I woke, repeatedly, last night with a song playing in my head. But only the chorus. I don’t actually know the rest of the song. It’s a modern praise and worship song that I never learned at my pretty traditional former church, but they use it a lot at our new uber-contemporary church. “Your grace is enough. Your grace is enough. Your grace is enough for me… Your grace is enough, I’m covered by Your love, Your grace is enough for me.” Was it the catchy melody that caused it to be playing in my head? Or was God trying to tell me that needs to be my mantra? I've been slipping in my prayer life of late - I have no problem sending up quick "please do this" prayers regularly, but conversations with God? Not so much. I've heard from several people that letting go and telling God that HE is enough to fill and complete my life is what it takes to truly be complete. I know this. And I'm still not sure I'm there yet. It's kind of like in high school when one of my classmates told me she stopped looking for a boyfriend and then one just appeared and so i told everyone I knew that i wasn't loking for a boyfriend (with the thought that this was the way to get one).
At 2 AM this morning (yes, I was up) I started to get very discouraged about this whole baby making business. Of course, I would imagine that at 2 AM many things look hopeless, so I shouldn’t really let it get to me. And I read the stories of others who struggle so much more than I have – longer, harder with less hope and more drama than I have yet to experience. And yet I’m very discouraged. I feel like it’s never going to happen. It’s funny, because I felt that way when Mr. Moose took his sweet time proposing. By the time he had finally gotten around to it, I’d been ready for 2 years.