Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Divorce: a sensitive topic

Warning: This post is on a sensitive subject and I am just typing out my own thoughts and feelings without much thought to being sensitive to others thoughts and feelings. As this is my blog, I can do that. But keep that in mind if you stumble across it and want to ream me out for my opinions. You are reading at your own risk.

I've been thinking a lot about DIVORCE lately - not because we're having marital issues - we're actually doing pretty great these days - but because several of my friends are dealing with some major issues in their lives and I am saddened by it.

When I was in 3rd grade (back in the 80's) one of my good friend's parents were getting a divorce. And I made the mistake of telling someone about it, even though she had asked me to keep it a secret. It was shameful back then. People still whispered the word "divorce" in conversations. She was the first of my friends to deal with it, though I knew a few others who had dealt with it. (Even my own paternal grandparents were divorced, though since my paternal Grandmother had passed away before I was born, it didn't really come up at the time, etc.) It was a BAD THING.

I lost that friend because I couldn't keep my mouth shut about her secret. We never returned to playing together regularly and I was shut out of her crowd for the rest of our school days. We were always friendly and civil, etc. but our relationship was never restored.

Back to point at hand. Despite the fact that I am in my early 30s and my friends range in age from 40-25, I have several friends who are going through divorces. And I sit back sometimes I and I wonder... why do they find it so easy to make that choice? Growing up, we were taught that "good Christian people" don't divorce. That marriage is forever. And while I realize that many times there are things that you just can't get past (2 of the friends I'm speaking of have had their husbands cheat on them) I wonder why their first response is to find a lawyer.

My own mom swore she'd never divorce my dad, but when I was 19, she did just that. It rocked my world. I can only imagine what a little kid would deal with if it were to happen to them. And now she's all "oh, she's better off without him" whenever I mention a friend going through marital problems. Is it really that easy? Are marriages disposable? When I said "for better or for worse, 'til death do us part" I meant it. With all my heart.

And maybe I just don't understand. Maybe, since my marriage is pretty rock solid and I can trust my man with every fiber of my being and because he's my best friend, I just don't get it. But then I have to wonder, why would you marry anyone who didn't fit that description? And aren't there signs that you should see from the beginning?

One of my favorite high school teachers just lost his wife recently - I went to the Memorial Service on Saturday. He always referred to her as "friend wife" when he would mention her in class. They were such a great pair. They dealt with a lot, but were still together after 55 years when she passed a few weeks ago.

My oldest friend, Cherry - her parents are awesome. I love her family so much. Today is her parents' 36th anniversary and her mom says that she is more in love with him today than she was back then.

My grandparents could not have been more opposite. My grandfather was a quiet, solid, easy-going, gentle giant. My Gramma is a bit of a high-strung spazz at times. But they were married for 46 years before his death and my Gramma is still in love with him now, more than 16 years after that.

They just don't make marriages like that anymore, I guess. Or if they do... they are few and far between.

1 comment:

  1. I agree. Almost all of my friends are divorced or have broken engagements. Hubby and I joke sometimes that we are bad luck, because so many of our friends have broken up. It's so sad. Marriage is hard, and I can't say that my friends haven't tried but it does take two willing to try. My marriage isn't perfect and we've only been married 5 years but I can honestly say that I love him, and as long as we love each other the rest can be dealt with.