Ten on Tuesday (3)

1. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A teacher. Forever a teacher until I decided that I liked to write (fiction) as a teen and someone suggested I go into Journalism (non-fiction, hopefully) and I did a stint as the Editor of my high school paper. One year of college reporting classes and I realized that I would not enjoy life as a reporter. (I think I wanted to be Lois Lane. But even if that were possible, it would have taken a lot of years and a lot of gumption that I do not have to get there and, well, I'm not into being miserable in the mean time).

2. Name 3 of your irrational fears.
-Infertility. It's a major problem for some people, but thus far, I haven't had to deal with it. My mom did - that's why I'm an only child - and for some reason I have always assumed that I would, too. But even if I did, I truly believe that God would have a plan.
-Something tragic happening to Fuss. Like an incurable disease, or being kidnapped or hit by a car.
-My biggest fear, though - irrational or not - is that something might happen to Daddy Fuss and I'd be all alone. His father died young and I'm terrified of that happening to me, too.

3. If you had a $200 gift card to any store, what would you want it to be? (Nothing responsible allowed. Can’t be used for groceries or anything)
Target. I love Target and if told I couldn't buy anything responsible, I could still find a TON of stuff to buy there. Forget $200, I could easily irresponsibly spend $2000 at Target.

4. What is your most (blog-friendly) embarrassing moment?
In the very beginning of my sophomore year in high school, we had a rainy day - the kind where it pours and you're guaranteed to be soaked no matter what. At my school there were all sorts of places that attracted deep, huge puddles and many times we'd figured out a way around them. Like this one place by the gym - you could jump up on the concrete benches and walk across those to keep your feet out of the 4 inch puddle. Except that over the summer they had replaced those benches with metal ones covered in this slick plastic. I jumped up there and slipped and landed on my butt in the 4" puddle. Right in front of a crowd of upperclassmen. My clothes were soaked down to my underwear, my backpack drenched, my shoes and socks... you get the idea.

5. If you were only allowed to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
I'd say pasta, because I love it, but really, it would probably be something more healthy because after a bunch of junky heavy meals, I always crave something better for me. So Thai food. Specifically shrimp (or chicken) with Hot Pepper. Those nice, crispy vegetables, a light but spicy sauce. Good stuff, my friends, good stuff.

6. What was your favorite toy growing up?
My dolls. Different dolls at different points growing up, but I played with them into my teens.

7. Do you have a “go to” outfit? What is it?
Well, I'd say yes and no - I usually have a favorite top of the moment and right now it's this long-sleeved shirt from Loft, and I can pair said tops with jeans or pants as the situation fits (usually jeans) but I don't really like my jeans right now, so I've got nothing. I've got a few tops that I really like right now, but nothing guaranteed to make me happy when I put it on.

8. Who was the best teacher you ever had?

Since I went to a really good school, it's going to be hard for me to pick one...
Mrs. Swain: My first grade teacher who really taught me to read and to love it, which is a gift I have never forgotten and always appreciated. Years later, I hung out with her after school and helped her grade papers, etc. since my parents were never on time to pick me up and I would have otherwise been forced to go to after-school care. Even more years later, after she retired, she and my grandmother became incredibly good friends and they still keep in touch. Unfortunately, she's not doing well these days and I have to say that the world be a less-good place when she leaves it.
Miss Pryski: Also one of my husband's favorite teachers. She taught 4th grade when I had her and I especially remember her Bible lessons, though she taught science and math and History (also another memorable specialty). She was really into her subjects and made them come alive for us.
Mr. Strickland: Ask any student who came through my school in the many years above me and a couple years below (he retired while I was in college) and they will tell you that he was one of their favorite and most-memorable teachers. He taught Bible and a couple of classes we often jokingly called Life 101 and Life 404. (He called them 8th grade Relationships and Sr. Social Studies, respectively.) He was brilliant and knowledgeable about everything and he made you work for those grades, but you wanted to please him. Sr. year he taught a course in the book of Romans which ultimately ended in an exam with one question on it: "Explain Romans." It was a rite of passage for all of the Seniors and in some ways it was the hardest test we had ever taken to date. (I got a 92, which is impressive for me, since I don't typically test well) He also required a Doctrinal Statement from each Sr - a paper that outlined and explained our religious beliefs, individually and the why and where we got those ideas from. A very educational experience.

9. If you could buy any car right now (something at least SORT OF within the realm of reality…so, you know, a Rolls Royce may not qualify), what would it be?

Well, in fairness, I should pick a vehicle for Daddy Fuss, since my old Jetta that he is now driving is starting to have problems and he is the one stuck dealing with them and my van is fine. He'd want a truck, I think, but it would have to be a bigger one that could seat a kid or 2, so probably a 4-door variety. But if we're talking ME, I'd just want a newer, more fully-loaded minivan. I love my van, but we had to get one with fewer ideal features than I wanted, so I'd like a different one.

10. How do you reckon that Chelsea comes up with 10 of these questions every week? It was hard! What’s your theory on how she’s so creative? Are you going to help her?

As soon as I come up with some good ones, I will be sending her some of my own. I'm simply very glad that she encourages participation in 10 on Tues even if I can't help come up with questions. Because man, these are interesting and I'm not really that interesting lately.

For more Ten on Tuesday, visit Chelsea and the others here.

The Mommy Words Name Game (meme)

1. Do you have any cultural or religious naming traditions?

We have no mandatory cultural or religious naming traditions to follow, but we do both really like Celtic-based names and we both come from Celtic origins (Scottish and Irish), though for our first child we didn't actually choose one from that group. (I guess it's got some English origins, though)

2. Did you or your partner come to the marriage with pre-selected names?

Yes. My husband wants our first boy to be a 3rd. I also had a girl's name picked out that I loved, but ultimately, I changed my mind and we didn't use it. It didn't even make my short list at all.

3. Did you consider the sound of the first and middle and last names together? Did this make any sad eliminations?

Yes. Oh yes. And we looked at initials, too so that no "bad words" were spelled out by the initials. Our last name starts with a C so RA and SA were out. One of my favorite names Rebecca Aimee was eliminated because of that combination faux pas.

4. Do you have veto powers?

Both of us had veto powers over things we hated, though I can't veto his "the 3rd" and he takes a step back to girls' names if I insist.

5. Did the baby naming cause arguments?

Not really. we have a lot of similar tastes. And while there are some beautiful names that really don't fit with our last name and his logic ultimately made sense. We didn't fight but there were a lot of "really? you don't like that?" questions.

6. Do you think it is easier to name boys or girls?

Boys. We have a MUCH shorter list for boys than girls.

7. Did you eliminate names because of people from your past or present who you don’t like or because a certain image comes to mind.

Yes!!!! There are a few names I would have put on our short list in a heartbeat, but one of us hated because of negative associations.

8. Did you / would you survey your children to get their thoughts on the name?

Nope. We are much too opinionated to let other people decide what gets to be our decision. We only have the one kid, so far, and we already made the decisions on our next child whether a boy or a girl.

9. Did you tell people the name or possibler names before the baby was born or were they “in the vault”?

We were planning to take 2 secret names to the hospital and decide then. But when it became apparent what the final answer was around 7.5 months, we went ahead an announced it. But we stipulated that we didn't want to hear any negative feedback at all - the decision was final. We also stipulated that we controlled the the nicknaming options - there were some obvious nicknames that we hated, so we wanted to control of that.

10. Did you use baby name books?

Yes! I have a collection. But my favorite, by far is The Baby Name Wizard by Laura Wattenberg. She also has a website full of information and runs a weekly blog. Laura's book doesn't deal with meanings, so I also have a couple of name dictionaries, since meanings are very important to us. 100,000 Baby Names is my most comprehensive.

Drumroll Please…What did you name your kids and why? Well, here, I call her The Fuss. But, obviously that isn't the name on her birth certificate. :)

We chose a very classic name. My qualifications were that I loved to say it over and over, that at least part of it (first or middle or both) had to have a nice meaning, I really wanted to have an association with a song, and I wanted us to just feel right. Her name is related to my husband's name and she has his initials. Her middle name is the name of one of our favorite female historical figures (and my husband is a history buff, so it's even more important). I had a requirement that her name not be in the top 50 of the several previous years Social Security popularity stats. Her middle name is in the top 10 and if it wasn't, we might have actually reversed the order of them. :)

This Meme is brought to you by Brittany of Mommy Words.

Old haunts

For my longest relationship before Daddy Fuss, we met on this traveling music tour we both participated in (we sang and performed a minimum of twice a day at churches, schools, nursing homes and the like. It was a ministry opportunity and it was a very interesting experience for me from a social and religious perspective). It was 11 years ago, so I don't remember the whole speech they gave, but it was 31 kids (ages 14-18), for 33 days in 25 states. We spent a lot of time on a tour bus and we all got to know each other really well in that environment and I kept in touch with a lot of them for the next couple of years.

We weren't supposed to have romances on tour, but there were several couples who hooked up during our time, and I was part of one. I was part of THE couple of the tour - the only one that lasted and the one everyone else sort of thought of as the "super couple" (which was probably part of the reason the leaders hated me - my boyfriend was one of their pets and I was distracting him or something). But there were others. Specifically, Jenny and Ben and Scott and Leslie. (although at the beginning of the tour it seemed like Scott was going to get with Anna - the weird things you remember 11 years later). I remember the heady feeling of that - having the best looking most popular guy falling in love with me, having people look up to me, etc. I think that might have been part of my motivation for being with him.

Anyhow, said boyfriend and I stayed together for two and a half years after that. We even got engaged for about 24 hours (before my now-husband talked me out of getting engaged so young). I would classify him as my first real love, looking back. But I have no wistful memories of him, or anything. Sure, there were good times, but there were also a lot of bad and it didn't end in a good way, so it's sort of like when it ended it was "good riddance" and then it was over.

I've gone a long time without giving him more than a passing thought, but lately, he's come up more and more. It's weird, because I don't have to explain my history with him to most of my friends, because they were there (most of my friends have been around for a very long time) when it was happening, but my friend J, she's much newer to my life and when I was telling a story that was loosely related to him, I had to explain him a few weeks ago, etc., etc.

There was something else that brought him up a few months ago, too - I can't remember.

Anyhow, I was recently contacted by one of the girls from our tour group on Facebook. I had already made contact with 2 of my closest friends from tour, since they have distinctive names and I was able to easily find them with a basic search. But Cori had pulled out her old scrapbook and is going through the list she has trying to find everybody so we can somehow all reconnect. I've been helping her find people, and we've found about 10 of the 31 in the last 3 weeks.

She found my ex in her searches and has friended him on FB. I am not friending him. I don't want contact with him and I don't think my husband would be comfortable with it any more than I would. But there is a small part of me that would love for him to find me - to see how happy I am with my amazing husband and my gorgeous daughter. I suppose it's that whole "I'm doing fine without you" mentality, regardless of whether or not I want anything to do with him at this point in my life.

I have no desire to rekindle a friendship with him - I'm not even sure I'm past the point where I've forgiven him for the things he did to me when we were together, and that is something that God and I need to work on. But part of me is worried about it.

Everything she ever wanted...

This past week my best friend called me up to tell me her good news. She got the teaching job she had been wanting, at the school she wanted, and she's guaranteed not to have any of the little monsters she had this past semester when she was thrust into a classroom full of troubled 2nd graders half way through January.

I am very happy for her.

We are the same age. Born approximately 3 months apart. She has been working on her degree off and on the entire time we have been good friends (we've known each other since age 15, but didn't really start liking each other until we graduated high school). She is married with 2 kids. And now she has was is essentially her dream job. She has (nearly) everything she has wanted for as long as I've known her. (at least goals-wise - married: check, kids: check, career: check)

Last weekend, as I mentioned, I went to the wedding of my oldest friend. Cherry has her master's degree and is working in her desired field and loves her job with a passion. She recently decided to return to FL from the Chicago area and easily found a job that she is fairly sure she will love. She just got married to a really nice man and they plan to wait a year or so before trying to have children. She had a dream wedding that probably cost more than the down payment we put on our house (which was pretty significant, thanks to a gift from my dad.) She seems sublimely happy. (education: check, career/dream-job: check, married: check).

I have the most wonderful husband in the world. (You may argue, claim that YOUR husband is the best, and I may nod and smile, but I secretly know that mine is the absolute best.) My daughter is beautiful, healthy, entertaining and while she sometimes drives me up a wall, I wouldn't trade her for the world.

But I don't have a job or career that I love. I don't even know what it would be if I were to be given the opportunity to have such a thing. I have an associates degree in graphic design, which I really enjoyed getting, but I haven't used my skills in so long, I'm not sure I'd know how to if you pointed me towards a well-stocked computer and told me to create something lovely.

I wonder sometimes if my life is missing something. The women's lib movement tells us we can have it all - career, family, etc. I don't. I have my family and I love them, but a career? Not even close.

When I was a kid, I imagined myself with a career. For a very long time, I wanted to be a teacher. I was very focused on that. Then I discovered writing (and Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman) and I wanted to be a reporter (or more accurately, Lois Lane). When I discovered during my freshman year that being Lois Lane wasn't even remotely realistic (and why would I want to without Clark Kent, really?) I switched around to other majors and ultimately ended up with Graphic Design. I enjoyed my course work. I enjoyed learning to create pretty things, etc. I had a couple of short-term jobs in the field and then went to work for an advertising agency (which had been my goal in school), but as the Office Manager instead of a designer/ art director.

I always knew I'd end up married, with children. But it was sort of in that "I'm going to be a _________. And of course I'll get married and have kids, too" sort of way.

So sometimes I look at my life and wonder how did I end up here, as a SAH mom? It's not really a bad thing. I love being able to be home with her, not having to deal with my insane boss, etc. But I wonder, am I missing something? Will I look back in 50 years and wonder what became of my life? Or will I know that I was where I was supposed to be all this time.

I often feel as if I'm missing something, but I don't know what. Maybe it's another kid... Maybe it's a chance to socialize and DO something outside my home... Maybe it's the desire to leave a mark on the world somehow... Maybe it's a really fantastic shoe collection...