Today the fatigue has hit. I was fine this morning when I got up, though slightly more tired than the last few days. However, as the day began at work, I started to drag. It’s 1:45 and I’m about to fall asleep at my laptop.
The m/s began in more intensity this morning as well. Plenty of queasy, with a few moments of gagging now and then. Yuck.
We are having dinner w/ my dad and his gf tonight to tell them. I am completely nervous. I need for him to have a positive reaction after the stress I’ve dealt with this week, but since he’s not an emotional person, I’m doubting that he’ll really react at all.
I’m finally ready to tell my boss, but now I think the timing is bad. I don’t really want to tell him before I tell my dad for emotional reasons, but I desperately want a plan in place even though it won’t take place for another 8 months. I plan when there is chaos afoot, so I’d really like to know where I stand in the way of maternity leave, etc. I also think it’s going to be hard to keep it from him now that most of the women in the office (because they are friends) know about it. And I’m already in maternity pants, so hiding the weight gain is going to also be difficult.
Happy Anniversary to my BFF and her husband!
Friday, June 29, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
It's because my bbs are big, isn't it?
Yesterday I arrived home to find our living room decorated in pink and blue streamers and balloons. My 2 local SILs had brought us a baby gift and told us how excited they were to become aunts. We got some fun stuff (a stuffed animal and blanket), some practical stuff (swaddlers diapers, butt paste, and baby wipes) and some fun/practical stuff (a Ba*by Ein*stein CD and a sports-themed bib that declares “I play sports with daddy”). It was very sweet.
Also in the bag was a long letter from the SIL closest to my age, J. J and I have little in common (she is a jock, and I really am not, for example), though I had felt that over the last year or so, things had begun to improve in our relationship – slowly, maybe, but certainly. This letter made me feel otherwise.
I am not going to repeat the letter, out of respect for her privacy, but many things she said were hurtful, offensive and plain rude. At the beginning, she began by apologizing over the fact that I was hurt by their reaction to our news and explaining the why. I appreciated that. I had begun to come to terms with it, but that helped me along in that she knew I had been hurt. However, she then preceded to tell me many of the reasons why she has never really liked me, that she was hurt that I told friends before we told them, that she feels I (and Mr. Moose) have lied to her on many occasions since the very beginning of our relationship, that our PDA’s make her and the rest of the family extremely uncomfortable and at one point stated “many people have told me that you are a funny, interesting and sweet person and I just don’t see that.”
I had no earthly idea how to respond to this “attack.” Part of me wanted to defend myself against each issue, part of me wanted to tell her to go away (or something much harsher) and part of me simply wanted to cry. (I did, a little, but I am pregnant).
We are not telling people in order of their importance to us. The first person Mr. Moose told was a perfect stranger. I told my grandmother before I told my mom, I told some of my co-workers before I told my best friend, before my father, before my sister (who is even closer to me than my best friend). I asked Mr. Moose why his family seemed to always feel that everything was a competition? LB had to get married first, wanted to have the first baby, J wanted to be told first (about everything, btw – not just the baby).
Our “PDA’s” as she referred to them, are simply the acts of two people very much in love. We hold hands, I occasionally sit on his lap, or lean against him when sitting in a seat without a back, we occasional give each other a quick kiss on the lips. We don’t make out in front of other people, grope each other constantly, or tear each other’s clothes off.
I told Mr. Moose that his sister has no tact. That there is a difference between lying and saying everything that comes to mind. I related it to the movie Liar, Liar starring Jim Carey. You know the scene where he gets on the elevator with Krista Allen (the new building tenant) and she says that “everyone’s been so nice”) and he answers, “that’s because your boobs are big”? That’s what I felt she did with that letter, she did the equivalent of telling me my boobs are big.
In her defense, I know that she was asking, ultimately, to begin to build a renewed relationship with me, that she wanted to get to know me as I truly am instead of the person who constantly has her guard up around them (you wonder why?). But I truly felt there was a better way to do that, or at least a “softer” way. Even a simple “we haven’t been close in the past, but I hope that will change soon” would have accomplished the same end, without making me feel horrid. I have always felt that the women in Mr. Moose’s family have always judged me. My abilities and talents, my housekeeping, my family, my values and morals, my etiquette, etc. This letter simply served to prove to me that I was correct in thinking that they (specifically J) have a negative opinion of me that is hard to get past. Am I being too sensitive? Are my pregnancy hormones clouding my judgment of this situation?
In a separate issue: Mr. Moose talked to LB on the phone last night. He has been playing phone tag with her for a couple of days in an effort to tell her the news of the impending baby. She cried, but was gracious and asked the appropriate questions and congratulated us. I want to write her an email, but I also want to tow the line of not shoving it in her face, either. How do I give her advice or suggestions without making her feel like I’m saying “I’m better at this than you”? I suppose I should leave the advice for when I am asked, but I just feel like I could give her some suggestions that would give her a sense of more control (like temping). I want to help her. I know it royally stinks each time you get a BFN or AF comes rolling along.
Apparently there has been talk throughout the family for months that we were trying thanks to little sister, LP who often house sits for us, but also has a key and helps herself to the use of the house when we aren’t around. She noticed that my BCPs were not as visible as they once were and then proceeded to tell the family this information, so they shouldn’t have been nearly as surprised as they were.
After all the dealings with J last night, I asked Mr. Moose if he really wanted more than one child – to me, the not having to deal with siblings thing is looking better and better.
Also in the bag was a long letter from the SIL closest to my age, J. J and I have little in common (she is a jock, and I really am not, for example), though I had felt that over the last year or so, things had begun to improve in our relationship – slowly, maybe, but certainly. This letter made me feel otherwise.
I am not going to repeat the letter, out of respect for her privacy, but many things she said were hurtful, offensive and plain rude. At the beginning, she began by apologizing over the fact that I was hurt by their reaction to our news and explaining the why. I appreciated that. I had begun to come to terms with it, but that helped me along in that she knew I had been hurt. However, she then preceded to tell me many of the reasons why she has never really liked me, that she was hurt that I told friends before we told them, that she feels I (and Mr. Moose) have lied to her on many occasions since the very beginning of our relationship, that our PDA’s make her and the rest of the family extremely uncomfortable and at one point stated “many people have told me that you are a funny, interesting and sweet person and I just don’t see that.”
I had no earthly idea how to respond to this “attack.” Part of me wanted to defend myself against each issue, part of me wanted to tell her to go away (or something much harsher) and part of me simply wanted to cry. (I did, a little, but I am pregnant).
We are not telling people in order of their importance to us. The first person Mr. Moose told was a perfect stranger. I told my grandmother before I told my mom, I told some of my co-workers before I told my best friend, before my father, before my sister (who is even closer to me than my best friend). I asked Mr. Moose why his family seemed to always feel that everything was a competition? LB had to get married first, wanted to have the first baby, J wanted to be told first (about everything, btw – not just the baby).
Our “PDA’s” as she referred to them, are simply the acts of two people very much in love. We hold hands, I occasionally sit on his lap, or lean against him when sitting in a seat without a back, we occasional give each other a quick kiss on the lips. We don’t make out in front of other people, grope each other constantly, or tear each other’s clothes off.
I told Mr. Moose that his sister has no tact. That there is a difference between lying and saying everything that comes to mind. I related it to the movie Liar, Liar starring Jim Carey. You know the scene where he gets on the elevator with Krista Allen (the new building tenant) and she says that “everyone’s been so nice”) and he answers, “that’s because your boobs are big”? That’s what I felt she did with that letter, she did the equivalent of telling me my boobs are big.
In her defense, I know that she was asking, ultimately, to begin to build a renewed relationship with me, that she wanted to get to know me as I truly am instead of the person who constantly has her guard up around them (you wonder why?). But I truly felt there was a better way to do that, or at least a “softer” way. Even a simple “we haven’t been close in the past, but I hope that will change soon” would have accomplished the same end, without making me feel horrid. I have always felt that the women in Mr. Moose’s family have always judged me. My abilities and talents, my housekeeping, my family, my values and morals, my etiquette, etc. This letter simply served to prove to me that I was correct in thinking that they (specifically J) have a negative opinion of me that is hard to get past. Am I being too sensitive? Are my pregnancy hormones clouding my judgment of this situation?
In a separate issue: Mr. Moose talked to LB on the phone last night. He has been playing phone tag with her for a couple of days in an effort to tell her the news of the impending baby. She cried, but was gracious and asked the appropriate questions and congratulated us. I want to write her an email, but I also want to tow the line of not shoving it in her face, either. How do I give her advice or suggestions without making her feel like I’m saying “I’m better at this than you”? I suppose I should leave the advice for when I am asked, but I just feel like I could give her some suggestions that would give her a sense of more control (like temping). I want to help her. I know it royally stinks each time you get a BFN or AF comes rolling along.
Apparently there has been talk throughout the family for months that we were trying thanks to little sister, LP who often house sits for us, but also has a key and helps herself to the use of the house when we aren’t around. She noticed that my BCPs were not as visible as they once were and then proceeded to tell the family this information, so they shouldn’t have been nearly as surprised as they were.
After all the dealings with J last night, I asked Mr. Moose if he really wanted more than one child – to me, the not having to deal with siblings thing is looking better and better.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Basic daily updates (sorry for the bad title)
We are scheduled to have dinner with my dad and his (long term) girlfriend (whom I adore and will be another grandmother-like person for the baby) on Friday night. Without giving away too much info, I tried to schedule a time closer to now, but that was the soonest it worked for him.
This morning, he was giving my BFF (who works for him) an inquisition and has suggested that he thinks it might be about a baby. Apparently, I am more transparent than I thought.
My sister is not being cooperative either, (ha ha) so I will have to call her this weekend. She wrote me back, but completely skipped over the question about her Skype info, so that idea is out unless I want to continue to wait. She is going for her first prenatal appointment today to check on her baby (due in 4-5 months, I think?). As this is her 4th, she put herself on vitamins and was in no hurry to get into the doctor. I think I will always want to get into the doctor early on, to tell you the truth – but both my mom and grandma had miscarriages during their second pregnancies and I come from a long line of worriers. Maybe if I get to a 4th kid (oh goodness!) I will be m ore laid back like my sister.
My step-father announced to his office this week that he is going to be a grandfather, so apparently the surprise he felt when we told him on Sunday has somewhat subsided. (He said he wasn’t sure he was quite ready to be a grandfather or a “Doc” as we have dubbed him in a nod to his PhD).
This morning, he was giving my BFF (who works for him) an inquisition and has suggested that he thinks it might be about a baby. Apparently, I am more transparent than I thought.
My sister is not being cooperative either, (ha ha) so I will have to call her this weekend. She wrote me back, but completely skipped over the question about her Skype info, so that idea is out unless I want to continue to wait. She is going for her first prenatal appointment today to check on her baby (due in 4-5 months, I think?). As this is her 4th, she put herself on vitamins and was in no hurry to get into the doctor. I think I will always want to get into the doctor early on, to tell you the truth – but both my mom and grandma had miscarriages during their second pregnancies and I come from a long line of worriers. Maybe if I get to a 4th kid (oh goodness!) I will be m ore laid back like my sister.
My step-father announced to his office this week that he is going to be a grandfather, so apparently the surprise he felt when we told him on Sunday has somewhat subsided. (He said he wasn’t sure he was quite ready to be a grandfather or a “Doc” as we have dubbed him in a nod to his PhD).
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Falling flat
In-laws. Can’t live with them (thank heaven!) and are really glad you don’t have to.
We told my MIL, grandmother-IL and the 2 younger SILs our happy news last night. It took Mr. Moose awhile to get up to it, he was trying to set them up to ask questions about something and it didn’t work the way he planned. But when he did, the reaction was less ecstatic than I had hoped.
I think I’ve mentioned that my older SIL, L, who lives out of state is trying to get pg, but has PCOS. They have been trying for a year with no success as of yet. She is the oldest member of the family and always expected to be the first to get married and have a baby, etc. That makes sense, but in this case, Mr. Moose and I got engaged first (though she got married about 10 weeks before us) and we’re obviously having a baby first. While I hope her infertility is resolved in the near future, I personally don’t feel that her desire to have a child should lessen mine or my joy of being pregnant in any way.
When Mr. Moose announced our good news, the first reaction was in sympathy for older SIL L. (I think I’ll call her LB from now on so as not to confuse her with younger sister LP.) The statement “LB wanted to have the first grandchild” actually came up, they were appalled that we hadn’t told her yet (um, why would we tell her before we told his mom?) and J actually made a comment about “defending LB’s cause”. What?! This is a BABY. A Bundle of joy. One they will actually get to see regularly (as opposed to one who will live out of state). We’ve been married nearly as long, we have a house, steady jobs, what’s the issue? We desperately want this child. Why does it matter in what order it comes to LB’s potential child? It took nearly 45 minutes for my MIL to get up and come over and hug us (a very tense 45 minutes where my usually quiet self got a little defensive and I nearly left the room) and it took about 2 full hours to hear the first “Congratulations” out of any of them (LP was the first to say something, though by then they had finally all made positive and potentially excited comments.)
I will admit, though, that part of me hopes that LB doesn’t get pregnant for at least another few months now, since I don’t want to deal with the immediate competition of having babies just a few weeks apart.
I don’t know why this is bothering me so much – I know they’ve never been my number one fans and this shouldn’t be any different. I just assumed that providing them with a baby to love on (they go gaga over their cousin’s babies and friends babies) might actually be a good thing.
I’ve had some mild nausea the last day or so, with increasing intensity and frequency. I kinda feel like I just want to get it over with – if you’re going to throw up, why not just do it instead of making me run to the bathroom and nothing happening.
Update: MIL claims she assumed he would tell LB right away because they were close as kids. Um, yeah, but why logically would we tell her before we told his mom? She also claims she is excited, but she’s just not sure she is ready to be a grandmother. My question is: would she be ready to be a grandmother for LB’s child?
We told my MIL, grandmother-IL and the 2 younger SILs our happy news last night. It took Mr. Moose awhile to get up to it, he was trying to set them up to ask questions about something and it didn’t work the way he planned. But when he did, the reaction was less ecstatic than I had hoped.
I think I’ve mentioned that my older SIL, L, who lives out of state is trying to get pg, but has PCOS. They have been trying for a year with no success as of yet. She is the oldest member of the family and always expected to be the first to get married and have a baby, etc. That makes sense, but in this case, Mr. Moose and I got engaged first (though she got married about 10 weeks before us) and we’re obviously having a baby first. While I hope her infertility is resolved in the near future, I personally don’t feel that her desire to have a child should lessen mine or my joy of being pregnant in any way.
When Mr. Moose announced our good news, the first reaction was in sympathy for older SIL L. (I think I’ll call her LB from now on so as not to confuse her with younger sister LP.) The statement “LB wanted to have the first grandchild” actually came up, they were appalled that we hadn’t told her yet (um, why would we tell her before we told his mom?) and J actually made a comment about “defending LB’s cause”. What?! This is a BABY. A Bundle of joy. One they will actually get to see regularly (as opposed to one who will live out of state). We’ve been married nearly as long, we have a house, steady jobs, what’s the issue? We desperately want this child. Why does it matter in what order it comes to LB’s potential child? It took nearly 45 minutes for my MIL to get up and come over and hug us (a very tense 45 minutes where my usually quiet self got a little defensive and I nearly left the room) and it took about 2 full hours to hear the first “Congratulations” out of any of them (LP was the first to say something, though by then they had finally all made positive and potentially excited comments.)
I will admit, though, that part of me hopes that LB doesn’t get pregnant for at least another few months now, since I don’t want to deal with the immediate competition of having babies just a few weeks apart.
I don’t know why this is bothering me so much – I know they’ve never been my number one fans and this shouldn’t be any different. I just assumed that providing them with a baby to love on (they go gaga over their cousin’s babies and friends babies) might actually be a good thing.
I’ve had some mild nausea the last day or so, with increasing intensity and frequency. I kinda feel like I just want to get it over with – if you’re going to throw up, why not just do it instead of making me run to the bathroom and nothing happening.
Update: MIL claims she assumed he would tell LB right away because they were close as kids. Um, yeah, but why logically would we tell her before we told his mom? She also claims she is excited, but she’s just not sure she is ready to be a grandmother. My question is: would she be ready to be a grandmother for LB’s child?
Monday, June 25, 2007
The worry and the happy
So I am just about 5 weeks pregnant. I’m still giddy when I hear/say that. My mother was ecstatic and so was my BFF, K.
But I still have all this worry. Of course, I’ve read that that is totally normal. And I’m feeling a little better now that my dr’s office called to say my quantitative HCG was right where it should be. And I took 2 more tests over the weekend to make sure the line was darker and still there, etc.
I remember reading posts on infertility blogs over the last year that talked about how they almost couldn’t enjoy their pregnancy because of the fear/worry, etc. How every moment they felt as if they were waiting for the pregnancy to fail and they never got to enjoy the happiness of “being pregnant”. I thought that was crazy. And neurotic. And now I see a little bit of that in myself. Oh, I’m enjoying the dreams of how to plan the nursery, what to name my baby if it’s a girl (the boy name has been picked out for eons), even the thought of maternity clothes (don’t ask. I know I’m a little odd), and I’m reminding myself to enjoy each moment of this preparation time, this last time with only my husband, etc. But there are moments when I feel a little twitch, twinge, ache and I wonder “is this the end of that baby I so desperately wanted?”
For example, I took a test last night right before bed. It gave me a + pretty quickly and then I said “I don’t know what compelled me to do that”, but that wasn’t exactly honest. Yes, I had already opened the wrapper hours earlier so that I could give that one to my mom (it was a + or – read out, where as my other one was a double line) and oddly couldn’t pee on command at the moment. So I could hardly shove it back in the cabinet for a year or more (please!) until the next time I needed to test for baby number 2. But, truly? I just wanted to make sure it was real. That it was still hanging out and still with me.
My in-laws (his mom, grandmother and 2 younger sisters) reactions to come in a later post after we tell them tonight. We are mostly worried about the sister who won’t be at dinner tonight who has been trying to get pregnant herself for about a year.
But I still have all this worry. Of course, I’ve read that that is totally normal. And I’m feeling a little better now that my dr’s office called to say my quantitative HCG was right where it should be. And I took 2 more tests over the weekend to make sure the line was darker and still there, etc.
I remember reading posts on infertility blogs over the last year that talked about how they almost couldn’t enjoy their pregnancy because of the fear/worry, etc. How every moment they felt as if they were waiting for the pregnancy to fail and they never got to enjoy the happiness of “being pregnant”. I thought that was crazy. And neurotic. And now I see a little bit of that in myself. Oh, I’m enjoying the dreams of how to plan the nursery, what to name my baby if it’s a girl (the boy name has been picked out for eons), even the thought of maternity clothes (don’t ask. I know I’m a little odd), and I’m reminding myself to enjoy each moment of this preparation time, this last time with only my husband, etc. But there are moments when I feel a little twitch, twinge, ache and I wonder “is this the end of that baby I so desperately wanted?”
For example, I took a test last night right before bed. It gave me a + pretty quickly and then I said “I don’t know what compelled me to do that”, but that wasn’t exactly honest. Yes, I had already opened the wrapper hours earlier so that I could give that one to my mom (it was a + or – read out, where as my other one was a double line) and oddly couldn’t pee on command at the moment. So I could hardly shove it back in the cabinet for a year or more (please!) until the next time I needed to test for baby number 2. But, truly? I just wanted to make sure it was real. That it was still hanging out and still with me.
My in-laws (his mom, grandmother and 2 younger sisters) reactions to come in a later post after we tell them tonight. We are mostly worried about the sister who won’t be at dinner tonight who has been trying to get pregnant herself for about a year.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
The Definition of Happiness
Happiness: (or glad) an emotional or affective state that is characterized by feelings of enjoyment and satisfaction. As a state and a subject, it has been pursued and commented on extensively throughout world history. This reflects the universal importance that humans place on happiness. (from Wikipedia)
Today, Mr. Moose and I learned the results of our blood test – we are pregnant. Just barely over 4 weeks. We are, of course, thrilled. My progesterone is low. So my wonderful ARNP has prescribed progesterone supplements. We are both walking around grinning like fools. In the near future, I will probably begin a new blog specific to the pregnancy to share with the family and leave this for my venting space. I will keep you all posted. I know I have a couple of readers (Hi, Heather and Jill) and my counter shows me that I have plenty of hits, so there may be more.
We have begun calling our future off-spring Kremit, now KM. Have you ever heard the spoof on the Muppets where Kermit and whoever is his co-host are high? He refers to himself as Kremit the Frog, the show is brought to you by the letters F and U, etc. I laughed so hard when I heard it – and the name Kremit stuck for our little bean. But I kept referring to our little Kremit as a “he” so I decided we needed a more gender neutral name. Kremit Moose (KM) was then brought into rotation. Both Mr. Moose and I have been walking around with huge smiles on our faces ever since we got the official news.
My doc did warn me that there are 3 options for why my progesterone is low. 1. It could be just that I am so newly pregnant (truly, I’m at 14 DPO) that my progesterone has not raised to a high level, 2. I could have luteal phase defect (which was my own diagnosis from my charting patterns – she suggested it at the appointment, so I’m really bargaining on this one) or 3. I have already begun to miscarry and this is my body lowering my progesterone. She is fairly confident that the third is not the case, but likes to be more safe than sorry. She diagnosed me on paper as “threatened miscarriage” so that the insurance won’t give me problems about the progesterone and extra appointment (this was an earlier than usual appointment – they don’t usually have you come in until 6-8 weeks, so they can do the first initial ultrasound and try for the heartbeat. I’m going to hold off as long as I can so there is a better chance of hearing the HB. I had a follow up Hcg blood draw after I saw the doctor and will find out the results tomorrow afternoon or Monday.
Today, Mr. Moose and I learned the results of our blood test – we are pregnant. Just barely over 4 weeks. We are, of course, thrilled. My progesterone is low. So my wonderful ARNP has prescribed progesterone supplements. We are both walking around grinning like fools. In the near future, I will probably begin a new blog specific to the pregnancy to share with the family and leave this for my venting space. I will keep you all posted. I know I have a couple of readers (Hi, Heather and Jill) and my counter shows me that I have plenty of hits, so there may be more.
We have begun calling our future off-spring Kremit, now KM. Have you ever heard the spoof on the Muppets where Kermit and whoever is his co-host are high? He refers to himself as Kremit the Frog, the show is brought to you by the letters F and U, etc. I laughed so hard when I heard it – and the name Kremit stuck for our little bean. But I kept referring to our little Kremit as a “he” so I decided we needed a more gender neutral name. Kremit Moose (KM) was then brought into rotation. Both Mr. Moose and I have been walking around with huge smiles on our faces ever since we got the official news.
My doc did warn me that there are 3 options for why my progesterone is low. 1. It could be just that I am so newly pregnant (truly, I’m at 14 DPO) that my progesterone has not raised to a high level, 2. I could have luteal phase defect (which was my own diagnosis from my charting patterns – she suggested it at the appointment, so I’m really bargaining on this one) or 3. I have already begun to miscarry and this is my body lowering my progesterone. She is fairly confident that the third is not the case, but likes to be more safe than sorry. She diagnosed me on paper as “threatened miscarriage” so that the insurance won’t give me problems about the progesterone and extra appointment (this was an earlier than usual appointment – they don’t usually have you come in until 6-8 weeks, so they can do the first initial ultrasound and try for the heartbeat. I’m going to hold off as long as I can so there is a better chance of hearing the HB. I had a follow up Hcg blood draw after I saw the doctor and will find out the results tomorrow afternoon or Monday.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Happy Anniversary to the Meese
Yeah, so um, I’ve been bad again. Bad, blogger, bad blogger. Life has been chaotic and posting regularly on my blog has not been a priority. To any readers
Today is my 2nd wedding anniversary. Two years ago today was the happiest day of my life. Today is the day I committed my life to my best friend, began the life I was meant to live. It was the happiest and most beautiful day of my life, surrounded by the people who mean the most to me, in the church that I had grown up in.
Two years later and I am more sure now that I made the right decision than I was then – and I was awfully sure then. We have a wonderful life together, Mr. Moose and I. We are incredibly happy in our house, with our dogs, spending each day together. We look forward to the day when we will make our home for 2, a home for 3.
My grandmother fell last week and broke her shoulder. She had surgery on Friday and Mr. Moose and I will be taking our shift to keep her company this upcoming Friday – the first day we could both get away. She is doing amazingly well, but my mother worries about her being so far away from family and is hoping to get her to move in when they release her for out-patient therapy in another couple of weeks.
In cycle news: Yesterday, I tested at 10DPO with little to no spotting in sight. I had planned to wait until Tuesday to test, but with Father’s Day and our anniversary, I wanted to see if there was a chance we could know sooner. Armed with $ store tests, I tested. We got a very faint pink line. It darkened a little after the test time had expired, but we were both incredibly happy, though cautiously so. This morning, my waking temp was lower, much closer to coverline, so I tested again. There was an even fainter bit, maybe. The expired test still showed a slight positive, but it was also lighter than yesterdays. However, I still have not begun to spot at all, so we shall see. My covers were screwed up, effecting the temperature of my body and I had peed in the night, so there was likely to be at least slightly less concentration in the urine (sorry for the TMI). We are praying that we get a darker line in the next few days and I plan to ask for a blood test on Thursday if I still haven’t gotten my period when I go see the doc.
Today is my 2nd wedding anniversary. Two years ago today was the happiest day of my life. Today is the day I committed my life to my best friend, began the life I was meant to live. It was the happiest and most beautiful day of my life, surrounded by the people who mean the most to me, in the church that I had grown up in.
Two years later and I am more sure now that I made the right decision than I was then – and I was awfully sure then. We have a wonderful life together, Mr. Moose and I. We are incredibly happy in our house, with our dogs, spending each day together. We look forward to the day when we will make our home for 2, a home for 3.
My grandmother fell last week and broke her shoulder. She had surgery on Friday and Mr. Moose and I will be taking our shift to keep her company this upcoming Friday – the first day we could both get away. She is doing amazingly well, but my mother worries about her being so far away from family and is hoping to get her to move in when they release her for out-patient therapy in another couple of weeks.
In cycle news: Yesterday, I tested at 10DPO with little to no spotting in sight. I had planned to wait until Tuesday to test, but with Father’s Day and our anniversary, I wanted to see if there was a chance we could know sooner. Armed with $ store tests, I tested. We got a very faint pink line. It darkened a little after the test time had expired, but we were both incredibly happy, though cautiously so. This morning, my waking temp was lower, much closer to coverline, so I tested again. There was an even fainter bit, maybe. The expired test still showed a slight positive, but it was also lighter than yesterdays. However, I still have not begun to spot at all, so we shall see. My covers were screwed up, effecting the temperature of my body and I had peed in the night, so there was likely to be at least slightly less concentration in the urine (sorry for the TMI). We are praying that we get a darker line in the next few days and I plan to ask for a blood test on Thursday if I still haven’t gotten my period when I go see the doc.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Brief update
A headache, nausea and what I assume to be premenstrual spotting while at work. Balance that with wanting to leave, but my car has no AC and it’s humid and 90 degrees out there. If I drive during the day I swelter ever more.
My grandmother is in the hospital. I want desperately to go to her, but really can’t leave work at this point.
My grandmother is in the hospital. I want desperately to go to her, but really can’t leave work at this point.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
That's What You Get, Folks, For Making Whoopee
Both my sister and friend M have announced their pregnancies in the last month. Since then, I’ve had multiple dreams/thoughts that everyone around me is also pregnant. The other night, I dreamt about seeing my OB/GYN and her telling me that she was expecting. She’s not old by any means (I’d say under 40), but she has a kid who is about 7 and it appears that she is done having kids, so that would be surprising. I then had a dream that an old friend of mine, Lindsey announced that she was pregnant with her 3rd. Her daughter was born in October, so that’s kinda quick. Lindsey and I were pretty good friends growing up – we’ve known each other since I was in pre-school (her mom was my teacher and she was a year older than me) – but kind of lost touch in college. We see each other for big events – weddings, baby showers, etc. and her mom is a principal at our old alma mater and works with my SIL, so we hear news of each other’s lives through the grapevine, etc. (She’s even helping my mom get a job at her hospital). However, in this dream we were in some sort of convention center and she saw me and ran up to me and announced “I’m pregnant with number 3!” and then left to go talk to someone else. Very weird. Then, about 2 weeks ago, my BF K text messaged me at work “Can you talk for a minute?” I called her and she said “we have some, um, exciting news.” I swear I thought she was about to tell me she was pregnant again (this would also be number 3 for her as well – her son is almost 5 months old). She didn’t. Her husband had just gotten a new car and she was calling to tell me. But I swear I feel like everyone around me is getting knocked up and I’m not.
Speaking of which, anybody see the final, post-credits scene in Pirates 3? How does the dead guy knock up his wife when he only gets 1 day with her and I can’t get pregnant? Geez!
Of course, I’ve been eyeing pregnancy with a little more trepidation lately. The weekend of headaches and several days of nausea have made me re-think my assumption that being pregnant is going to be 9 months of fun. No clue where I got that thought, but I did assume I would like it more than not.
For the last several days I’ve had a very sore/tender chest. Last night I couldn’t sleep on my stomach because it hurt too much to put that much pressure on my front. I can’t remember the last time that happened, if ever. I’m starting to get excited over the prospect of this being a good month. Already 2 girls from my ttc message board have announced their BFP. I still have 6 days to go to reach my 12 day LP since Oed late, but happily, I’m automatically having a longer cycle this month since today is CD24, usually my last day. This having a period every 3 weeks really blows!
I keep wondering about the aspect of women who are doing IVF going on bedrest for 2 days or more after the procedure. Is that to let your body rest up after the trauma, or to encourage implantation? If I’m trying to get pregnant naturally, should I take it easy for a few days after ovulation to encourage implantation?
Even though I’m quite confident that she doesn’t read my blog (thank goodness!) – shout out to my MIL on her birthday today! We’re taking her out for dinner tonight w/ J and L (her younger 2 daughters).
The title for today's post is a nod to a Gilmore Girls episode from Season 7 where Lane learns she is pregnant after her one and only expeience with sex on her honeymoon.
Speaking of which, anybody see the final, post-credits scene in Pirates 3? How does the dead guy knock up his wife when he only gets 1 day with her and I can’t get pregnant? Geez!
Of course, I’ve been eyeing pregnancy with a little more trepidation lately. The weekend of headaches and several days of nausea have made me re-think my assumption that being pregnant is going to be 9 months of fun. No clue where I got that thought, but I did assume I would like it more than not.
For the last several days I’ve had a very sore/tender chest. Last night I couldn’t sleep on my stomach because it hurt too much to put that much pressure on my front. I can’t remember the last time that happened, if ever. I’m starting to get excited over the prospect of this being a good month. Already 2 girls from my ttc message board have announced their BFP. I still have 6 days to go to reach my 12 day LP since Oed late, but happily, I’m automatically having a longer cycle this month since today is CD24, usually my last day. This having a period every 3 weeks really blows!
I keep wondering about the aspect of women who are doing IVF going on bedrest for 2 days or more after the procedure. Is that to let your body rest up after the trauma, or to encourage implantation? If I’m trying to get pregnant naturally, should I take it easy for a few days after ovulation to encourage implantation?
Even though I’m quite confident that she doesn’t read my blog (thank goodness!) – shout out to my MIL on her birthday today! We’re taking her out for dinner tonight w/ J and L (her younger 2 daughters).
The title for today's post is a nod to a Gilmore Girls episode from Season 7 where Lane learns she is pregnant after her one and only expeience with sex on her honeymoon.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
9 Pieces of things we happen to have in our pockets
Terrible blogger here! I have been so busy at work lately; I haven’t had time to post. Even my after-work life has been hectic. My oldest SIL has been in town all week and we’ve been trying to squeeze time with her in with our regular activities.
Some highlights of my week included:
Eating out nearly every night. We did dinner at PF Chang’s and Joto’s (a favorite local pizza joint) with my in-laws and sushi w/ Mr. Wally. It was good to see Mr. Wally – it’s been a long time. Wally was Mr. Moose’s best man at the wedding, his former pseudo-boss at the photo shop and a great guy all around. Wally’s son, Dave, used to work for me at the cleaners and is a fellow geek. (In case you’re curious, Wally is probably a good 20 years older than Mr. Moose and I – he has 2 kids, both teens and is living the life of a single dad.) He told us about the changes he’s been making in his life lately – primarily financially. He’s switched to the Dave Ramsey system and is getting rid of all his debt. He was encouraging us (gently – he’s not a preacher) to do the same.
Ovulating! Finally! On CD 18 I ovulated rendering this cycle not a complete waste.
Training in the accounting department at work. Our temporary bookkeeper is none so wonderful, so I’ve been learning the billing process and attempting to get this woman trained and the billing out as soon as possible. Our goal is usually the 10th (for those keeping score at home – tomorrow), which isn’t going to happen, but I’m hoping for the right week at least.
Filling in in the media department. With our media director gone, my boss has no one to turn to to do all the “dirty work” in the media department. In addition to the data entry I’ve been having to do to get all the billing done, I’ve been researching media reps and doing budget analysis.
Seeing Pirates 3 for the second time. Mr. Moose and I took SIL to the Pirates movie on Friday. A much improved answer to the second one, which we weren’t crazy about. Some great stuff. Gotta love that Johnny Depp.
Having what I’m assuming is hormonal headaches. Began Friday night and then off and on on Saturday. Sunday I woke up fine, but as the early part of the morning wore on, I began to feel nauseous and then my head began to pound. It was so bad, I returned to bed and sent Mr. Moose to church without me. There was no way I was going to be able to handle the music with my head as it was. I’m still feeling it in the background, but it’s become more of a functional headache as the afternoon began. I don’t think I’ve ever noticed the pattern before, but the fact that it started to be a problem the same day I got my first high temps tells me that it’s probably a reaction to the progesterone. Don’t quote me on that, though – I got my MD from Google. ☺
I’m hoping to be a more dedicate blogger in the near future. Thank you to the readers who have stayed with me
Some highlights of my week included:
Eating out nearly every night. We did dinner at PF Chang’s and Joto’s (a favorite local pizza joint) with my in-laws and sushi w/ Mr. Wally. It was good to see Mr. Wally – it’s been a long time. Wally was Mr. Moose’s best man at the wedding, his former pseudo-boss at the photo shop and a great guy all around. Wally’s son, Dave, used to work for me at the cleaners and is a fellow geek. (In case you’re curious, Wally is probably a good 20 years older than Mr. Moose and I – he has 2 kids, both teens and is living the life of a single dad.) He told us about the changes he’s been making in his life lately – primarily financially. He’s switched to the Dave Ramsey system and is getting rid of all his debt. He was encouraging us (gently – he’s not a preacher) to do the same.
Ovulating! Finally! On CD 18 I ovulated rendering this cycle not a complete waste.
Training in the accounting department at work. Our temporary bookkeeper is none so wonderful, so I’ve been learning the billing process and attempting to get this woman trained and the billing out as soon as possible. Our goal is usually the 10th (for those keeping score at home – tomorrow), which isn’t going to happen, but I’m hoping for the right week at least.
Filling in in the media department. With our media director gone, my boss has no one to turn to to do all the “dirty work” in the media department. In addition to the data entry I’ve been having to do to get all the billing done, I’ve been researching media reps and doing budget analysis.
Seeing Pirates 3 for the second time. Mr. Moose and I took SIL to the Pirates movie on Friday. A much improved answer to the second one, which we weren’t crazy about. Some great stuff. Gotta love that Johnny Depp.
Having what I’m assuming is hormonal headaches. Began Friday night and then off and on on Saturday. Sunday I woke up fine, but as the early part of the morning wore on, I began to feel nauseous and then my head began to pound. It was so bad, I returned to bed and sent Mr. Moose to church without me. There was no way I was going to be able to handle the music with my head as it was. I’m still feeling it in the background, but it’s become more of a functional headache as the afternoon began. I don’t think I’ve ever noticed the pattern before, but the fact that it started to be a problem the same day I got my first high temps tells me that it’s probably a reaction to the progesterone. Don’t quote me on that, though – I got my MD from Google. ☺
I’m hoping to be a more dedicate blogger in the near future. Thank you to the readers who have stayed with me
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
I Can't Get Started
Over the weekend, Mr. Moose and I went to my BFF, K’s house for a birthday dinner for K. Our other usual couple, M (who we have been planning to watch our baby when I return to work when the time comes) and A were there with their 2 kids, Savannah and Drew. K’s kids, Dylan and Cam were there as well (Cam is 4 months old so he didn’t play much) of course and the 3 older kids (2 are 4, 1 is 2.5) kept each other entertained. M informed me that she was expecting her third in January. The grief hit me like a brick. I wasn’t expecting it and I was floored. I congratulated her, of course, and I am thrilled for her, but I couldn’t help my emotions. Thankfully, I was able to keep from crying or reacting in any way negative. I was quiet, but was able to chalk that up to being tired. It was a good night, but it hurt so bad to think about.
There is more to it than just seeing a pregnant woman. K and I have been friends since we graduated high school. I’ve been friends with M’s husband A for what seems like forever. He was my sister’s friend and became mine. I’m also good friends with M’s brother (or I was a long time ago). When M and A got married they started hanging out with their “couple” friends and as I was not married at the time, I was not included. A few years later K and M (too many initials!) got married and they started hanging out with the “couples.” Right after K and M got married they got pregnant. M and A got pregnant around that time as well (Savannah and Dylan are something like 5 weeks apart in age). This forged their friendship since they were then bonding over motherhood. Long story short, (too late) I have always wanted to be pregnant with one of my other friends. I jokingly begged K not to get PG with her second until I was ready to have one and secretly hoped that M wouldn’t get PG with her 3rd until after I was. Now my sister and M are both pregnant, and I’m left out.
My oldest SIL is staying with us for a week. When we returned home from the party she was there and I just needed some down time. I sat down to chat on the message board I frequent. Mr. Moose got a little miffed when I closed the computer when he tried to read it, but I wanted to get my feelings down before anyone read them. Once I told him what I was writing about and how upset I had been, he was incredibly understanding. He held me while I cried and even cried with me a little. I worry sometimes that he’s going to get frustrated with my emotional reactions to TTC and give up or whatever.
I have not yet Oed and this is CD 16. I’m guessing annovulatory this month and I’m attributing it to the stress of the last several weeks. I’ve also self-diagnosed myself as having a luteal phase defect/low progesterone. I’ve come to this conclusion after reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I have short luteal phases (10-12 days) and they always include break through bleeding around 6 or 7 DPO. This makes me wonder if I am conceiving, how can the fertilized egg implant if my lining is already starting to disintegrate? I’ve made an appointment to see my WunderDoc for the 21st of June to see what can be done. I’m considering trying Natural progesterone cream on my own, but I’m nervous about taking hormones of any sort without medical advise. I guess I could talk to my mom about it. But she doesn’t seem to know a lot of details about fertility stuff.
Work is tough these days. 2 of the 3 people I assist quit suddenly within a week of each other and I'm attempting to cover for them both without knowing the details of either of their jobs (I did a lot of paper work and administrative work for them, busy work mostly). It's exhausting. And several of my co-workers think that I might get promoted to Media person if they can't find someone soon. That terrifies me.
The title today was in a conversation between Mr. Moose and myself today when we were finding it difficult to get moving this morning. It was the title of a season finale (second season, i think) of a Gilmore Girls episode, which was named after an Ella Fitzgerald song. Sookie walked down the aisle to it.
There is more to it than just seeing a pregnant woman. K and I have been friends since we graduated high school. I’ve been friends with M’s husband A for what seems like forever. He was my sister’s friend and became mine. I’m also good friends with M’s brother (or I was a long time ago). When M and A got married they started hanging out with their “couple” friends and as I was not married at the time, I was not included. A few years later K and M (too many initials!) got married and they started hanging out with the “couples.” Right after K and M got married they got pregnant. M and A got pregnant around that time as well (Savannah and Dylan are something like 5 weeks apart in age). This forged their friendship since they were then bonding over motherhood. Long story short, (too late) I have always wanted to be pregnant with one of my other friends. I jokingly begged K not to get PG with her second until I was ready to have one and secretly hoped that M wouldn’t get PG with her 3rd until after I was. Now my sister and M are both pregnant, and I’m left out.
My oldest SIL is staying with us for a week. When we returned home from the party she was there and I just needed some down time. I sat down to chat on the message board I frequent. Mr. Moose got a little miffed when I closed the computer when he tried to read it, but I wanted to get my feelings down before anyone read them. Once I told him what I was writing about and how upset I had been, he was incredibly understanding. He held me while I cried and even cried with me a little. I worry sometimes that he’s going to get frustrated with my emotional reactions to TTC and give up or whatever.
I have not yet Oed and this is CD 16. I’m guessing annovulatory this month and I’m attributing it to the stress of the last several weeks. I’ve also self-diagnosed myself as having a luteal phase defect/low progesterone. I’ve come to this conclusion after reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I have short luteal phases (10-12 days) and they always include break through bleeding around 6 or 7 DPO. This makes me wonder if I am conceiving, how can the fertilized egg implant if my lining is already starting to disintegrate? I’ve made an appointment to see my WunderDoc for the 21st of June to see what can be done. I’m considering trying Natural progesterone cream on my own, but I’m nervous about taking hormones of any sort without medical advise. I guess I could talk to my mom about it. But she doesn’t seem to know a lot of details about fertility stuff.
Work is tough these days. 2 of the 3 people I assist quit suddenly within a week of each other and I'm attempting to cover for them both without knowing the details of either of their jobs (I did a lot of paper work and administrative work for them, busy work mostly). It's exhausting. And several of my co-workers think that I might get promoted to Media person if they can't find someone soon. That terrifies me.
The title today was in a conversation between Mr. Moose and myself today when we were finding it difficult to get moving this morning. It was the title of a season finale (second season, i think) of a Gilmore Girls episode, which was named after an Ella Fitzgerald song. Sookie walked down the aisle to it.
Friday, June 1, 2007
The Vaca from %%$&
Julia’s Redbook blog talks about her terrible vacation and asks the question, what was your most terrible vacation? Apparently, Redbook does not cater to Mac users and once I signed in, I was unable to post my answer in the comments section. So I’ll write about it here.
My worst “vacation” experience (can you call it a vacation if you’re miserable?) involved a road trip to North Carolina with my then soon-to-be in-laws, not including my then-fiancee’. Four months before my wedding, 2 of my SILs, my MIL, and grandmother-on-law and I traveled to North Carolina for a weekend of bridal showers for the oldest SIL who got married 10 weeks before I did. I do not know what possessed me to go, other than a desire to spend some bonding time with my soon-to-be family. The trip up was mostly uneventful. It was February and chilly, but not miserable at that point. 5 women of various sizes and shapes were crammed into an Isuzu Rodeo with so much stuff that I think they thought we were staying for a week instead of a weekend.
Mr. Moose’s grandmother has a penchant for Cracker Barrel, so nearly every time we stopped to eat, we had to find a Cracker Barrel. Now, I must explain something about myself. My family has traveled to North Carolina for years as I was growing up. I am no stranger to road trips. However, I am used to a “let’s just get there” mentality. Mr. Moose and I travel this way. Time in the car, though it can be pleasant, is simple a means to an end. Repeatedly stopping at a sit down restaurant that always requires a wait for a table and always takes plenty of time to prepare and serve your food is not my idea of efficient. In addition, I suffered from bouts of motion sickness as a child and have learned to always be careful of how much and what types of food I consume while spending hours in a car with no easy access to a restroom. (Keep in mind my notorious stomach problems). Cracker Barrel’s greasy southern-friend food is not ideal in this situation.
Once we finally got there, it wasn’t too bad. We spent the night at SIL’s one bedroom condo, which was nice, but small. Not a whole lot of sleep to be had on an air mattress, but it could have been worse.
The trip back was awful. It was freezing cold and raining when we left and since it was a new-to-her vehicle for the SIL who was driving, she never did figure out the concept on how to keep the heat on. It took forever. We ended up stopping overnight, though we shouldn’t have. And then in the morning, when typically I would have just gotten dressed enough to be street legal, they each had to fully make themselves up – hair and all. By the time we finally got home, I had a headache and a stomach ache and I was incredibly irritable from 3 nights with terrible sleep. Needless to say, I will never again take a road trip with my in-laws.
Cycle news: I haven’t yet Oed, here on CD 12 (or is it 13?), which baffles me after my egg white experience, but I’m hoping that maybe stress simply delayed my O, or that it’s coming up this weekend.
My worst “vacation” experience (can you call it a vacation if you’re miserable?) involved a road trip to North Carolina with my then soon-to-be in-laws, not including my then-fiancee’. Four months before my wedding, 2 of my SILs, my MIL, and grandmother-on-law and I traveled to North Carolina for a weekend of bridal showers for the oldest SIL who got married 10 weeks before I did. I do not know what possessed me to go, other than a desire to spend some bonding time with my soon-to-be family. The trip up was mostly uneventful. It was February and chilly, but not miserable at that point. 5 women of various sizes and shapes were crammed into an Isuzu Rodeo with so much stuff that I think they thought we were staying for a week instead of a weekend.
Mr. Moose’s grandmother has a penchant for Cracker Barrel, so nearly every time we stopped to eat, we had to find a Cracker Barrel. Now, I must explain something about myself. My family has traveled to North Carolina for years as I was growing up. I am no stranger to road trips. However, I am used to a “let’s just get there” mentality. Mr. Moose and I travel this way. Time in the car, though it can be pleasant, is simple a means to an end. Repeatedly stopping at a sit down restaurant that always requires a wait for a table and always takes plenty of time to prepare and serve your food is not my idea of efficient. In addition, I suffered from bouts of motion sickness as a child and have learned to always be careful of how much and what types of food I consume while spending hours in a car with no easy access to a restroom. (Keep in mind my notorious stomach problems). Cracker Barrel’s greasy southern-friend food is not ideal in this situation.
Once we finally got there, it wasn’t too bad. We spent the night at SIL’s one bedroom condo, which was nice, but small. Not a whole lot of sleep to be had on an air mattress, but it could have been worse.
The trip back was awful. It was freezing cold and raining when we left and since it was a new-to-her vehicle for the SIL who was driving, she never did figure out the concept on how to keep the heat on. It took forever. We ended up stopping overnight, though we shouldn’t have. And then in the morning, when typically I would have just gotten dressed enough to be street legal, they each had to fully make themselves up – hair and all. By the time we finally got home, I had a headache and a stomach ache and I was incredibly irritable from 3 nights with terrible sleep. Needless to say, I will never again take a road trip with my in-laws.
Cycle news: I haven’t yet Oed, here on CD 12 (or is it 13?), which baffles me after my egg white experience, but I’m hoping that maybe stress simply delayed my O, or that it’s coming up this weekend.
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