Complain, complain, complain

Wednesday, I was in a very bad mood and I don't know why.

I'm tired, of course, but I've been tired for weeks and we're now at least in a rhythm which usually helps me.

I feel ugly.

And useless.

And lonely. I feel like my husband is never around and when he is, he is focused on something else (a freelance project, a household project, the kids, making dinner, whatever) and I'm grateful that he is doing something useful or helpful (I'm glad that he wants to play with his children or make dinner some nights or that he's earning money or fixing something around the house) but I feel like we've lost "us" somehow and I don't see it getting better any time soon.

Our lives are so busy overall, but I feel like somehow, my life has just gotten smaller. We don't get out as much during the day/during the week because sometimes, it's just too hard with 2 kids. Plus, Fuss and I have been sick, so even less motivation there. I'm trapped in this house, where I feel I'm cleaning all the time, but it never seems to look any better.

I have two adorable, beautiful children whom I adore, but who also take every bit of energy I have. Little Man is up to eating consistently every 2 hours (heaven help me if I'm late) and then eats from 15-30 minutes and then we have to do it all again. It takes me 30 minutes to walk out the door between getting shoes on, packing up the diaper bag, loading up the baby, wrestling Fuss to get her stuff, etc. I CAN'T go anywhere, because by the time we get some place, it's time to feed the baby again. A quick trip to the store can take hours because of that.

I want to take the kids to a Pumpkin Patch this year before the end of the month (when they all disappear) and I have no idea when that might happen. We are booked every single weekend this month with some or another.

Despite my poor mood, I accomplished a lot. By the time my husband came home from work (late, as usual), I had cleaned the kitchen, made a fabulous dinner (stuffed shells), done laundry, painted more flowers in Fuss's new room, been to work for an hour and dropped off our dry cleaning and the bed in our room was (mostly) made.