Rack 'o' Milk

I started re-reading my breast-feeding book again, in preparation for the baby's arrival. I love this book, because I felt like it gave me a very real sense of what breast-feeding was like (in the beginning, it's not always easy, it can hurt, but it gets better) and a really good knowledge of information (nearly every woman CAN breastfeed, but it will depend on how hard she tries if she has problems, as to how successful she is, etc.). HOWEVER, I also believe it has a ton of "propaganda" that made me, for one, feel that the one time I had to give my baby some formula in those early days (my milk came in all at once one evening and my breasts were so hard a full that Fuss couldn't latch - it was like trying to suck on a brick wall. She was screaming, I was hormonal and freaked out and in pain and I had to feed my baby. It was also the middle of the night and I had no option of someone to call for help) I had "ruined" her digestive tract and set her up for all sorts of problems. (I kept crying and saying "I'm so sorry, baby!" over and over again.) It messed me up in that way and I regret that moment.

I am a big believer in doing what you have to do to feed your baby. I strongly support breast-feeding and I encourage all moms to try it, to the true best of their ability, for at least one MONTH (not one day or week) to see if they can get the hang of it with a good, honest try, but I also know that there are times when a mother can't, or shouldn't breastfeed for physical or medical reasons (breast reduction surgery, need to go on medications quickly that would be harmful for the infant if breastfeeding while the mother was taking them, etc.) And that sometimes, for the health and sanity of the mother, it just isn't the best option for her and her infant. (You need to do what is best for BOTH of you, so if it's taking that much of a toll on your personal sanity, then do what you have to do.)

Anyhow, I've come to the conclusion, though that it would be very difficult to write a book that conveys that thought process - that breast is truly best and you HAVE to keep trying to have a good chance at succeeding (though there are plenty of women and children to whom it DOES come easy and really enjoy it in the process...), but that, in the end, if you can't do it, for any myriad of legitimate reasons, that it's okay, as long as you tried your best. Because ultimately, you have to feed your child and you should never apologize for that. (be it in public, or with formula, etc.)

I also think that you have to have that support system at home and then some. I never would have stuck it out if my husband had been against it or really blase' about the whole thing... I encouraged him before we even began to be my encourager and my supporter, and he really was the one I leaned on whenever I needed someone to lean on in those rough days (and that was often.) But my mom was so encouraging and so was my Gramma (even though she never breastfed - you just didn't do that in the 50's), so it was really nice to have those "rah, rah" people in my corner. I also knew that my girls on the Luckies were there for me, though in the earliest days, I didn't spend as much time on the board as I had pre-delivery (simply because I never mastered typing while breastfeeding and the like), but they were great in those days when I did check in and needed an encouraging word or 12.

In conclusion, (I've noticed that a lot of times I end my posts without an obvious conclusion and I'm going to attempt to remedy that - at least sometimes...) I am getting ready for this kid and I am determined to do a better job this time around, though I am proud of the job I did with Fuss. I know more now, I am better equipped and much more experienced and I believe I am ready.

Update: 20 weeks!

I saw this bassinet in an ad recently and I AM IN LOVE. I have no idea what makes me think that I need this thing - we decided against getting a bassinet when Fuss was born because it would only be useful for a very short time (it holds up to 15lbs) and we went with a pack'n'play to have in our room with us, since we were going to get one anyway for uses outside those first few weeks. (We ended up using it for an even shorter time than we thought we would, since Fuss loved her crib from the get go and we all slept better when she wasn't right next to us.) There is a good chance that I will want to keep Fry closer for longer this time around, but I don't need to spend over $100 (the current list price I'm finding) on something just because it's cute, right? But,....

In other news, things with my MIL are still crazy as she tries to find room in her already outrageously crowded house for more "stuff" and somehow, my husband and I are expected to bend over backwards to help her with this insanity. (His 2 local sisters seem to be too busy to put in very much help on the weekends. I don't know how much they've been able to do during the week, but I know last week, there wasn't a whole lot done before our first garage sale on Saturday. And naturally, his sister who lives out of state can't do anything but encourage her mom to be realistic and encourage her siblings that hopefully things will get better.)

I'm in hormonal overdrive about spending time with my husband lately. I hate that he has to work and be away from us for 10 hours a day (8 hours of work, 1 hour lunch break, 1/2 hour each way commute) and then often has other commitments and ends up working overtime, etc. He also has a men's bible study that he's beginning this week that an old friend has begged him to take part in of late, so that's another evening away from us. It's all legitimate stuff, but it's frustrating for me, who pretty much wants him home. All the time.

And I am finally, officially 20 weeks along in this pregnancy, feeling the baby fairly regularly (he's more active in the evening, I almost never feel him in the morning. Part of this, I'm sure has to do with the placenta being all out front, but in part, I'd say he's already exhibiting some personality of my husband and his family who are decidedly NOT morning people.) and I'm 19 weeks away from my induction date!!!! I am so psyched to be getting closer to that time! I am already over being pregnant, so the halfway point really feels like a victory.

Okay, so now I'm obsessed with blue...

I'm in full baby-boy mode now. I want to shop, shop, shop and pop him out soon so I can dress him up. Of course, I'm on a budget, I have 2 friends who are done with having kids that had boys and are giving me their stashes and I need to see what they pass me before investing in a wardrobe and I still have 143 days until my due date (according to my ticker on the maternity boards). So I think I might need to reign in my shopping desires.

I've been going through Fuss's clothes to pull out the ones that are special to her (her going home outfit, a hospital blanket, etc.) so I can pass some of these clothes on to my girlfriend who is having a girl in another couple of months. I am having so much fun remembering the way she looked in these cute tiny little clothes. I held up her first outfit to my husband while he was cuddling with Fuss last night and was like, "remember how little she used to be?" He was amazed. And our kid was nearly 9 lbs at birth, so she had never been one of those incredibly tiny babies!

But I'm checking out ebay and amazon and I got a GREAT deal with a terrific coupon at Babies R Us yesterday so I stocked up on a couple of outfits for the boy and a new bathing suit for Fuss (so precious!) and we've been making a list of things we need to register for (we know that a couple of friends are throwing a shower and there is always the completion program discounts!) and of course, it's a much smaller list this time around, since most of my bigger stuff was gender neutral the first time around. I also scored a gender-neutral bouncer in nearly perfect condition at a garage sale this weekend for $8! My old bouncer was a lifesaver, and I loved it, but it was solid pink and while I COULD use it for my son and just add a blanket, I was so glad to find this one for cheap! Yay me!

But my big question right now is the double-stroller dilemma. Do we or don't we? I use my stroller all the time right now. I take Fuss walking with my girlfriend Jo a couple of times a week and we love getting out of the house. (And Jo is also pregnant with her 2nd child right now, so it will be both of us trying to lose that 2nd baby weight in another few months!) And I love to walk in the mall and we know we're going to Disney when the baby is a couple of months old, so is the double stroller worth it? Is it necessary?

The Mommy Words Name Game (meme)

1. Do you have any cultural or religious naming traditions?

We have no mandatory cultural or religious naming traditions to follow, but we do both really like Celtic-based names and we both come from Celtic origins (Scottish and Irish), though for our first child we didn't actually choose one from that group. (I guess it's got some English origins, though)

2. Did you or your partner come to the marriage with pre-selected names?

Yes. My husband wants our first boy to be a 3rd. I also had a girl's name picked out that I loved, but ultimately, I changed my mind and we didn't use it. It didn't even make my short list at all.

3. Did you consider the sound of the first and middle and last names together? Did this make any sad eliminations?

Yes. Oh yes. And we looked at initials, too so that no "bad words" were spelled out by the initials. Our last name starts with a C so RA and SA were out. One of my favorite names Rebecca Aimee was eliminated because of that combination faux pas.

4. Do you have veto powers?

Both of us had veto powers over things we hated, though I can't veto his "the 3rd" and he takes a step back to girls' names if I insist.

5. Did the baby naming cause arguments?

Not really. we have a lot of similar tastes. And while there are some beautiful names that really don't fit with our last name and his logic ultimately made sense. We didn't fight but there were a lot of "really? you don't like that?" questions.

6. Do you think it is easier to name boys or girls?

Boys. We have a MUCH shorter list for boys than girls.

7. Did you eliminate names because of people from your past or present who you don’t like or because a certain image comes to mind.

Yes!!!! There are a few names I would have put on our short list in a heartbeat, but one of us hated because of negative associations.

8. Did you / would you survey your children to get their thoughts on the name?

Nope. We are much too opinionated to let other people decide what gets to be our decision. We only have the one kid, so far, and we already made the decisions on our next child whether a boy or a girl.

9. Did you tell people the name or possibler names before the baby was born or were they “in the vault”?

We were planning to take 2 secret names to the hospital and decide then. But when it became apparent what the final answer was around 7.5 months, we went ahead an announced it. But we stipulated that we didn't want to hear any negative feedback at all - the decision was final. We also stipulated that we controlled the the nicknaming options - there were some obvious nicknames that we hated, so we wanted to control of that.

10. Did you use baby name books?

Yes! I have a collection. But my favorite, by far is The Baby Name Wizard by Laura Wattenberg. She also has a website full of information and runs a weekly blog. Laura's book doesn't deal with meanings, so I also have a couple of name dictionaries, since meanings are very important to us. 100,000 Baby Names is my most comprehensive.

Drumroll Please…What did you name your kids and why? Well, here, I call her The Fuss. But, obviously that isn't the name on her birth certificate. :)

We chose a very classic name. My qualifications were that I loved to say it over and over, that at least part of it (first or middle or both) had to have a nice meaning, I really wanted to have an association with a song, and I wanted us to just feel right. Her name is related to my husband's name and she has his initials. Her middle name is the name of one of our favorite female historical figures (and my husband is a history buff, so it's even more important). I had a requirement that her name not be in the top 50 of the several previous years Social Security popularity stats. Her middle name is in the top 10 and if it wasn't, we might have actually reversed the order of them. :)

This Meme is brought to you by Brittany of Mommy Words.

Umbrella

This week has been nearly non-stop rain around here. I don't spend a lot of time outside as a rule, especially in the summer (I have some seriously fair skin) but who knew it would drive us a little crazy? Even my dogs were going a little nuts.

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We decided to finally purchase an umbrella stroller for The Fuss this weekend in preparation for our upcoming vacation. This is the first time we've had to pay full retail for a stroller since she was born - our first Travel System was a used-once garage sale find and our jogging stroller was a moving neighbor $20 deal.

I didn't get what I thought I was going to get, but it's cute, light, and has a visor thing for blocking some light/sun on her. It was also only $22, so when it inevitably dies on us, we can afford to replace it. :) I did all this research and then we bought the first one we happened to see in K-mart. Ah, well.

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The other night, Daddy Fuss was working late, I put the baby to bed at her usual time and dressed in some pretty lingerie. When he arrived home, he was greeted and we proceeded to... ahem, dessert and then I convinced him to order us a pizza. He was in the mood for Papa Johns so we called and ordered, we didn't have any cash and wanted to pay by bank card. Their system was down and after a minute of discussion, they gave us our pizza for free! Daddy Fuss said it was the best day he'd had all week.

I started reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility again this week. I knew I needed a refresher in charting/temping for the upcoming months. But I had forgotten how much I had forgotten (ha ha) and I'm so glad I'm re-reading it.

The Fuss has been a total handful the last couple of days. She is into everything, throws tantrums, is uncooperative, demanding, etc. She is also sweet, cuddly, adorable and flirtatious. Her hair has gotten so curly, and the slightest bit of moisture (just a tiny bit of sweat or whatever) makes it a mass of beautiful baby curls. She gets the color from Daddy Fuss, but the curls? They're all mine. Heather recommended a baby shampoo for curly hair that I picked up today. I haven't used it yet, but I'm looking forward to seeing how it does in her hair.

I went to Target today for the first time in 2 1/2 weeks. This is some sort of record for me. I had gotten into the habit of going once or twice a week. I was spending so much extra money that I was trying to back off of my frequency. But Mother's Day cards, shampoo and feminine products were required, so I took the plunge.
I had read a blog post about Target-addictions recently. I can't remember who wrote it, not someone that I usually follow. But she said she figured out that she was spending an extra $120 per month on unneccesary Target purchases. She stopped going to Target altogether, buys her former Target stuff at the grocery store or at drugstore.com, even if it's a little more expensive.
I go in with a list and then I see things that I hadn't remember I needed, so I get those, too. Or I see a cute little shirt for The Fuss, or I realize I'm hungry and I need a snack. I've spent a lot of money over the last year on things I didn't need just because they were there.
So I'm doing my best to keep to the list, to not go every week just because. It's hard because it was something I could use each week to get out of the house, to distract The Fuss, to waste a little time before putting her down for a nap. But things will be better in the long run if I can keep our spending to a minimum, right?

(Jeopardy Think Music) 18 days

Last night I lost my plug. I had a ton of very frequent contractions off and on all day yesterday (for just over an hour they were 3-5 minutes apart, though mostly very mild, then they stopped for 45 minutes altogether and began again, etc.) I had to stop charting them when I got a really complicated project and since mostly they weren’t real strong I could focus on my work. As I got ready to leave the office (late, thanks to this crazy project that was ticking me off and stressing me out) I ran to the bathroom before I hit the road and there it was – a good-sized glob of goo. (A “gelatinous glob” as described by the “What To Expect” book). I actually got pretty excited until this morning when my mom looked up some stuff on the internet (having last night estimating that she expected my labor to start within 24 hours based on her experience) and informed me that either intercourse or an internal exam can dislodge the plug. Oops. Having had both within 24 hours, who knows what the real cause was?

I had more steady contractions last night as well. Mr. Moose timed them out at 5-6 minutes apart lasting 1.5-2 minutes in length. If they’d been stronger I would have possibly considered it early labor, but I’m having such a hard time with measuring these mild ones.

This morning, I had several contractions pretty early on – 5-6 in a 25-30 minute period – but they seem to have eased off a bit. I have had several bouts of menstrual-like pain – cramping and lower back ache – and I am DEAD tired. (Brushing my hair took all my energy. I considered crying when I parked my car this morning and imagined the walk from my car in the parking garage to the office) and I am HOT, though my office mate is decidedly not. I am also coughing like crazy due to this stupid cold. I desperately want to go home and go to bed, but I think packing up my desk would be more than I could handle right now.

I wish I could ignore it all and just let it happen, but I don’t really seem to be able to do that. I like to know what is going on at all times. I like to be aware. And I really am ready to have this baby.

I’ve been avoiding thinking about the details of L&D. I know that previously, the more I thought about it, the more worried I got that I wouldn’t be able to handle it, so now I think I’ve pushed it pretty far back in my mind so that I don’t focus on the scary. I don’t know if that’s healthy or not.

I finished putting the nursery together last night. All of her clothes are put away, all the items we have purchased or been given thus far are assembled and/or organized into their reasonably proper place (sans one diaper bag that I was given by a friend – it’s an awesome bag, but now I have 3 different diaper bags and I don’t know if I should take the one back or not. The only one I could take back is the one I actually registered for – how’s that for ironic? – but how many diaper bags does one little baby need, really?) I have one of those typical “cutesy” bags with Pooh and Piglet on it. Medium sized with several outside pockets and a coordinating changing pad. It got not so great reviews on sturdiness, so I knew I wanted another. The one my friend gave me is sturdy beyond belief with a ton of inside pockets and compartments and can worn as a shoulder bag or a back pack. It looks like little luggage and even has one hard side. The one I registered for was one of those 5 piece sets with a coordinating bottle cooler, a mini bag, etc. The main bag itself is just like a large tote, but it’s pretty stylish-looking and has a TON of room for all the stuff you carry for a baby. I just don’t know what I’m going to need or want when I’m carting her around all over the place.

Anyway. With only 18 days until my EDD, labor must be imminent, but it’s the “when” that drives me crazy. I’d love to have a clear marker – “this happens and that means 24-48 hours notice” – but I know that isn’t how it works.

Almost labor, contracting, and cute shoes

Last night by 9:30 I was having frequent contractions. I had Mr. Moose start timing them a little before 10 and though they were random in both length and intensity, they continued for HOURS. I went to bed shortly after 11 (go Giants!) with the hope that relaxing into to sleep might relax my uterus as well and stop the contractions. From the time I drifted off to sleep until about 3am every time I moved, I had another contraction. (Rolling over, going to the bathroom, repositioning my arms to avoid the sore shoulders/numb hands, etc.) I had a few more random ones during trips to the bathroom from then until 6:30, but they were much less painful and much more manageable.

I had a couple during a particularly long and boring meeting this AM at work, and then once I was back at my desk by 11, I had a really horrific contraction (at 11:14 to be exact – I started timing) that, I confess made me have the thought “I’m in labor!!!! Who should I call first?” So much for waiting to verify that it was real labor. I know better – I know that one contraction does not equal labor – I know that the doctor and hospital request that you’ve been having said labor pains for an hour and that your contractions be only 5 minutes apart. But I had the thought that I was going to need to call Mr. Moose and my mother and would it be better for my mom to swing by the house and grab my hospital bags or should I ask Mr. Moose to do it? I hadn’t finished training the new girl and could I legitimately ask her to call my dad and best friend to tell them my news or was that a tacky favor to ask of a woman I’ve only known for 4 days? (Our receptionist whom I had been counting on to do this was let go last week.)

I calmed down pretty quickly as it eventually eased off (wow, yeah, we’re getting an epidural, gosh darn it!) and kept my eye on the clock. I had another hard, but manageable contraction about a half hour later and then they tapered off again in both length and intensity. (Mostly, I’ve had them when standing for more than a few minutes at a time).

I am ready to have this baby, but am trying to calmly wait for her to decide when to come. I think she’s anxious if her movements and pushing against my organs and bones are any indication, but has yet to find the exit.

I had a lovely shower thrown by my female co-workers over the weekend. I got some spectacular gifts ranging from the sweet and fun to the totally silly to the practical stuff (ie. Diapers!) I also developed either a cold or a really awful allergy attack that has lasted the last 2 days (I’m afraid it’s a cold, but I don’t know anyone who has been sick… I rarely get allergies, though admittedly the pollen count in this area has been AWFUL for the last several days). Mr. Moose and I were able to clean the house to much closer where we want it (the kitchen is nearly perfect, we even cleaned the hall closet out and neither the dining room nor the living room look like anything has blown up in them recently). We also went shopping for baby supplies that we had not yet received and managed to get all of the necessities with the exception of the diaper pail we were looking for. I’m ready to give up on that and settle for any small garbage can with a tight lid, but that would likely have to get replaced very quickly once we started using it. Mr. Moose promised to stop by the baby store on his way home during the week since we keep missing them on the weekends. (The store is close to his work, fairly out of my way during the week, etc.). I also bought some actual outfits in appropriate size for her to wear providing she is not enormous at birth (and how can she be? I’ve gained about 12 pounds total since getting pregnant – that can’t all be baby, right?) that aren’t sleepers (oddly almost everything I’ve received is a larger size than she’ll need at the beginning, providing that she is an average-sized or smaller baby).

One of the gifts that I received was impractical, but so much fun and a totally appropriate gift from the sender. My friend P at work loves shoes and has a great collection of her own. She has no children, though she is the type of person who is great with them, and despite the warnings from everyone at all the stores, she bought me a boxful of newborn “shoes” (many booties, lots of “crib shoes” just for decoration) that are SO cute. There are some white MaryJane style ones with cute little flowers, white crocheted booties, leather “sandals” and moccasins with giraffes on them, etc. I’m having so much fun just looking at them.