It's funny. There is really, truly, only one thing I want for Christmas - a baby. Not that other gifts wouldn't be nice. I'm hoping for some good books, a couple of movies that I've been looking for, possibly a sewing machine, a grill, etc., but all I really want is a baby. Or, more practically, to be pregnant.
There are problems with that, too of course. The fact that i had more drinks in the last couple of weeks than would be remotely safe for a pregnant woman comes to mind. The fact that if I were pregant right now, that would put me due at the end of August, the end of a very hot summer which I'm sure would be AWFUL. But still, I really want a baby.
Mr Moose isn't quite ready. I know this. We've talked about it and we're waiting a little longer. The only reason we agreed to go off BC right now is to help me lose some weight by giving up the hormones. And I understand that. But with all these people around us having babies... it really just makes it harder.
My best friend got pregnant the first time in her first month off BC. Her second time, she got pregnant while ON BC. Part of me is terrified that it will take us forever to get pregnant. i feel like because she did, I should, too. But her mom got pregnant at 16 without really trying. It took mine more than 4 years. Chances are, I won't get pregnant right away, even if there are no fertility problems. My friend M talks about wanting to get pregnant accidentally because then you don't have to deal with the trying months where you get your period and it's devastating. Getting my period in November was bad enough and we hadn't been trying, but I was taking antibiotics and then got really moody and hormonal, so for a couple of weeks we thought we were pregnant and we were getting moderately excited about it. I don't know how I'm going to react month after month when I get my period when we're actively trying.
I feel like I'm obsessing about this, and I am such a "project person" that it doesn't really surprise me. I do all this research (I'm reading 2 pregnancy books right now, reading blogs about pregnant and reading internet articles on nutrition and what not for preconception and pregnancy, etc. I like that I'm getting prepared, but it's frustrating that I can't actually do anything about it. I want to start working on the nursery and crib bedding, etc. But I don't really want to do that before i get pregnant for many reasons. And we're not telling anyone when we're trying because we don't want anyone's opinions but our own going into this. My SIL is trying and her sisters (my other SIL's) started harassing her about "are you pregnant yet?" before she even went off the pill. I couldn't stand to hear that the day after my period came, you know?