Thursday, March 11, 2010

Energy... or lack thereof

I spent all of yesterday out of the house - 7am to 7pm. Fuss and I went to work all morning and then spent another several hours at my mom's. Fuss fell asleep in my mom's arms while we watched Little House on the Prairie reruns and slept there for a couple of hours. I was grateful for the break of letting my mom run after her for a bit - the non-stop single-parenting thing is running me down and again I worry about my ability to physical care for 2 children when Fry is born.

It's been a weird week. I'm struggling off and on with some mild depression... my husband is so often my sunshine, and when he is gone I feel the loss so strongly, like being in the dark for a prolonged period of time. And I've been feeling it since he told me he was leaving a week ago, so it's not always a logical feeling.

My living room looks like our drawers threw up - I've got about 4 loads of laundry - mostly unfolded - spread over half the room. My house is a mess and I'm so worn out that I have little energy to do anything about it, but I don't want my husband to come home to this disaster. I've got to find some time and energy to do a little picking up around here, even if there is no major cleaning actually done. (I did scrub my kitchen on Tuesday and that is in reasonably good shape, but the rest of the house needs a bunch of work!)

Where do i get the energy when all I want to do is sleep? And why do I still want to sleep so much? 50% of the time lately, I take a nap when Fuss does and I still sleep 7-8 hours every night. When will I start to feel normal again?

This morning Fuss had SO much energy. She was happy and giggling and reasonably well-behaved, but she was EVERYWHERE all at once. She was running in circles for my dad, bouncing up and down on me and had 2 of the worst diaper messes I've seen in months. (She was in her spare outfit before 9am, having heavily soiled her first one.)

I don't know where she gets this energy. It certainly isn't from me.

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