A very whiny 37 weeks

I have had a rough pregnancy. No energy. Pain. Nausea that began before the stick got 2 lines and ended only briefly well after the midway point only to return again when I was too large to lean over the toilet when necessary. Six colds in 9 months. Yeah, 6. And now those darn contractions that hurt, take my breath away, come on suddenly and randomly, sometimes way too close only to go away just about the time I'm thinking "hmm, maybe this is it."

There's been good stuff, too, but on a day like today (officially 37 weeks), I can't think of too many of them.
Today, I have had so many contractions that I periodically wonder if this is really just ONE incredibly long contraction and I'm just breathing easier through it at certain points. They have no rhythm, though and most of the time I can talk through the discomfort, so... Every freaking time I move - stand up, sit down, lay down, etc. I get hit with one. And then there is the tightness and pain in my lower back and hips. Seriously, I'm both waddling and limping because I can hardly move.

And today Little Man decided to come down with some sort of complication to his runny nose/mild cough we've been dealing with for a week. After he seemed like he was getting better. Today, he is screaming, telling me his face hurts or his ear hurts, that "he can't" do anything I ask him to do (lay down, swallow medicine, put the warm compress on his ear... despite the fact that all these things are JUST TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER.

Do you know how many times I've had to carry him in the last 48-hours? His compact, but solid, 33 lb little body? I can barely walk straight without him in my arms, and he wants/needs to be carried? I feel like I'm going to break. Like in half.

Hello in there!

Timidly peeking into the empty room. It seems like it echos in here.

It's been so long (more than a month) since I was here, writing, and even more so since I was terribly active at it, but I'm ready to get back to it. I've been working this week on my novel again and I'm motivated - just in time for summer to begin and other big changes in my life!

Only a few people know this, but I just found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant. (And most of those who DO know are my Luckies - and they wouldn't tell a soul.)

I spent a day being a little giddy every time I thought about it. My husband had a very good reaction to the news (unlike the last time we had a scare a few months ago - oh the difference a few months makes!) and I'm debating on telling my mom soon or not (she has a tendency of not being able to keep her mouth shut about things) and surprisingly, my husband even said he nearly told one of my best friends (who works with him at his office) yesterday, but he said he'd let me share the news.

Today, I've found myself looking up articles on the things to avoid during pregnancy (just to refresh my memory), playing with the Baby Name Voyager to see the popularity of the names we like, and "Windows" shopping Motherhood.com to see what is out there in maternity clothes these days... (though my BFF just gave me back our shared wardrobe of maternity clothes a couple of months ago since her husband finally said "no more kids!" and got his vasectomy.) I need to go through the collection, since it's been nearly 3 years since I was last pregnant. (Hard to believe Little Man is going to be THREE at the end of the summer!)

I know we'll be telling the immediate family (my parents, my SILs and MIL) in the next couple of weeks. We're going to be traveling soon to see SIL and her family and another SIL is moving out of state in about a month. (which makes me so sad that she won't be here for this baby!)

I've already found myself blaming the pregnancy on certain symptoms that may or may not be pregnancy related - my fatigue, my headaches. But then, I've been feeling fatigued for weeks and weeks, so it may just be coincidence.

I'm so excited. This new little Squishy is going to be a big change, but an exciting one! I think Fuss is going to be an amazing Big Sister again and Little Man... he likes babies. It will be really interesting to see how he reacts to NOT being the baby anymore.

Daddy's boy

Wow. Been a long time. Oops.

So lately, Little Man has been all about his Daddy. Now, this isn't really a new thing, since he has always loved his Daddy, but right now, it's Daddy Daddy Daddy "no Mama." and that makes me really, really sad. He's been my Little Man for nearly 2 1/2 years now and he's always had a connection with me. But if there is even a chance Daddy is around - or when Daddy SHOULD be around (the other day, my husband had to do an overnight out of town so the next morning there was a lot of sadness when Daddy couldn't get him out of his bed in the morning) - I am NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Waking up from bed/naps, getting out of the car, kissing boo boos, bedtime it's "no Mama, DADDY."

I know that my husband has done nothing to push this. He's a good guy and he's an amazing father and kids just respond to him (even kids who aren't his own) and he has always had a good relationship with our children. But Fuss was his special baby from the get go - she bonded to him in a special way from the beginning (and she and I bonded, too, but there was something magical about them) and despite my reticence about having a son (boys scared me) Little Man and I had a THING from the beginning. We were connected.

Until now. Now I'm rejected. It started with him refusing to cuddle as much as he once did. He's a busy, growing boy, so I accepted that as simply just him growing up. But lately this Daddy-thing has really been bothering me.

He still hugs me and smiles at me and plays with me - when Daddy is at work.

I know it's normal for a boy to want to attention of their father. Heaven knows there are SOOOO many books on the subject (some even going to far as to say that a boy without a father can never feel as complete no matter what a mother does to try to fill that void, etc.) and I know it's a natural part of him growing up that he wants to company of a man/other boys instead of just his mama. But it still makes me sad.

Bits and pieces and stream of conciousness

Things have been so busy!

Had my Dr's appt yesterday and my BP is back to normal after 2 weeks of no BCP, so no more estrogen pills for me, I guess. Going back on the mini pill and hoping it works. (80% effective) Also had them run a pregnancy test since my periods have been so wonky, but it's negative, so big sigh of relief. (I want another baby, but not NOW)

However, I got the word today that my oldest friend, Cherry, is pregnant with her first and I am so excited for her! Happy times! She's due just before Fuss's 4th birthday! I'll be passing her some maternity clothes, etc. I also want to throw her a shower, so I'll have to get with her mom on that. Exciting times!

Things are coming together for the Little Man's 1st Birthday party! I have ideas for favors (still need something for the baby set, though) and I've ordered stuff from Etsy that I'm totally excited about. I got confirmation today from my pastor that he will be able to come and do the baby dedication at the same time. Things are really working out nicely. (Though I found out awhile ago that my BFF and her family will be out of town that weekend, so I'm bummed that they won't be there, but you do what you can.) I still need to design the cake and buy some plates and such and finalize the menu. (I was just reminded of "puppy chow" which I love, but is it a bad idea to have something so yummy that my older child can't eat because of her peanut allergy?) I also need to find a pinata because I want to do that, too.

Some bits and pieces

So Wednesday, the Little Man randomly wanted to go down for his morning nap an hour earlier than normal. I chalked it up to randomness and the fact that he slept horribly the night before and fed him and put him down. He then slept longer than usual and I woke him up because we were planning on going somewhere and I wanted to guarantee he would take an afternoon nap, which sometimes is more difficult if he gets too much sleep in the morning. But then, he did it again this morning. Only he slept pretty well last night. And I completely missed the signs because he'd been a bit fussy all morning anyhow and he just passed out without getting fed. I mean, it's fine for him to take a nap earlier, but I've got one porn-star-sized leaking breast right now, so that's unfortunate. But it really might be for the best - this rescheduling of the nap time. It will make it easier to get things done if he sleeps and wakes earlier in the mornings.





My mom redid my childhood bedroom recently. It's been a guest room, but it was still filled with a lot of my childhood stuff, the bed I slept in in college, etc. Now, it's not even recognizable as my childhood room - new flooring, new paint, new curtains, even a new fan. And she gave me a bunch of stuff yesterday that she no longer has room for, so I joked "you're really kicking me out, huh?" The biggest problem is, I don't have room for much of it, either. So I'll be Craigslisting and ebaying a bunch of collectibles and such in the coming days. I'm sort of psyched about that anyhow, because I'm all about down-sizing right at the moment. I feel like we've just got too much stuff! But the couple of things that I really wanted to keep from childhood - I have no idea where to store them!





Fuss asked me the other day what I collected - and I really didn't have an answer for her. I used to have SO many collections. I collected dolls, I collected figurines, books, even names. But now? I don't have any real "collections" of anything. My house is decorated with pictures of my friends and family, but not really anything else. (I have a few flowers from my wedding and a candle or two, as well.) I wonder sometimes - is this a sign of less interest in things, or is this a sign of my desire to clean out the cobwebs.

Food and stuff

I feel like my posts have gotten very depressing (pardon the pun) lately. I'm trying to change my attitude and some days it works, some days it doesn't.

My little boy loves to eat. We've introduced a lot of table foods now and this boy can eat! He eats more than his sister (it also helps that he is much less picky than she) but he is simply demolishing everything we put in front of him. I'm not really sure what to feed him sometimes.

My little girl is picky. Picky, picky, picky. She has a variety of foods that she WILL eat, but she doesn't like to branch out at all and refuses dinner most nights. She wakes up hungry at 5 in the morning, but she is so stubborn, that she doesn't learn her lesson and eat the next time. Most of the time, she won't even try the food I give her, so it's not that I'm serving somthing yucky or whatever. (And if it's a meal I know she won't like at all - like our spicy shrimp creole - I always make her an alternative.)

Baby birthdays

My baby boy is 9 months old. I'm trying to plan his first birthday party and I'm STUCK. When Fuss was turning one, I had all these ideas for a theme. It was pink and green and was "Sweet Pea" themed. I handmade the invitations and I made the cake, I cleaned the decorated the house and we had all these people over for a party.

I cannot find a theme that I like, that works for my son's first birthday. Or rather, I can't find one I like that my husband also likes and I'm not in love with it enough to fight for it...
?
I'm scouring the internet. I've already booked a shelter at my favorite park, and I'm willing to make the invitations myself - as a matter of fact, I've been designing things and playing with ideas for days, even though I don't have a theme, so I don't really know what I want anyhow! Why is there no cute baby boy themes? Why does it all have to be Elmo and Dinosaurs?

I've thought about doing a Cookie Monster theme because I've made some really cute Cookie Monster cupcakes in the past, and I thought - hey! I can do that!

I kind of wanted to do a sailboat/nautical theme because that was one of my top choices for a boy-specific nursery theme that I didn't get to do because we were being smart! responsible! and went gender-neutral.

I've considered Cowboy, blocks, baby ducks, cupcakes and donuts. I'm afraid that cupcakes will be too much pressure when I go to make the cake/cupcakes. All the donut ideas seem to be PINK.

So, what to do?

Haircut Update (with pictures)

I'm told that people want to see pictures of the final result. I've played with it a couple of times over the last few days and it's growing on me - that is, I'm liking it more. Would I recreate this exact look again? No. Even if I chose to do another similar cut, there is still a section that is way too short in the wrong place, etc. But it doesn't make me wince and or cry when I see it.

A close up of the side.


A close up of the front.


Overall from the side.


And a bonus picture of my husband and son!

7 Quick Takes

1. On Wednesday night while we were at the hockey game, my mom came over to babysit the kids. After she put them to bed, she cleaned up my kitchen. LOVE. But she doesn't spend a lot of time at my house/in my kitchen so she doesn't know where stuff goes. Which is fine, I totally get that, etc. But what baffles me is that I discovered 2 specific instances where she moved stuff that was already in the cabinets to other places/cabinets. Does she think I put that stuff there by mistake? That I don't know where/how to arrange my own kitchen to the highest efficiency? I am not bothered by the numerous pieces she didn't put away, or by the handful that she put in the wrong place. But I am a little bugged that she moved my daughter's collection of sippy cups halfway across the kitchen from where they had been when I left.

2. Fuss gave herself a haircut on Thursday. I am heart-broken. She has these amazing little curls, and while I was going to have her hair cut eventually because the back grew in way faster/longer than the sides, etc. I certainly wasn't going to go quite as dramatically as she did, nor was I planning to do so 3 days before Easter. Sigh. I guess at least we already got her professional pictures done, so her longer hair was in that. She's probably going to end up with a ear-length bob. And her longest section of hair was more than half-way down her back, so that's a pretty dramatic change. We have an appointment with a recommended hair dresser on Saturday morning. (the pic above is the pile of hair she cut off shown with a tube of chapstick to show size)

3. Little Man has a tooth pushing through. I felt it Thursday morning. (right after he bit me. Thanks a lot, Buddy) I can't believe he's getting teeth already.

4. I got my first postpartum period on Tuesday night and by first thing Wednesday morning, it was back with a vengeance. It's reminding me of being a week postpartum. I hurt, I ache, I have no energy and my diet has been thrown out the window.

5. The Little Man seems to be going through a phase of rejection of the bottle, which is no fun. This effectively means that I cannot leave the baby with a sitter for any real length of time.

6. Do you know how hard it is to find a spring dress (read: not black) that you can nurse a baby in without completely undressing? I have a wedding to go to in June and I was trying to combine an Easter dress with the fashion needs of that event, but I'll have to feed the baby in both incidences. I bought 2 dresses tonight at Kohls, but I'm not crazy about either of them, but I like the colors and I can feed the baby and they are both comfortable.

7. My mom is hosting Easter dinner this weekend, and my in-laws are coming. I'm just glad that I don't have to do it all myself this time.

Things I don't want to forget

• This weekend, I had a moment... my husband brought the baby in to me first thing in the morning. (We have a habit of him going to get the baby when he wakes up and bringing him into the bed so I can nurse him without getting up. Depending on the day/time, sometimes he'll get back in bed and snuggle with us, but if it's a work day and later, he'll go straight to the shower.) Up until now, Daddy Fuss would put the baby down and I'd have to pull his paci out of his mouth before he could latch onto me. But this weekend... he saw me and opened his mouth, dropping the paci and reached for me. It was so sweet and so special.
• Fuss says cute little screwy things - mispronunciations of words, or phrases out of order. She's starting to outgrow some of them, so I want to record my favorites.
  
  Farkles = sparkles
  File! = smile
  Bodden = bottom (she's still saying this one, for which I am grateful)
  I ate my breakfast all = I ate all my breakfast
  
• Little Man is starting to sit up by himself and he has the greatest posture. He sits on the floor on a blanket and gets an object in his hands and works it from every angle. He studies things so hard. And then he gets bored, tosses it and doesn't want it again because "mama, I'm already done with that one." (he is obviously not SAYING it, just that's the look...)

Weekend in Review

We got a sort of last minute invitation to join my MIL, my SIL LP and her roommate and friend Aunt Amy (what we have the kids call her - I have a lot of friends named Amy) strawberry picking on the last day the fields were opened for the season. It was a beautiful day and there were some gorgeous strawberries out in the fields. We were very happy with our harvest!

We came home and washed and sorted our strawberries and let Fuss play and both kids took a nap. Then we went on a long list of quick errands - diapers from Target, picking up last week's pictures from JCPenney and then I scored a great deal on Earth's Best Organic Baby food thanks to a coupon in combination with a sale that a friend called my attention to. (Thanks again, Bex!)

We spent the evening with my mom and step-dad while my husband fixed my step-dad's computer and Fuss entertained us all over pizza. We came home and put the kids to bed and watched Veronica Mars on TV (my idea. I've been thinking in VM quotes lately and it's been awhile since we watched the show.)

On Sunday the kids both slept in after multiple wakings in the night and so we lazed around the house having breakfast (blueberry muffins with strawberries. Juice for the Fuss, coffee for the adults) until my dad showed up unannounced and then we rushed around getting ready for my BFF's son D's birthday party.

We had a blast at this place that had both indoor token-style games (Ski-ball, Gator Smash, arcade games, games of chance and slots) and outdoor activity type games (go karts, bumper boats, mini golf, batting cages) and rides (mini roller coaster, train rides). Fuss had SO much fun, but we stayed a really long time and basically missed the main naptime for both kids.

We settled down to watch the end of the Burn Notice Marathon and the new (made for TV) movie Burn Notice: The Fall of Sam Axe. We are BIG fans of Burn Notice, so we were hoping for a good time. We broke out the beer and margaritas (I'm not experienced in making Mojitos) and appetizers for dinner (we felt it was very Sam-ish) but the kids kept waking up over and over and over, so it wasn't the most relaxing night we've ever had, but it was fun and eventually, the kids let us sleep (for about 6 hours) and all was right with the world.

7 Quick Takes

1. I'm getting a cold, courtesy of my son and apparently one of us has also managed to pass it to my daughter. Yippee. WHY oh why did I put him in the nursery? (Fuss told me this morning that her mouth hurts when she swallows her spit. She's got a sore throat.)

2. My boy is sitting up on his own. I'm kind of thrilled. He sits up so cute and regal-like. This is one cute kid.

3. I've been watching the previews for this William and Kate movie on Lifetime and I want to see it. I really haven't followed their relationship because I have issues with tabloids harassing people who just want to have normal lives. And it's not like William really had any choice to his fame... but the movie looks sweet and I'm starting to remember my mom watching Diana's wedding... it's the royal wedding of this generation...

4. I have stuff I want to do this weekend. This cold sucks.

5. I'm obsessed with Easter candy. My favorite candy is Cadburry Creme Eggs which you can only get at Easter. I also love Peeps. Particularly the pink bunnies. I did buy a few Creme Eggs this year, but I haven't bought one marshmallow bunny. I'm trying to be good and the temptation is just too much, so I'm not even having them in the house. I bought the kids some cute little toys for Easter instead of a lot of candy. I feel this is very responsible of me.

6. We're starting to give Little Man some table foods. Soft ones or chunks of fruit that are too big to swallow, but he can suck and gnaw on. He loves it. He had grits the other day, and mashed potatoes last night. He had cantaloupe yesterday. He's having fun learning to enjoy real food.

7. I've become obsessed with Scrabble. Apparently, I'm 70 years old.

No more pacis

We did the "paci exchange" this weekend. We've been talking about it for a week with Fuss, telling her about how when she was ready, we would go to Target and pick out something and then we'd turn in all of her pacis, even the one on Maddie the Monkey, and she would get a present and her pacis would go to some baby girls who needed them. She started talking about it on Friday night and then again on Saturday morning. We told her that if she was ready, we'd go right then.

We searched her room for pacis and put them into a baggie. We took them to Target where she insisted that she wanted "Checkers" but kept reaching for a Travel Scrabble game. We explained that that wasn't really the ideal game for her - since she can't read or spell, Scrabble wasn't going to really work very well. And for some strange reason I had the hardest time finding a standard Checkers game, so we directed her toward the regular toys and she fell in love with a stuffed puppy dog that came in one of those fancy pet carriers and had a leash, etc. She named it after one of her favorite Princesses, Tiana.

Nap time on Saturday went okay. She didn't go down easy, but that happens pretty often. She also didn't stay down for a really long time, but the 3+ hour naps are much fewer and further between than they used to be, so this wasn't a shocker. But night time has been much more difficult. It has taken her HOURS to settle down and stop calling for us for some little thing or another.

I have been SO tired lately, but can't seem to adjust to Daylight Savings Time and can't seem to go to bed before 11:00pm. I can't seem to get through the tiredness and I usually end up hitting a brick wall mid day and desperately want a nap (whether I get one or not, is questionable.)

I need more sleep.

Little Man has been SO fussy lately and is sleeping better at night, but worse (well, not as long) during the day. I suppose I can handle that - I'd rather not be waking 5-8 times during the night to walk across the darkened house to put a paci back in his mouth. But I wish he'd go back to the more than an hour long nap. I guess you can't have everything.

7 Quick Takes.

1. I started feeling better after getting out my rants yesterday. It's still true, but I don't feel so defeatist about it.

2. My kids are cute. Really cute. (I tried to add a picture, but it's not working. I'll get on this weekend when I have my husband's computer and do it.)

3. We had a tornado warning in my area yesterday. Living in Florida, and pretty near the coast, I'm very used to bad weather warnings, etc. They never bothered me before I had kids. Yesterday I realized that there was no windowless spaces in our house (no walk-in closets, and even our bathroom has a pretty good sized window in the shower area) so I closed all the bedroom doors and planned to hide out in the hallway if it got closer. I packed a bag of the kids clothes and all the diaper stuff. I tossed my wallet and my Kindle in it and put blankets and cushions in a pile in the hall. I made sure Fuss and I were both clothed (it was morning and when we don't go out, a lot of times, Fuss especially walks around half dressed) and I put our shoes in the hall, too. The weather report was scary. They were projecting that the worst part of the storm was going to come straight through our part of the county. I watched the radar on our weather station... and I heard about the aftermath and damage reports. There was (a good amount of) tornado damage within a mile of my house. There were some pretty serious gusts of wind all over the county (reports were coming in for 50, 60, 70 MPH gusts as close as the school that is basically in my neighborhood.) I could hear the wind howling outside my door. Thankfully, we only had some power flickers and no apparent damage to our house. The area to the south of us, that didn't even get hit as hard as we did, got more than 1/2 an inch of rain in 20 minutes. No wonder the street in front of my house flooded for a short bit. (It does that. Fast and hard rain tends to make the drainage back up and the street floods briefly until it can catch up.)

4. My son is obsessed with cords and gadgets, especially things that light up. Especially things he can't have. (like my phone, or the USB hub connected to my computer) My daughter is currently obsessed with strawberries and her stuffed animals.

5. Fuss went strawberry picking with her aunt J the other day and had a fun time. She came home with more strawberries than we can eat (but not enough to make wine from, thank goodness! I'm not ready for that again yet.) And she will not stop asking for them. I think she might be trying to turn herself into a strawberry. Or at least turn herself into Strawberry Shortcake.

6. We got the check from the consignment sale that my friend held last week. It was really low. I got $10 back and they waved the consignor's fee of $15. I sold about $15 worth of stuff total. There was at least $60 worth of stuff there (the prices I put on it) so not much of my stuff sold, which is really, really disappointing. I had several pieces that had never been used, including shoes. I had them donate the left over stuff, thinking it would be a handful of pieces instead of the bulk of my offerings. I was hoping to earn enough to buy my kids each an outfit and possibly even myself something, if it all went. I guess not.

7. My headaches have been ramping up again. I am not thrilled. I had one this morning that felt like I was getting pretty strong electric shocks through the right side of my face/head. Yes, it feels as bad as it sounds. Not fun.

Quick Takes (that have nothing to do w/ Luck)

1. Little Man keeps sucking on his bottom lip (it makes him look like a Cabbage Patch doll), but he sucks so hard, that he's basically given himself a hickey of sorts. It looks like he's got this horrible rash under his chin. Crazy kid.

2. We went to a bounce house play place yesterday with my MOPs group and Fuss had so much fun, but I think we've finally found something she's afraid of - really tall, fast slides. She went down one there and then climbed up again but was then afraid to slide down it again. I had to climb up (no small feat - as it was an inflatable ladder sort of thing, not meant for adult feet) and slide down with her on my lap. When Daddy Fuss took her to a park later that day, she told him she was scared of the big slide and would only go down the small slide. Who knew my fearless kid would find a slide intimidating?

3. I dropped off stuff to my friend's children's consignment sale yesterday and was able to shop a pre-sale. I got a few cute things for the kids and my friend M was able to get a couple of things for HER kids (since she drove with me). I'm really excited to get some money back for some of the stuff I have. I kept thinking of more things I could sell - if I get a nice check, then I think this could easily get addictive!

4. That being said, I'm stuck in a boy clothing quandry. The weather has gotten so warm (80's every day this week) that it's really necessary to dress the kids in summer clothes. But Little Man has only a handful of summer-appropriate items, but he's also at the top of this current size. I don't want to buy stuff in this size that won't likely last the bulk of the summer, but the next size up is too big. He can wear it, but it's really large on him. I have one set of half a dozen onesies and a few creepers, etc. But he has a very limited supply of nice looking clothes in this size.

5. My daughter is fabulous. She is friendly and fun and has SO much personality. But I'm starting to wonder if she's kind of bossy or too pushy to other kids, because sometimes when I see her interacting with other kids it seems like they don't always want to include her. I've felt like that my entire life - like I don't always fit in, like I'm not really included in groups of friends, only tolerated. I want to be good friends with people and a lot of times I feel left out of the "inner circle" and I don't want that for Fuss. I want her to be sweet and social and have best friends. The worry never ceases, does it?

6. I'm going to a baby shower tomorrow morning and I'm bringing the baby and Fuss is going to a volleyball tournament with Daddy Fuss to take pictures for Aunt LP's teams. (She's a volleyball coach) It should be interesting to see how that goes.

7. I went out to dinner with my friend M last night to have some girl time. She made the comment that she "lived to be a mom." I love my kids, wouldn't give them up for anything, but I don't know if I could honestly say that. I occasionally find myself oddly jealous of M who is going through an awkward separation in her marriage/family because she has some dedicated time to herself. (I have no desire to leave my husband or kids and my heart breaks for her when I think about it like that, but just some real time alone or without my kids would be nice sometimes!) I think this might end up being a whole other post in itself.

For more Quick Takes, click here.

Selfish

I've done very well this time around, not hating on the nursing, not resenting my baby for needing to be ON me, suck on me to get his nutrition. But... I'm starting to feel less happy about it.

I want my body back. I want to be able to wear a real bra that makes me look like I am a real woman with normal curves up top. I know a bunch of my friends wear regular bras sometimes when BFing, but I can't. My chest gets so big and really - what is the point of wearing a regular bra when you have to unsnap it every 3 hours? What's the point of wearing something you have to take off all the time? But I need something that is going to give me a little more support now that 2 pregnancies and 16+ months of BFing (over the course of both children so far) have taken their toll on my chest.

I hate waking up to full or partially full breast(s) in the middle of the night when I am HOURS away from feeding him. It's uncomfortable and awkward. And then the weird positions I have to put myself in don't allow me to get the best sleep... which is already pretty light to begin with.

I hate being in pain during the day when the baby takes a particularly good nap or gets too distracted to eat during a feeding and doesn't eat enough to empty me.

I love being close to him, I love being able to provide immune system boosting sustenance, but I really miss being able to just be ME instead of the Little Man's walking food source.


I'm tired all the time, I'm hungry all the time.

Grr, darn Dr.

Yesterday, I took the kids for back-to-back check ups. Fuss had her 3 years one and Little Man, his 6 mos. Both kids were pronounced healthy and thriving and it was said that they "couldn't be doing any better."
Then the pediatrician told me I could start giving Little Man a sippy cup for "fun" to teach him to drink from a cup, etc., etc. And THEN she tells me to put formula in the cup. And I immediately said "no, we're not doing formula" because I've been there, and we're doing SO well with the BFing and I just don't want to go there. (I gave Fuss formula at 6 mos on her recommendation and that was the beginning of the end for us.) And then she argued. Basically told me that I SHOULD give him formula or he won't drink milk in the future, blah, blah, blah. I'm sitting there going "give me a freaking break!" And then when she left, I asked the nurse. The nurses in the office have always been SO supportive of EBFing (exclusively breast-feeding) and so I asked her what she thought. She told me not to do the formula if I didn't want to and she said that she's known plenty of kids who EBFed (even ones who didn't get any solids in the first 9-12 mos) who did fine drinking regular milk, etc. I told her I didn't want her to be disagreeing with the Dr if it would get her in trouble, but that I felt like I needed a 2nd opinion and that the nurses seemed to be so much more supportive of EBF. She said she wouldn't if it were her kid. (and this wasn't even either of my favorite nurses, though I like this one plenty)
So I'm obviously NOT going to give him formula, but I am PEEVED AGAIN about the Dr pushing formula on me and my VERY HEALTHY child. I obviously have plenty of milk and he is doing great on it. (I would have been fine with the suggestion if he wasn't growing/I was stressed over not enough milk, etc.)
So I don't know if I should look into another ped or not. I said that the next time they pushed me to feed my baby formula I was going to find another ped.

I think I'm leaning towards doing some more research before making my choice/leaving them. I'm talking it over w/ Daddy Fuss, of course, etc. I'm just really upset that despite the fact that I have plenty of milk, my children are healthy and growing, I'm not complaining about BFing (because I do think that stress should be a factor) - I feel like every time I turn around they are telling me to feed my kids formula. And they claimed to be pro-BF when I interviewed them before Fuss was born! I feel like on this issue (which I think in the early years is a big one - what to feed your child) I know WAY more than the Drs about it and what happens when/if I do ever really need help? My sister and a few other friends who have big families have mentioned that they feel like they have less milk with each child (a combination of age/hormones/stress, I'm sure) and so what happens if the next kid or 2 (I have no idea how many we'll ultimately have) and I really need more support - are they just going to throw up their hands and hand me Enfamil samples and say "here! feed them this!"?

(I apologize to the Luckies who have already read this nearly verbatim on the board. But since I already wrote it out once, i figured I could just do some updating/corrections and copy it here.)

On the road again...

So, apparently 3 years was the timeline for my daughter to be potty trained. And 6 mos was the timeline for my son to learn to roll over by himself. We've been very busy here at the House of Fuss.

In addition, we just got home fro our trip to Orlando and now I'm packing for our trip (sans Daddy Fuss) to GA. I'm feeling some pressure. So much to do, so little time, and how on earth am I going to make a long car trip with a potty training tot who likes to be able to sit on the potty A) whenever she pleases, and B) which seems to be every 15 minutes? (not always, but often. sometimes she holds it for hours....)

I am thankful that my friend M is coming with me, but I am baffled by her personal situation. She is currently separated from her husband. (It's a very long story) but they have 3 kids together, so you know, they'll never really be separated completely. But anyhow, so she committed to come with me, but her husband is trying to get Saturday off and he's talking about coming up, too, with the kids. Now, between us, we would have to take 2 vehicles anyway because of all the kids/carseats, But I can't seem to figure out if he would be caravan-ing with us, or if he would just happen to be going up at the same time. I have no idea where he and the kids would stay (we're staying with friends of the family) and I don't know if I'm expected to make arrangements or expected to "stick with him" when we travel... and it's just awkward.

We're all old friends from way back, so I understand why he wants to go. But it's still baffling. And it makes me wish my husband was coming with me even more.

I HATE being away from my husband. I really like being around him as much as possible. I like having his companionship, his help with the kids, his support, his strength (both physical and emotional)... so leaving him for even a few days always makes me sad. I'm kicking myself for telling him that if I could find someone else to go with me, that he wouldn't have to.

But we'll be fine. It'll be a whirlwind or a trip and we'll be home on Monday night. It'll be nice to see a bunch of family friends who I haven't seen in awhile. It'll be fun to spend that much time "alone" with M and really get to talk. (We never get lots of time to talk together.)

I'm almost packed and it isn't supposed to be nearly as cold this time, so I'm not as worried about the quantity of clothes or the weather/driving conditions, etc.

A good one...

I spent my Thursday very differently from most Thursdays. I sat on the floor of my living room with my children and I played toddler games. I spun her new Princess tops, I played Strawberry Shortcake Memory, I bowled a rubber bowling ball into foam pins. We watched a movie together and I read her stories. I tickled my son and made him giggle. I did almost nothing productive, but my children were happy. It was a good day.

Despite the potty wars continuing (we had some success today! I changed tactics and it seems to be working) it was a really good day. Despite my husband being gone for more than 13 hours straight and missing the bulk of the time the kids were awake... somehow, it was mostly a good day.

The last few hours were tough. Trying to get SOMETHING done, dinner, fussy baby, (and having to give him medicine in smaller doses, twice as often), coughing myself and blowing my nose several dozen times... I had a good day.

Friday (today) is Fuss's 3rd birthday. I cannot believe she is 3. It's amazing. More later.

Bodily fluids

I had no time to post yesterday. None. I JUST realized that I didn't write the memorial I was going to write for the member of my "family" who passed away on Monday.

I was peed on, pooped on, and puked on yesterday, and all during the hours my husband was at work. In between bodily functions, I worked on cleaning the house and readying it for Fuss's family birthday party last night. This is included a run to the grocery store to pick up her "pretty cake", as she had asked for a store-bought cake this year after drooling over the beautifully decorated cakes every week as we grocery shop. (Our local branch of the grocery store houses the district bakery, so the biggest and most talented bakers and cake decorators all work there.)

She really struggled with the potty training yesterday and I was SO tired of mopping up pee puddles, especially since I was trying to CLEAN the house. Little Man started having explosive diapers in reaction to the antibiotics he is on. When I first got him up, I discovered that his diaper was so full, it shot up the back of him, all through his onesie and all over both of us. There were more of those to come. He spit up all of his second breakfast all over me and my bed and if that wasn't enough, he had some projectile vomiting after his afternoon nap that ended up all over my bed. He then proceeded to spit up/throw up his entire portion of milk all over me, the floor and the chair I usually sit in (thus prompting a second bath for him, and 3rd change of clothes for myself). By this time, I was so stressed and panicked that the baby was ill and that things weren't going to get done around the house. As it was, my husband and my SIL had to help me finish getting the kids ready and getting the meal ready. I later had to change yet again when yet another explosive diaper occurred and leaked all over me.

It was, pardon the pun, a crappy day. And one I don't wish to repeat. We're spreading out his antibiotic now to hopefully decrease the chances of more vomit.