Daddy Fuss and I are reading "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. The basic premise is a biblical one - that women need love and men need respect to feel fulfilled. I know this to be true from my limited observations of marriages. The book talks about the concepts of "unconditional love" and unconditional respect" which most people are un familiar with. But if you look at it as the way that men feel "loved" is to feel repected.
Anyway, we are in the part written to women right now. The chapter we're to be talking about tonight is "hierarchy" where it talks about how men need to feel respected that they can provide and protect their family.
OMG, I never even considered that some of the things I have said might come off as disrespectful to my husband. I have commentedso many times over the years about "not having enough money" or "being used to having more money" without even considering that it might come across as saying "you don't make enough" or "your job isn't enough."
I feel awful. I truly do think that my husband is an amazing provider and protector. He goes day after day to a job he doesn't like, he is dedicated to doing a good job there, regardless. He makes a pretty good amount of money, too and any financial issues we have are more about making poor choices in the past than about not making enough now. To be perfectly honest, when we got pregnant, we were in a pickle financially and he made us buckle down and pay off our debt and make a emergency fund, etc. This past February we paid off all our credit card debt and medical bills. We both have student loans and we have our mortgage still, of course, but our debt reduction has been very significant. And it's all him. He has been so amazing in the efforts to get everything paid off, despite the resistance that I sometimes put up when I would much rather do something fun than do something responsible. (Ie. I love to eat out. Love it. Would do it 3-5 times per week if I were allowed. This would make me both fat and broke, so I totally get why I can't.)
My husband is amazing. He is such a great father to The Fuss (I often think he's a better parent than me, which is weird since I was the one who desperately wanted to be a parent as soon as possible).