A Strain

So yesterday, I had a bit of a scare. Looked back at the calendar to figure out when to expect my period and realized that it had been 6 weeks and a few days since my last period. My BC pills are only 80% effective when used correctly (and to be honest, I haven't been using them correctly because of some outside factors) so I was a little freaked. Told my husband, he told me to get a test. Was very sweet and calm about it. Took Fuss to school, went to breakfast with my Gram (our Monday tradition)Took a test, it came up negative and we all breathed a sigh of relief. (and had a moment of disappointment)

No biggie. It happens. Annovulatory cycle or something? Who knows. I was feeling okay about it, since my husband had reacted so well. I knew it wasn't ideal, obviously. The timing was bad. We'd already discussed that and despite the fact that I'm emotionally in the place of wanting  another baby and wanting it NOW, I know that it's not the right time right now. But I felt like if it had happened, it wouldn't have been the end of the world.

And then, in talking about it last night, my husband makes the comment, "it would have put a strain on our relationship." And inside I just froze. Seriously? Makes it sound a heck of a lot more serious than I thought. And makes me feel like he would have blamed me for getting pregnant.

Don't get me wrong, I screwed up. I know this. But it's not like I did it on purpose. I don't actually WANT to be pregnant right now. I don't want to deliver a baby in July in Florida. I don't want to get into a pregnancy when we have no money in savings and Christmas is weeks away. Trust me, I don't think I'd be 100% thrilled with the timing, either. But I certainly don't think it would "cause a strain in our relationship."

Come to think of it, most of my friends who have 3 kids - the third was a surprise, an oops, an unplanned-miracle.

To be honest, I'm feeling like that statement he made is putting more of strain on our relationship than having a baby would. The more I think about it, the more I'm pissed that he said that.

The things that bring me down

I'm feeling "that way" again. The "everything is so much bother" feeling. The "can't I just lay around the house and do nothing?" feeling. The "do I have to go visit with people?" feeling. I know that's not me. Yesterday I made (legitimate) excuses for not going to meet one of my friends for a Girls Night Out. Today I am seeking excuses for not going to see one of my husband's out of town relatives that we haven't seen in awhile. I like her, I'd really like to see her and meet her kids, but it's just so freaking much effort and inconvenient.

I'm not sleeping well at night. And then I want a nap during the day and I have trouble getting up from that, so then I'm not tired at bedtime and it's a vicious cycle.

Little Man had a bad breathing episode last week. Googling it later, I realized that if his O2 sats had been even one point lower, we may have ended up in the hospital. We've got lots of meds now and he's doing SO much better, but I am freaked about a bit. I think he's allergic to the dog and/or the bugs bites that are associated with the dog and the bugs he attracts. That we just can't seem to get under control. We have decided that we are going to have to get rid of the dog. After I get him professionally groomed next week, I'm going to put him up on Craigslist as a "free to a good home" dog. He's older (nearly 13) and he's good with kids and would make an excellent companion to an older person (he doesn't jump, is the perfect sized "lap dog", loves to be petted, etc.)

I'd really like to stop typing this and go take a nap.

More info than you ever wanted to know about my TV habits...

My friend April got to go to the Blathering over the weekend. I wanted to pack myself in her suitcase and go with her, because I have been wanting to meet some of these ladies for a VERY long time AND The Blathering was being held in New Orleans, which is possibly my favorite city to visit of all time (oh the food!!!), but alas, I couldn't go.

However, in prep for The Blathering, April wrote (and videoed) several question/answer/informational type things and I started to have a whole conversation in her comments about one thing in particular... which I decided was more suitable to my own blog than hers, so here we are, talking about TV.

I didn't watch a lot of TV as a small child, but what I watched, I remember... Sesame Street, Mr Rodgers, of course. My parents watched a LOT of M.A.S.H. reruns so I've seen pretty much every episode of that series (but could never get through the movie... I love Elliot Gould, but to me, Hawkeye will always be Alan Alda) I wasn't ALLOWED to watch Friends as a teen, and my freshman year of college, we didn't have regular TV (no cable in my dorm and we couldn't get a signal for the antennae, so one of my housemate's aunt would send us VHSes of Dawson's Creek, Friends and something else periodically, but she wasn't GREAT at catching every episode, so...) Once we got cable (circa 1986?) I was a Disney Channel junkie - now defunct shows such as Welcome to Pooh Corner, Belle and Sebastian, You and Me Kid, Today's Special and reruns of the original Mickey Mouse Club... My teen years brought in Saved by the Bell and California Dreams and TGIF (Full House, Family Matters, Step by Step, Perfect Strangers, etc.). I would sneak a peek at Beverly Hills, 90210 and Melrose Place (forbidden by my mom, but she let me buy the magazines so I learned plenty about them through magazines and my friends) and eventually Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And my sister and I had a regular date of pizza and Home Improvement.

College, though, really hooked me on TV. The WB shows (Buffy, Felicity, Angel, and of course, Gilmore Girls - possibly the BEST SHOW EVER) and then a bunch of more traditionally promoted shows, such as Grey's Anatomy (which I still watch, but only on Netflix - no commercials, no waiting week to week).

Nowadays, a lot of our recent favorites have moved on/been cancelled, so we're down to NCIS (the original, my husband is not into the LA spin off) and we are addicted to the non-traditional season shows on USA network (Burn Notice, White Collar and Suits being our favorites). And we watch a lot of shows on Netflix - I'm currently catching up on Private Practice (something I haven't watched more than occasionally since the 2nd season or at ALL since since the 3rd), having just finished last season's Glee and Grey's. We recently discovered Flashpoint, Sons of Anarchy, and Sherlock on Netflix, too. In phases we watch reruns of How I Met Your Mother (which was apparently a REALLY long story... really ready for him to get to the point) and Big Bang Theory and every once in awhile, my husband throws in a rerun of Scrubs just for something different.)

So, as you can see, we watch a lot of TV. We used to have a DVR (I REALLY miss our cable box DVR - where we could set it up to record an entire season, which gave us the freedom to go on with our lives during the week and then park in front of the TV on the weekends) but now if we miss it, we miss it. Or we watch it on the internet.

Random updates of late

It's been 3 weeks since I wrote here. Wow. Seems like a long time since I was good about doing 5 posts a week.

1. We've been busy, busy lately. I thought that putting Fuss in PreK this year would be helpful and create some more free time. It has been helpful (for her), but it certainly hasn't created more free time. If anything, it has taken up more time than expected. 
2. The school Harvest Festival is this Saturday. The game my husband and I were supposed to make isn't done yet. Oops. 
3. Work hasn't been terribly full of bookings, but at the same time, I feel like it's taking a lot of time. I still love it, but some times I spend an afternoon promoting my business and then I'm like - "hey, where'd my time go?" I need to get off my butt and make some phone calls, but I HATE calling people "cold."
4. We did Teacher Appreciation last week. Fuss's teachers LOVED their gifts and cards, but I think the homemade cookies we made them were the biggest hit. And since I was running behind last week and know that no one had the week after me, I actually brought them the cookies Monday morning. Big Hit. Want your teachers to love you? Bring them a fresh-baked treat first thing on a Monday. :) 
5. I miss my nail technician. She was great, her Shellac nails would last me up to 3 weeks and since she did nails in her home, I could bring the kids if I couldn't find a sitter and they could watch Disney in her living room while I got my manicure. She retired in August and I haven't been able to find anyone comparable yet.
6. I'm feeling the familiar pull of depression some days. The "I don't want to bother," and "do I really have to talk to people?" feeling where I would rather stay in bed/watch TV/read than do anything else, including talk on the phone to my best friend or go have lunch with some girlfriends. This is not like me at all, so I know there is something amiss. Some days are fine. Some days are not. 
7. Sleep is not coming easy around here lately. This is not helping the situation above. 
8. The first few days of Halloween candy were not good for my diet. It also didn't help that I was PMSing. I've been mostly good since. 
9. I still love my Coca Cola. There have been times when I didn't crave it, but more often than not, I'm very happy to have that pick me up. So I have one periodically. I find, though, that if  I make myself a big glass of ice water w/ lemon first thing in the morning, I don't crave the Coke nearly as much and I tend to then drink more water during that day. 
10. I'm re-reading Fifty Shades. My husband is thrilled with the upswing in my libido.