Things that make me go Hmmmm (updated)

1. My daughter is a perfect angel when she is in public with a bunch of people. We were with an old friend of mine and her family and friends most of the day yesterday, and despite not getting her nap until late when we left, she was sweet and fun and well-behaved and polite. Why can't she be like that with me?

2. I had a bit of a meltdown Sunday night - the kids were climbing, crying, fussing, kicking, shoving, slapping me all day - and my husband went off for a few hours of fun in the middle of the day. We had been watching something on TV and I couldn't hear for all the noise and chaos and my husband was happily piddling on the computer, ignoring it all. I tried to hide in the bedroom and he came after me to see what was wrong. I ended up telling him I was done, taking a long hot soak in the bathtub and then we had a long talk about how I needed more of a break and how despite the fact that I told him to go (I know he needs down time, too) I was kinda pissed when he left to go out with his friend.

3. I recently ran into a group of girls I went to high school with. Between the 4 of us, we are the ones who married within my graduating class and the class below us. They have all also had 2 kids a piece ranging from the oldest being in Kindergarten to the youngest being about 5 or 6 months old. Standing near them made me feel so inadequate. They were all skinny and looked fabulous. In one case, I think one of the girls looked better than she did in high school. I felt like a frumpy blob. I've put on more than 40 or 50 lbs since high school.

4. However, yesterday we spent the day with a friend of mine - probably my oldest friend that I still keep in touch with (we met the first day of Kindergarten and became fast friends) and she is pretty much exactly my age, has never been athletic (like the girls I mentioned above who were very athletic in high school) but she hasn't had any kids yet. She has always been on the thinner side, not overly curvy like me (who has always had a lot more hips than most of the people I grew up with. My midwife and my mom tell me I have childbirthing hips) and she was swimming in a tiny bikini yesterday with my kids... I noticed that her body wasn't so perfect anymore, either. She's not fat - not anywhere near as heavy as I am, but she's not tight and toned and perfectly shaped anymore, either. We're in our early 30s, so I know it starts to get harder to keep in shape, but it made me feel a little better about myself that I'm not the only one struggling with my body, and failing to keep up my high school physique. (Not that I was hard-bodied in high school, let me assure you. But I was significantly skinnier.)

5. And here is a pic of the new curly thing I'm trying to do with my hair. It's not a great picture, but it was a great hair day.


There are lots more things that make me go Hmmmm. But I have a wailing baby, so I must continue that later.

6 quick takes and a picture!

1. I think we're going out tonight with my sisterfriend and her husband. We're bringing the babies, but the older kids are all staying home. She's leaving her sleeping older children with her in-laws (who can only handle them when they are sleeping) and Fuss is spending the night with my mother. I'm kind of thrilled at that prospect.

2. Our internet is so inconsistent lately and it's sort of ticking me off that we are paying for a service that is so incredibly inconsistent.

3. I'm looking forward to this weekend for no other reason than having my reasonably-healthy husband home for 3 days in a row.

4. I've been doing something different with my hair lately - adding some product to my natural curls to help them stay as curly as possible and I was kind of happy with how it was looking. My husband likes the curls, and I do have fairly decent curls when the product does it's job. But the other morning I came across some reruns of the early days of Will and Grace and I'm minorly afraid that I might be looking like the early days of Grace - when she had little style and big frizzy curls that were sort of outrageous. Ah well. We work with what we have.

5. Yesterday Fuss ate terribly. All day. She never does this, so it was weird, but all she wanted was junk food and she wouldn't eat the regular stuff at all. At dinner, I gave her some food that she loved and she just wouldn't eat it. We gave her chance after chance, but I think she ate one fry and 2 bites of quesadilla in 60+minutes. So we put her to bed early. She was up at 4:30 complaining she was hungry. Hopefully she learned her lesson (since she has to stay in bed until 6).

6. The baby was up around the same time, so I was awake between 3:30 and 5 this morning. No fun.

7. I don't have a 7th thing, so here's a picture.


Aren't they cute?

Quick

Today is my mom and step-dad's anniversary. 5 years of wedded bliss. Congrats!

She took some time off this week and spent the day yesterday hanging out and shopping. I still find it funny that I get as much enjoyment out of shopping for the kids' clothes as I do shopping for my own. We got some really adorable things at a sale at The Children's Place yesterday. I can't wait to dress them up in these fun little summer outfits.

We've been running around all week and I'm looking forward to taking it easy today and working around the house a bit. Laundry is a priority.

10 On Tuesday (on Wednesday)

1. Have you ever used Craigslist?
I've sold stuff on Craigslist and I've advertised for garage sales on there, and I've shopped, but not actually bought anything from someone on craigslist.

2. Can you sew?
I can sew a straight line. I'm completely self-taught. I took one lesson from a friend who is such an amazing and creative seamstress/designer that she designed and made her best friend's wedding dress recently. She taught me how to follow a pattern and I almost finished a dress for Fuss when she was much tinier. But we never got to how to put in the zipper and I didn't finish it.

3. Do you pour syrup on your pancakes or dip your pancakes in the syrup?
Both. I do a little drizzle and then a puddle and dip. I don't want to get it too soggy, but I want it to soak up some of the flavor. But I really only like IHOP pancakes, so I don't do it very often.

4. Rain storms: Love them or hate them?
I like them as long as I am safely in the house, hopefully curled up with a blanket and a good book.

5. Do you like swimming?
In small doses. I like to swim, but I'm not a terribly strong swimmer. I loved being in the water the summer I was pregnant with the Little Man. Was the only time I didn't feel heavy.

6. What kind of drink do you order at Sonic?
All of the ones around me have closed, so I don't get to order from them much, but I liked the watermelon slush.

7. Are you funny?
Sometimes. My husband thinks I am and he is one of the wittiest, funniest people I know, so there has to be something to that opinion.

8. At what age will your kids get cell phones?
My current theory is when they start driving. That's when/why I got my first cell phone (not that it was an option before then, really) and I think that makes sense.

9. What’s your favorite vegetable?
Broccoli.

10. Were you a Girl Scout?
Nope. My mom was a troop leader before I was born and I wanted to be a Brownie/Girl Scout when I got to that age and my neighbor friend joined Brownies. But it didn't work out. My mom put me in the church group we had that was sort of similar - Pioneer Girls.

Too Many Things

Both of our computers got a virus this weekend so we were really up a creek. It was a pain. More so for my husband who had to fix it on Monday night after his softball game.

We bought a car over the weekend. A 2004 Chrysler Sebring. It's very nice and it seems to fit my husband well. I feel like I've spent the last 2 days working on the paperwork to get rid of the Jetta. I'm going to miss that car. My Jetta - that I named Jenica - has been a great car for 10 years. It has gotten me where I needed to go and kept me safe. The only problem I've had with it is the need to replace the water pump in the AC twice. Really, she's been a wonderful car.

I still haven't gotten my period and I'm a week late. I took another test this morning, first thing, and it came up negative. I've never been this late without showing up pregnant and the prevailing thought is that the nursing is messing up my cycle. But I find it wild to think that I'm having an anovulatory cycle after only one cycle postpartum, but that's all I've got as far as my own self-diagnosis. (I'm hoping to get my Taking Charge of Your Fertility book back from my friend this weekend. Maybe I'll get some more information from that.) It's driving me crazy to not know what is going on.

It's weird. Because I don't really want another baby this quickly, but on the other hand, it would be so nice to just have the decision out of my hands.

I'm feeling so fat lately. And I'm eating terribly and I've gotten away from exercising again. (No big shocker. I hate exercise.) I've lost a few pounds, but not really enough to make a huge difference in my shape. And sometimes, I think I'd like to be pregnant just to have an excuse to be fat. Which is a terrible reason to want to be pregnant. My biggest problem with my weight/eating right now seems to be weird fluctuations with my desire to eat/what to eat. I go back and forth between being ravenous or not wanting to eat at all and when I'm hungry, mostly I just want food that isn't all that great for me. With all the chaos that was our week last week, we only cooked once or twice - the rest of the week was full of fast-food, pizza, snacks, etc. It was horrible. (And yummy)

This Week is trying to kill me - 7 quick takes

1. I'm late posting today because at 7:30 this morning, I did something awful to my back (possibly popping a rib out? but I didn't have the proper reaction several hours later at the Chiro for that, so maybe not, though he said that what I was describing sounded exactly like popping an upper rib). I'm hurting and sore and swollen in my shoulder/neck area. Fun times.

2. Daddy Fuss came home last night not feeling well and felt nauseous all evening. He ran a fever all night, but was much better this morning.

3. On his way to work this afternoon, the car overheated. Need to find the title of the car so we can hand it over to the insurance company pronto. I also have to go pick him up this evening so we can have the car towed. Good times.

4. I also need to find a bathing suit this weekend. Not looking forward to that in the slightest. We're going to a pool party on Memorial Day and I have nothing to wear to a pool.

5. I still haven't started my period. CD 30. And I really want a drink. But I shouldn't have one until I know for sure that I'm not pregnant. Can nursing mess with your cycle even after it has returned postpartum?

6. I'm so tired. I haven't slept well in days and I am physically exhausted and in pain. I want some time off, how does one get one of those?

7. I can't get the darn AC repair guy to call me back, either, which is pissing me off. I'm hot and I'm grumpy and I want this week from hell to end right now.

Blech!

This morning Fuss woke up complaining of a stomach ache. A few minutes later, she came over to me with her arms held up like to hug me or ask to be picked up and threw up all over the place. My little girl never gets tummy upset - she never even spit up as a baby. She has thrown up several more times throughout the morning. It's going to be an adventure today!

Meanwhile, the Little Man seems to have a cold. Not a real bad one, but late yesterday he started this horrible sounding cough that has me worried. He's been extremely fussy today, too, so in addition to a sick toddler, I also have a cranky baby.

I'm on CD 30 with no sign of AF. I have no idea what is going on with my cycle and I'm a little freaked out. This is the first time I have ever had sex without being on the pill or trying to conceive, so I'm a little worried. I really don't want my kids that close together, ideally, but at the same - man, wouldn't it be nice to not have to deal with all the pressure of trying to conceive?

I'm feeling mildly nauseated myself this morning. Add to that I have a horrible headache and this house is a miserable pile of bones.

America's Next Top Mommy?

There's a cable station - Oxygen, I think - that shows America's Next Top Model marathons every Tuesday. I love that show. I love seeing the make overs and learning the posing, etc. I have loved Tyra for a long time. I don't watch it on Prime Time because my husband isn't a fan. Neither of us like "reality TV" as a general rule.

Sometimes, watching it makes me feel old, frumpy, ugly. I mean, these girls are so young and beautiful. Even the ones who have had a baby have these FABULOUS bodies. I'm 30 years old and I have NEVER had a body like that. It's intimidating.

But sometimes, it's inspiring. I learn new make-up tips. I learn about fashion and little tricks to make myself look better. It makes me want to put my make-up on even when my only audience is my 3 year old and my 8 month old.

And I can be fierce. Even when I'm covered in baby drool.

So freakin' tired

I'm wiped out and it's only 12:50pm.

I got little sleep last night. I don't know if it's germ-related sniffles or teething, but Little Man was up half the night in relation to a stuffed up nose. I tried to sleep in a little, but my noisy children had me up before 7. Shortly after that, my husband threw his back out worse than I've ever seen it, had to call in to work and I had to drive him to the chiropractor this morning, which took forever and the kids were antsy...

I'm just so freaking tired.

My husband and I got into it a little yesterday. My dad sort of tricked him into doing manual labor for him all morning and wasted our entire morning. So I was stuck in the house alone with the kids all morning like I am more weekdays and I was antsy and wanted to get out of the house. My husband was tired and wanted to relax, so when my friend M called and asked if I could go out with her, I wanted to jump at the chance. My husband thought I should stay in and be with the family and all I wanted to do was get out of the house... it was frustrating. We ended up compromising and M came over to hang out with us at our house instead, so it was all fine in the end, but I still wish we hadn't lost our entire morning and I'd been able to get out of the house.

7 Quick Takes

Blogger wasn't working this morning, so I'm late in posting.

1. Last night was a rough night. I woke at 3am to hear the baby talking and my stomach hurting. The Little Man had rolled himself over and was waiting for someone to pick him up and I guess play with him? No sir, not at 3am. I put him back in position, but while I was in the bathroom, he did it again. It took a few minutes for me to finish up, but I went in to get him about the same time as my husband heard him. He rocked him for awhile while I returned to the bathroom. My head was pounding. I'd had one drink after dinner and it was strong, so I thought maybe I was just hung-over (which is essentially just dehydration) hours later - I'm still hurting SO bad.

2. My husband was in a bit of a fender bender last week and we finally got the inspection today. Because the car is already fairly old, etc. etc. it looks like it might get "totalled" by the insurance company and we'll be in the market for a new vehicle. The good news to that is that my husband might get a vehicle with AC in time for the worst of summer! The bad news is that we don't have a lot of money to add to the check we'll get from the insurance company, so we're stuck with that amount when it comes to buying.

3. All I want is to relax this weekend and sleep and I don't think there's much chance of that happening. My husband is doing a sports photo shoot on Saturday and then we have church on Sunday. I just want to sleep.

4. I was reading my Wonder Weeks book the other day to figure out where Little Man's separation anxiety comes from (if it's part of his developmental stage or what) and it looks like some of his skills are really far behind? I don't know. If he hasn't mastered a few more things by his 9 mos appointment in June, I'll have to talk to the pediatrician about it.

5. I think we're going to the shooting range for a date night this weekend. I could use the chance to blow some stuff up.

6. I'm craving junk food this week. I think it's PMS. My Lucky friends keep teasing me that it might be pregnancy. I don't know if I can handle that, so I'm choosing to believe PMS.

7. Had a nice final meeting of MOPS today - got beauty tips from a manicurist and hair stylist. I think my mom and I are both going to go to this lady because she was AWESOME. She's into consultations factoring in lifestyle and face-shape and all that, which is EXACTLY what my mom and I have both been looking for in a stylist. I'm sort of psyched. Plus, she gave me some velcro rollers for free to try them out in my hair and see if I can get some more volume for a night out or whatever. Looking forward to trying it when I don't feel like I've been hit by a bus.

Treading

I am feeling really screwed up right now.

My sister-in-law graduated yesterday. I'm so happy for her, but I can't help but be a little jealous. She's got the whole world of opportunity in front of her. She has nothing keeping her back. She has no man, no kids, no house payment. Seriously, she has a million choices right now and in contrast, I'm feeling SO boxed in. I'm feeling like I'm stuck in this one place, one path and I've got real choices in front of me at all.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids and I love my husband more than I can possibly say, but right now I feel like my life is simply going to move in the same pattern day after day, week after week for the next 10 years or more. And right now, that is a very bad thing. I am trapped in the house day after day - I can't go out because almost every activity involves spending money and there is no wiggle room right now.

I know I'm being dramatic when I say this, but I feel like I never see my friends, rarely have adult time, and I feel like I'm not even that great of a mom. I feel like I'm treading water and I have no idea when that might end. You know how you can do anything for 15 minutes? Or how when you're going through something, when you know there is an end, it's like you can just put your head down and get through it? There is no end in sight. I have no idea when my life might change in any way.

Degreed

MY SIL LP graduated from college last night. It's been a long haul for her. She graduated high school 9 years ago and has pretty much been taking classes every since. But she had no idea what she wanted to do, got sports scholarships to schools that didn't help her make those decisions and finally found her calling (sort of) so she finished and we are all happy for her.

Isn't it funny that you are practically forced to figure out your life at 18 when you go to college? I know I am an extremely different person than I was at 18. I'm even an extremely different person than I was at 23 when I finally figured out what I wanted to get a degree in. (At dinner with the family last night, we realized that now all four of my MIL's kids have their degrees. She pointed out that she's the only one in the family without a degree. I told her "you can have mine, I'm not using it!" which got peels of laughter all around. Sure, it's amusing, but it's also really depressing.)

I'm struggling right now. I feel useless - like the kids aren't getting the best care/education that they could get if I had them in day care or something and like I can't afford to do a job I'm qualified for and also put them in day care. Which is weird, because I never WANTED to put my kids in daycare and I felt like it was a blessing to be able to afford to stay home...

10 on Tuesday, x2

Last week's 10 on Tuesday that I never answered
And below are this week's questions.

1. What is the weather like in your city today?
Warm, but some breeze. We got some rain at the end of the week that cooled things off a bit instead of being miserable and muggy.

2. Do you like the zoo?
It's okay. I love seeing Fuss's reaction to the animals. But she always wants to pet them, which... can be a challenge to explain why she can't pet the pretty tiger/monkey/elephant.

3. Do you eat coconut?
Baked in stuff, sure. It's been at least 2 decades since I ate sweetened coconut by itself out of a can and probably nearly that since I had the opportunity to eat it out of the shell.

4. Have you ever hammered a nail? Are you good at it?
Yes and yes. Usually. My dad worked construction when I was a kid, so I've grown up around tools.

5. Does your family have a vacation destination that you visit often?
As a kid, yes - we spent time in the North Carolina mountains every summer and seriously miss that - I miss having one specific place to take my own family for vacations. But my husband and I have done several weekends in St Augustine since we got married and we spend a lot of time in Orlando.

6. How many pillows do you sleep with?
One.

7. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Feed the Little Man. Usually because he's the one waking me. If that is already taken care of, I go to the bathroom and put drops in my eyes.

8. Will you send your kids to summer camp?
I dunno. I had a couple of experiences going to camp and it was okay. But nothing so earth-moving that I desperately want my kids to repeat it. If they want to go, they can go.

9. What do you put in your baked potatoes?
If I'm eating a potato on it's own (like not as a side dish) I prefer cottage cheese and salsa or broccoli and melted cheese. If it's a side dish, I do butter and salt.

10. Did you take swimming lessons as a kid?
Yes. Some elderly neighbors who were the only ones (at the time) on our street who had a pool and so they opened up their pool to us on Saturday mornings every weekend in the summer and had a teacher come and teach all the neighborhood kids. (The parents paid for the teacher, but the pool was free.) It was great.


1. If you could watch only one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Hmmmm. That would be hard. Right now, I'd say the movies I can watch over and over again are Love, Actually and The Notebook (though I haven't seen that one in awhile. I might have to pull it out again this week.)

2. Let’s say someone wrote a screenplay about you; what actor/actress would you choose to play you and why?
If we're going for looks, than I'd say Bryce Dallas Howard. (when we were both much younger, I actually got mistaken for her at Universal Studios theme park. Seems she had been there with her dad a few days prior and the shop employees kept calling me Bryce)
If we're talking favorite actress because of talent, etc. I'd say right now my faves in my age bracket are Anne Hathaway and Rachel McAdams. (But my all-time favorite actress is still Julia Roberts. But she's quite a bit older than me, so I don't think she could play me if a story of my life.)

3. What’s the first movie you remember seeing in theaters?
I know it wasn't the first one, but the first one in my memory is An American Tail.

4. Did you ever make out at the back of a movie theater in middle school/high school?
No. Really? Who does that?

5. Are you a Netflix-er, Blockbuster-er or a Redbox-er? (Or none of the above?)
Netflix, but mostly for the streaming feature through the Wii.

6. Name one actor/actress who you would give anything to have a dinner date with.
Like a date as in romantic-like? Hmmm. Can I say Sean Connery and not seem weird? Because he's a thousand years old and still sexy.

7. What’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen?
Pitch Black

8. Do you sneak snacks into the theater when you go?
I used to. And considering that money is tight again, I may have to again if we ever go back to the movies. But I usually want a drink the most, followed by nachos, instead of candy, so those are much harder to sneak in. When/if I take Fuss to the movies, I'll probably sneak in some snacks.

9. Movie theater popcorn: love or hate it?
I'm sort of iffy on popcorn in general. I like it small doses, but I hate the way the kernels get stuck in my teeth.

10. What is the all-time best Disney movie in your opinion?
Animated? Beauty and the Beast.

Mother's Day Recap

I had a lovely Mother's Day weekend. My husband and the kids and I went berry picking with my MIL and SIL on Saturday morning and came home with some blackberries and blueberries and plants of each. They took me out to dinner that night (we couldn't find a babysitter) which was fun, but not exactly relaxing! I know I'm not the only one who would prefer to spend their Mother's Day having time away from her kids, but sometimes I feel bad about it. I did get a kid-free pedicure with my mama on Saturday, which was great, even though they were packed and running behind at our usual nail salon.

We went to church on Sunday and spent an hour or 2 at home (I took a brief nap after icing my back - I'm having some serious back pain lately, even after my chiro appointment on Friday) and then went to my mom's for lunch. We spent the late afternoon on Sunday with 2 unnapped children, but put them to bed early and spent a quiet evening doing virtually nothing (which was incredibly relaxing).

Had a funny little moment in the car on Saturday as we passed some cow fields coming home from berry picking - my husband and I were being silly, making cow sounds, only we were making them a little more realistically, and it sounded more like we were saying "murrrrr" than "moo" and she was so disturbed by this. But we kept going, teasing her - and she yelled "cows don't say 'mur', they say 'moo!'" and while I'm sure you had to be there to find it as funny as we did, it was darn hysterical at the time.

7 quick takes

I finally have internet again.

1. I'm looking forward to Mother's Day weekend. So far, we have plans to go berry picking (blackberries and blueberries) on Saturday, I'm hoping for a date night that evening, and hanging out with my mom on Sunday. (as a family)

2. I'm also looking forward to my chiropractor appointment this afternoon. I've been getting those awful headaches again and I obviously need to get readjusted.

3. I am considering applying for a part-time job. This is really a whole other post, but I thought I'd throw it out there. There are a lot of pluses (or at least a few) and some pretty big minuses. I am both terrified and excited. What do you think? Can I work retail?

4. My 3 year old is afraid of 2 things. One is big steep, fast slides at that bounce house play place we went to awhile back. The other is thunder. And we live in Florida. I'm hoping she'll get over it soon, poor thing. She never used to have a problem, it's a new thing.

5. We're having a potty-training regression around here. It is NOT fun. I feel like we're in the days of potty training when she really didn't want to be potty trained, but I can't go back to diapers. I hate cleaning up wet and dirty pairs of panties. Not fun.

6. I am SO glad to have my internet connection back. But I did get a TON of laundry done while it was off. But laundry really isn't all that much fun or social, so I was really cranky by the 3rd day.

7. I feel like everyone in my life (outside my immediate lives-with-me family) is going through some sort of major crisis right now and it's extremely stressful. I am trying not to focus on other people's problems too much, since I can't do anything about it - I can listen when they need to talk, but that's all I can do - and it just stresses me out.

Things I'm dealing with in 2 minutes or less

No time to post (still no real internet connection)

• My dad desiring to live the life of a hermit
• My mom having potential abdominal surgery (for the 4th time since I was born)
• Migraine
• Potty-training regression in Fuss
• Little Man must be going through a growth spurt because he's up in his feedings

I plan to come back and discuss at least some of the above in more detail, but no time now!

Just one more thing...

I'm sans-internet for the bulk of the week, as somewhere we got or figurative wires crossed in the house and were a little short monetarily when it came time to pay the ISP bill. Oops. Should be back on Friday. Meanwhile, let's see how insane I am at the end of the week having no adult conversations between 8am - 7pm every day. Hope you are all doing well.

Rejoice!

I was debating which post to write about this morning - my fun shopping trip with my mom or something more serious going on with my dad...

But I awoke this morning to hear the news that Osama bin Laden is dead and I (tentatively) rejoice with the nation that one of our biggest enemies is no longer...

I hope and pray that those who lost someone in the tragedy of 9/11 were able to find a little more peace last night when they laid their heads down on their pillows.

(I tentatively celebrate simply because it seems a little odd to bury the body at sea within 24 hours of it's demise when the body is that of someone that the whole world would like to have certain confirmation one way or the other. But maybe I've just seen too many TV shows and movies that talk about conspiracies. And maybe I don't trust President Obama that much.)