On baby showers and bathwater

I’ve read several posts from other bloggers currently dealing with infertility about their reactions to going to a baby shower. I always assumed I would have no problem with attending a baby shower, regardless of my current fertility status, however, I may be soon changing my tune.

My “cousin” (her mom is my mom’s best friend. I’ve call her Aunt S since I was born) is having a baby shower this weekend. I’ve been looking forward to it, until I started thinking about it more carefully. Cousin is incredibly immature and got pregnant “accidentally” last year forcing her to get married quickly (after 6 months of her mother being in and out of the hospital for serious medical problems) and is now coming closer to her due date. I remember feeling incredibly awkward at her wedding shower – the news had just come out to her friends that she was PG and she was still acting like a silly teeny-bopper about it (though rumor has it that when she found out, she was much less than happy about it and much more freaked out). While I am happy if she is happy, I also have to wonder at the sense of it all – how can this childish kid (granted, she is 23, not exactly a child. But she is a very immature 23) being granted a child when I cannot? When people much more mature and responsible and “ready” for this responsibility not be able to get pregnant?

So I pray that this weekend, I am able to keep my snarkiness to myself. You see, her friends who were her closest companions at the wedding shower, etc were also incredibly immature. At 23 I was working a full-time job, running my father’s business and dealing with adult responsibilities like car payments, etc. My friends either already had children or were expecting them. They knew that having a baby changes everything and the nights of partying, dancing until dawn and bartending as your ideal job (not to knock people who bartend for a living – however, Cousin does it specifically because she likes to flirt and hates to get up in the mornings) would have to end (or already had). I have trouble wrapping my head around the childish conversations they were all having, and even though I am merely 3 years older feel eons more mature. Am I going to wonder out loud at how she is going to adjust to motherhood? Am I going to get so frustrated at this child having a baby that it hurts me?

I know this post makes my cousin sound like a terrible person and me like a very judgmental one. Cousin is a very likeable person. She’s sweet and friendly and very attractive. She’s perky (she should have been a cheerleader) and respectful. I just wonder if she has thought about all the changes she is going to have to make to her life now that she is a mother. If her attitude has not changed since November (the last time I saw her) then she hasn’t thought of any challenges other than how to decorate the baby’s nursery and his name.
And I want to be supportive of her. I want to go and be happy and eat my aunt’s amazing party food and think happy, warm little baby thoughts.