I feel horrible.
This morning I had the thought, "do I need another baby?" and was able to answer myself that yes, I really wanted another baby. A sibling for Fuss, another infant in my arms, etc.
Now I'm not so sure.
I just had the biggest fight with Fuss that I've ever had. We went into Target after work. She was still awake and seemed happy enough. When we pulled into the parking lot, she said "walk!" happily enough. She wanted to walk instead of ride in the cart, so I put her in the monkey back pack (has a leash) and off we went. I was only going in for a few small things, so I let her carry one of the handheld baskets. Worked for about 30 seconds when she decided that she wanted to explore the lingerie department, which, I wasn't planning to do. I cajoled and begged her to behave, gently directed her the direction I wanted to go, but to no avail. Every time I'd get her to take a step in the right direction, she would then run 3 steps the other way. The straw that broke the camels back was when she picked up a package of Plus-Sized underpants that had fallen off the rack and put them in her basket. My rear has gotten bigger recently, but I'm not quite to that point, so I put them back on the wall. And immediately had an explosion in the form of a 21-month-old on my hands.
At that point, I figured my shopping wasn't all that necessary and I scooped her up (she then threw the basket) and we left the store. Halfway through the parking lot she stopped fighting me and screaming and said "walk! walk!" so I set her down and continued toward the car. She had other ideas and tried to head back to the store.
I picked her up again and carried her, kicking and screaming, to the van. But trying to get her into her seat was a whole other story.
I kid you not, she screamed at me (no! NOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOooooo!) for 15 solid minutes. Didn't let up for a second. In the middle of the Target parking lot. With people watching. I was so embarrassed. They must have thought I was kidnapping her or something. Thankfully, no one called the police. Finally, I wrestled her into the seat and we drove home. She fell asleep in her chair.
I'm coming down off of it, but I am stressed and tired and I keep crying.
How on earth could I do this with 2? I can't seem to handle the one I've got.