Introvert

I can't decide if I'm becoming more introverted or if I'm falling back into the pattern of depression and this is just level one. I can't seem to get motivated anymore. I can't seem to be bothered to get out and do something.

We were invited to a New Year's Eve party at one of my closest friend's houses. We often spend Saturday nights at her house - letting the kids play until 9pm, then putting them both down with her kids and watching a movie or playing a game while drinking wine (often too much wine, but what's a little wine among friends, right? I LOVE hanging out with her. But she mentioned that she was inviting another friend - someone I've only met once but who was perfectly nice and I have no reason to dislike or think negatively about her in any way - and my entire attitude changed. Is it because I feel like my kids might be ignored when her kids are also there? (My friend's family's youngest is one of Fuss's very best friends, but her other friend has a daughter the same age and the last time they were all together, Fuss said to me on the way home, "I feel like she likes the other girl more than me!" and I felt so awful for her.)

And really, the New Year's thing is only one thing in a list of things that I have noticed that have changed in my outlook for life.

But I don't fit the definition of depression. I don't really want to DO anything anymore. I don't want to see most of my friends. I want to hang out with my husband or my friend M or by myself and that's pretty much it. I still get happy. I see my children learning or being so sweet and cute and my heart fills with joy.

But sometimes... it's not so much that I don't have hope for the future, but that I wonder if... there is a change in the future? Is this the goals I've been working for? Does it GET better/different than this? Or have I reached the peak of life? I mean, my life isn't a bad one, I have an amazing family who love me and I love them - but is this IT?

Santa brought me the power to organize!

I'm truly too embarrassed to take BEFORE pictures, (and honestly, since this has been an on-going project this month, it is SO much better than it was at it's disastrous peak) and it's really too late now to start. But I am awfully proud of myself for working so diligently to get the kids' rooms organized and under control - something they haven't been in a long, long time. I'm weeding out and clearing out unneeded and outgrown toys and clothes. I'm sorting them so that we have "a place for everything and everything in it's place." I'm becoming ruthless about that as a mantra. If there isn't room, then something has to go. I've cleared off 2 big shelves in Little Man's closet and it WILL be used to house his toys.The new toys (for the most part) all have homes in bins, etc. I raided the Target storage sale this morning and bought a bunch of bins of varying sizes (not as cheap as the $ store, but I needed something more than what Dollar Tree had to offer) to begin housing dress-up and doll clothes and I added a stackable rolling cart to Little Man's collection and re-purposed the bin I've been using for his toys to another location. I have GOT to get his out-grown clothes out of his room and into the garage. (which makes me nervous for all the FL humidity we deal with.)

My head is pounding today. It started early yesterday - about the time I was getting in the shower. Had so much to do and of course the excitement of everyone coming over and the hustle and bustle of the holidays (my step-family? I love them to bits, but they cannot make and keep plans to save their lives! I had 3 extra guests for dinner!) but I made it through the day without issue. By the time everyone left and I sat down to relax, it came back with a vengance and by the time we crawled into bed (after clearing the bed of all the various and sundry boxes and items that we had shoved into our room so we could be out of the way) I simply wanted to hide under the covers instead of truly enjoying our TV show. (Leverage, in case you were curious. And it apparently was suddenly cancelled, so we got the announcement a few days ago that this would be the series finale instead of just the season finale, so I really wanted to see it.)

Woke this morning to more pounding, though not nearly as bad as last night. Thought maybe a shower would perk me up. I'm basically just powering through it at this point. Too much to do and I'd LOVE to start 2013 with a clean and organized home!

Stuff on my mind

My brain is going in so many different directions right now that even my planner is sitting on my desk, shoved off to the side -  I can't seem to get even my thoughts organized enough to write them down. Bullets. That's all I can do for now.

• I did not get that job I applied for. I got a very polite email thanking me for my application, but informing me that they are going another direction. This actually works out fine, since the day before I got that email, my MIL who has been unemployed for a year and was my top (and really only - I had no other back up plan) choice for child care finally found a job and will be starting after the new year. 
• I keep thinking I'm done with Christmas prep and then thinking of something else I need to do/buy, etc. 
• I have lists coming out of my ears. 
• I am SO motivated to organize, but to be honest, I don't have the time (right now, I will after Christmas) to do as much as I'd like, so I'm frustrated by wanting to organize while I clean and not being able to. 
• My son threw a tantrum this morning as we were leaving the $ store because i wouldn't give him the cars I bought (for his stocking - I hadn't planned to, but he was so cute in asking and then when I set them in the cart and told him he'd have to wait, he was fine with that. Guess he thought he only had to wait until i was done paying). As soon as I mentioned that only good little boys went to the store and got a cookie (our grocery gives free cookies to the kids while shopping) the tantrum ceased and he cooed "cookie pace?" Adorable. Now I just need to have cookies to hold over his head all the time. 
• Went to the $ store this morning and bought more containers with lids for organizing the kids toys. I've read countless blogs that mention $ store containers and I had never found them myself. I stumbled across them the other day (buried in the furthest recesses of my local Dollar Tree) and have used several already to straighten my desk and Fuss's things. (of which there are MANY more to straighten)
• My mom is stubborn. And I really hate when she asks for help/advice and because she has NO idea how to do it herself and then completely disregards said advice. Seriously?
• Army Wives Season 6 FINALLY made it on to Netflix streaming and I am back to my addiction. So sad that Pamela moved to California. 
• Also back into Private Practice. I had loved it when it first started, but then I basically dropped all shows that my husband isn't interested in watching, so I haven't seen much since mid-season 2? 
• Preschool Christmas programs are cute, but the cuteness only goes so far. 
• But school ones are MUCH better than half-hearted AWANA ones. I kind of wanted to shoot myself on Wednesday night. I was almost hopeful that Fuss would misbehave enough to get herself forbidden from going. And then I realized I was being dramatic and since 2 of my best friends would be there (Kat and M) to watch THEIR little darlings, how bad could it be? Bad. Really bad. 
• Fuss's teachers LOVED the presents we gave them for Christmas. They are loving getting the Thirty-One products I am giving them! :) I gave them each a Thermal Tote with their respective names on them ("Mrs. ________"), a gift card to Target (had trouble deciding if it should be a restaurant or Target, but went with Target - they can either buy fun stuff for themselves or practical stuff for the class or their families) and a giant chocolate bar (Symphony Toffee bits - seriously, one of the best chocolate bars ever). I also threw in a matching Owl-print nail file to her main teacher - she has a thing for owls (and I got her an owl print thermal tote) and I had extras. 

My posts lately seem to just abruptly come to an end. I really need to work on that.