Friday, March 30, 2007

Out Damn Spot.

So late last night I had some spotting. Darn it. And I realized that TODAY was CD 27, not yesterday.

I’ve had spotting for several days off and on leading up to my period for the last few cycles at least (mostly since I’ve gotten off birth control), so there is still a chance that my cycle will be longer this time. And my temp is dipping but it’s not below coverline yet.

I remember thinking yesterday that there was nothing “special” about this month – why would I be blessed THIS month? And then I thought “Why not? People get pregnant at random times all the time. Unwanted pregnancies happen all over the place. Unplanned pregnancies (I differentiate between unwanted and unplanned) happen all the time. I know several couples who have gotten pregnant “on accident” but are thrilled about it. Why does it have to special?” And then 45 minutes later I got the spotting.

I’m damn disappointed. I was really starting to get excited at the prospect of being pregnant.

And we haven’t really been truly trying for that long, so I don’t know why I’m getting so crazy. I guess this cycle has just been kinda stressful with the weird sleep and temperatures patterns. A week ago I was ready to scrap the cycle and just say we’ll try it next month.

So, why a week later am I so incredibly bummed? Hope is an awful, awful thing.

Work today sucks, too. Anyone ever hear of the St. Petersburg Grand Prix? It’s going on outside my window. (not that I have a window, but some of my co-workers do). SO downtown is a crazy, crazy place to be and half of my coworkers wrangled tickets out of clients so they skipped out at lunch. It’s too quiet, I’m really bummed and I really don’t want to be here.

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