Sunday, December 24, 2006

Throwing out the bathwater

I retested today, 10 days after my period was due. It was funny, for the last 2 days I haven't felt "pregnant" but this morning I woke up at 5:30am praying, begging to be pregnant. I was totally fine either way up until that point. I took the test and then took my temp while I was waiting for the results. My temp came up at half a degree higher than usual, which I thought was weird, since I shouldn't have ovulated yet. It's possible that with all the moving around getting ready to test that I raised it a bit, I suppose. But with the higher temp and a new brand of test, for a split second, I thought I was pregnant. Then I looked at the instructions for the test and discovered it was a negative. It's even possible that I ovulated at that is the reason for the higher temp. Who knows at this point? Mr Moose was great and reminded me that weren't actually trying yet, it was just weird timing this month. I fell into a funk for awhile, but I'm better now.

My OB/GYN told me there was only a 20% chance each month of getting pregnant. That seems weird to me. I thought that if we timed it right, it would be more likely to happen sooner. I sort of feel like a failure, but since we weren't techinally trying, did I really fail?

I guess I'm just terrified of being infertile. My parents tried for 4 years to have me and then got pregnant a few years later and lost the baby (either miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy, I'm not sure which.)They never had another child. Mr Moose wants 3 or 4 (I'm hoping for 2 or 3, but will settle for one if necessary). What happens if I can't conceive?

We're getting the house ready for the invasion of the family tomorrow. We were up to 18, but lost 4 and gained 2. My in-laws are coming, my mom and step-dad and his 3 sons, my dad, my Gramma and her friend, etc. Lots of people. I'm already nervous.

I'm not back to work until Wednesday, so who knows if I'll get back on to post more info. If I don't and anyone is reading this - Merry Christmas!

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