week, it's more of the same. I need socialization to feel complete. I want to contribute to our household by doing more than dishes, laundry, and child care. But I cannot think of something that I'd rather do (that I am capable of doing) than be home with my children, so I am at a cross-roads.

I'm looking into some options. I'm researching careers and opportunities to earn, reach out, have a creative outlet, etc. I'm trying to write again - something I haven't focused on since before the baby was born. But it's hard. And it's still not a social outlet, regardless of how much I enjoy it.

*(I was watching The Next Karate Kid on TV and I liked that quote.)

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