Thursday, January 25, 2007

Thursday Morning Freak Out

Guess I’m freaking out. Is it possible to ovulate and then have your temp go back to pre-ovulation temp and everything to be all right? Did I misfire? Is that possible? And is this happening repeatedly? Is that what caused my ginormous ovarian cyst?

I think I mentioned I had a cyst last summer. This is not entirely accurate. It was first discovered in April of 2005 when I had to go to the ER for kidney stones and they did an MRI. While checking out the MRI, they saw both kidney stones in my kidney and a mass on my left ovary. They drugged me up, told me to make an appt w/ my OB/GYN to check it out and sent me home. A long, arduous process and 2 doctor’s later, I had a growing cyst, not a decreasing one, even on BC. We decided to wait and see if it bothered me, etc. since at first, I didn’t even know it was there. It began to bother me. And by that time it was big enough that she didn’t feel that the smaller incision surgery (laparoscopy) would be ideal. She said she could be more accurate and effective if she did a laparotomy, which is the incision for a C-section and requires much more recovery time, etc. This was a HUGE fear of mine, since my mother had had negative reactions to surgeries since my birth (C-section) and had battled problems due to adhesions and several subsequent surgeries, etc. Ultimately, I had the surgery since by then I could hardly move without some sort of pain and sex was uncomfortable at best. So, on the last day of June 2006, I went under the knife. Later, my doctor told me that the cyst was the size of a large golf ball, which freaks me out since my ovary should only be the size of a green grape. It was not cancerous and not endo, merely a blood-filled sac. I don’t remember her telling me this exactly, but I think there was mention that the sac was caused by ovulation and I took that to mean that it was each monthly egg that attached itself to the outside of my ovary.

All this leads me to my theory that my left ovary doesn’t put eggs into the tube for some reason. Every time it is that ovary’s turn to expel an egg, it shoots it into my body, not into the fallopian tube like it should. Does this make any sense? I think I’ve always stopped temping after the big spike in temperature since I assumed I ovulated and all was well. I’ve not been terribly consistent in it since we’re just now officially starting to try. I am SO frustrated.

In addition to my AM freak out and the stress this is causing, I'm having a couple of issues at work. I was recently promoted (did I mention this?) but it's only somewhat official until they find someone to replace me in my old posisiton. Right now I'm doing both and I hate it. I asked boss #1 last night what the status was on my replacement and he told me to contact boss #2 about it to see if he had any leads, had run an ad, or if I was to run an ad for him. I sent him an email since he had already left for the day and this morning received the curt reply that he would speak to boss #1 about it personally at any time. (Basically telling me to butt out). This pisses me off, since it's my life that is effected by the outcome. No one else seems to care. And Mr Moose was telling me to stress-less this morning after my freak out and THIS ISN'T HELPING!

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