Some women talk about having an immediate attachment to the growing baby inside the moment they find out she is in there. Some don’t feel it until a little later – at an ultrasound, when the baby first starts to move and they feel it, etc. Some women care for the baby, but that unequivocal love doesn’t happen until she is born.
I find that I have moments where I go back and forth. Sure, I’m truly attached to this baby – she is very really to me (especially when she starts to dance around in there) and I’ve always thought of her as a baby, not just some tissue with potential. She became both more real and more surreal to me when “it” became a “she” last week. I have trouble imagining certain parts of how she will come to us (having no idea what to expect w/ labor for instance), but he feelings that I have are strong – and I know that I would be devastated if something were to happen to her. But there are moments when it is clear that I love this little person, and moments where it’s more of an idea – she’s not completely real yet.
I assume that this is the way many/most women feel when their babies are forming.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Be mean or clean?
Is it terrible that I plan to refuse to let my daughter go to visit at my MIL and GmIL’s houses? Both houses are a total mess. There is “stuff” piled in my MIL’s house and I’m afraid that one day my then-crawling or walking baby will be crushed in an avalanche. I am seriously terrified of what could happen to my baby in that house.
Most of the time, I like my ILs – Sure I complain about the lack of warmth in my MIL (her husband used to say she could freeze anyone out) to me, but I’m sure she’ll love her grandchildren, etc. She’s not an irresponsible person, but I am truly scared of the “what-ifs” of leaving a child there to roam around the room for even a split second. And my husband agrees. Is there a way to kindly ask her to clean up the junk in her house before I allow my baby to visit for more than a few minutes, safely in my arms? At this point, there is no room to even put down a blanket (not that I would, since that floor hasn’t seen a mop or broom in at least 10 years and they have animals) or set up a pack’n’play that would at least be a contained, safe, clean environment. There MIGHT be enough room to set down the infant carrier, but her dogs aren’t that well behaved and I would want to be very cautious about that.
My mom used to have a sign in her house that declared “A clean house is the sign of a misspent life.” Growing up there was always clutter and we rarely did one of those spic and span type cleanings which would include dusting every surface, etc. So sure, our house was far from “clean” but it was never like this house. There is always room for multiple people to sit down, to set your things, and I can’t picture a time when we couldn’t have set up a pack’n’play for a visiting child (not that we had many, but we could have.)
So if I want one of my SILs or MIL to babysit (which they have all implied they are most willing to do) I will have to have them come to us – but I’m picturing that coming up as an issue at some point. How will we handle it? I have no idea.
Most of the time, I like my ILs – Sure I complain about the lack of warmth in my MIL (her husband used to say she could freeze anyone out) to me, but I’m sure she’ll love her grandchildren, etc. She’s not an irresponsible person, but I am truly scared of the “what-ifs” of leaving a child there to roam around the room for even a split second. And my husband agrees. Is there a way to kindly ask her to clean up the junk in her house before I allow my baby to visit for more than a few minutes, safely in my arms? At this point, there is no room to even put down a blanket (not that I would, since that floor hasn’t seen a mop or broom in at least 10 years and they have animals) or set up a pack’n’play that would at least be a contained, safe, clean environment. There MIGHT be enough room to set down the infant carrier, but her dogs aren’t that well behaved and I would want to be very cautious about that.
My mom used to have a sign in her house that declared “A clean house is the sign of a misspent life.” Growing up there was always clutter and we rarely did one of those spic and span type cleanings which would include dusting every surface, etc. So sure, our house was far from “clean” but it was never like this house. There is always room for multiple people to sit down, to set your things, and I can’t picture a time when we couldn’t have set up a pack’n’play for a visiting child (not that we had many, but we could have.)
So if I want one of my SILs or MIL to babysit (which they have all implied they are most willing to do) I will have to have them come to us – but I’m picturing that coming up as an issue at some point. How will we handle it? I have no idea.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Money, money and less money
A finance-related post (mostly).
We’re doing this budget thing – the Dave Ramsey system involving a budget and steps and most of all envelopes earmarked for the usual expenses. I think it’s brought our random spending down quite a bit. I haven’t really been paying close attention to our debt going down, though I know most of our furniture is paid off, and the cards and student loans are being paid regularly, etc. It’s sometimes frustrating – I get so sick of cooking/cleaning and want to just go out to dinner (even something extraordinarily cheap) where other people do the dishes, but we budgeted and bought our meals for the week, so that’s a no-no. We’ve been going to my mom’s each week for dinner because we budget that way. Sometimes it’s a productive evening (last week he showed them how to use their website he designed for them, this week she and I are going to pour over her maternity medical books for details she’s long since forgotten about labor and delivery), sometimes not, but overall a good time is had by all and we don’t have to spend $ or clean up dishes.
Because of the budget, we’re able to more clearly see our monthly financial situation and what our options for post-baby are as far as my working and how much and where. Neither of us really wants me to return to my current employer. I’ve been given a head’s up on openings in a national company’s credit headquarters in Tampa. Mr. Moose’s boss’s wife works there as a supervisor and with her reference, I could easily get a job there. It would mean a longer commute (by quite a bit), but more money per hour and really great benefits for me, the baby and Mr. Moose if he chooses to drop his old plan and get on mine. (We would supplement his, but mine and the baby’s would be no cost after the first 90 days. He already supplements his at his current place of employment, and this would be cheaper). But I’d lose 6 of my 12 weeks of maternity leave and I’d be forced to leave work pre-due date in order to not risk the commute if I went into labor, etc. (Did I mention that I’m less than 10 minutes away from the hospital if I stay where I am now? That’s a good 25-45 minutes closer than home depending on traffic. If I were to go to work in Tampa, I’d be close to an hour away depending on the bridges, etc.) I think we’ve decided to not have me go for this job until after the baby is born, if we do decide it’s best.
It’s the insurance that kills us. To add both Kremit and me to Mr. Moose’s plan would nearly cut his take-home pay in half. I have to find alternate insurance, that’s really all there is to it.
I had always assumed that I would have to return to work after Kremit was born – we have too many student loans to pay off for me to stay home, though we can easily get household expenses down to just his salary. (and we mostly do). But recently, in talking about the possibility of not returning to work, or at least not returning full-time, I’m now bummed that I can’t do it that way.
We’re still looking at options: that medical transcription thing is still on the table and I recently thought about seeing if I could return to my current employer part-time for a few months at least (though I haven’t voiced this thought to anyone). I’ve requested that I have the chance SOON to sit down w/ my bosses to discuss my maternity leave details. I also want to see if there is a way that I can convince them, just this once, to allow me to roll my accrued vacation time past December, seeing as we know exactly WHEN I will be using it, early on in the following year.
Wish me luck.
We’re doing this budget thing – the Dave Ramsey system involving a budget and steps and most of all envelopes earmarked for the usual expenses. I think it’s brought our random spending down quite a bit. I haven’t really been paying close attention to our debt going down, though I know most of our furniture is paid off, and the cards and student loans are being paid regularly, etc. It’s sometimes frustrating – I get so sick of cooking/cleaning and want to just go out to dinner (even something extraordinarily cheap) where other people do the dishes, but we budgeted and bought our meals for the week, so that’s a no-no. We’ve been going to my mom’s each week for dinner because we budget that way. Sometimes it’s a productive evening (last week he showed them how to use their website he designed for them, this week she and I are going to pour over her maternity medical books for details she’s long since forgotten about labor and delivery), sometimes not, but overall a good time is had by all and we don’t have to spend $ or clean up dishes.
Because of the budget, we’re able to more clearly see our monthly financial situation and what our options for post-baby are as far as my working and how much and where. Neither of us really wants me to return to my current employer. I’ve been given a head’s up on openings in a national company’s credit headquarters in Tampa. Mr. Moose’s boss’s wife works there as a supervisor and with her reference, I could easily get a job there. It would mean a longer commute (by quite a bit), but more money per hour and really great benefits for me, the baby and Mr. Moose if he chooses to drop his old plan and get on mine. (We would supplement his, but mine and the baby’s would be no cost after the first 90 days. He already supplements his at his current place of employment, and this would be cheaper). But I’d lose 6 of my 12 weeks of maternity leave and I’d be forced to leave work pre-due date in order to not risk the commute if I went into labor, etc. (Did I mention that I’m less than 10 minutes away from the hospital if I stay where I am now? That’s a good 25-45 minutes closer than home depending on traffic. If I were to go to work in Tampa, I’d be close to an hour away depending on the bridges, etc.) I think we’ve decided to not have me go for this job until after the baby is born, if we do decide it’s best.
It’s the insurance that kills us. To add both Kremit and me to Mr. Moose’s plan would nearly cut his take-home pay in half. I have to find alternate insurance, that’s really all there is to it.
I had always assumed that I would have to return to work after Kremit was born – we have too many student loans to pay off for me to stay home, though we can easily get household expenses down to just his salary. (and we mostly do). But recently, in talking about the possibility of not returning to work, or at least not returning full-time, I’m now bummed that I can’t do it that way.
We’re still looking at options: that medical transcription thing is still on the table and I recently thought about seeing if I could return to my current employer part-time for a few months at least (though I haven’t voiced this thought to anyone). I’ve requested that I have the chance SOON to sit down w/ my bosses to discuss my maternity leave details. I also want to see if there is a way that I can convince them, just this once, to allow me to roll my accrued vacation time past December, seeing as we know exactly WHEN I will be using it, early on in the following year.
Wish me luck.
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