Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Grr. Argh.

Again, I have been a terrible blogger. I have had no time at work and no time (or energy) at home. I am on CD 10 and last night I had a weird pain near where my ovary is on my left side (the side that formerly had the large cyst that wouldn’t go away without surgery). Felt like my insides were tearing/pulling. And just when I was noticing that my scar was starting to fade, too. All is well this morning, though I’ve been fighting headaches for DAYS. Temps are also back to normal (they were oddly high for several days). The new time thing threw me COMPLETELY off and I forgot to temp at all when I got up on Sunday. Two hours later, I said “I forgot to temp today.” I suck at this. I’m going to be a terrible mother. Am I going to one day wake up and forget to feed the baby?

I’ve been freaking out at the prospect of returning to work after birth lately. Should we even be having children if we can’t afford to not have 2 incomes? My MIL did it – 4 times, but she also had free babysitting from her MIL. And I LOVE my friend M who will be watching my baby when I go back to work (she has an in-home daycare, is a former career nanny and has the exact same parenting style for her 2 children who are angels that I do), but do I really want her actually raising my child?

I know this is ridiculous. The baby won’t let me forget to feed it and M won’t actually be raising my child. I think I’m under too much stress. Which will probably keep me from getting pregnant and then I’ll have more time to stress about all this, isn’t that fantastic?

I’m obviously feeling a little overwhelmed today. (“I know you can be over whelmed and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?” “I think you can in Europe.” – anyone who knows that quote gets a cookie.) I’m not in Europe, but I’m feeling a bit whelmed.

Work has been a little crazy and things at home seem a little tense, but I don’t know why. Several times in the last few days I’ve gotten very testy with Chuck and I’m not sure where it’s coming from. The headaches don’t help, but they aren’t the only thing bothering me. We’ve been doing a lot of stuff around the house, but that’s been mostly productive, so I don’t know why I’m whining.

We worked for the photographer over the weekend and shot a league that has a lot of little kids (a series of teams even is for 2-3 yr olds) – they were so cute and clueless that I kept saying to Mr MOose – “I want one!”

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