World's Worst Mom, Right here.

Sometimes I feel like the World's Worst Mom.
I get frustrated with the baby and I'm stressed out and then I yell at her. Or I'm really impatient with her and later, I feel awful, but in the moment, sometimes it's like I can't stop it.

I wonder, sometimes, if it was a mistake to become a mother. I love her, but sometimes I feel like such a failure - like I'm not doing enough, like I don't know how to interact with her properly, like I'm not teaching her enough or right or whatever.

And I feel even more guilty when I think of those women who are struggling to become mothers, or even worse, those who have lost their child. They would do this so much better.

And then things like last night happen to add to my "Worst Mom" status. At work last night just as I was getting ready to close the store, Daddy Fuss (who had come to bring us dinner) turns around and sees the baby about to drink cleaning solution. Long story short, we called Poison control (why is that number so hard to find? It took me forever) and the solution was 98% water and she was fine. She might have not gotten much, or any, but I was still freaking out.

The stuff of now

So right now, the going to sleep thing is really good with The Fuss. We give her a paci and the monkey (have I mentioned the monkey? I will - I'll mention it later) and she settles down pretty well. Sometimes she has to moan for a few minutes, but sometimes she just lays down and goes to sleep.

I don't expect it to last (though it would be nice if it did, natch)but I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

She's doing more table foods - and boy does she love to eat!! She will eat ANYTHING off my plate and most things that I put on hers. She does have sometimes-issues with things I feed her from a spoon and she still isn't chewing very well - or mashing, because she only has 4 teeth and they're all up front, so no teeth to actually chew with - but anyhow.

The monkey. I was given a gift at my work baby shower from a girl the company works with - she's more of a freelancer, but we've known each other ever since... well anyhow. Her sister (sister-in-law? I can't remember)makes them and she got one for me and the baby. It's a stuffed monkey with a pacifier stuck to the back of it's head. She adores it. We named it Maddie the Monkey and it's pink and soft and we take it everywhere and she sleeps with it always now. It's in desperate need of a bath, but I'm scared it won't make it or won't get dry in time for bedtime or whatever. We're planning to get a back-up monkey for her birthday, but they're kinda pricey, so we've put it off until now.

So, what else? Oh! She's walking. She is toddling around all over the place, though she doesn't have a real great stamina for it. I'm pretty impressed, as she's been doing it for nearly a month and gets better every day, but I'm worried about her being forced to move up in the nursery class at church (she's in the pre-walkers class now and I'm used to it and so is she. She's one of the older ones in there, but not THE oldest, by far and she'll be the youngest in the walkers class.) I'm hoping to delay her "graduation" for now.

Cuddles.

Sp I complain that my girl isn't a cuddler and ll of a sudden... the last 24 hours she has been mama's girl. Often even when her daddy is around. Don't know what that is about and it's nice part of the time - when she screams when I have to walk away from her, it's not so nice, but she fell asleep on me several times today and pretty much wanted to be in my lap or my arms at all times.

She even had a long period of time today where she wanted to sit in my lap and look at books - she mostly wanted to eat them, not look at them or read them, but... progress, right?