Weekend Review

I went to a product party this weekend. Technically, my mom and I were co-hosting. But, while I'd seen the products before (and even owned a couple, thanks to gifts from my mom) I'd never been to one of the parties before. My mom kept telling me that I should consider selling this stuff. And now I am. I will be signing up to be a consultant with this company - more on this later. But I'm very excited. I'm just nervous. I know I can get up in front of people and talk about the products, but my concern about these things is always - will I get more bookings? And once I've hit up all my friends to book parties, then what? My mom can and will only host so many, you know?

I took Fuss to her first movie-theater movie this weekend. They did a short-term re-release of The Lion King in theaters to promote the release of the Blu-Ray version coming out. I hadn't seen it in theaters before (on video, but missed it in the theater) so it was a new experience for me as well. She loved it. She loved the theater experience, the popcorn, the seats, the big screen. She behaved wonderfully and excitedly asked "can we see it again?" as the credits rolled and the lights came up at the end.

We had a bad week last week here at Casa Fuss. Fuss has just been very difficult lately and the tantrums and the disobedience have gotten out of control. Things improved over the weekend with the constant monitoring/teaching of both parents on her, but between that and my PMS last week (I started on Friday) I think we have found the reason for my horrible week last week. I no longer feel as if I need to sell her to science, so things are looking up!

Thirty-one

So, I had my birthday on Tuesday. It started out great, but wasn't quite as wonderful by the middle. Three-year-olds and nearly-one-year-olds don't care that it's Mommy's Special Day and that she should get treated extra nice. The Little Man did sleep in until 7, so that was nice, though.

I'm struggling again with mood swings and anger and anti-social tendencies. The several nights of little sleep recently haven't helped, I'm sure. (We stayed up WAY too late at my party and got up early, and then Little Man has been teething and has some sniffles and isn't sleeping well the last few days). But I almost canceled my annual Mother/Daughter pedi-and-lunch-and-shopping trip yesterday because I didn't want to go out. Now THAT is strange for me.

So I'm hoping I'll start getting more sleep and things will even out, but if not, back to the Dr. I'll go. No fun, but neither is feeling so out of control.

Headaches

Somewhere around mid-morning every day, I get a blistering, blinding headache. I described it as my face feeling like it was on fire. It pounds and aches and throbs and hurts so bad I want to put a knife in my head to cut off the hurting part. I take Tylenol and it does NOTHING. Sometimes I take Excedrin Migraine which dulls it, but I'm not supposed to take a ton of that while nursing.

I bribe Fuss with snacks and Netflix movies and usually the baby is asleep or willing to go down around this time, so I can curl up and moan quietly for a few minutes. It's awful. Not even my daily dose of caffeine is helping anymore. I don't think this is a caffeine headache. But I don't know what it IS. Is it my teeth? Because that's part of the pain. It is my neck/shoulder that is so tight? Is it the stress I've been dealing with? Whatever it is, I'm hoping it gets resolved soon, because this is awful.

I'm tired. My first pill made me nauseous and I was still incredibly grumpy all day. (Of course. I didn't really expect to have it be a miracle pill that cured me of the bad attitude in mere hours. But it's like now I'm more aware of it - that I shouldn't be feeling this way - and it makes it both better and worse at the same time.)

A Slightly Less Girly Me

Last night my husband took me to my first hockey game. I have never been a big sports fan by any means, but until I married my husband the only professional sports games I had ever been were baseball games where my elite high school ensemble sung the National Anthem and we then got free seats in the nosebleeds as compensation. (And the girls would sit around and talk while the boys would alternate between flirting with the girls and watching the game.) So anyway, he's now taken me to all the professional sports teams around the area now (he took me to a Rays game that I actually watched a couple years ago, a Bucs game, and we've been to a Spring Training Yankees game as well) and I gotta tell you... I really like hockey.

Now, I've always thought of myself as a girlie girl. I don't like to sweat and I don't like sand and dirt. I like make up and pedicures and frilly dresses (I like the look of heels, but I can't seem to bring myself to wear them often and I really can't wear those really high ones. Not because I can't walk in them, but because I refuse to sacrifice my comfort for pretty, sexy shoes). But I'm starting to realize that there is more to me than the boundaries of that label. I like to go to the shooting range and fire off a couple of rounds from a .40-caliber handgun. And I like hockey games.

(Unfortunately, the Lightning lost in double overtime, but it was a fun time anyhow.)

Resolve

I HATE New Years resolutions. I think I say this every year. Most people make a New Year's Resolution, screw up by the first of March and give up their pursuit of self-improvement. But I've got a few projects going on this year in that department - I'm ready to improve myself, my house, my life.

I'm reading 2 books that are supposed to help me with these goals. I'm reading Clutter Rehab by Laura Wittman who also writes the I'm An Organizing Junkie blog. I'm in need of some new tips to re-inspire me to get my house in order.

I'm also reading 48 days to the Work You Love. My husband read it and it inspired him to further educate himself and decide what direction he needs to pursue to get a new job that he feels he will actually like. He's been trying to talk me into reading it for months, but I've been dragging my feet and I finally agreed to do it and began it this past month. (It's slow going. See: 2 kids, holidays, etc.) But I'm motivated to get a better idea what I might be suited to. I love being home with my kids, but it depresses me to think that it's the only thing I'm suited for, when so often, I feel like there is something missing in my life.

My other project is to slim down and shape up. I've often said I'm out of shape, but if I'm honest, I can honestly say that I'm not just out of shape, I've never been IN shape. Starting at the age of 30, after birthing 2 children, I'm probably never going to be in super model shape (and I'm okay with that) but I can certainly improve from where I am currently, so I am motivated to do something at this point. Plus, once I reach my goal weight/size, I'm going to go buy some of those pretty clothes I've been drooling over.

I want my life to be more appealing. If this requires some effort on my part (it does - there is no "if" really) then I'm ready to step up and do it.

Chunky Monkey - Well, that makes 2 of us

The Little Man had his 1-month appointment on Monday and has grown to over 10lbs! For once, the pediatrician didn't mention formula once. I had determined that if she suggested supplementation one more time, I was going to find a new doctor for my kids. But, no, everyone was happy with his growth, which includes almost 2 inches in length and almost 2 lbs since birth!

I got into my pre-pregnancy jeans on Tuesday. I buttoned the waist and sipped them up and proceeded to wear them around the house for 3 hours. And then I realized that it wasn't going to work all day to wear them, so I took them off. They were tight - I am certainly not SHAPED like I was pre-pregnancy. (I've never been huge on looking amazingly fit - not that I wouldn't like to, but I won't put in the effort, so I know it's not realistic. But right now, less than 5 weeks postpartum, I kinda can't stand to look at my body in a full-length mirror. Ugh.) Shortly thereafter, our potty training experiment went awry and my pre-pregnancy jeans (btw, they were my fat jeans - don't think I'm squeezing into my ideal size or anything) ended up soaking up a small puddle of pee on the bathroom floor - so obviously they need to be washed before that experiment happens again!

But the weather here has turned a bit cooler than normal for this time of year - it's amazingly pleasant (and as it's October, the traffic on the streets has doubled - seemingly overnight - with the arrival of the snowbirds and tourists and now they're never gonna wanna leave with the weather so nice!) but I'm going to need to start wearing jeans more frequently, with the cool mornings and evenings. My maternity jeans are HUGE on me now - wearable, but I'm constantly having to pull them back onto my hips as they slide down. And a lot of my tops aren't long enough to cover the elastic waistband of the maternity pants, so I'm constantly tugging on my tops, too - it's a mess! I'm likely going to have to have break down and buy some jeans that fit differently so I have something to wear right now. I hate to do that - I don't want to spend money on clothes I hope to not be able to wear in another month, but I'm getting desperate.

Ultimately, I'd like to get down to me pre-wedding weight. No where near where I was in high school or at my best weight since reaching adulthood, but a much more reasonable weight for my body. I've asked my husband to encourage me to get more active (can you get more active than chasing after a 2-year-old while nursing a newborn?) overall and I'm making arrangements to return to walking w/ my friend Jo and her kids. (this should be interesting - 2 toddlers and 2 infants)

I have a lot of work to do before I'm happy with my appearance again. But I think I'll get there. Eventually.

Care Bears, Clothes, and Crying

I had the opportunity to go shopping with my mom yesterday and look at whatever I wanted. The day started out rocky, as my mom was 2-3 hours later than expected - she didn't show up until 1:00 and usually, Fuss's naptime is around 1:30 (thankfully, she had slept in very late that morning and didn't need to go down as early as usual). But mom carried the baby around in her arms the whole time I was looking at shoes and clothes, so he was happy. I got a couple of new fall outfits that I'm psyched about, but she talked me into spending twice what I was planning to, so Daddy Fuss and I are discussing what, if anything, needs to go back to the store. But I'm kinda thrilled about getting some new fall clothes (fall is my favorite time of year for fashion. I should really live some place where there is - on average - more than 10 days of fall weather). I was hoping to find some silver heels to go with my black dress for my step-brothers' weddings and some silver earrings, but I didn't find anything in those categories that I loved, so... I was unsuccessful in that department. A trip to the mall is in my future, I think.

Daddy Fuss was reminding me of all the options on our Netflix On Demand for Fuss's viewing choices last night. Unfortunately, this morning when I showed her the options, she chose a Care Bear movie instead of one of the other, more educational (and less annoying) options, but I suppose we'll manage.

The last few days, the Little Man has been very fussy. He's having some pretty bad gas problems, so I know that is contributing, but in addition, he seems to just want to be held all the time. I was given a Moby wrap for him and I am psyched to use it, but he doesn't seem to like it long-term. I wonder if I am doing something wrong, since I would assume that the combination of being on me and being all cozy like that would make him happier, but not so much. I just want him to stop crying, poor little guy. But I cannot spend every hour of every day carrying him! I have things to do and another child to care for, so I have to come up with a viable option and SOON!

Our nights have been better the last 2 nights - he's going to sleep at least a little easier/faster after his 2am feeding, which is making mommy happier, so that's a good thing. He seems to like to lean on his side a bit when sleeping, so I've been using the hospital technique of rolling a receiving blanket up and propping him up slightly from behind. It works like magic.

100 Things (a meme, sue me)

100 Things

Everything you could possibly ever want to know about me… plus 99 more things.

1. I was born in August
2. in Florida
3. and never really left
4. except when I spent a year in GA for school.
5. I married my high school best friend
6. after a short string of boyfriends he put up with
7. as I did the same for his girlfriends.
8. I am smart
9. (but he is smarter)
10. and I love to learn
11. but I'm not great at school.
12. So when I finally graduated from college
13. it was actually a technical design school
14. and I have a degree
15. (that I don't use)
16. in Graphic design.
17. I am a very social person.
18. Which is why I liked my old job
19. and struggle being a stay-at-home mom.
20. My husband is still my best friend
21. but I just call him my husband instead.
22. My best girlfriend isn't related,
23. but I call her my sister anyhow.
24. The girl I call my BFF
25. is technically my 2nd best girlfriend.
26. I love her
27. but she often drives me crazy.
28. We are very different
29. but it works for us, somehow.
30. I'm close with my mom
31. probably because I was an only child
32. and my dad lived with us,
33. but was never around.
34. My parents split up
35. when I was 19
36. and it sucked,
37. even though I was technically an adult.
38. This caused me to not like my mom
39. (for a bit)
40. and develop a much better relationship with my dad
41. who later moved in with a woman named Connie
42. who I love
43. and would like him to marry.
44. But he won't
45. because he doesn't want to go through that again.
46. My mom had a string of awful boyfriends
47. and then finally met Doc
48. who has his PhD in some sort of biology
49. and works in environmental stuff.
50. They got married
51. a year after us
52. on the weekend I had wanted my own anniversary.
53. But I'm not bitter.
54. He gave me 3 step-brothers
55. who aren't around much.
56. But I'm still the oldest
57. and most mature.
58. We have one daughter.
59. So far.
60. My husband wants 3 or 4 kids.
61. I'm thinking about it.
62. I really wanted a girl first.
63. Since I don't know how to handle boys.
64. And I'm so glad I got her.
65. If we ever have a son, his name will be a III in response to his dad
66. and (late) grandfather.
67. We will call him Tre
68. because he's the third.
69. I'm name obsessed
70. which is fun
71. but I'll never have enough kids to satisfy my list of names I love
72. not even if I have 8 like Octomom.
73. We love movies
74. and TV
75. and we constantly talk in movie quotes.
76. This both intrigues and annoys people
77. especially my mother
78. and his.
79. A lot of my post titles are based on that habit.
80. I read voraciously.
81. I can easily read 5-7 books a day
82. if I'm given the time or chance.
83. I recently rediscovered the library
84. because my budget can no longer afford my book habit.
85. I also love food
86. which works out great
87. because my husband loves to cook.
88. We love spicy food
89. and feed it to our daughter, too
90. even though she isn't even 2 (yet).
91. Sometimes she even eats it.
92. I also love God
93. and probably should have put that higher on the list.
94. I borrowed that sentiment from the person I borrowed the meme from (rootsandrings.wordpress.com)
95. But that doesn't mean it isn't true.
96. I was once in a fake sorority called Pi Chi
97. We chose those letters because we had another nickname
98. "The Psycho Chicks in Trailer 6."
99. I'm surprised you have lasted this long.
100. I love comments, if you want to leave some!

I borrowed this from Roots and Rings, so to read hers, click here.

If I wasn't a mostly stay-at-home-mom, I'd be...

Maggie wrote a post on what she would be doing if she weren't a SAHM over at MightyMaggie and asked the question what would *you* do if you weren't a SAHM. Her answers were great - funny and thought out and a great list of her own dream jobs. Mine won't be so great, as I haven't ever figured out what I wanted to be when I grow up, but here you go, for your own enjoyment (and mine - well, mostly mine):

1. A Graphic Designer for an Advertising Agency. I do actually have a degree in such a field, though my skills are woefully lacking at this time. I haven't opened up any of my programs in MONTHS and I haven't done anything but a little photo editing in years. But I enjoyed it when I was in school and it's what drew me to work for an ad agency to begin with (my pre-baby job was an Office Manager for such).

2. An Event Planner, specifically, A Wedding Coordinator. I loved planning my own wedding. Were it not for my mother's interference it would have been one of the most enjoyable times of my life up until that point. I've worked behind the scenes of about 15 weddings and I love it. I've even got kind of an original idea for said business, but I'm much too doubtful of my own abilities and I have no idea how to begin.

3. High School Choir Director. In high school, everyone thought I was going to major in music when I got to college. I can't play the piano and don't have enough desire to learn (5 years of lessons and I can pick out my part, but that's about it) and so it seemed foolish to me to pursue that as a career. I also didn't want to try and make a living as a performer, though I love to sing and used to be pretty good at it. But one of my friends is now teaching at our alma mater's arch nemisis and she's directing musicals every year and I miss it so much, I volunteered to help her out this year.

4. Bookstore Owner. I would love to have a small bookstore, filled with eclectic selections and host book clubs and maybe have a small cafe and host some local artists, etc. Think adult (not X-rated, but not exclusively kids) version of Shoppe Around the Corner from You've Got Mail. Or, if you happen to have read the Nora Roberts 3 Sisters Trilogy, like Mia's shop, without the witchcraft and magic. It's sad that most small shops can't make it nowadays with all the big discount stores (Borders, B&N) beating them in selection and the discount retailers (Target, Wal-mart, even Amazon.com) beating them in prices. But it's a nice dream.

5. Bed & Breakfast owner. My mom and grandma and I used to have a dream of returning to the mountain we vacationed on every summer and converting one of the huge old beautiful houses into a B&B. We stayed in several on other vacations and there was one in Williamsburg, VA that I would have lived at forever if I could have. I'm a decent cook, not amazing, but I'd try and there would always be a variety of things available.


As with Maggie, there are a lot more random things I'd have fun doing that are completely unrealistic (I'd love to be an actress - broadway or otherwise, a novelist, a TV writer, a lawyer) but these are the ones I've thought most about.

Birthday Brightness, Birthday Blues

I had a wonderful birthday weekend. My mom and I got pedicures Sat. morning and then went shopping at IKEA, etc. Saturday night, we had 3 other couples over to the house for a dinner party (and lots of cocktails - specifically of the blackberry margarita variety - yum!) and had lots of fun. Today (Sunday - my actual birthday) my husband allowed me to sleep in (Fuss was at Grandma's) and brought me breakfast in bed. We had an easy, lazy day. It was very relaxing. We went to dinner w/ my dad and Grandma C tonight at Frenchy's - a local and tourist favorite on the famous Clearwater Beach. (It had been more than 2 years since I had been to Frenchy's - though my dad and I used to go there all the time - the area has changed so much that we got lost - oops!) After good food and a couple of rounds of "pass the baby" we wrapped up and got her home just in time to put her to bed.

I love my birthday - I look forward to it for months, with happy expectation, etc. It always seems so full of possibilities and fun.

But sometimes, at the end, when there are no more celebrations and nothing more ahead, I feel the letdown hit me all at once. I know it sounds ungrateful, but it's disappointing when it is over. Maybe it's that for one day a year my little world gets to revolve around me and when I have to go back to reality and back to the laundry and the dishes, I'm bummed. :)

This year I had a few extra minor disappointments. My grandmother's annual monetary gift was smaller than usual (which can be contributed to my slacker cousin needing a handout last week, I'm sure) and my dad "forgot" (I'm not sure what the story is) to give me his usual gift, so the new laptop we found on a great deal is not going to happen. I am bummed by this, since my current laptop is in serious need of retirement and there is no way that I can buy a laptop - even one for a great deal - with $50.
My sister also hasn't called. This could be because of the start of the school year or that Dad F (her father, one of my "adoptive" parents) is in the hospital recovering from triple bypass surgery this week. I know she is busy (any mother of 4 is busy, regardless of the rest of the stuff), so I'm not mad, but I'm a little disappointed.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful.

I loved spending time my my friends and family. I am blessed with wonderful people in my life. And this new year brings even more possibilities - with the hopeful addition of a pregnancy to look forward to, etc. I am also looking forward to what my employment future may bring - whether I begin a new venture or find something to my liking, the world is an open door right now.

Growing up (adult time)

Congrats to Maggie who has done so incredibly well on her "Hot By 30" goal. I'm impressed and I've begun my own quest.

There is something about the age of 30, isn't there? Sort of seems like that is the age of adulthood to me. :)

I've struggled with "feeling like an adult" over the last several years. Which is weird because I've done a lot of "adult" things in the past 9 years. I ran a business from the time I was 20 until I was 24. I graduated college, I bought a car, all on my own (including negotiating the price), I got married, bought a house, had a baby, left my job to become a SAH mom. I'm caring full-time for a toddler and I'm ready to have another baby. When we were engaged and in the early part of our marriage, we were Youth Leaders (the church was too small for a full or part-time Youth Pastor so we were minorly paid leaders of the Youth Group - the only ones) and I always struggled with referring to myself as one of the "adults". Being a mom has helped, but still, sometimes I wonder when I'm going to be an adult.

We've paid off a huge portion of our "college debt" (not the school loans, but the credit card and medical bills that we accrued during that time.) We're doing some planning on how to fix up our house, since we're planning to be in it for awhile yet. (we have a 2/1 and need to do something if we're going to continue having kids...)

I have days where I feel confidant in myself and my abilities and days where I wonder what the heck I've been doing with the last 28+ years of my life... days where I really feel like I've got it together and days when I wonder why my life is falling down around me...

I've got some goals for the next 13 months or so (when I hit my own 30th birthday)

• I'd like to get pregnant and have a baby.(I'll be perfectly happy with being pregnant on my 30th birthday)
  
• I'd like to take a class (or at least register for one) in Creative Writing or some such at one of the local colleges.
• I'd like to make a plan and hopefully begin to implement it about our house - how to improve the space and make more.
  
• I'd like to pay off more of our student loans.
  
• I'd like to make an effort to change my working situation. Whether I find a new scenario or adjust to what I'm doing with a better attitude...
• I'd like to lose 20-40 lbs. (I know - huge range. But 20lbs would be my pre-wedding weight and 40lbs would be my sexy, young-college weight and I know that it's not likely, but geez, wouldn't that be nice?)

I cleaned out my closet this weekend and purged it of all the clothes I haven't been skinny enough for in YEARS. I do this periodically, but have held onto several items because they are my favorites. There is a blue dress that is probably my mostest favoritest dress of MY ENTIRE LIFE in there. I looked FABULOUS in this dress and I even had shoes and a purse that matched it and boy, was I hot in that little number.

But I finally got it out of my closet. I packed it and several other items (2 more of my favorite dresses, several of my favorite tops, a couple of skirts, etc.) and told my skinny SIL that she could have them. Most of them are a little dressy for her everyday life, but she could wear them to church and there were several casual tops. I was so excited to share them with someone who would look nice in them and that I might get to see them, etc. (I really loved that blue dress).

She returned them to me today, having taken none of them. I was seriously bummed. I thought for sure she'd like some of them. I'm nearly possitive that I'm not going to have the nerve to give up the blue dress again - it's going back in my closet.