We had a busy weekend, but it was reasonably relaxing. Had I not been menstrual, it probably would have been perfect. I didn’t have great sleep, though so I’m still kind of draggy. Yesterday morning, I completely forgot to temp. The dog started to scratch at the door and I just got up – no thought to the thermometer. I didn’t realize it for another several hours. Oops. It’s okay. It’s the very beginning of the month, so no biggie, right?
Mr. Moose and I had a great talk last night about ttc. We talked about what we were willing and not willing to do to have a child, how we’re going to handle it if we’re diagnosed infertile, our worries and fears. It was really a great conversation and I feel so good about it.
We had dinner with one of our youth group kids and her parents over the weekend. We worked as the Youth Leaders at our former church for 3 years. We started before we got engaged and stopped about 9 months after we got married. Our church was very small, so they had no full-time youth staff – we were it. They paid us for our 2nd and third years there – a small amount, but it was nice extra income. When we left it was due to a conflict and we weren’t really able to say good-bye in a real way. I’ve kept in contact with this girl (my favorite, since she was so much like me) ever since and also off and on with several others. Her parents invited us over for a surprise birthday celebration for her on Saturday. One of the other kids was one of “our kids” as well, so it was nice to see her, too. We didn’t know the other 3 kids, but having dinner with them was sort of like being back in the Youth Group. They were laughing and cutting up and it was great. I never realized how much I missed it. When the kids left to go swing dancing, we left, too, though I think her parents would have liked us to stay and talk about what happened. It’s been more than a year, but it’s still hard for us to talk about. Since it was late, we were able to make excuses and leave smoothly. I like her parents a lot. I just wasn’t truly prepared to have that conversation. Part of it is that we didn’t want to talk negatively about people in the church – people who they still see every week who hurt us very badly.
The other thing that saddens me is that this girl - we’ll call her Kay – is miserable in the group now. The new leaders, while nice people, are incredibly conservative. Kay is not your typical conservative teen (if there is such a thing). She is the sweetest, nicest, person, but she has a dark personality and a dark sense of humor. (For instance, she recently was allowed to redecorate her bathroom. She chose a graveyard theme.) She also prefers to dress somewhat goth-like. It’s part of her artsy personality, not a burning desire to live like a vampire. They don’t understand that and have even gone so far as to tell her parents she has “an attitude problem.” This sparks a whole new debate to me about judgmental Christians and frustrates me to no end. God doesn’t care what clothes you wear. This relates to both labels vs. non-labels (which many people seem to remember) and style and color. This means that God doesn’t care if I dress in Southern Baptist “Sunday Best” or as if I’m going to Gra*teful De*ad concert. As long as I am dressing modestly (Kay always does, ironically more so than some of the other girls who dress in pink and frills and do not have an “attitude problem.”) God doesn’t mind what is worn on the outside.
Wow. I feel like I’ve been on a soapbox. Sorry. I just get really frustrated with people sometimes.
I’m feeling much better about my BFN than I was at the end of last week. Truthfully, beginning this month until the end of summer will give me the EDD that I truly want, so no big deal. I’m looking forward to getting PG. And I pray that God wants to move quickly, but overall I’m willing to wait on His timing instead of my own.
BTW, my title today is borrowed from the 2nd Season, first episode of Veronica Mars. Veronica is one of my new favorite shows. We've been watching the old episodes through Blockbuster.com (where you rent through the mail) since we got into the current 3rd season last fall. I love it. Mr. Moose loves it. I thought the title appropriate for my discussion on *Kay's* issues.