Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Better... maybe

I seem to waffle back and forth between feeling a little better - being more in control of my thoughts and feelings and not so overwhelmed with my life - and wanting to just wallow in the sadness/misery/depression. There are moments when I start to consider having a couple of drinks or taking some sort of pill to make me float through my day. I don't. But sometimes, I'd like to.

Is this normal? Is this really what depression feels like? Or am I going crazy? Or am I just being overly dramatic because everyone feels this way at some point or another?

The anger has been under control with one exception - or maybe 2. I got really angry the other day when Fuss lied to me (direct lies, to my face, twice) and then disobeyed when I tried to doll out her punishment and then ran away when I moved closer to her to give her her punishment. I spanked her several times and I was angry and I know I scared her. I hate that I scare her sometimes.

And then my SIL started butting into our family business the other day - I'm not going into details here because I need to just let it go, but suffice it to say she brought up a presumed slight to my husband and was all "holier than thou" about stuff and it just really PISSED ME OFF. I didn't do anything but tell my husband that I didn't want to talk about it any more and bang around the kitchen doing dishes. (So, a productive use of my anger, I guess!)

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