Sometimes I feel like these meds are all about making me sleepy, but doing nothing else. I'm still irritable and angry a lot, I'm a lot more anxious than I ever was, I'm a lot more anti-social... I spent 2 whole days coming up with excuses to not go to Cherry's party this weekend. My husband had to talk me into RSVPing as it was, and then he spent Monday reminding me that I'd have fun once I got there. That is totally not me. And I know this, but I can't seem to get past it.
When Fuss was a baby, I spent 3 mornings a week hanging out with my BFF at work. (She worked for my dad so I could do that.) I would make plans on the days she didn't work with other friends, I was walking with Jo, etc. I planned most of my errands for those days. I would do anything to get out of the house and it worked for me. Even a few months ago, I was doing my best to get out of the house 3-4 days a week - errands, visiting friends, play dates, whatever. But now it seems like SO much effort and I'd rather just sit here, locked in the house with my crazy kids. And to be honest, if I had my way, I'd spend my days sleeping and watching TV and would make the kids fend for themselves. (Not possible, and I am still interacting with them, etc.) But I feel awful all the time.
I told my mom last week that I was taking anti-depressants and she took it with no surprise or judgement and even told me that she took them for awhile when I was a kid. She was able to stop after a long family vacation we had where she was able to unplug, get away from her schedule and just relax for 2 weeks. I don't see that happening here any time soon, so for now, I'm hanging on.