Wednesday, June 15, 2011

A bottle of potential sanity

So yesterday I had my appointment with my OBGYN, Liz. We actually started talking about how long I've been her patient - and seeing as I met her when she was at another practice, it's apparently been at least 12-13 years, which surprised me. She reminds me of my sisterfriend, in that she is friendly and nice and energetic and you just want to be her friend.

Anyhow, as we checked in everyone kept asking "what are you here for?" as part of the questions for check in. I didn't really feel like telling every person in the office that I felt like I was going crazy, so I just told them "birth control." Now, that is true, as I've finally succumbed to going back on the pill, but I would have probably waited a little longer if that was it.

Liz was awesome as usual. I wasn't planning to do a full exam, but they pointed out that it's been over a year since my last Well-woman visit (they did a pelvic exam at my postpartum appointment, but no pap, etc.) so despite the fact that my husband was there, I got the whole once-over. (Not that my husband can't be there, but it's usually something I do on my own.) She listened well to my issues. She said she thought that it truly might be more sleep deprivation more than anything else, that that can really mess up your hormones and your thinking, etc. She put me on a steady dose birth control pill which may help (low dose because of the breastfeeding) and also a low dose of antidepressant. So I'm on Lo Estrin and Zoloft for now and we shall see how things go. I go back in 6 weeks, which should be plenty of time to see a difference.

She had to ask if I had any plans to kill myself, because if I did, then she would have to Baker Act me (a state-thing that means committed for 72 hours) Which I of course told her no. Although, I have to say that there seems to be some appeal to the idea of having 72 hours off and sleeping. But I don't really relish the idea of doing that in a mental ward, so...

We came home and my husband had me take a nap while Fuss napped. That was probably a good thing since we had yet another horrible night with the baby. My husband helped a lot, but he is a heavy sleeper and I truly don't see the point in both of us being up when I'm the one who hears him most of the time.

So I started my pills this morning. I'm taking half a pill for the first week and then I'll up it to a full pill. But it could take 2-4 weeks for it to really take effect, though she said the BCP might have an effect before that if it's just a mild hormone issue.

So, here's hoping. I don't know how I let things get this messed up. Some of the thoughts I've been having lately - including the desire to drink during the day (I never, ever have an alcoholic beverage without my husband being home. I won't put my kids at risk in case of emergencies.) and float through life a little numb. When did I become this way? In my saner moments, I know that that makes no sense!

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