Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Injustice, In-laws and Illness.

We had a weird weekend. Of course, I started with the more intense morning sickness (the all-day type) on Thursday, so I’m feeling gross and tired, etc. Mr. Moose has family in from out of town (Aunt B. Uncle D and Cousin J and her daughter) and so everyone came over for dinner on Saturday night. We made the announcement to the extended family with a joint email to all of them, but since these family members haven’t been near a computer for a week – we told them in person. Mr. Moose’s mom suggested that I make my announcement. I made mine, and asked her if she wanted to tell the other half. She said, “no, you go ahead” and I hadn’t even opened my mouth yet and sister J yells “LB is pregnant!” at the top of her lungs and there were cheers and applause from everyone.

I know that LB has had everyone (and I do mean everyone) intimately involved with her quest for a child for over a year now. Everyone has prayed and been concerned about her potential infertility, etc. so they are more invested in the outcome. How come I sometimes feel like I’m being punished for keeping private things private? Everyone is so excited about LB’s baby – what about ours?

I know, I’m being selfish. I am genuinely happy that LB is having a child – this child will be loved and cared for by two parents who will truly cherish him or her for the miracle/blessing they are. My child will, too. And ultimately, these two cousins will probably love to get together and share their birthdays, etc. But right now I want to relish the moment of being pregnant. And I hate that I feel inferior to my SIL.

Cousin J took the reigns later and showed me “exactly” what I will need – no more no less. She’s very pushy about her opinions and so I did a lot of smiling and nodding. Some of the contraptions she showed me were cool – stuff I didn’t even know they made – but to assume I had no one else to give me input, or that I was incapable of researching and making these decisions on my own… that was frustrating for me. Sure, that may be fact for her child, but every baby is different. They wouldn’t make a dozen different options with the same safety rating if there were no different preferences out there.

On another subject: I’m currently reading The Memory Keeper’s Daughter which was loaned to me by a co-worker about a week ago. Since Harry Potter is too large to carry in my purse, I’m reading both simultaneously. The book is about twins – a boy and girl. In 1964 when they were born, the boy was born and he was fine and healthy. But when the girl was delivered, she bore the signs of having Downs Syndrome. Her father, the doctor, gave her to the nurse to be placed in an institution and told his wife the baby died. The nurse ran off with the baby and raised her as her own. It saddens and disturbs me to think that people would have those thoughts about a child. Several times in the book, things are said to the “mother” that are absolutely horrible. At 6 years old she is stung by a bee and has an allergic reaction. She is hurried to the ER and she has nearly stopped breathing. When the nurse realizes that she has Downs she actually asks “do you really want me to call the doctor?” with the thought that maybe it would be better if the child died than lived with her problem. That’s sick.
I don’t want my child to have Downs. I pray each day for a healthy baby, but there is no way I would treat my child like that, or stand for her/him to be treated in that way. I pray that today (though not so far away from the early 1970’s) people have learned and are more tolerant of other’s differences.

The morning sickness lasts most of the day these days. I can usually count on a major queasy feeling followed by excessive gagging/vomiting in the mid-afternoon. I don’t think I’d even mind so much if the spasms didn’t freaking HURT my tummy.

I go back and forth feeling good about my maternity clothes and not. I love them for the comfort and I have no problem with people seeing me as pregnant at this point, but I don’t like looking FAT. Ugh.

Dinner at BURNS this weekend, so my mom and I are going shopping for a dress tomorrow. NOTHING nice fits me, so I MUST find something both dressy enough for a fancy dinner and office appropriate so I can also wear it to work.

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