Thursday, September 10, 2009

Moving on.

A friend gave me a gift certificate to TJ Maxx for my birthday and I finally had a few minutes today to go check out what they had to offer. I was hoping for a new purse - a friend of mine went to the Coach outlet last weekend and spent a couple hundred bucks on a new bag + and I'm having new purse envy. I certainly wasn't expecting Coach, something a little stylish would have been nice.

Unfortunately, my gift certificate didn't go as far as I would have liked and I couldn't find a purse that I a) liked and b) coupld afford.

But I digress.

I continued to look around a bit - checked out the households and the little girl clothes. I was walking through the kids toys section when I spotted this tiny little baseball mit and ball set. I kinda got choked up standing in the middle of the store. When we first were trying to have a baby - before The Fuss was born - I had planned to tell Daddy Fuss he was going to be a daddy by giving him a tiny baseball mit. (His family has always been a bit baseball obsessed. He and all three of his sisters played at all levels until they graduated high school, his dad coached, his mom served on the little leage board, etc.) But since we were together when I took the test, I didn't get to do one of those sweet little surprises. I kind of always figured I would do something like that when we had another one.

And this morning, I started the heavy spotting after a low temperature, so it won't be this month.

I don't know how to explain my emotions. I'm disappointed, sure. I'm a little sad. But intellectually, I know that we've only been trying for 2 cycles and I really shouldn't be that upset about another BFN. Two months is nothing. We tried for longer than that for The Fuss, so it's not terribly surprising that it didn't happen immediately this time around, either.

But each time I get my period? I get that wave of sadness and disappointment and I can't shake it for a little while.

But we go on. We'll have another month of a lot of lovemaking and we'll really enjoy the process, regardless of whether or not it produces the desired result. :)

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